Rating: PG-13 for innuendo
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, nor I am I making any money off of this.
Summary: Response to Athena's challenge on JL RPG forum on the BB message boards. The challenge was to write a story following her 1st paragraph, italicized below. just some silly, VERY silly stupid fluff. BM/WW
Diana had just finished her morning work out with Shayera and was on her way to her quarters to shower and change. She walked through the main room and saw Batman lying on the couch asleep. That wasn't like him, he hated anyone to see him sleeping or appearing weak. Diana sat on the edge of the couch and took his hand gently in her hand.
Diana-"Wake up sleepy head"
Batman rolled over and Diana jumped back in shock.
He opened his eyes and squinted at her in the bright room.
"What?" he asked absently as he scratched his face.
She smacked his hand away. "Don't, you'll scar!"
She grabbed his hand and dragged him into the infirmary.
"J'onn help! Batman's sick!"
"I am not," he replied still scratching.
Diana swatted his hand away.
Shayera was laying in bed with an icepack on her head. She looked at Batman's face and made a face.
"Ew J'onn! What's all over his face?"
By now, J'onn had led Batman to an empty bed. J'onn and Diana helped Batman out of his uniform, leaving his mask, as Batman tried to push them away.
Hawkgirl watched the proceedings and chimed in again.
"Ew, it's all over his body!"
J'onn put a thermometer into Batman's mouth and Diana held his mouth shut so he couldn't spit it out.
J'onn turned to Shayera. "Shayera leave."
"Sorry! I'll be quiet!"
"No, it's not that. I don't know if this is contagious."
Shayera couldn't run out of there fast enough.
In the hallway, she ran into Superman, almost injuring her head again, as she collided into the Man of Steel's chest. He grabbed her shoulders.
"Shayera. Slow down. What's wrong?"
"It's Batman! He has the plague!"
Superman ran into the infirmary. Like Diana and J'onn, he had a strong enough immune system that he wasn't worried about an infection. Plus, Ma Kent always made sure her boy had all his shots.
J'onn was checking the thermometer. "Good news Batman, no temperature, so it's doubtful this is an infection."
"So what are all these spots?" Diana asked.
"Hives from an allergic reaction."
"Allergic to what?" Superman asked.
J'onn turned to Batman. "Is your costume made of a new material? A new aftershave or lotion? A new soap?"
"No," Batman replied, deep in thought. He suddenly realized what gave him the reaction. His head jerked to Diana to see if she reached the same conclusion. Sure enough, she was looking at the floor, her face turning bright red.
J'onn was watching them and couldn't help smiling.
"Superman, if you don't mind giving us some privacy."
"Well, what is it? What did this to Batman?" Superman's concern for his friend was evident, but sadly not wanted at the moment.
"Get out!" Batman snapped. Superman took off.
Diana turned to go as well, but Batman grabbed her hand.
"Oh, no. I'm not explaining this alone."
"Diana, do you know what caused this?"
"Can't you just run tests to figure it out?"
"Well, it would be a lot less blood to draw from Batman if you could just tell me."
Diana looked at Batman. He gave her a quick nod and looked back down at the floor.
"Um, well, maybe," she stammered, still looking at the floor.
"Whipped cream. . ."
"Caramel sauce. . ." Batman helped.
"Cherries. . ." Diana offered.
"Chocolate sauce. . ." Batman reminded her.
Diana hid a small grin at that-- he knew that was her favorite and continued.
"Peanut butter. . ."
This caught J'onn's attention. "PEANUT BUTTER??? Uh, Batman, do you have a peanut allergy?"
"Actually, I don't know."
J'onn continued. "Many people are allergic to peanuts and other nuts. The, um, peanut butter may have caused the hives. I'll do some tests to make sure."
Diana sat with Batman as they waited, absently swatting away his hand whenever he started to scratch. Neither one said a word, nor could they look at each other.
J'onn came back with the results. "Yes, you do have a peanut allergy. But to be on the safe side, avoid all legumes."
J'onn gave him some calamine lotion, Benadryl and a syringe of epinephrine should he ever come in contact with peanuts again.
Diana was already in her room, when Batman found her.
She turned and looked at him and started laughing.
"I'm so sorry Bruce!"
He tried to look mad, but he was trying to hard not to grin himself.
He held up the calamine lotion. "Um, J'onn gave me this. . ."
"I'll meet you at your place in an hour?"
He glanced around, made sure no one was walking by the open door and gave her a quick kiss and left.
After he left, Diana opened a drawer in her nightstand and pulled out a bottle of scented oil. She read the ingredients and muttered a curse. She checked the plastic bag it was in and thanked Hera she kept the receipt.