DISCLAIMER: Neither Yu-Gi-Oh nor any of the Battlebots portrayed in this fic are mine. They belong to, um... whoever made them I guess. I don't have a Battlebot... yet. ^_^
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not fully keen to the rules of Yu-Gi-Oh, since I don't play, I only watch the show. So... don't get on me for that. Also, while I do make fun of lots of writing cliches in this fic, I don't intend to make fun of anyone personally, so... yeah. Also, this fanfic takes place AFTER Battle City... sort of. Some of the events in Battle City may be incorporated, some may not be. This is kind of an A/U fic. Also, for the purpose of comedy, some of the characters will be a bit OOC (out of character).
It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon in Domino City, and Yugi was walking to his grandfather's game shop with a smile on his face.
"It's a wonderful day!" Yugi said to himself, looking up into the sky. He continued to walk until he reached the game shop. "Grandpa, I'm back!"
Yugi walked into the shop and looked behind the counter to see his grandfather waving to him.
"Hello, Yugi!" Yugi's grandpa said. In his right hand, he was holding an envelope sealed with a golden sticker. "Yugi, a letter came for you today! It looks important!"
Yugi took the letter from his grandpa and opened it up.
"It looks like an invitation!" Yugi said, reading the letter. "This is cool!"
Dear Yugi Moto,
You have been chosen from a pool of the world's top duelists to attend a special Duel Monsters tournament to determine the new King of Games. As the reigning King of Games, you are especially invited to attend. The tournament will be held at Treasure Island, in San Francisco, California, USA. We hope that you will attend, and rest assured, you will be pleasantly surprised by the way that the tournament is conducted.
The staff of Battlebots
P. S.: Feel free to take along as many friends as you want with you! Our attendance has been really bad lately... wait, I shouldn't have said that.
"Battlebots?" Yugi said, reading the note. "What's that?"
"It's a fighting robot competition held in America," Yugi's grandpa said. "It's quite a good show! That Carmen Electra sure is hot! And she has really, really big boo... uh, anyway, the tournament is in San Francisco, Yugi. Are you sure you wanna go?"
"Of course I do!" Yugi said. "I think a new Duel Monsters tournament will be fun! But why would a fighting robot TV show hold a Duel Monsters competition..."
Before Yugi could ponder this fact any further, the door to the game shop opened. Joey, Tea, and Tristan walked in. Joey was holding an envelope in his hand.
"Yug, you got one too?" Joey asked, noticing the letter in Yugi's hand. "There's a new Duel Monsters tournament!"
"Yeah, I know!" Yugi said. "You got invited too, Joey? That's great!"
"Yeah, but it's in San Francisco," Joey said. "That's like, really far away. I think it's on Mars or something."
"It's in America, Joey!" Tea said, glaring at Joey.
"I want to go!" Tristan said. "You know, you can take along as many friends as you want. Are you going to take Serenity? Please say yes!"
"No way, dude!" Joey yelled. "America's a dangerous place for a young girl like Serenity. What if terrorists attack the tournament or something?"
"I promise to protect Serenity!" Tristan shouted, falling to his knees. "I promise! I promise I promise I-"
"And everybody in America carries a gun. What if a stray bullet hits Serenity in the leg?" Joey asked.
"I'll protect her!" Tristan begged. "Please let Serenity come with us?"
"Fine," Joey said. "But if anything happens..."
"We still need to get to America," Yugi said. "Grandpa, could you buy plane tickets for everyone?"
"Sure, Yugi!" Yugi's grandpa said. "I'd like to go to America too. I heard the women there are really hot! And they have big boo.... uh, let's buy the plane tickets now."
"Yay!" Yugi, Tea, Tristan, and Joey cheered.
*At the Domino International Airport...*
Yugi, his grandpa, Joey, Tristan, Tea, and Serenity were sitting around a table at the airport's Starbucks. Yugi's grandpa was sipping on a cappuccino, while the kids were talking about everything they were going to do in America.
"The first thing I'm going to do is take a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge!" Yugi said, holding up his trusty camera. "I've heard it's one of the most famous bridges in the world!"
"I'm going to make some new friends!" Tea declared. "Because friendship is very, very important! It's fun to make friends in new countries! Once we get back to Japan, I'll write them pen pal letters every day! Because friendship and pen pals and letters are all important! You know-"
"I'm going to join an anti-war protest!" Joey said, interrupting Tea.
"Uh, Joey, the war in Iraq just ended," Tea said. "No more protests."
"Oh," Joey said. "Well then, I'm going to protest... uh... uh... I'm going to protest the end of the war!"
"I'm going to take Serenity out to McDonalds and share my hamburger with her," Tristan said. "I can, because the burgers are so big there! Everything is big in America!"
"I don't eat burgers," Serenity said sweetly. "I'm a vegetarian. But thank you anyway, Tristan!"
"When did you become a vegetarian?" Tea asked.
"A while back," Serenity said. "I don't like the taste of meat in my mouth."
"Damn," Tristan muttered under his breath.
"Flight 6558 from Domino City to San Francisco will take off in ten minutes," said a pleasant-sounding female voice over the airport's PA system.
"That's us!" Yugi's grandpa said, standing up. "Let's go!"
Meanwhile, Kaiba and Mokuba were also flying to San Francisco on Kaiba's private Lear jet. Kaiba was sitting by the window, typing on his laptop, while Mokuba was sitting next to him, listening to a portable CD player.
"Little does Yugi know that I have also been invited to this tournament,"Kaiba thought to himself. "I'm going to beat little Yugi and become King of Games!"
Kaiba glared over at Mokuba, who was wearing large headphones.
"What kind of music are you listening to?" Kaiba asked.
Mokuba, whose ears were completely covered by the headphones, didn't answer.
"I said, what kind of music is that?" Kaiba yelled. Mokuba still didn't hear him. Kaiba angrily ripped the headphones from Mokuba's ears.
"Hey, Seto!" Mokuba shouted indignantly. "I was listening to that!"
"What is it?" Kaiba asked.
"It's Eminem!" Mokuba said. "He's cool! Not as cool as you though, big brother! Although if you did the stuff Eminem did, you'd be cooler..."
Kaiba put on the headphones. A frown crossed his face. He took off the headphones and held them in his hand.
"I really don't think I'd be cooler if I went out to the club and... f'ed some b's," Kaiba said. "Mokuba, you really don't need to be listening to this kind of music. Never before have I heard such gratuitous use of the F-bomb."
"You used it a whole lot when you lost to Yugi," Mokuba stated. "As soon as you walked through the door, you yelled 'FU-'"
Kaiba put his hand over Mokuba's mouth.
"That's different," Kaiba said. "When Eminem loses to Yugi, he can use that word. Until then, he can't, and I don't want you hearing it."
Kaiba picked up Mokuba's CD player and put it in the overhead luggage compartment, where Mokuba couldn't reach it.
"Where's your Kidz Bop CD?" Kaiba asked. "You love that."
"Yeah, but did you hear what they did to Eminem's song?" Mokuba asked. "It's only twenty seconds of the kids saying 'Slim Shady' over and over!"
"Slim Shady, Slim Shady, Slim Shady, Slim Shady, Slim Shady," Kaiba sang, closing his eyes and rocking his head back and forth. "I love that song."
Kaiba took the CD out of the overhead compartment and took out the Eminem CD, snapping it in half. He reached into Mokuba's CD case and took out the Kidz Bop CD, putting it into the CD player and pressing 'Play'. Mokuba leaned back into his seat and sighed in defeat.
A few hours later, the plane that Yugi and his friends were in made a safe landing at San Francisco's airport. Yugi and the others stepped out into the lobby.
"We're here!" Tea said gleefully. "America!"
"This is going to be really cool!" Yugi said. "Just think! A new Duel Monsters tournament!"
"And American babes!" Yugi's grandpa said. "Uh... yeah."
"Yoo-hoo!" yelled a female voice from across the room. "Over here! Joey, I know that's you!"
Joey turned around to see Mai running toward him. He smiled and held out his arms.
"Mai!" Joey said happily. Mai ran into Joey's arms and gave him a big hug.
"Guess who got invited to the tournament?" Mai asked. "Guess! Guess!"
"Uh... I did!" Joey said, pointing at himself. Mai growled and slapped Joey across the face.
"No, Wheeler, I did!" Mai shouted. "I just might be facing you."
"Oh, hello Mai!" Yugi said, smiling at her. "Are you excited about this tournament?"
"Of course! But I don't know what Battlebots are," Mai said. "Why would the Battlebots people hold a Duel Monsters tournament?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out," Joey said. "It's got me stumped!"
"Well, we're just here to watch," Tristan said, indicating Tea, Serenity, and himself. "I'd enter, but I didn't get invited. Apparently, I'm not good enough."
"Of course you're good," Serenity said, smiling. "But the tournament people just thought that Yugi and my big brother were better. But maybe you'll get into the next tournament!"
"I wanted to get into this one," Tristan said. "I like Battlebots. Oh well, at least you're here! You can keep me company, right?"
"You'd better protect my sister," Joey said. "If anything happens to her..."
"Look, guys, I think that guy is trying to signal us!" Tea shouted, pointing to a neatly dressed man who was holding up a sign. On the sign were the names of Yugi Moto, Joey Wheeler, and Mai Valentine.
"We'd better see what he wants," Mai said. Yugi, Joey, Mai, and the others walked up to the man.
"You three must be here for the Battlebots Expansion Promotional Invitational Dueling Competition," the man said.
"Uh yeah," Joey said, scratching his head. "We're here for that."
"Good!" the man said, smiling. "I'm here to take you and your friends to Treasure Island."
"We can't see the city first?" Yugi asked in a disappointed tone.
"No, and you really don't want to," the man said. "San Francisco is an expensive city. It costs five dollars a second just to look at it."
The man held up seven blindfolds in all different colors of the rainbow.
"I'll take you to the city. Put these on so you don't have to pay the toll," the man said. "Unless you guys have as much money as Seto Kaiba."
"Aw man, that sucks," Joey said, putting on a red blindfold.
"Wait a second..." Yugi said. "Kaiba's here?"
"That's right, Mr. Moto," the man said. "He's rich! He gave me a thousand dollar tip!"
"I see," Yugi said, putting on his blindfold. "I bet Kaiba wants to duel me... wait, I know he wants to duel me!"
Yugi smiled. The man helped the blindfolded duelists and their friends into a waiting taxi. The man closed the doors, and the taxi sped off toward Treasure Island.
Yugi and the others took off their blindfolds and looked up at the huge building in front of them. The building appeared to be a large warehouse that had been painted with all kinds of monsters from the Duel Monsters game, including a beautiful mural that featured the Dark Magician, the Dark Magician Girl, and the Blue Eyes White Dragon.
"Wow, this place is huge!" Joey said. "I wonder if the rest of the city is like this!"
"Joey, don't look at the city!" Mai shouted. But it was too late. Joey looked across the bay at the city of San Francisco.
"Oh no!" Joey yelled, turning his head back to face the warehouse. "Now I'm gonna turn into a pillar of salt!"
"That's from the Bible, Joey," Tea grumbled. A police officer walked up to Joey and handed him a ticket.
"You saw the city for four seconds," the cop said. "That'll be twenty bucks."
"That's no fair..." Joey muttered. "I haven't even gotten my currency changed yet!"
"Oh," the cop said. "Then that'll be 50,000 yen."
"That's all I have!" Joey said sadly. "Oh no..."
Joey handed the officer 50,000 yen. The officer smiled and walked away.
"Joey, twenty dollars is only about 3,000 yen," Yugi said. "You got conned..."
"Oh crap!" Joey shouted angrily. The huge doors to the warehouse opened, and another nicely dressed man greeted the duelists and their friends as they stepped inside.
"Should we keep facing forward?" Joey whispered to Mai.
"No, Wheeler, we're inside now," Mai whispered back. "You can look around now."
Yugi, Joey, Mai, Yugi's grandpa, Tea, Tristan, and Serenity continued to walk inside the warehouse. The warehouse was completely empty, consisting of white, metallic walls and a cold cement floor. Banners with the names and pictures of past Battlebots champions were hanging from the ceiling.
"Wow, it's Son of Whyachi!" Tristan shouted, pointing to one of the banners. "That's a cool Battlebot. It can beat anyone!"
"Actually, it's lost two matches," Serenity said.
"You watch Battlebots?" Tristan asked.
"Well, I've only seen two matches," Serenity said. "The one where Son of Whyachi fought some weird gray circle with a blade in the middle, and another one where Son of Whyachi fought this bot that kept trying to hit it with a spike."
"Swirlee and No Apologies," Yugi's grandpa said. "I remember those episodes. Hey Tristan, do you think Carmen Electra is hot?"
"No," Tristan said. "I like Serenity!"
Serenity blushed. The duelists and their friends continued to follow the man until they saw a large crowd of people, gathered over by the far wall, on which there was a large, black door. The man that had been accompanying Yugi and the others pushed through the crowd, standing in front of them and facing them all. He took out a microphone and held it to his mouth.
"I wonder what he's gonna say?" Mai said, watching the man.
"Wow, there's so many people here..." Yugi said, looking around. "I don't see Kaiba anywhere..."
"Attention, duelists!" the man shouted, trying to get the crowd's attention. "Over here!"
The crowd quieted down. The man began to speak again.
"My name is Bill Dwyer!" the man shouted. "I'm one of the Battlebots announcers, and I am also the master of ceremonies for this tournament!"
"Oooh, I know him!" Yugi's grandpa said. "I wish Carmen Electra was the master of ceremonies... she can master my ceremonies ANY day!"
"Grandpa?" Yugi said, turning to face his grandpa. "What did you say?"
"Nothing, Yugi!" Yugi's grandpa said. "Now listen to the nice man!"
"Welcome to the Duel Monsters Battlebots Expansion Promotional Invitational Dueling Competition!" Bill Dwyer said. "This tournament will not only crown a new King of Games, it will be used to promote the new Battlebots Expansion of the Duel Monsters Trading Card Game!"
"Battlebots expansion?" Joey said in bewilderment. "Eh?"
"You will not be using your regular cards in this tournament! Instead, you will be using a pre-made deck of 60 cards from the new Battlebots Expansion!" Bill Dwyer said. The crowd gasped in disbelief.
"I can't use my grandpa's deck?" Yugi asked. "Oh no!"
"That's terrible, Yugi!" Yugi's grandpa said. "But, uh... if you give me any cards with Carmen Electra's picture on them, I'll forgive you."
"The rules of this tournament are simple! Well, kind of, anyway. Each duelist, along with his deck, will receive two Nuts!"
Bill Dwyer held up two small metal nuts (the hardware kind) in his hand.
"You wager these Nuts in your matches," Dwyer said. "Once you accumulate twelve of these, go to the large Battle Tower in the middle of the Battle Zone. The first eight duelists that reach the tower with twelve of these Nuts will be qualified for the final rounds."
"This sounds a lot like Duelist Kingdom," Yugi said.
"Hey Yug, you won that one, didn't ya?" Joey said. "Maybe you'll win this one! Remember how you beat me and won the whole thing? That was great!"
A large grin was on Joey's face.
"Uh, Joey, that's a bad thing that Yugi beat you," Mai said.
"Oh yeah!" Joey said. He turned to Yugi. "You're going down, this time!"
"But I thought we were friends..." Yugi said. Tears began to appear in his eyes.
"Oh yeah!" Joey said. "Uh... good luck, Yug!"
Yugi smiled. Attendants wearing Battlebots uniforms went through the crowd and handed a deck to all of the duelists.
"Friends of duelists may either accompany the duelists into the Battle Zone, or stay out here where activities will be provided for you," Dwyer said. "The first activity is an autograph session with Carmen Electra!"
"Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!" Yugi's grandpa said eagerly. "I wanna do that!"
"Well, I'm going in with Yugi and Joey," Tristan said. "Serenity, are you coming?"
"Of course I am!" Serenity said. "I have to cheer on my big brother!"
"And I'm going with Yugi too!" Tea said. "Friends have to stick together! Because that's what friends do! They stick together through thick and thin, no matter what. Friendship is the most powerful force in the universe!"
The large door behind Bill Dwyer opened.
"Let's go!" Yugi shouted. The huge crowd of people ran through the door, into the Battle Zone, leaving the people that wanted to stay behind inside the warehouse.
The Battle Zone was a large, futuristic-looking city with many tall buildings. Large glass boxes were scattered throughout the city, towering above most of the small houses.
"Those must be the Battleboxes!" Tristan said. "I bet we'll be dueling inside of those!"
"Well, guys, I'm going to go off on my own," Mai said, winking at Yugi, Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Serenity.
"But why, Mai?" Joey asked. "Stay with us! I mean, you might get into trouble! Remember, you've been attacked by Panik, Jean Claude Magnum, Malik...."
"So?" Mai said. "I like danger. It excites me!"
Mai ran off.
"Can I go with you?" Joey yelled to her.
"No!" Mai yelled back as she ran. "I'll be fine!"
Mai ran off down the street and turned the corner.
"She's gone," Joey sighed, looking down at the ground. "Aw man..."
"I think that maybe Tea and I should go off by ourselves too," Yugi said. "Joey, you stay with Tristan and Serenity, okay?"
"But why, Yugi?" Tristan yelled. "Don't you want to stay with us?"
"I'm going off to look for Kaiba!" Yugi shouted. "I'd just slow you guys down!"
Yugi and Tea ran off and turned another corner, going out of Joey's sight.
"Well, this just sucks," Joey said.
"Can Serenity and I leave too?" Tristan asked.
"No," Joey said.
Yugi sat down against a large, tall building and began thumbing through his new deck.
"What'cha doin', Yugi?" Tea asked, sitting down next to Yugi.
"I'm just seeing what cards I got," Yugi said. "Hmmm... these are all really weird cards... it'll take me some time to get used to this new deck..."
"It'll take everyone else time too, don't worry!" Tea said reassuringly. "Don't worry, Yugi!"
"Well, okay, Tea," Yugi said. He stood up. "Look at this card..."
Yugi held it up in front of Tea so that she could see it.
"Son of Whyachi," Tea said softly, reading the card. "Attack Power: 3600. Defense Power: 1800."
"It's attack is very high, but its defense is mediocre," Yugi said. "I'll have to be careful when I use it."
"You only have to sacrifice two monsters to use it, though! That's really good!" Tea said.
"I know," Yugi replied. "Maybe I should get into a duel to see how good these new cards are..."
"That's just what I was thinking!"
Yugi and Tea stood up to see who had yelled at them. Just then, a teenaged boy walked around from behind the building and sauntered up to Yugi and Tea. The boy was slightly fat, and he wore an extra-large light green t-shirt with blue jeans. He had curly black hair and a large pair of glasses.
"And who might you be?" Yugi asked.
"My name is Barnaby, and I'm a huge Battlebots fan!" the boy shouted. "I've always wanted to drive a Battlebot, but I'm too lazy to build one! So this new Battlebots expansion gives me the chance to test my skills in the Battlebox!"
"Not really," Tea said. "Building a Battlebot is a lot different than playing with cards!"
"Shut up!" Barnaby yelled. Yugi gasped.
"You told Tea to shut up!" Yugi yelled angrily. "I won't allow that! YU-GI-OH!"
Yugi's Millenium Puzzle began to glow. In a flash, Yugi had transformed into the King of Games himself, Yami Yugi.
"I'm going to beat you, because I AM THE GAME-AH, AND I AM THAT DAMN GOOD!" Yami Yugi shouted. "It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...."
"Yugi, are you okay?" Tea asked.
"D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" Yami Yugi shouted. "Oh, I just love saying that. I think I'll say it again! It's time to-"
"Can we hurry this up already?" Barnaby asked. "I don't have all day, you know."
"Fine," Yami Yugi said. He pointed at a large Battlebox that was set up nearby. "Let's duel!"
Yami Yugi, Tea, and Barnaby walked over to the Battlebox. Two battle platforms had been set up on either side of it. Yami Yugi climbed up into one, while Barnaby climbed into the other.
"Alright!" Barnaby shouted. "I'm going to bid one of my Nuts on this match!"
"It only takes one nut to bid one Nut," Yami Yugi said. "A real man who has two nuts would BID two Nuts! Unless you have NO nuts, that is."
"Okay, fine!" Barnaby said, clearly intimidated by Yami Yugi's coolness. "I'll bid two nuts."
Barnaby and Yami Yugi both put their two nuts into the small slots on their battle platforms. They set their decks down in front of them and began to draw.
"The box is locked, the lights are on, it's time to duel!" Tea shouted. "Wow, that sounded really neat! I think I'll say that before all of Yugi's matches! Yay!"
Well, that's the end of chapter one! Next time on Bot-Gi-Oh, it's Yugi vs. Barnaby! Also, a BUNCH of people meet old nemesises! Or is that nemisii? Either way, it'll be a truly exciting episode! Please read and review!