Author's Note: I like this new Linkin Park song from their new CD Meteora. I think its called 'Breaking the Habit'. (Me no own Linkin Park songs!) But it just reminded me of the loveable Tomo! This can get freaky...beware! Me no own Fushigi Yugi! I made up a bit of what I thought Tomo's past would be like. In this fic...yeah, Tomo's trying to kill himself.

Breaking the Habit

Tomo walked down the darkened corridor that led to the bedchambers of the Kuto palace. Tomo's face stung where Nakago had hit him several times for fouling up his mission. Tomo's face paint was smeared horribly, but he didn't dare touch it. Instead of fighting Nakago like he usually would to get out of punishments, he took it. One blow after another until finally, lip cut and bleeding and eye slightly swollen, he bowed in submission. That was a full six hours ago.

Now, night had fallen and the Seiryu seishi had retired to their bedchambers. Tomo was the only one awake at this ungodly hour. He padded the hallway softly as he recalled the day's events. He had failed in killing Suzaku no Miko and her seishi, which was the big thing. Then being punished harshly by Nakago, that was big, too. Then there were the little annoyances of the day that just added to Tomo's despondent mood.

"Too many to name," Tomo thought bitterly as he continued his walk to his bedroom.

As he walked, he passed by several of his fellow warriors' rooms. Nakago's being one of them. As he passed it, he heard stifled moaning coming from within the room. He froze in horror and disgust. He gently pressed his ear to the door.

"Nakago...!" a woman called out breathlessly. It was Soi. Not like this was different from any other night, but tonight was especially difficult for Tomo to take this. "That queer couldn't pleasure you like I do, could he Nakago?" Soi asked sultrily.

"Please Soi, now is not the time to mention him. I fear I may lose interest in this all together," Nakago laughed gently.

"Yes my love, I won't talk about the Painted Freak," Soi said softly before moaning again. Tomo shut his eyes and let go of a shuddering breath. His so- called 'nickname' that Soi had given him echoed in his ears. Painted Freak, Painted Freak....Tomo's lip curled into an angry sneer as he pounded on the bedroom door.

"Enter!" Nakago's voice boomed in the night. Tomo opened the door and stood there, shocked as the two seishi still continued to 'raise Nakago's chi'.

"Please! For my sake, show some damn modesty!" Tomo hissed. He covered his eyes with his hands, "Nakago may I speak to you?" he asked.

"It will wait until morning, Tomo," Nakago ordered. Soi turned her head.

"Go to sleep you queer. Your presence is disturbing us," Soi laughed. Tomo's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Fine," he said, "I'll leave. But don't expect me to come back...ever!" he shouted through a sob. He slammed the door and ran down to his bedroom. Nakago sat up.

"What?" Soi asked.

"He'll try it," Nakago said gravely.

"Try what?" Soi said, upset that Nakago had begun to dress himself.


"He won't bother to come after you. No one ever did, no one ever will," a voice inside Tomo's head hissed at him as he took off his makeup. Tears slipped off his cheeks and hit the cold stone floor with a hollow 'plip'.

Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again

"They tortured you there like they're torturing you here," the voice hissed again. Tomo recalled his 'childhood' in the opera troupe. How he was beaten and raped almost every night. The older boys would always tease him about his fragile build and love for the opera, basically anything that was abnormal about him. Then when they found out he was gay; they really began having fun with him. Each one would joke about liking him. They'd say, "Chuin, you're so cute...will you be my boyfriend?" And they'd laugh. Tomo could still hear their laughter in his ears. He sobbed harder. As his sobs grew more violent so did the voice. "You should need to die!"

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

Tomo reached in his vanity drawer and pulled out a knife. The same knife he had used since he was younger. He placed it over his left wrist. He looked over all the scars that he had made over the years. He sobbed/sneered at the sight of them. He placed the blade down and pressed into his skin the gently slid the blade across it. He shook with angst and sadness.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not all right

So I'm breaking the habit


"They all hate you...they only use you for who you are. The celestial warrior of Seiryu: Tomo," the voice began again. Tomo nodded and removed the blade and began to cut Nakago's character into his arm. He watched the blood drip off his skin and make puddles on the floor. His tears began to mix in with them. Soon he heard a pounding on the door.

"Tomo you had better open this door right now!" It was Nakago.

"Did he finally figure me out?" Tomo thought worriedly. The door handle began to turn. Tomo reached into his open drawer and fumbled with a bow he kept his room key in. The door began to open "Damn it!" Tomo said jumping up and pressing his back against the door.

"Damn you Tomo! Let me in!" Nakago ordered. Tomo shook his head and slipped the key into the door. He turned it and locked it. He held the knife to his chest and panted.

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more

Than anytime before

I had no options left again

"Forgive me Nakago," Tomo whispered through the door. He finished cutting Nakago's symbol into his arm. He watched it bleed for a while before beginning his work on his other wrist.

"God damn it Tomo! If you want to be forgiven open the fucking door and let me in!" Nakago shouted, slightly afraid that he was about to lose one of his more powerful seishi. There was no answer; no sound of any life, no sound of a key being put into a lock and turned, nothing. Absolute and complete silence. To the shogun, no sound had ever been so horrific to his ears. He pressed his ear to the door and held his breath. "If that fag killed himself I swear on Seiryu I'll..." he thought hotly. But he stopped himself. Fag? Is that all he thought of Tomo? Is that why one of the most powerful Seiryu seishi was attempting suicide? Because his idol thought of him as nothing but a worthless fag? Nakago bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brows. It would be his fault if Tomo died...HIS FAULT. Nakago pressed his ear into the door so hard that he was sure if he lifted his head there would be an indentation of where his ear had been. He held his breath so as not to interfere with any faint sound of life that was coming through. Sure enough, the blonde shogun heard a noise of life. He heard shaky breathing coming from inside Tomo's room. Nakago exhaled sharply and kept listening. There was one other sound being made. It sounded like a brush on parchment. Was Tomo writing something? Nakago shook his head. "TOMO! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" he shouted loudly. Amiboshi came out of his room sleepily.

"What's going on Nakago-san?" he asked, yawning.

"Nothing! Just go back to bed!" the older blonde snapped.

"Oh...okay," Amiboshi said as he went back into his room and shut the door. Nakago frowned at the fact that he wasn't allowed to use his chi to blast open the door, lest he want to deal with the emperor's scolding. Nakago tried to think of a way to get into the room. His head spun with ideas; this was a matter of life and death, he had to think quickly! While in his fury of thoughts, Nakago spied a hairpin on the floor. He picked it up and smirked. He shoved it into the lock and began to pick it.

Tomo jumped at the sound of the hairpin in his lock.

"Hurry up you worthless boy! Hurry up and die!" the voice once again hissed. Tomo's tears came now in torrents of rage as he wrote the characters of his farewell letter on the wall by his bed. He dipped the brush back into the cut in his wrists and continued writing.

I'll paint it on the walls

'Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends

Nakago's voice was now nothing more than a faint whisper in Tomo's ear as he continued to write. With one last stroke of the brush, Tomo finished the letter.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be all right

So I'm breaking the habit

"Good you worthless die! Make him pay for what he did to you!" the voice buzzed. Tomo began to feel empty and light-headed.

"Goodbye...Nakago-sama," he whispered before falling limp on the bed. Nakago finally finished picking the lock and kicked the door open with a bang. He looked around the room. He saw Tomo lying on the bed with his eyes shut like a corpse. Nakago panicked. "Don't you dare be dead Tomo, don't you dare!" he muttered under his breath. He took a step and his foot was soon covered in Tomo's blood. He looked in horror and shock at the puddles staining the floor of Tomo's bedchamber. Once at Tomo's bedside Nakago read the characters that were scrawled in blood on the wall.

*~ Nakago-

I'm dead...rotting in Hell, and its because of YOU! You made me do this! You and Soi and the whole fucking court...that's why I'm in Hell! You couldn't accept me! You couldn't respect me! All I was to you all was the painted freak with no feelings, just power. Well now I won't be able to fight any more, because as you've learned now, I did have feelings. Many of which were for you. But I was overlooked and disrespected, so now, it's your fault I'm dead, it's your fault I sliced my skin, and its your fault I cried. So sayonara and enjoy the battle that you will most certainly lose.

See you in Hell,


Nakago's eyes scanned the seishi's body. He looked at the cuts, two of which were his symbol. He picked up the delicate hands, stained with blood, and turned them over, looking at what little blood remained flowing out of the cuts on Tomo's wrists. The shogun felt a burning sensation in his eyes and a lump rise to his throat. A shimmering silver tear slipped out and landed on the illusionist's cheek. Nakago then did something he would never think to do. He picked Tomo's limp body off the bed and hugged it to his chest...and cried silently. Tomo's letter had affected him horribly well and he knew that everything in that said letter was true. Silent sobs wracked the shogun's body, until he felt something stir beneath him. Nakago looked down as Tomo's eyes fluttered open.

"Am I in heaven?" he asked dazedly before looking at Nakago's shimmering blue eyes, "Nope, I was right, I went to Hell." Tomo shook his head. Nakago then smiled a genuine smile and claimed Tomo's lips. Tomo squeaked in surprise then melted into the kiss. Nakago pulled away gently then crushed Tomo's body into his own.

"Thank the Gods," was all the shogun whispered. Tomo began to cry. Nakago looked up, a worried look graced his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hug you so hard," he apologized sincerely

"Its not that," Tomo sobbed, "Its just kissed me and..." Tomo couldn't stand it and broke down into the blonde's shoulder. Nakago smiled gently and pulled Tomo's face up.

"I'm sorry for not respecting you, and just looking at you as a fag with power. You really are an incredible fighter and I do respect you," Nakago began, "I'm sorry I don't show that more and I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you," he finished, bowing his head in shame. Tomo smiled sadly.

"Thank you Nakago-sama," he said wiping at a tear that leaked from his eye, Nakago lied him down onto the bed and kissed him again.

"You're welcome Tomo-sama," he said getting up, "As soon as your back on your feet, I promise, things for you will get better," Nakago said with a wink. Tomo's golden eyes widened.

"You mean...?" he began hopefully. Nakago hushed him.

"If I talk to you anymore you might not have a thing to dream about! That and I don't want you getting too excited...wouldn't want you to aggravate your wounds," Nakago said with a grin completely out of character. Tomo smiled like a child and quickly covered himself with his blankets. "Don't go to sleep yet, I still have to find someone to dress your cuts properly."

"I'll do it myself," Tomo said jumping up and running to his vanity. He took out spare linen and began to wrap his wrists. Nakago placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Konbanwa," he whispered huskily into Tomo's ear. Tomo smiled and nodded. Before Nakago left the room he complimented Tomo: "You look very bishonen with out your makeup on."

As Tomo lay in bed his head swam with thoughts of Nakago.

"He thinks I'm bishonen!" he smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

Breaking the Habit


A/N: Yeah, I went from dark and scary to happy and cute! What an odd change, ne? Anyway, R&R, I appreciate it! OWARI!