Hey, well. Ehrm. Hi! My name is Linnéa and I've never written for "Jessie" before. But when Cory Monteith died I wrote a oneshot in his memory, and the same when Luke Perry died… So I thought I'd write something now and ehrm… Well. I would say I hope you like it as I usually do but… that doesn't seem like the right thing to say so I'll just get on with the story.
I know there's the spin- off series called bunk'd. But when I remembered it I'd already written most of this and I've done it like this before so… let's just pretend that that spin- off series never happened. Can people live with that? "Thumbs up" thank you.
"Luke please. Let's just go home."
I jumped where I stood and shoved my hands as deeply as possible in my coat pockets. The January air of New York was absolutely freezing and I couldn't believe I'd let my older brother pull me with him down to the playground where he was climbing up and down and around among the roofs and slide and walls of the climbing frame while I stood waiting for him to finish, and while he had gotten warm from all the moving gotten his coat off and lying on the ground I was freezing.
"Not yet." Luke moaned. "This is the only time of day there aren't kids and parents running around. I get out here every now and then, and still it's even more fun with the snow. Here! Look what I can do." He climbed up to one of the small roofs of the frame and danced.
"Okay." Luke sighed. "Just let me see if I can jump from this roof, to that one, down to the slide and then skid down to the ground. That would be cool, wouldn't it Zuri?"
"As long as we can go home afterwards!"
"You do believe I can do it do you? Now… Three, two, one, go!"
I had to admit it would be quite cool if he could do it.
But Luke couldn't do it.
His sneakers slipped towards the icy roof, and everything seemed to go in slow motion as I watched Luke falling, his head hitting the cold wood with a bang. Then fall onto the frame with another bang, and then fall down to the ground where he laid flat on his abdomen and his face.
I barely even knew what I was doing when I ran across the playground and thew myself on my knees by my brother, shaking his shoulder.
"Luke? Luke, please?"
"Mrhm…" He moaned half consciously. "Whass happen?"
"You fell. Luke please. Can you open your eyes?"
While Luke didn't stir and see as unconscious as ever I felt my heart beating harder than it ever had before. And looking down on his freckly cheeks I pulled up my phone from my pocket but dropped it from shaking right on Luke's chest.
"Mhm." Luke's eyes fluttered open and he started moving. "I'm fine. Just give me a minute."
"You're hurt! We need help."
"I'll be okay." Luke forced his eyes open and took a deep breath. "Here we go…" He moaned in pain but he did force himself up into sitting position. But with a moan and panting he fell back towards his elbows. "Don't worry… Ah."
Tears had sprung in Luke's eyes. But annoyed he lifted one hand and wiped them away. I looked up towards our house and our floor, then down and to the playground and where Luke had fallen from, and at last down to my brother who was forcing away the tears and struggled to breathe…
"You need an ambulance. You need a doctor."
I should have known that under the mention of a doctor Luke would under no circumstances let me go on. He forced himself to sit up and wiped the blood of his nose, then over the scrapes on his face.
"You're not fine. We need help!"
Luke almost fainted at the sight of blood only.
And that was before he pulled a hand through his already blood- soaked hair.
"Oh damn. Can you help me up?"
I didn't want to help him up. I wanted to call for an ambulance.
Oh, why had I agreed to come with Luke down here when actually I just wanted to stay in the flat with Emma and Bertram.
Why hadn't I made Luke climb down onto safe ground the normal way? Why hadn't I seen what would happen beforehand?
"Can you help me up?"
Luke was already trying, moaning and seemed close to tears still. But it was clear he was getting up and nothing could stop him…
"Come here…" I laid my arm under his shoulder and his back and he leaned heavily against me, I took his jacket from the ground, rolled it and he held it pressed towards the back of his head. "Why is this place so empty?"
"Because it's nine p. m."
Luke leaned more and more heavily against me with every step. I would have done anything to just make him sit and call for help but as soon as I thought of it Luke seemed to hear it and moaned something about that he was fine.
I had never been so happy Bertram had stayed while mum was here and even though he might… even though he was too lazy to work. It seemed good at least that there would be one adult to take care of Luke and one to take care of me.
The receptionists looked worriedly at us but Like, once again said something about being fine and they looked to their customers. I and Luke finally made it into the elevator and I pushed the right button.
Thank God we didn't have to take the stairs!
"MUM." Coming into the flat the living room was empty. "BERTRAM. HELP ME. HELP…"
"Oh my God."
Mum came from the kitchen and ran over to us. I could no longer hold on and Luke fell into her arms while Bertram came after her, and Ravi and Emma came from their rooms and gasped, looking as if they knew as little as I did what to do. More so when mum took Luke's jacket, and removing it from Luke's head it looked as bloody as ever. Dark red blood streaming into his dark hair and down on his neck.
"Baby… Come on. You need a doctor."
"No. No…" This time I saw the look on Luke's face- he really did hate doctors! "I need slee… I need…"
Luke stopped in the middle of a sentence. Then suddenly heaved and threw up. I jumped back not to be thrown up on and mum, with a worried look on her face helped Luke over to the couch where he slumped down and leaned his head back.
"I think… I might have… a confe… cunfu… concus…sion."
Something in this whole was making me so angry- mostly with myself for letting this happen. But also with Luke…
"Zuri!" Mum looked back, her hand still on Luke's head. "Don't be like that. He's in pain. Go get cleaned up. Bertram, can you clean up the floor, Emma go with Zuri and Ravi. Can you get the first aid kit?"
"No…" Emma tried to grab my shoulder and gently pull me back but I shook her hand off. "No. I want to stay here. This isn't so simple mum. He fell down from the top of the climbing frame- he hit his head twice on the way down and then knocked the breath out of him. He doesn't need first aid, he needs a doctor. Now!"
"I said go Zuri… GO!"
Emma gently pulled me with her and I felt a lump and sobbed slightly on the way to my room.
"It's okay Zuri." Emma rubbed my back. "I'm sure he'll be fine."
"No!" I almost shouted. "You weren't there and saw it…" I sobbed again and sat down on my bed. Too chocked and with my head full of random thoughts about how this would go all the colors in my room hurt my eyes. "I don't think it's so easy."
"Don't be such a worrier Zu." Emma pulled my coat off, stained with blood and dirt. "He's Luke! Luke wouldn't let himself be down over a fall and a concussion and you know that just as well as I do. Arms up!" My shirt was wet off sweat and cold by the air and it felt nice when Emma pulled it off me and then pulled on my thickest, warmest hoodie. "I'm sure he'll be just fine."
Emma said something, but the look on her face said something different, and I could see it even though she looked in the other direction kneeling to help me get my shoes and socks off just as if I was a toddler who couldn't undress and dress myself.
She found a pair of soft fleece, pyjamas- pants in my wardrobe. But still, while getting them on with slow moves I kept listening and really thought that mum could call for me at any point.
I flew up when she did and ran back into the living room. Luke hadn't gotten changed obviously, but the scrapes on his face had been cleaned and he laid on his stomach while Ravi had put plasters on the wound on his head.
"We've come to a decision." Mum said stroking his fringe. "And we'll stay home, as of now. But then, if something happens tonight. Or if he wakes tomorrow feeling terrible, or this doesn't stop bleeding within an hour or so- we'll take him to the hospital. Does that sound okay Lu?"
Luke nodded slightly, at least conscious enough to nod and smile at me.
"Does that sound good Zu?"
I had to nod.
I probably wouldn't ever forgive myself for that. I should have made mum take Luke to the hospital. I should have known how this would end up.
Mum sent me a meaning look. And I forced my head into bobbing up and down in a nod.
Ravi was fixing with plasters and bandages towards the back of Luke's head. He had shaved the hair around the wound and it made the wound bigger than ever.
"I'm going to look so hot with this scar…"
I shook my head- always my brother!
"There." At last. When Ravi had gotten the wound to stop bleeding the night was late and on the other side from mum we supported Luke to get up and to get into his pyjamas and lay down, rolling onto his stomach. "No lying on your back tonight Luke?"
"And you come if you need anything."
"I love you."
"Love you mum." Luke rolled his head and looked up at me when I was the only one left in the room. "I'll see you tomorrow."
My voice was shaky and my heart beating- tomorrow seemed so far away. And I would forever wish I'd have stayed to talk, to keep him awake all night if that's what it would take.
"Yes?" I span around almost in the doorway. "What?"
"You're really cool. I'm happy you're my sister."
I couldn't help but smile. I could tell the difference when Luke was saying something he really meant or when he was just playing around. Usually the latter but sometimes- like now the first and it warmed.
"Same." I said in a shaky voice. "I'm happy you're my brother… See you tomorrow."
Little did we know tomorrow would never come…
That whole night time moved in slow motion. I slept for five minutes, threw myself on one side, slept for five minutes more, threw myself on the other side and laid on my stomach and laid awake for three hours.
It felt like an eternity before I heard mum get up, then heard moving in the others' rooms and got up for breakfast. I usually got up and had breakfast later. But I couldn't just stay in bed any longer and pulling the hoodie over my head I walked into the kitchen.
"Is Luke up yet?"
"Good morning to you too." Mum said with half a smile. "You know he's never up until noon. And with a concussion…." She gave me a meaning look and I decided for a second. "But go wake him up. Just to check if we have to take him to the hospital or not." I nodded and hurried down the hallway to Luke's room and opened the door and stepped into Luke's room.
"Luke?" I said, carefully if it would hurt his head. "Luke?" He laid in the middle of his trampoline bed, flat on his back and not sprawled over on his stomach as he would. "Luke… I just needed to check if you're okay after what happened yesterday?"
Luke didn't stir- I couldn't help but knowing he was a heavy sleeper to say the least. But there was something else- a feeling in my stomach that something was wrong.
I tried to go closer to him, I'd guess he hadn't brushed his teeth last night after throwing up because his breath smelt of vomit meters around…
"Luke?" I stepped closer breathing through my mouth. And then suddenly noticed how absolutely still Luke was laying. "Luke?" I leaned over the bed and shook his shoulder. "Come on Luke. This isn't funny."
It wasn't funny… And I was starting to think that it wasn't a joke neither.
"Luke?" I shook his shoulder once again. "Luke? LUKE? MUM? EMMA? RAVI? BERTRAM? HELP. HELP ME. LUKE ISN'T WAKING UP."
While I shouted I expected Luke to open his eyes and laugh at me and my panic, but he didn't- and he stayed as lax when the others came running and I was pushed away towards Emma…
"He'll be okay." Emma said but seemed panicking as much as I did. "He has to be okay. Luke's always okay. He's Luke."
I started to get a picture of what was going on when I saw Ravi lean against the bed frame and lean his other hand out to lie a finger to the side of Luke's neck. Where he'd be able to feel a pulse if… if…
I and Emma didn't know what to say, mum stood on the other side of Luke than Ravi and Bertram we heard the panicking tone of calling for an ambulance.
Ravi didn't have to say anything. Whatever he felt lying two fingers on Luke's neck and moved them around told us everything we had to know. He didn't say a word and we couldn't hear as much as breathing in the room.
I would have wanted to shout, scream, push his chest, rip his ribcage open and press his heart until it was beating again. But I couldn't… I couldn't, I couldn't.
I barely even noticed when I started, but I started screaming- wordlessly but screaming at the top of my lungs. And I kept doing so, Emma took me in her arms while Bertram ran faster than he had ever done in his life and mum stood nearby and stroke Luke's cheek.
I screamed Paramedics came running into the room, when they felt for a pulse, checked his reflexes and opened his mouth to find his tongue chewed on so badly it was almost split in half.
And then I was quiet as if there was still hope.
The two paramedics looked to each other…
"He must have had a seizure." One of the paramedics turned to us children and told us calmly. "They might be able to tell you more at the hospital but… there's nothing we could do. And there's nothing they could do. I'm so sorry."
"You don't die from a seizure." I hadn't noticed it but my cheeks were hot and wet by tears streaming from my eyes. "You can't have a seizure from a concussion. He was dancing… he was jumping and he slipped and he hit his head… he couldn't have died from that… He couldn't… you save him! You have to save him!"
The paramedic looked down, and then up and into my eyes- even if he hadn't said anything the look only would have spoken loud enough. Even louder than my wordless screams that went through the room and through the floor. The whole town of New York must be hearing me.
I screamed while they took Luke on a stretcher and lifted his limb body on it, mumbling about that only a doctor could declare him dead. I screamed while mum came with him and we were left back on the floor with Bertram and each other.
I screamed through the phone call Ravi shakily made to our dad to tell him what was going on, I screamed when Bertram was the only one who knew we still needed to eat and made a whole bouffe of our favorite kinds of sandwiches. I screamed when mum came back in tears and said something about the morgue and something about a funeral. I screamed as Emma took me in her arms and kneeled when my knees buckled under me.
I screamed while she shushed me and rocked me back and forth as if I had been a baby.
I screamed when Mrs. Kippling came through the flat and looking weirdly as if she, somewhere in her lizard's brain knew what was going on.
I screamed when they started thinking that my voice should have given in long ago.
I screamed hoping I would have been able to go back in time and make Luke stay behind. Or if I could just stop him from making that jump. I screamed hoping that there wouldn't have been the saddest news ever to tell when dad came running.
I screamed when they tried to comfort me with all kinds of my favorite things.
I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.
Until I, hours after Luke had gone away laid in my bed, Emma next to me still holding me tight while my screaming had died out and been replaced by silent tears rolling down my cheeks and into my sheets.
Poor Emma- she must be heartbroken too... But still she had held me and rocked me and comforted all day long. During all the hours that had passed by since I found my older brother lying so still on his trampoline bed, the one he'd been so happy to get…
I looked to my clock as it started nearing midnight….
We could impossibly know at exactly what time Luke had passed away…
But soon a whole twenty-four hours would have passed by since I found him. And more than twenty-four hours had passed by since I was at the playground and watched him fall.
"It's my fault…"
The first few words I had spoken since early this morning.
"What? No? No Zuri. How could it be your fault?"
"I could have stopped him from making that jump."
Maybe if I had then this would have been another normal day. I and Luke would play pranks on Ravi, dad would be away working, Bertram could be found in the kitchen not- working, Jessie wouldn't have been on her way back to New York.
And time… time wouldn't go by so slowly as it could only do without Luke…
Maybe it was true what people said that we go to heaven after we die. Maybe it was true we'd meet again.
But I knew for sure that the rest of the time until then would be so filled with sorrow and regret it would pass by in slow motion. Yet it would pass by way too fast…
Somewhere in all of that I decided life would pass by too fast for me to take all the chances, and do all the things that Luke would never get the chance to do.
Random fact (I always leave these at the end of chapters)
So… I was wondering what to put here… and I couldn't think of one that was right. But then I thought of one, as some of you may know I do suffer from Epilepsy myself. And one thing I want to do is to spread awareness and knowledge so… I just wanted to let people know one of the most important parts- what to do if someone's having a seizure.
-Stay with them
-Put something soft (a pillow, a rolled up shirt etc) under their head.
-Put them on their side
-Get off ties, necklaces and glasses.
-Get away people who are only standing around and watching.
-Take the time (if seizure lasts more than five minutes, call for an ambulance)
-Stay with them until they're conscious.
Some people think that's what you should do. But do NOT NOT NOT NOT EVER, put something in their mouth. It might choke them. Also don't try to hold them still.
Rest in peace Cameron Boyce May 28th 1999- July 6th 2019