It was a nice day in Midgard, where Migardian citizen was happy because everyone was a peaceful liberal and protected the environment by recycling and knowing that global warming was real. Then one day, the EVIL conservative business company Shinra was founded by Donald Trump, a greedy man who HATED the environment and all people's lives (other than himself of course).
The evil Donald Trump and his evil Shinra company was turning poor Midgar into a total dumphole, as tons of people, animals, and even children perished to death within the deadly environment Midgard was becoming because of the evil Shinra. Luckily, Cloud Strife and his buddies were there to save the day from the evil Trump and his anti-environmentalist ways!
Cloud Strife and the rest of the Final Fantasy VII party members all went to Trump Tower in New York City to confront Trump so he can shut down the Shinra building in Midgard. "Yo when the hell is Trumpty dumpty gonna show up!?" yelled Barret. "Be patient!" scolded Tifa, "We don't know if Trump is even here…" Suddenly, Cloud and his friends were greeted by the ugly and racist Ben Shapiro, one of Trump's minions, and he said in his grotesque and nasally voice, "Trump isn't here because he only cares about facts and not your feelings! Har, har, har!" "Show us where Trump is or we'll fight you!" yelled Cloud. "Ok, fine!" yelled Ben Shapiro, "Guard! Attack!" Ben Shapiro was joined by two Kekistani Pepe-soldiers, and Cloud, Tifa, and Barret all fought the three evil 4chan soldiers. Cloud cut one of the Pepe-soldiers in half with his sword, Barret shot another Pepe-soldier with billions of bullets, and Tifa punched and kicked Ben Shapiro until he was on the floor crying. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" cried Ben Shapiro as he ran away like a little baby, crying for his mommy. Cloud, Tifa, and Barret all pointed and laughed at Ben Shapiro for being a hypocritical loser (which he is).
Cloud and friends all went up an elevator, when suddenly a sumo wrestler Alex Jones rolled down as the next boss fight! Cloud brought Yuffie and Red XIII together to help him fight the evil Alex Jones! "I will show you all that Sandy Hook was a hoax and you'll ALL buy my supplements!" "You say nothing but lies and you're supplements are a scam!" roared Red XIII. Yuffie was gased to death by Alex Jones' bad breath attack. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Cloud and Red XIII. "You'll pay for this!" yelled Cloud. Cloud used omnislash on Alex Jones for revenge, and Alex Jones combusted into materia energy.
After Cloud and his friends mourned the loss of their party member Yuffie, they got to the top of Trump Tower. Before them stood Pepe the frog and a bunch of right-wing NPC's. "Beep boop!" said one NPC, "We will terminate you for Lord Trump! Beep boop!" Cloud, Vincent, and Cid all teamed up and the NPC's tried to hurt them. Cait Sith then sacrificed himself by exploding his robot body and destroying the NPC's to death. The dead NPC bodies were then eaten by Red XIII. "Yummy NPC meat!" smacked Red XIII with deliciousness! Everyone cried that Cait Sith was now dead, too.
Pepe was still alive even after Caith Sith's brave sacrificial explosion, however. "Ha ha ha!" cackled Pepe, "Time for my ultimate form!" Pepe turned into Clown Pepe, as he honked his dumb clown nose and used his alt right powers to hurt Cloud and friends. Red XIII farted gas into Pepe's face, then breathed fire and the gas helped light a fire on Clown Pepe's face and clown hair, burning the frog alive! "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" cried Pepe before he burned to death. Cloud and friends all had frog legs for lunch right after before continuing their journey!
Cloud and his remaining party members all finally went to Trump's office, but Trump wasn't there! Aeris decided to go pray with flowers to hope that Trump will appear. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Trump appeared in his true form, Trumpiroth, with a long blonde and silky wig, a black trench coat, sunglasses, and a long golden "T"-shaped sword meant to stand for the name "Trump." Trumpiroth flew down and stabbed Aeris through the stomach! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Cloud and his friends. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" cackled Trumpiroth, "This is great, ok!?" Trumpiroth then dumped Aeris' corpse onto the floor, the poor girl covered in blood as he licked the blood off his golden sword. "Now Cloud," said Trumpiroth, "I will steal your other girlfriend!" Trumpiroth kidnapped Tifa and laughed like a maniac! "Help me Cloud!" yelled Tifa. "If you want this bimbo back, you'll fight me in the Shinra building on my time schedule!" Trumpiroth grew one wing and flew away.
Cloud had a talk with the remaining party members; Barret, Cid, Vincent, and Red XIII. "Alright everyone," said Cloud, "Two of our female party members are now dead and the last remaining one is in Trumpiroth's hands! Without a female party member, people will think our party is just a sexist sausage-fest!" "We can't let people think that about us!" replied Barret, "We're super-ultra progressives and don't tolerate even being called centrists!" "Barrets right," said Vincent, "Lucrecia would be mad if she thought I was a misogynist, which I am totally not!" Cloud and the boys all decided to go chase Trumpiroth down into Shinra and save Tifa from his racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic clutches!
At Shinra tower, Trumpiroth had Tifa tied up to the wall. "What are you going to do to me you misogynist!?" yelled Tifa. "I'm gonna grab you by the pussy!" laughed Trumpiroth, "After all you're quite attractive little lady!" "No!" cried Tifa, "You're ugly and I don't love you!" "Dumb bitch," laughed Trumpiroth, "I'm rich you know, and whores like you LOVE rich guys like me!" "Aaaaaaah!" cried Tifa, "Cloud! Help me!" Suddenly the wall blew up, and Cloud and the boys jumped in to fight Trumpiroth! "Tifa doesn't like orange-skinned weirdoes wearing wigs!" yelled Barret, "And I should know what kind of guys Tifa's into! Ha ha!" "How dare you suggest I'm wearing a wig!" yelled Trumpiroth, "Very well, time for you pretty boy Cloud and your loser friends to die!" Trumpiroth flew at Cloud and the boys as his long blonde wig fell off, but Trumpiroth didn't notice he was now bald without his wig! Vincent told the other boys, "Don't worry I got this!" Vincent transformed into his ultimate form, Edward Cullen from Twilight, and attacked Trumpiroth with his sparkling attacks! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" cried Trumpiroth with tears, "Pretty boy losers are my weakness!" Cloud then dashed at Trumpiroth and used an omnislash to defeat Trumpiroth. Trumpiroth turned into a tiny chocobo due to Cloud's magic sword! Red XIII was really hungry, and the chocobo Trumpiroth noticed this and ran away! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried chocobo Trumpiroth as the hungry Red XIII chased him around like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. "Thank you for saving me Cloud!" said Tifa. "It was thanks to you we destroyed Trumpiroth's Shinra company and Midgard is now a safe environment, free from pollution and global warming!" said Cloud. "You owe Cloud and the rest of us sex after this, bitch!" said Barret. Cloud and the rest of his friends all laughed as chocobo Trumpiroth kept getting chased around the room by Red XIII.