[Disclaimer - I don't own anything to do with star wars, I'm just writing this for fun! it all belongs to the almighty beard.]
a/n well…this is just a little story I thought up in a 10hour art exam. I was REALLY bored. Well…I hope you like it pleeease read and review!! I haven't done anything even remotely humorous before and I have a warped sense of humour!!
Wes Janson opened his eyes blearily, surprised to find the ceiling of the Base Med centre staring back at him. Blinking against the bright light he rubbed his eyes and attempted to lever himself upwards. He fell back down as a wave of pain overcame him. Lying down is just fine. He thought. He concentrated, trying to remember why he was in here.
Last thing he remembered was talking to lieutenant Horala, trying to persuade her to have a drink with him. A new member to one to twin suns squadron she was a Jedi in training. She'd been working on some equipment for her 'goddess', some secret trickster thing and then she had cursed, trying to pull herself and him out of the machine in a hurry, using the force to help. She hadn't been quick enough and a wave of energy of some sort had hit them. Time seemed to have stood still for a moment as their minds mixed together and then….there was nothing. He woke up here, in the med centre.
Taking a deep breath he attempted to rise again. This time the pain was nowhere near as bad and he managed to sit up. The resident two-one-bee noticed his movement and hurried over, bustling in the way that only a two-one-bee could.
"Lieutenant Horala, I really don't think you should be getting up yet-"it started, before being rudely interrupted.
"I think you need a tune-up two-one-bee, I'm Wes Janson." He frowned at the sound of his own voice, it sounded odd, high pitched. He dismissed it as being a result of whatever treatment the medics had deemed necessary.
"Lieutenant, you are the one who is mistaken. We are going to need to carry out some more tests; you are most definitely Lieutenant Tash Horala, pilot and Jedi, twin suns squadron. Wes Janson is in the cubicle next to you. I assure you there are several major differences and all-"
"WHAT? What differences?" he asked incredulously. This has to be Wedge's doing he thought, mind immediately turning to ways to get back at him.
"Well, for a start you are female."
"Huh?" he replied, dragged from his schemes. He snorted derisively. "Trust me if I was female I'd have…things here" he said, pulling open his shirt for emphasis. Glancing down he found two mounds of flesh that most certainly had not been there before.
His eyes widened and he screamed in an extremely un-masculine way. At the sound of the noise Wedge Antilles, who had been on his way to see Wes came running in.
"Is everything alright lieutenant?" he asked.
"Wedge, I have breasts!" he exclaimed, realising why his voice sounded so high-pitched. Wedge frowned.
"Lieutenant I'm sure that you do, and it must be very, erm, nice for you but I am your commanding officer and kindly address me as such."
"No wedge, it's me, Wes!" he insisted, balling his fists in frustration. Wedge raised an eyebrow and turned to mutter something to the medical droid.
"Alright, did Wes Janson put you up to this?" he asked in annoyance.
"No it really is me!" he/she exclaimed in reply. "Listen, remember when we were recruiting for rogue squadron and you though there an Ewok pilot applying?" he asked, the first one that came to his head. Wedge looked at him suspiciously, not believing him. After a question-answer session Wedge finally believed him, his response was just as infuriating to Wes though. Bent over double and clutching his sides the other man was laughing helplessly. When he finally got over his bout of the giggles they decided that the best bet was to get two-one-bee to run some tests on him, to try and figure out what the problem was.
Hours later and they still had no idea. They were just going to see lieutenant Horala, who had just awoken. They arrived at her bedside just as she sat upright. She looked at Wes once and her face paled, brow furrowed in confusion.
"Hello Lieutenant." He said brightly, "How are you feeling?" She stared at him fro a moment before her eyes widened.
"I can't feel the force!" she exclaimed, surprised at how deep her voice was all of a sudden. Wedge cut in at that point, stifling a laugh.
"Lieutenant Horala, this is Commander Janson, I believe you've met." Once again she frowned.
"But, he's a…she…" she trailed off before looking down at herself, noticing for the first time her hairy legs."Oh dear."
After Hours of tests, tests and….more tests they still did not have any idea what had happened, or how to reverse it. He and The Lieutenant had spent the past few days together, trying to figure it out. They had found out that, in the instant their Minds had linked they had exchanged all of their knowledge. They had come to the conclusion that it had something to do with the force, and her use of it to try and get away. This had led them to the conclusion that Luke Skywalker was needed but, unfortunately he was away and couldn't be contacted for another 3 weeks.
He had returned to his quarters, in search of amusement and deciding to have a shower. It was only when he walked into the refresher and caught his reflection that he realised the possibilities that lay in having a shower. Glancing down once her grinned evilly, and pulled down the zipper on his top. He stood there, entranced by the body he now inhabited. He hadn't noticed them before but now it came to it he could feel them. He started jiggling, finding the sensations amusing. Eventually getting bored Wes decided that he would go find someone to annoy.
Walking into the mess hall he scanned quickly for any recognisable faces. He soon recognised Jaina, Jag and Kyp, all having a seemingly interesting conversation. He made a beeline for them but was intercepted long before he got there by Wedge, who saw the perfect opportunity for annoying his friend. He clambered up onto the table, calling for everyone's attention.
"Now, you may find this hard to believe but we have an announcement to make for commander Janson. I am pleased to be able to inform you that he has obtained his lifelong ambition. He is now a woman." He announced, smirking at the commander. "Can we get a round of applause for this courageous woman!" Hoots and whistles were the result as the officer succeeded in getting his own back against Janson.
"Ill get you for this!" he told Wedge, blushing angrily, before stalking out to go play with himself again.
As it was his perfect opportunity came a week later. He had joined the group of people being briefed on an upcoming mission, seeing the perfect opportunity and taking it. He had gained, from the lieutenant a certain amount of knowledge on using the force and he intended to use it.
A few moments after Wedge Antilles started talking he began his assault. Reaching out he located a single, tiny hair on the other mans leg. Grasping it with the force he pulled, taking great delight in the wince of pain that passed momentarily across his face. Grasping with the force once again he pulled, resulting in another wince. And another. And another. And another. Finally getting bored with that game he located the sole of Wedge's foot and tickled.
Wedge was Briefing several squadrons on new tactics to employ against the Vong. He was only a few minutes into it when he felt a sharp pain in his leg; he winced in shock and carried on. There it was again; though this time he managed not to wince although it was still extremely uncomfortable. This carried on for a while. Didn't know there were any persistent insects on this sith forsaken planet. He thought to himself. It finally relented and he breathed a mental sigh of relief. It was then that his foot started to itch. One of those really annoying itches on the sole of your foot that just won't go away. Determined not to show his discomfort to the pilots in front of him he tried to ignore it. It just wouldn't go away so he tried wriggling his foot but that didn't work either. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse the other foot started to itch. Getting steadily more frustrated he tried once again to ignore it but he was starting to lose his concentration. It finally relented, or so he thought. Moments later an insistent itch started again, in both feet and the spot right on his back, just where you couldn't reach it at the best of times, let alone in front of the room of pilots. Then the pains in his legs started again, beginning to drive him insane. Then his armpit began to tickle, making him lose the thread completely. He stopped, stuttering and trying to remember where he was. More itchy, painful assaults started and he gave it, trying to itch all of them at once.
Many of the pilots started laughing and this doubled as he started dancing about, trying to bend ways that he couldn't. Making, for lack of a better was of putting it, a complete arse of himself.
It finally stopped and he sighed in relief, suddenly noticing the raucous laughter of the pilots. He blushed, angry at himself for behaving the way he did. He looked out, over the crowd, glaring at them until they silenced.
He suddenly saw, at the back of the room a figure step forward, a woman he immediately recognised.
"Yub Yub, commander!" Wes Janson called out before heading off at a run.
Wedge had vowed that he would get his own back for that. He found out the following week that it was already taken care of. He had commed Janson, trying to find him to tell him the good news. He had discovered that he was in the medical bay. Curious as to what he could possibly be in there for Wedge went down to see him.
Entering, he found his friend arguing with the 21b droid.
"What is it Janson?" he asked, noticing the man seemed to be in a great deal of pain.
"I'm ill and this pile of junk that calls itself a medical droid won't treat me, he keeps saying i'm not ill!"
"That s because you are not commander." The droid interrupted. "What you are experiencing is perfectly natural for a woman of your age." Wes was about to interrupt that he wasn't a woman but thought the better of it. "All you are experiencing is menstrual cramps. They will go away in no time." Wes rolled his eyes as Wedge broke out laughing.
"You've. Got. Period pains." He managed to gasp between laughs. "Anyone would think you were dying the way you're behaving." Wedge's amusement was interrupted by his comm link. He listened to it, and turned to Wes "it seems Luke has a way out of this little mess." Wes's face was full of relief as he started off at almost a dead run, trying to find the lieutenant.
Unfortunately for Wes, the process would take a day to complete and he had to suffer the cramps. He could barely manage it and they weren't even bad cramps.
Luke arrived and they carried out the process. It turned out that something like this had happened in the time of the old Jedi knights and the information had been stored on a holcron. Finally Wes was without the use of the force and back to his usual self, with the exception of a great deal more respect for women. Though he maintained that that much pain was not 'natural' All was right with his world.
Read and Review people. Please!