Chaos

Harry was well aware of the stares that were shot his way during the feast but he didn't care, he had food in front of him and the love of his life next to him. What did he care what people thought of him?

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Cedric Diggory" Cedric extended a hand, Harry did his best to hide the sadness that came when he thought of Cedric. Cedric who died in that bloody tournament, this time Harry was going to make sure that Cedric at least lived long enough to qualify as an old man.

"Harry, Harry Potter" Harry shook his hand and smiled at the boy "nice to meet you"

"Got to say, didn't expect you in Hufflepuff"

"Why not?" Harry asked, he noticed a lot of people listening to him "What exactly is wrong with the house of Helga Hufflepuff, one of the greatest witches of all time? I'd be honoured just to be considered for the house" Many Hufflepuffs perked up at his words, pride suddenly washing over them.

"I bet everyone's going to be ecstatic about the fact that we have Harry Potter in Hufflepuff" Crystal said

"Yeah, Harry Potter is a Hufflepuff" Harry said before suddenly gasping "A 'Potter puff'! I'm a Potterpuff!"

"Oh Merlin" Crystal shook her head in amusement.

Soon the rest of the Hufflepuffs started introducing themselves to Harry while they all ate. It was at this point that Harry noticed Crystal had placed her leg against his, and occasionally tried to subtly touch their hands together.

He knew why, as a Siren she occasionally needed contact and not having contact would cause her a lot of physical pain, that's why in his original timeline she was so sick and weak and thin. He still thought she was beautiful but she could have been so much more beautiful if she was healthy.

Harry continued to talk to others but pressed the side of his hand against Crystals, she didn't remove her hand but looked at him with surprise. Harry shot her a quick wink before he continued talking with Susan Bones. Crystal couldn't help the blush that came on her face but hid it well and continued eating.

"Harry" Hannah said "what did you do the sorting hat?" Many people suddenly became quiet and listened in.

"Well, I wanted to go to Hufflepuff but it was arguing with me" Harry explained "and it was wasting my time, so I threatened him . I just showed him a few things I unintentionally walked in to."

"Were they that bad?" Susan asked

"A hat that has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years and has viewed many minds of many different people burst out in horror and shock and is refusing to come near me again. You tell me" Susan blushed a little in embarrassment

"With that being said, I am not telling anyone what those memories were because I'm locking them away in my mind, never to be viewed or thought of again. Because if I do then it's a coin flip between obliviating myself and jumping off the astronomy tower"

"That bad?" Crystal said sympathetically

"Finding a dead rat on the street is bad, finding a dead body is bad, discovering that a baby has pooped in your room is bad. What I saw was horrifying" Harry couldn't help the shudder that came over his body. "Anyway, forget me, actually I have a question. How fussed are you lot about winning the house cup and all that?"

"Uh…we'd like to win" Cedric said "but we've not won in ages so we don't really mind if we don't win. Why do you ask?"

"I just have a feeling that you're going to lose a lot of points since I'm here" Harry answered honestly, at that moment he felt a mental probe in his mind. He recognised it, he didn't know how but somehow the probe felt greasy, he knew it was Snape.

Fortunately he hadn't yet gotten rid of the memories he showed the hat and he brought them to the front of his mind to show Snape. A second later Snape had vomited on Quirrell.


The Hufflepuffs talked for a while before they were sent back to their common room, the next day Harry and Crystal were given their schedules at breakfast. Harry pretended not to notice that Crystal was trying not to make contact with him as they ate but couldn't help herself.

Harry decided to save her the trouble and just held her right hand in his left, she looked startled and immediately began blushing. She looked around and was glad that there were barley any people here.

"What are you doing?" She asked, not unpleased but still embarrassed

"You wanted to touch me, so I'm helping you" Harry smiled

"I…I didn't want to touch you" Crystal fibbed, she felt a slight tightening in her chest

"Ah" Harry noticed her discomfort "that's probably because of the bond, you can't lie to me"

"What?!" Crystal blurted out in surprise

"Your siren bond" Harry clarified "I've read up on Sirens, I heard lots of stories about them and a lot of other mythical creatures when I was younger so when I finally realised that they were real and got the chance to study them I drove right in. Plus I used to know another Siren before she died and she had told me a lot about them"

"How…how did you know I was a Siren?"

"Well" Harry said, he couldn't really use the 'I came from the future' so he told her the reason he had prepared the previous night "it's simple, when we touched in the train I saw you and guessed that something happened between us. Yesterday on the boats you liked being by the water and I remembered that Sirens are creatures of water and air, plus you kept trying to touch me yesterday at the feast. From what I'm guessing I think we've siren bonded"

"Uh…I'm….I'm not sure" She admitted "I sent a letter to my family to ask and…and I was going to go to the teachers and ask them"

"You don't need to do that" Harry said, not wanting Dumbledore to interfere again "I'll help you, I used to know a siren and she told me a lot about sirens. Plus if you don't believe me then you can ask your family and look up the library."

"Uh…thanks…but…do you know what the bond means?" She asked nervously

"As far as I can remember it means that we'll need regular contact, you'll never be able to be with another man, we'll be together forever and you'll have to do whatever I say and you can't intentionally harm me in anyway"

"Yeah" She looked away, tears dropped down her eyes "that's what it means. I'm…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it"

"Of course you didn't mean to do it" Harry wiped her tears away from her "you'd never intentionally put your entire life in the hands of a crazy boy you had just met."

"I…it's just this was so unexpected! I mean….you're stuck with me…and I've trapped us both and…"

"And nothing" Harry cut her off "I'm sorry that you're upset but I'm not."

"You're not?" She asked with disbelief

"Oh, no I was falling in love with you so it works out" Harry said calmly as he sipped some juice, he turned and nearly laughed at her dropped jaw "come on Siren" Harry kissed her on the cheek and pulled her up to her feet "it's time for class" Crystal could only nod and follow him, her hand still in his.


Harry and Crystal arrived at transfigurations class.

"We're early" Crystal pointed out

"Meh" Harry shrugged his shoulders before noticing the familiar cat on the desk "ooh, kitty" Harry knew this was McGonagall but couldn't help himself.

He walked over and pulled a mouse toy and tossed it to the cat, who looked irritated. She pushed the toy away with her paw.

"No, listen up Kitty, you're supposed to play with it" Harry said and McGonagall glared at him "hmm, must not be a particularly smart cat. I'm going to call you Kitty"

"Harry, it could be McGonagall's cat" Crystal pointed out

"Please, if she's stupid enough to leave her pet in a magical school with basically no health and safety rules then she's asking for it to be taken or hurt" The cat's glare intensified

"Yeah but McGonagall doesn't really seem the stupid type"

"The hat she wore the other night would beg to differ" Harry replied "plus yesterday she thought my name was 'ridiculous', it's a shame when teachers can't read" Harry shook his head sadly. McGonagall had had enough and jumped off the desk and turned into her human form.

"Mr Potter…" She started

"The fuck have you done to Kitty?!" Harry said with a alarmed voice and face.

"Mr Potter I…"

"Bring back Kitty!" Harry demanded

"Mr Potter I am…"

"Kitty!" Harry interrupted

"I am…"

"Kitty!"

"Mr Pot…"

"Kitty!"

"I am trying to…"

"Kitty!"

"Would you please…"

"Kitty!"

"Mr…"

"Kitty!"

"I…."

"Kitty!"

"Stop that!"

"Kitty!"

"You…."

"Kitty!"

"Will…"

"Kitty!"

"Stop…"

"Kitty!"

"That!"

"Kitty!"

"Oh Merlin!" McGonagall threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Merlin has my Kitty?!" A horrified Harry screamed. Crystal was behind him and trying not to laugh, Harry had to hand it to himself, he was a good actor.

"No, Merlin does not have 'your Kitty'" McGonagall sighed "I am…"

"Where's the Kitty then?!" Harry interrupted

"Mr Potter" McGonagall growled "I am trying…"

"You have Kitty!" Harry suddenly screamed, he withdrew his wand and shot a spell at McGonagall that forced her back to her cat form "Kitty!" Harry screamed in joy.

McGonagall tried to transform back but to her frustration found that she couldn't, Harry smiled and picked her up, he held her overhead.

"Kitty, you're back!" Harry grinned "I saved you from that nasty old woman! I don't know what they were thinking, letting that insane woman teach. She didn't even try and answer me when I asked where you were" The glare he was receiving would have made a lesser man cower. "I know, let's keep you somewhere safe"

Harry brought the cat to the corner of the room, McGonagall looked in the direction he was going and was surprised to find a big blue cage that wasn't there before. Harry opened the cage and tossed her inside.

"I hope you like it" Harry smiled at the cat "there's cat food and a nice litter box in there for you, it's a brilliant cage. Only downside is once it closes it doesn't open for twelve hours" McGonagall tried to jump out but crashed face fist into the gate when Harry closed it, she widened her eyes in horror when she heard the click. "Don't worry" Harry's smile grew wilder "I'll put silencing charms on so you don't bother anyone and nobody disturbs you. I'll also put a blanket over the cage so that the other students don't bother you"

McGonagall watched, petrified as Harry pulled a blanket and slowly began putting it over the cage. Horror flew through her as the shadows descended upon her and she looked into the bright and mischievous eyes of Harry Potter.

"Aren't I considerate?" Harry said just before covering the whole cage and putting the silencing charms on

"Harry…you know that that was McGonagall right?" Crystal asked slowly

"Oh yeah" Harry immediately nodded "she's an animagus, that means she can transform into an animal"

"You mean you did all that for no reason?!"

"I did all that because didn't really like her and it was fun" Harry replied "plus I'm a bit crazy. if I was you then I wouldn't trust all the Hogwarts teachers, not every one of them is out for your best interests."

"How would you know?" She asked

"I'll tell you one day, I have a few secrets and I promise that I'll share them all with you one day but trust me for now, please" Harry said, flashing those brilliant green eyes of his

"Fine" Crystal replied, rather easily persuaded by his eyes. She knew that as she was bonded to him, he could order her to do it if he really wanted so she was glad that he chose not to do that.

"I'm just going to remove one of the charms so she can hear everything that's going on"

"Why?"

"It's funnier that way" Harry immediately replied and the two took their seats at the back, as far away from the corner with the cat as possible.

Soon the students began pouring in, Harry was currently having classes with the Ravenclaws but he knew that Dumbledore would eventually change it so he's either with the Gryffindor's or Slytherin's.

"Where's the Professor?" Terry Boot asked out loud about half way through the class

"Guess she couldn't be bothered to show up, so unprofessional" Harry shrugged, not being able to hear the hissing coming from inside the cage.


Later that day it was time for potions, Harry wasn't sure what he would do to Snivellus. He'd probably wing it, yeah, that seemed like a good idea. He and Crystal took their seats, so did the other Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws.

Soon the door flew open, Harry decided it was time to teach Snape that the only person who was allowed to be flashy and dramatic in Hogwarts was him, he wandlessly forced the door to return to its original position and it shut right in Snapes face.

The door opened about ten seconds later, Snape walked in slowly, blood dripping from his nose. Harry did his best to not laugh at the man's attempt to act as though nothing was wrong, Snape got a wand and quickly fixed his nose.

He then began taking the register.

"Ah…Mr Potter, our new celebrity" Snape said when he read Harry's name, in his previous life Harry had tried to keep quiet, but now he had a chance to annoy Snape and he sure as hell was going to take it.

"Yep, that's me" Harry said proudly, grinning at the oversized bat in front of him "Harry Potter, boy-who-lived and all that. Do you need an autograph? Who should I address it to?"

"Silence" Snape snapped

"Silence is a stupid name" Harry said as he wrote something down and handed it to Snape "I'm sure your parents loved you"

"Ten points from Hufflepuff" Snape ripped up the small piece of paper

"No, no you were supposed to take that to the bank" Harry said

"Why would I take your stupid autograph to the bank?!" Snape snapped

"That wasn't an autograph, it was a check for a hundred galleons" Harry pointed down and realised that the piece of paper he ripped up was indeed a check "if you think you're getting another one then you can forget it" Snape growled and continued with the register.

"Alright, pop quiz" Snape said suddenly "Potter, what would I get if I powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"The draught of living death, useful for when people don't shut up" Harry gave him a polite smile, Snape was momentarily stunned as he recalled that he draught of living death was a sleeping potion powerful enough to mimic death. Was Potter implying something?

"Lucky guess" Snape said "where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"First option would be your potions cabinet, the second is any shop that sells them and the third is the stomach of a goat. Mountain ones work best apparently, I never figured that the type of goat matters when you violently reach into its body and pull out a rock from all the blood and organs but what do I know?"

"Potter" Snape said, ignoring Harry's comment "final question, what's the difference between monkshood and Wolfsbane?"

"The spelling and the way it sounds and that's about it seeing as they're the same thing."

"Ten points for your cheek" Snape replied

"Is that five a side?" Harry gestured to his right and left cheek

"That's ten more, now get to work!" Snape snapped and put instructions up on the board

Harry and Crystal made their potions rather quickly, they finished before everyone else and Harry then set off making something else in a second cauldron while they were waiting for their potion to finish

"What are you doing?" Crystal whispered

"You'll see" Harry whispered back

At the end of the lesson Snape had began checking everyone's potions, he glared at Harry's potion when he couldn't find anything wrong with it.

"Cheating Potter?" Snape sneered "That'll be…" Snape was cut off when Harry took a second cauldron and began gulping down all that was inside it. "Are you mad?!" Snape screamed and slapped the cauldron out of Harry's hand, it landed on the floor and a brown liquid spilled from it.

"What?!" Harry replied "it's just chocolate milkshake!"

"Why were you drinking chocolate milkshake?!" Snape demanded, his pale skin turning red

"Because it was tasty and I didn't put the effort into making it for no reason"

"You shouldn't have been making chocolate milkshake!"

"You shouldn't be teaching yet here we are" Harry replied

"Twenty points from Hufflepuff and a detention with Filch tonight for your blatant disrespect!"

Soon the class ended and Harry and Crystal were making their way out, Snape was tempted to read Harry's mind but after the last time he tried that he dared not do it again. He had to obliviate himself, he couldn't remember what he saw, just the utter feeling of dread and horror from when he saw it and his vow to never look into Potters mind again.

"Bye Snivellus!" Harry called before they left. Snape was about to take points away when he found something in his mouth, he spat it out and found his nose was leaking a lot. He didn't know this happened, but he definitely knew that Potter was responsible for it.


Later that night, Crystal found herself alone at dinner, Harry had gone off and she couldn't really work out where he had gone. She was beginning to grow quite fond of him, even without the siren bond. He was funny, kind and did his best to make her smile. Her thoughts were cut off by the sudden sound of screaming, everyone turned to the hall when the door bursts open and in came Harry.

On top….of….a….giant…..three headed dog.

"What's up bitches?!" Harry shouted from his position on top of the middle head while holding up two bottles of butterbeer "Funny thing about butterbeer, it's not alcoholic but can mimic the effects if you drink enough. Who knew?"

"Harry!" Cedric shouted "You're on top of a Cerberus!"

"Yeah...well there's two of you" Harry retorted, taking another sip of butterbeer

"No there's not"

"There is from where I'm sitting" Harry wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

"How did you get it to not kill you?!" Crystal asked, staring at the large beast standing in the great hall

"I don't know!" Harry smiled widely "I don't actually know how I got her either, last thing I remembered were some dead people and an old cat"

"Harry..." Cedric said slowly "in the nicest possible way, how drunk are you?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yes"

"Fluffy?!" Hagrid blurted out in surprise as he had just entered the hall.

"Not anymore" Harry smiled and pointed to the left head "that one is now Matt Murdock, named after my favourite superhero. The other head" Harry pointed to the right head "is Bruce Lee because who doesn't love Bruce Lee and why not? This middle head, is the terrifying, the deadly….Pete. Named after the janitor in my old primary school, nice guy Pete."

"What are you doing Mr Potter?" Dumbledore said from his position at the high table

"Making friends!" Harry shouted "Oi, Crystal, do you want to ride?"

"Uh….sure, why not?" Crystal replied, deciding to just go with it.

"Matt, if you wouldn't mind" Harry said and the left head lowered it's head for Crystal to climb on, Crystal laughed and climbed up the head and ran up so she sat behind Harry, wrapping her arms around him. "And now" Harry shouted "we ride!" The cerberus turned around and ran out of the hall.

Albus Dumbledore, the man considered to be the greatest wizard of all time had self control like no other. He was always great at keeping control of his emotions, he had to be to maintain his famous grandfather look with people who annoyed him. But at that moment, he just could not stop the words that came out of his mouth.

"THE FUCK?!"


Next time:

"Mr Potter! Let go!" Dumbledore screamed

"Potter! Get off of his beard!" Snape snapped and tried to pull the boy off

"No!" Harry screamed in protest "I nearly got it! I nearly have it! I'll show you!"

"Potter, stop this foolishness and release him!" McGonagall commanded, also trying to pull off the boy

"Nearly there!" Harry insisted

"POTTER PLEASE STOP!" Dumbledore begged

"Come on! Maximum effort! Aaaaararrghhhhh!"

"YAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"


A.N: Hey guys, hope you enjoyed the chapter. I have to admit I was a bit worried about trying this story as it was more humour focused than my other ones but you guys apparently liked it so that's great. I'm considering making it longer than I originally anticipated but I haven't decided yet.

Anyway, I hope you liked the story, next chapter shows Harry meeting Dumbledore and it should hopefully be fun. Feel free to leave a review, love you guys