The *Real* Ending of Game of Thrones

George R.R Martin awoke in a cold sweat, he'd just had a terrible dream. DB Weiss and David Benioff had made several critical mistakes in the final season of their television adaption of George's beloved book series. And what was that coffee cup doing in Winterfell? No matter, it was only a dream. George could rest easy knowing how the TV series was really going to play out. The real ending of Game of Thrones goes something like this:

It was during the Battle of Winterfell against the Night King that Jon Snow was outed as Aegon Targaryen. Jon was trying to reach Bran to protect him against the blue man with a grudge, but the undead Viserion was getting completely in the way. Jon tried (and failed) to maneuver around the dragon, and quickly found himself in a ball of blue flame. In the darkness the sudden brightness of a fire blast drew the attention of the few and far between surviving northmen. Before they could every cry out in despair for their king they saw the flames dissipate and an unscathed and unburnt Jon Snow stood completely naked.

There wasn't a lot of time for anyone to figure out what the hell they were looking at, there was still an army of dead coming at them from all sides after all. But the secret was out, and soon the explanation would follow. Jon Snow was actually a completely legitimate Stark/Targaryen heir to the Iron Throne!

While Viserion was occupied trying (and failing) to scorch Jon, Arya sprints past the soldiers of the Night King to stabby stab him into a thousand ice shards and save Bran and all the seven kingdoms! HOORAH ARYA!

After the battle some people voice their support for Jon as king of the seven kingdoms since he is part Targaryen and all, but he shuts that right down and swears fealty (for like the millionth time) to Dany. And he tells everyone who suggests he should be King shut their damn mouth or Drogon and Rhaegal can fight over who gets to eat them.

Since the secret is majorly out Dany has no reason to execute anyone via Dragon (phew, Varys lives). And she begins marching her armies South to deal with the bitch in charge, Cersei Lannister. Ugh, leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

And now that Dany knows her dragons are vulnerable to spears she has special dragon armor forged by Gendry to protect her children. That's called learning from our mistakes, folks. And with their spear proof armor, Drogon and Rhaegal light Eruon's fleet tf up, burning them all to ash. They continue South! (Missandei isn't captured, yay!)

As they reach the gates of King's Landing, Cersei has her Golden Company waiting for them. Bran actually does something useful for once in his life and wargs into the horses of the Golden Company, sending them running off into the woods, leaving the army extremely vulnerable and confused. They are quickly dispatched by the Unsullied and Dothraki and Northmen.

Jaime Lannister, meanwhile, is in the capital and searching for his sister. Not to die with her, however, but to try and stop her before it comes to more violence. While the Mountain has gone off to have a showndown with Sandor (CLEGANE BOWL), Jaime finds Cersei where she always seems to be. Smirking off some balcony with a wine glass in hand. She hasn't seen the full strength of Dany's dragons yet and is unaware Eruon's fleets and her golden company are in ashes. She asks Jaime if he's come to beg for forgiveness to be on the winning side. Jaime tries to convince her that there is no way she will win and she should surrender now so her bun in the oven may live, but Cersei being Cersei, she refuses.

Jaime reaches out for her and caresses her neck, seemingly aligning himself with her again. But all he is picturing is Brienne's face.

"The things we do for love," he says and pushes her from the balcony to her death.

With the queen bitch dead, the remaining forces surrender. Dany has no need to destroy kings landing whatsoever and flies Drogon to the red keep. Jaime heads off to the dungeons to free whatever poor souls Cersei has been torturing for kicks.

Dany walks towards the throne, her fingers tingling with excitement. So close to her dream, so close to what she's always wanted. Once she sit's upon the throne, the seven kingdoms will be hers...and then a wave of realization washes over her.

"Dracarys," she says coolly. Drogon and Rhaegal obey and burn the throne to molten core. Tyrion is baffled and asks why she destroyed the throne. She simply smiles knowingly and has him summon all the high lords of the seven kingdoms. When they are all gathered, Dany gives a moving speech.

"I became Khaleesi of the Dothraki because I earned their respect as their leader. I was the uburnt. I became queen of Mereen and the Andals as I liberated those who were enslave. I earned the love and respect of the people which is why they followed me. I earned my title as queen of Essos.

"The only right I have to rule Westeros is birthright. I thought that was a valid claim, but now I can see that it isn't. The people of Westeros have no reason to follow me other than they fear my dragons, I have not earned my place as their queen, I have simply dispatched the old queen. And I realize more importantly, I do not want these lands. I thought I did for many years, I thought the throne was what I wanted. I promised to break the wheel, and that's what I have done.

"Cersei is dead, the throne is destroyed. And no more shall a king or queen be born by birthright. They must earn their place. I am returning to Essos where I belong, my people need me. I suggest you all figure out who to make your leader, and I suggest you choose wisely."

Tyrion respectfully resigns as her hand. He belongs in Westeros. Dany understands why he can't be her hand in Essos, he needs to take care of things in Westeros. Besides, Missandei and Grey Worm know her best and will serve as her advisers. The council still elects Bran as King because of his lack of 'want'. He will never be lead astray by selfish desires, and as a walking Wikipedia he won't make foolish mistakes (we're looking at you Ned). He also know's everyone's life story so when the time comes to pick a new king he will choose someone right for the job. And then he will retire into the mystical weir wood trees to fully embody the three eyed raven persona. Kings and Queens for generations can consult him in times of confusion.

IN CONCLUSION: Dany and her two dragons are the beloved rulers of Essos, Bran successfully manages the six kingdoms with the help of Tyrion, Varys, Brienne, Jaime, and Ser Davos (Bron serves time in jail for felony tax evasion). Sansa is queen of the independent North, AS SHE SHOULD BE. Arya sets sail for the west of the west. And Jon returns to the North of the wall to lead the free folk, which is where he always belonged if we're being honest. He gives Ghost a good pat.

While Jon loves Dany, it really can't work between them because 1. they are related, 2. he doesn't want to go to Essos. So he remains north of the wall with the free folk. And one day he might meet a wildling girl, and he might finally attain some level of happiness that won't be marred by tragedy.

Cersei rots in hell.

The End!