AN: a short (and low effort, so the quality is lower here, it's the literary equivalent of a s**tpost), dumb, halloween thing I thought I'd plop out in a couple of hours or so. Enjoy.
"Oooh oooh oooooohhhh, try everything…"
ZPD officer and chief dispatcher Benjamin Clawhauser sung to himself as he grooved down the corridors in the records area. Though not the best record keeper, and a hater of the role, he had a decent proficiency at it. Thus, when the main bookkeeper was gone, it fell to him to track things down.
Just slip a few books over here, jiggle past that storage cupboard there, and carry on down.
Not noticing the odd book float from one shelf to the other behind him.
One of the books must have heard him, doing a flip behind him as it flew. Still, it slid right back into its place, only just caught out of the corner of the cheetah's eye.
"Hmmm," he hummed, shaking his head and moving on. "Ooooh oooh oooooooo….?"
His fur slowly rose up in fear and, taking his headphones out, he listened, gulping as he heard the fluttering of paper behind him. Channeling his inner speed demon, he turned his head, catching multiple books in the gravity defying act.
They all turned to face him, before floating into a circle. Different ones began nodding at different times to each other.
"Uhhh… Hey, books?"
They all turned to face him, before turning back to each other, nodding and convening. Then, with one unified nod, they slowly turned to face the cheetah and began advancing.
"Oh… Oh, I see where this is going," he said, shivering as he began retreating from them. The books increased their speed, Clawhauser's ears folding down. "Not again!"
He zipped off, panting as he ran and cutting left and right as his literary pursuers took after him.
He shot towards the lift, only to be cut off by a blast of water from the sprinklers. "Naawwww! Not the spray!" He shook it off and pushed fowards to the lift, only for his dousing to get worse. "Okay, got it, stairs it is!"
Up he went, the books chasing him. Up and around, he turned a corner, only to shriek in horror as he was hit by a flash of blue light. "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!"
NAHHHH NAAAAAHHHHH NAHHHH NAHHHH NAAAAHHHHHH NAAAAAAAHHHH NAAAAAAAA…..
-DU DU DUDDA DU DUUHHH DU, -DU DU DUDDA DU DUUHHH DU, -DU DU DUDDA DU DUUHHH DU...
DUDDA DUDDA DUH DUH DU!
Lights and sirens ablazing, a decked out old ambulance, its sides covered by ghostly artwork, pulled up next to Precinct One. Doors slamming open, four mammals stepped out, marching together up the steps. Proton packs on, weapons out and armed, they entered the main lobby, their leader stepping forwards.
"We're here to bust ghost, feel good, and make the world a better place," Judy Hopps announced.
All eyes turned on her, including those of the Chief. "Don't care."
Her eyes went wide. "Bu… but?"
"Hey, don't knock him," her long time assistant, Jack Savage, pointed out. "He lets us go, we go home early. Win-win…"
"But then we don't get to make the world a better place."
"Also, we don't get paid," the 'you pay me and I'll believe it' cynic of the group, Nick Wilde, pointed out.
"Which wouldn't be an issue, if you'd let me test my ghost power theory," her scientist and engineer, Skye, grumbled.
"Skye, for the last time, we are not turning the dead into electricity!"
"In any case," Bogo boomed, "you'd have to have a dead mammal for that to work, which we don't have here."
Judy blinked, looking at him. "Then what do we have?"
The Chief huffed. "My last ditch tactic to get Clawhauser to lose weight. Scare-fitness using the powers of a noted psychic and his astral projection."
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Clawhauser screamed, as he flinched back, cowerering as the ghostly kangaroo floated towards him.
"Bwwwaaaaa…." he screamed, his legs a spinning frenzy beneath them as they tried to get a grip, finally propelling him far away from the terrifying fitness spirit.
"Well, that was a bust" Judy grumbled as they pulled back up at their base of operations, the semi-converted Wild Times theme park.
"No," Nick snarked, "that'll come at the end of the month unless we get another job."
Judy nodded sullenly, looking over to her receptionist. "Any news?"
There was a ruffle of papers before Finnick looked back at her. "We ain't got Scat!"
"Tea, tea, tea," Retsuko mumbled as she walked towards the office break room.
"Oh, hey Retsy," came a call from her side, and she turned to see her colleague Haida waving at her. "You know, we're organising a charity bake sale next week. Feel like coming?"
"Sure," she chirped.
"-Oh great, it's actually a very nice charity. I looked up the history of it, and you're walking away right now so I guess you're busy so see you then…"
She smiled as she carried on walking into the breakroom, only for a frown to grow as she saw the mess that had been left out. "Better tidy this away," she said, as she began picking things up. As she dropped them in the bin though, she froze, an odd popping and fizzing coming out from behind her. Slowly turning, she felt herself shiver as she saw some eggs frying on the table. "W-w-where did those come from," she cowered, before a deep rumbling took her attention. Whimpering, her legs trembling, she walked towards the smoking and steaming fridge, placing her paw on the door and opening it.
She was speechless with terror as she saw the burning void within, before screaming as a voice rang out. "SENPAI!"
She turned and ran, never looking back. When she calmed down though, she knew exactly who to call.
"So, miss," Judy began, as she looked over the place.
"-Just call me Retsuko," she mumbled, leaning out from behind of her. Her gear out, the bunny scanned and monitored everything, paying close attention to the eggs in particular.
"Hmmm, nothing seems out of the ordinary. However sometimes paranormal energy can randomly spike in certain areas, similar to a tornado dropping down. You may have just got unlucky."
"Oh, thanks," the red panda sighed with relief. "You know, this was all very simple and without any drama or creepy sexual tension. I like this service!"
"You're welcome," Judy replied, smiling. It was broken off though as a hulking pig marched into the room.
"What are you here for? -No, let me guess, feeding part-timers crazy delusions. Tchhh, women."
Judy glowered at him and opened her mouth, Retsuko covering her eyes as she realised she'd spoken far too soon.
"So," Nick muttered, "how much longer can we operate for with this petty cash?"
"Nick, don't be so cynical. Skye, put that calculator away."
She did so, before picking up her takeaways fortune cookie. "Did we tip the delivery boy?"
"Of course we did."
Skye turned to Nick. "Now that I have all the information I need, I can answer your question to the nearest microsecond. Zero."
Judy glowered at them, but whatever she was about to say was cut off as the bell above them rung. All turned to face Finnick, who'd darted around a corner. "HEY! WE GOT ONE BOYO'S!"
"I do not remember when we didn't have a problem," the elephant said.
"Right…" Judy groaned, shielding her eyes. "What do you know about this ghost."
"I do not recall a ghost," the nude yoga instructor stated, before going back to her exercises. The ghostbusters looked at each other and shrugged, before splitting up to search the haunted Mystic Springs Oasis.
Judy and Skye crept around the changing rooms, the bunny pondering as she went. "Could this be the same one we almost got at Banyan street station?"
"Potentially," Skye noted, as they crept along.
"Urghhh. If it is, it's your fault for not letting me take that old train and chase him down."
"I hypothesised that might result in fiery vehicular destruction," her foxy companion noted.
"Or maybe it wouldn't have."
"On the other paw it might have, and the intense heat would cause the pack core to implode with a force equivalent to a few gigatonnes of TNT."
"You're telling me that they can do that now!?"
"What? You never asked before."
Judy grumbled. "Skye, when we make it big I'll be enrolling you in socialization classes."
A look of pure terror grew on her face but, before any comment could be made, their radios chirped. Judy pulled hers up, and listened in to Jack and Nick on the other end.
"We've spotted him," the hare said.
"He's a hairy one for sure," Nick added. "Pew, I can smell him from here too, and he's got a crowd of flies arou… Oh. Oh nononono….."
The girls put down their radios and raced off, finally finding their two fellow busters on the floor. Nick was scratching himself furiously. "I can feel the wiggling!" He moaned. "Furs overrated, it's stupid, can I jump into a vat of hair remover when we get home?"
Jack shrugged. "This is fine."
A little while later, they successfully cornered the floating yak-fly ghost in the meditation room.
"Okay, Mr Ghost," Judy said, stepping forwards. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
It paused, turning to face them. "Oh I know you, you're the ghostbusters. I think I'll go for the easy way, thanks."
All busters turned to each other, Judy smiling first and foremost. "One of them actually chose the rehabilitation program!"
She jiggled up and down, before all four led the Yax ghost out, past their customer. "Here's your ghost."
"I did not recall having a ghost," she replied, not paying them any attention.
She did pay them though and, one action packed montage and introduction of Bellwether as a power seeking local government official later, Retsuko was back in the office break room during a thunderstorm.
Setting her stuff down, she relaxed into a chair, only for her eyes to open. She turned to face the fridge, an evil glow escaping from it before the door burst open, sucking her in. "SENPAI!"
Meanwhile, in the lunchroom, mammals were mingling about, selling baked goods. Haida smiled as he passed them, before slipping into the toilets.
"AHHH! WHAT THE HELL!"
Everyone turned and watched him flee, a thing racing after him. They then walked over to the windows, watching him race off into the park, the thing in hot pursuit.
"Yo, Boyo's, the cops dropped off a wacked out Yeena earlier."
All eyes turned to Finnick, before looking up to the spaced out hyena next to him. "Are you Senpai?" He mumbled. "I'm 'commitment to respectable communication requests.' Where is Senpai?"
Everyone turned to each other and nodded. It was going to be one of those days.
"THERE IS NO RETSUKO, ONLY SENPAI!"
"Anything else?" Judy asked.
The red panda simmered, floating off the ground as flames began flickering off her. Summoning a microphone, she bent in and feath metal screamed out. "THERE IS NO RETSUKO, ONLY SENPAAAIIII… ONLY SENPAAAIII…."
"Right," Judy noted, returning to Wild Times. "As long as there's no further interruptions, all should be good…"
She trailed off as a bunch of cop cars turned up, an angry Dawn Bellwether jumping out. "By the authority invested in me as chief jerkass by the city council, I am ignoring all advice and shutting you down."
An angry Skye marched out to meet her. "Shut down equals boom."
"I don't care. Shut her down!"
A short time later, in which Dawn had managed to arrest all the ghostbusters, Haida stumbled out and into the breakroom.
Which then exploded.
Regardless, he took Retsuko's paw. "Are you Senpai? I'm commitment to respectable communication requests."
She walked up to him and nuzzled him in a very spicy fashion. "I am Senpai. And you are commitment to respectable communication requests."
They held each other tight, before turning to the newly appeared steps of convenience.
Meanwhile at city hall, the ghostbusters plead their case, realising that Retsuko's workplace was haunted by a restless spirit without closure. After the mayor overruled Bellwether, realising that she was a total jerkass, the four mammals raced off to the tower, arriving just as the ground in front of it cracked and buckled.
Nick smirked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down at the innuendo, Judy then punching him in response.
One long climb later, and they peered out onto the roof, gasping as they saw Haida and Retsuko writing out their written responses. In front of them, hovering in a ghostly aura, stood the recently deceased japanese badger Anai.
"See! All you had to do was write the responses, it's not that hard!"
They both nodded, handing over their papers, before Anai clapped his paws and released them from their spell.
They looked around confused, before the ghostbusters came to pull them back. Nick turned to look at the badger ghost, a stern look on his muzzle. "Okay Mr Overkill, if you accept your closure now and tidy everything up, we can draw a nice line beneath this? That sound good?"
"What if I refuse?"
"Well, it means you're a very well adjusted mammal for a start."
The other busters nodded in unison.
"Also, we stick you in our ghost trap."
"I'll go away if I get a written apology for your distressing criticism of my adjustment level."
Judy and Skye's jaws hit the floor, but Nick sidestepped in front of them. "We have a deal!"
One day later, all were relaxing when the ground began shaking. "Okay," Judy grumbled, sitting up. "Who didn't write their apology!"
All eyes turned to Jack. "Oh. I forgot. Sorry."
"Which is why I did his for him," Skye said.
There was a pause as they all turned to each other. "You know," Nick said, "I thought I saw Smellwether slip up the tower after we left…"
A collection of paws connected with faces as Judy opened up her phone. "The news is reporting that a 100-foot Haida plush has currently abducted Dawn Bellwether and climbed to the top of the Zootopia State Building. Biplanes are on cliche enforcement duty."
Skye looked over and nodded. "I can think of two courses of action. One, we go in full lasers blazing and try and defeat it."
"And two?" Judy asked.
"As this is Bellwether we're talking about, we invite Haida and Retsuko over and get takeout."
"The second one."
"What she said."