Happy Little Accident

In this cruel, turbulent world we live in, we would ideally want a partner that's got a lot in common with us. Sure, there are a lot of things and ventures that a normie can perform with their significant other that doesn't require any previous investments of passion and time. A few songs at the mixer here, trips to all the popular landmarks there. Inoffensive, and overall a conventional way to spend time with others. So long as there's even a modicum of enjoyment to be had, we all eventually look back to those times once with some glee, especially in contrast to the dreary routine we eventually place ourselves into.

I apologize, I believe that I've gone off topic there. Regardless, it's for the best for both parties that they share at least some thing to make whatever relationship they've got last. Perhaps they share a hobby, an aforementioned memory. Perhaps even some kind of miserable dilemma, which is how I generally find myself company these days.

Either way, whatever connection there is, it's at the very least a connection. Zaimokuza and I can attest to that. Regardless of how maddening or out there he can be at times, he's not exactly someone I'd abandon if it comes down to it. Komachi puts it best: once you're in proximity with anything or anyone, after a while you're probably going to grow fond of it.

It doesn't really matter to me, though. I've accepted time and time again that dreams of a high school romance tis but a mere, tragic dream had I pursued it after what occurred with Orimoto. I myself, am not really attractive in any sense of the word. I'm not all that tall, and I don't think I need to go into detail regarding my eyes, as I'm sure commentary from many others can attest to its effect on others.

In most cases, such inhibiting qualities can be salvaged by one's personality, but considering how I've acted in the past, that's probably out of the question too. In real life, insufferable cynic's such as myself wouldn't really click with most, if not all personality types, so why bother? This isn't some anime where I could literally do whatever I want and be gifted a bunch of hormonal, indecisive women at my doorstep, is it?

I suppose, coming to terms with that fact is what pushes me to pursue the role of a house husband. So long as I offer the base utility of cooking and taking care of the kids, I'm sure that there's at least one desperate individual that'll accept me for just that. I'll be staying at home all day, so you don't even have to deal with customarily be seen with me outside in public!

At the very least, I am quite blessed by someone, considering that I'm given the opportunity to befriend girls with surprising ease. If one were to look at my contact list, you'd be amazed at some of the prolific names that are listed. Lord knows, I've managed to accrue quite that many female friends throughout my time at Sobu. For one, there's my clubmates, though by god, did it take a lot out of me to resolve the internal conflicts they have had to deal with.

There's Iroha, who I swear, is in a parasitical relationship with me, with how much I've done for her, and the demands just keep on coming. Yes, my dear underclassmen, smiles and a wink might work on other boys, but after a while, it just comes back in diminishing returns. Come to think of it, I wonder if Hayato was ever flustered by her at one point. I'm sure there's had to be at least one time his charming façade dropped due to some kind of flirting. Lord knows, I would have loved to see that perpetual grin of his fall right off his face.

I'm not exactly losing out in regards to classmates as well. After a period of time solving problems with Hayato's group, I eventually ended up making friends with Miura and Ebina as well. As I've said before, internal conflicts and dilemmas are a common means of connecting to others. No matter where you land on the social totem pole, I suppose that's how it went for me and them as well. Ebina was quite easy to start off being friends with, considering her obsessive tendency to imagine myself getting rammed from behind by either Hayato or anyone in his clique. Afterwards, however, it was actually quite nice, being able to talk to someone who's had discomfort with their place in their social circle.

In fact, it was through her that I finally got to know about Miura, as it turns out she's had her fair share of insecurities. Expected, as it would for most teenage girls, but I suppose for someone at such a high standing as the Fire Queen of Sobu herself, there's bound to be a lot of pressure on top of her shoulders. A couple of talks later regarding indecision and the future lying ahead, I'm honestly surprised how willing she was to act all open with her feelings. I suppose, once you see how well the track record of the Service Club has been when it came to these kinds of things, I guess some people are willing to be a lot more open.

It's not like I can really forget some of the first friends I made as well. Saki, she was actually really kind once you got to know her. Yes, I finally managed to remember her name, after all this time. After a while of just being afraid to say the wrong name, turns out all I really had to do was pay attention to the role call in the morning to figure out what her name really was. Simple solution, honestly. Had no idea what took me so long.

And Totsuka, oh dearest Totsuka. Unfortunately, puberty made damn sure that she was no longer able to hide her true identity. By the time the second half of the school year had arrived, it came to a shock to everyone that she was actually a girl this whole time. Almost everyone, at least. I was sincerely flattered at how he decided to confide to me personally about this tidbit. Why he didn't decide to talk to Yui or basically any other girl about it first was beyond me, but if it meant that she and I were connected by a secret bond, then by all means, let it be!

Haruno and Shiomeguri-senpai, ever the enigmatic figures in my life, also somehow ended up in my contacts. In response to the complete shitshow that was the incident with Sagami, the two of them decided to join forces in order to wrest my contact details. In Meguri-senpai's case, it was clear that it was borne out of worry, and with those pouty eyes reminding me of a certain pink-haired classmate of mine, I found it too difficult to refuse. The opposite could be said for Yukinoshita's older sister, however, who to this day, I'm afraid that she'll ask me for a favor that I really don't want to imagine.

And for the record, the incident with Orimoto, surprisingly didn't count. Conveniently, after the period where I truly wished for something genuine, we somehow came into contact with each other, regarding the whole ordeal with the double date and whatever happened between us in the past.

Quite a bitter conversation, I will admit on both ends. She had tears in her eyes, and I had to relive memories of the times I thought way too much of myself in front of the girl where one of my greatest embarrassments in life stemmed from. At the end of the conversation, however, somehow we both ended up in a gentle hug, resolving to restart our friendship fresh. Ultimately, if it wasn't for that incident with Hayato and her friend, perhaps I would have spent the rest of my life regretting such an instance. After all of that, however, my heart somehow felt at ease.

The biggest surprise of them all, however, was Sagami. Yes, the girl who basically a paper tiger throughout the entire of the Culture Festival and needed me to sacrifice myself just to pull her out of the fire. To be perfectly honest, I really didn't expect much from her after that. As far as I was concerned, once the tears fell and the support came, she would just remain the same girl as she always had been, striving to be in the spotlight with nary any means or method which lets her be there deservedly so.

Turns out, such a personality as that was never going to remain stalwart forever, especially amongst the volatility that is the female population of Sobu. A misunderstanding here and there, and a bunch of arguments coming from nothing and resulting in far more than any one could have predicted. Soon, the martyr of the Culture Festival ended up being abandoned by the very friends she abandoned her duties to spend time with. I suppose ultimately, what goes around comes around, as the old saying goes.

She came to the Service Club once her bonds ended up going into the gutter, and was basically begging for some matter of reconciliation with her old friends. Had she come just a little bit earlier, I believed that we would have rebuked her in the worst possible ways. But, as a brave, amazing fellow once declared, everyone wanted something genuine, right? So, we decided to just have Yuigahama spend time with her, as while they weren't close, it was probably the one genuine bond that remained out of her entire social circle. Everything else was eviscerated by gossiping and rumors, but luckily Yuigahama never really cared for that bullshit.

Suddenly, she bonded, then got to know Ebina, and then Miura, and even Hayato, who everyone from a ten-mile radius could tell she crushed on him hard in our first year. Perhaps substituting one clique for another wasn't exactly the most ideal of solutions, but I'd say she's in much better hands with that group compared to her previous companions.

Which is why it was so utterly surprising that she decided she wanted my contact information. You figured after what I did, she'd be so repulsed that she didn't want anything to do with me. If the situations were reversed, I doubt I could do such a thing. Yuigahama and the others must have said something to her in my defense, otherwise I don't know how such an occurrence was possible. It didn't really escalate at all from there, though.

Surprisingly, she was the one trying to initiate small talk via text message. Our conversations were far too brief to even be considered such, but there's a bit of comfort in knowing that even the most antagonistic of storms could calm down in such a way without consequence. Maybe she too, wished for something genuine as well.

Of course, I must reiterate that due to my own personal experiences, I have learnt never to get ahead of myself. Whether it's to pursue a dream, to improve themselves or to escape the shackles of falsehoods, they've all got something to strive for at the end of the day. In my case, however, the road set out for me has been unclear for quite some time now. Sure, now I know that I'm aiming for something genuine, but such a general statement such as that doesn't give me any specific images for my future. Partners are supposed to make each other in some way, and that's someone you just can't do with someone who stagnates through their life. Besides, there's no conceivable way that any one of them could have a crush on me. No one's dense enough to think I even have an iota of a chance with any of these girls.

'Wow, did you see Hikitani's eyes today? Creepy as ever, isn't it?

Well, if you're going to spend time reminiscing in the shower, I supposed one shouldn't be surprised that your thoughts would begin to wander to other things.

'Geez, does he just spend his time overhearing other people's conversations? Should just stick to his own friends, if he had any.'

Ahh, do I not miss the times of childhood and middle school student's and their desire to be judgmental over everything. I was like that once upon a time as well. Thank god I got with the program when I did.

'Geez, can you believe the nerve of that guy? Confessing to Kaori-chan, of all people? There's not enough money in the world to put him in the same league as her.'

Hmm, wasn't that a week or so after that confession went down? Well, knowing shallow girls like her, it probably would have taken much money period for me to appear attractive, in all honesty.

'God, why didn't he just shut his mouth? Does he think that making people work hard makes himself look attractive? God, what a loser!'

As opposed to being lazy, which is totally an attractive quality to have in an individual. Geez, no wonder so many people flocked to Sagami's side when the time came.

'What do those two see in him to even let him be in the same proximity as that guy? God, the service club must be comprised of hidden nymphos if their letting someone like him in.'

Oooh, probably a bad idea to say that in hearing range of Hayato and the others. Give the popular kid a modicum of credit, they definitely know how to exert their influence when it comes to obviously vile shit such as that.

'Jeez, can't believe he's strutting around like that, after everything he's done? Hope he ends up unloved for the rest of his life, maybe he'll feel what Sagami did just for a bit!'

Now, that's a case of disproportionate retribution if I've ever seen one. Give any normal person an excuse, and it's all too easy to justify themselves to act like a monster, I suppose.




Ehh, insults without substance. Honestly, you really got to put some more oomph into these kinds of things, otherwise it's all too easy to ignore.

'God, can you believe the nerve of this guy? Scrawny, ugly, don't think anyone likes him. Geez, thank god Hayato's in our class, right ladies? At least it balances the whole thing out, lol. Maybe take a page out of his book, maybe he'll actually find some success.'

…yup. Just like that. That….definitely irks me quite a bit. Yes, hmmm. I found myself turning off the shower, putting on a towel with some uncomfortable amount of urgency. It's ok to say I'm unattractive, and whatever crap you hear out of Chinese whispers. Comparing me to that guy, though? Someone who's too conformist to get anything done, who could have done something at all to fix his own shit? Piss off, seriously.

…you know what? Fine. You honestly think I'm still scrawny? Looking at myself at the mirror, I found myself smirking at how wrong that statement was. After all the crap I've had to do, carrying stuff for our manipulator of a council president, biking to and fro from school and other redundant errands for the Service Club. Turns out, doing hard labor in your spare time gives you at least some muscle. To some extent, I'm somewhat glad Totsuka decided to drag me along for tennis practice. I suppose in the long run, having some tone to myself is nice.

That being said, nothing too special. I mean, most cases, if you're going to be muscular, surely you're supposed to have as much muscle mass as some of those stars in those western superhero movies. I'm fairly certain that's the average amount of muscle such a man would have, right? I haven't really payed attention to anyone other than myself in the change rooms, so I wouldn't know. Ehh, probably what I'm thinking is correct.

Huh, you know what? This image in front of me, this 'guy' who's supposedly not all that, someone who couldn't possibly compare to their exalted Hayato, surprisingly he's a lot better than you'd expect, isn't he?! Looking at the phone I left next to the sink, an idea popped into my head. You know what, after everything that I've been through, I deserve to know that I've done something worth a damn. This is for me!

Taking the phone from it's place next to the sink, I switched to the camera function and went for a picture of my reflection. The screen's still slightly foggy, but I made damn sure that everything important is well framed. Every bit of my body is right in front of the mirror, with nothing left out. What face should I make to commemorate my achievement in fitness, I wonder? Smirking? No, that would creep even me out. Deadpan? It's a special occasion, no need to make it appear candid.

'Geez, thank god Hayato's in our class, right ladies?'

As the camera snapped, it took me a while to collect myself before realizing that the deed was already carried out. As I looked into my album, what appeared to be a disarming glance ended up being my expression. Almost as if saying, god, you're such a piece of trash. Kinda like it to be honest. Definitely makes me look badass for a change, especially with my hair being down due to the shower. As if to emphasize my rage at the lingering memory, my teeth were gritted, and the remaining arm at my side curled into a fist, almost in uniform position, like I was in the military.

Only I wasn't exactly wearing any uniform or camos.

In fact, I wasn't wearing anything period. Not even a towel.

Huh. It appears that in that momentary instance where I lost my composure, my remaining hand decided to no longer support the towel in order to assume the aforementioned position. And in its place, Hachiman Junior was rearing its head. Well, 'Junior' being quite a loose term, as it appears that somehow, it's deciding to stand at attention. Isn't this what they call a 'hate boner'? I honestly thought that was just a figure of speech. Well, regardless, no big deal, right? It's only for my eyes only, after all. Just a quick caption, and that'll do just nicely.

That being said, now that I've taken a good look at myself, I somewhat finally understand why it's so frustrating just going to the bathroom. Most guys are like me after all, right? Surely, you'd think they'd develop toilet bowls that can accommodate for our sizes. Please Japan, think of all the young boys suffering from this dilemma!

'How do you like me right now?' said the caption, as if to finally get back at enemies who have long stopped caring about my existence and have moved on to the very next thing that's easy to hate on, as teenagers would do. Heh, suddenly all of this comes across as slightly pathetic, considering they're the reason why this picture even exists. Whatever, it's a pretty damn good way to proving to myself how far I've come, so who am I to really complain?

Welp, now that the fun's over, might as well delete this before Komachi accidentally spots this on my phone. Lord knows, she keeps snooping around when it's inconvenient. Yes, Komachi, I know reading smut isn't something you should be doing, but it's a lot better than actually looking at porn! I at least want to enjoy myself with my imagination rather than looking at crap that's edited to exaggerate proportions. Not that I would know anyways, I've never actually taken time to look at any of that stuff. Hmmm, maybe I could take a gander just to confirm how I compare to others. Oh, wait, no, I already answered my own question, it's altered to make things look much different than it's supposed to naturally look. Either way, compared to such actors, it's likely I'm no special specimen, with or without editing involved anyways.

Now, onwards to the delete button. Hmmm, that's strange, I haven't seen this button before. Must have come with the new software update. Wait, what's this? Send to category? I suppose something like that would be useful to group assignments, but one should really take a look at how it's formatted. For one, it doesn't specify a group chat, and could be sent individually to each person in a certain list. For someone as organized as myself, I divide my family, all my female friends, and Zaimokuza in separate listings for clarity's sake, but there shouldn't be that many situations where you would want to send something to everyone in a particular category unless it's specifically a group made for a task. That's just redundant design right there.

Second, why the hell would you put it that close to the delete picture button? Can you imagine the sheer amount of fuckery that could occur if you send something dumb, like a random cat picture or something personal to your beloved? God, that'll be an awkward situation, surely. Seriously, who designed this phone, it's like its main purpose is to specially cause a scenario that could irrevocably fuck someone's life over as they know it. Well, whatever, I'm not going to be that clumsy. After all, it is I, Hikigaya Hachiman. After all the meticulous planning and machinations I have performed over the eighteen month's I've been in senior high, how could I possibly screw up something so mundane?

Eh, hmmm, the screen's awfully foggy. Maybe I should have waited a while after the shower to ensure the room's been vented out. Bit slippery too, due to the humidity. Well, whatever, no big deal. Aaand, done. See? Just the click of a button, easy as pie. Wow, can't believe how easy it was, just pressing a button to perform a mundane task with absolutely no possible repercussions whatsoever. What, you think you could outplay me, touch screen?

Ha, you clearly have no idea what brilliance you happened to face against.

No longer will a phone hold dominance over me.

No longer will I cower in fear of a stray phone call from my parent's, knowing I might have done something wrong.

No more will I submit to the whims of a cute underclassmen who wishes to demand favors from me in an adorable squeaky voice.

No more, will I worry for my safety, at the behest of a teacher who wormed her way into my contacts in order to deck me from time to time (hey, it's not my fault you have such high standards when it comes to written work, give me a break!).

Though, come to think of it, maybe I should separate her from my list of female friends, since Hiratsuka-sensei's my teacher. Ahh, but that would just put her as the only person in a list. No, Zaimokuza doesn't count, he's my brother-in-arms, so he deserves his own category, thank you very much!

Well, whatever, the point is, the past, the present, and least of all, this phone I hold in my hands. None of them have any control over me anymore! Holding it up face to face, as if I were to make another selfie, I made a satisfied, cocky as hell smirk.

'How do you like me now!?'

Somewhere, everywhere, the wails of quite a few girls expanded across the afternoon sky. When it subsided, what remained were either giggles or sounds more perverse. Because, little did our main protagonist know, quite a few girls had their eye out for him. It just took quite the trigger to expedite the process of their social values and evolve, or devolve, into something a lot more...carnal.

Just practicing my grammar skills honestly. Might as well have fun with it. In the future, chapters will center around each girl individually reacting before progressing the story to a second arc the following day. Depending on the situation, I may change the rating, though I'll settle for T right now. This is basically exercise for my writing skills, so I don't really mind the reception. Thanks.

edit: reformatted for the sake of clarity. After looking at other fanfictions, decided to make things clearer