Author's Note – Hey everyone! I was going on a Thumbnail Theater binge and I ended up coming up with this idea. I know that on a normal basis I almost never swear heavily in my fics, but for this one I just let myself go. Well, technically not, as I could've done worse. Anywho, this is supposed to be meant as a commentary, so take it lightly, ok folks? Have fun reading it!
Rated – R for frequent swearing
By - Merc
InuYasha – The Condensed Commentary Version
Kagome – I'm a happy normal 15 year old girl who just so happens to live at a family-owned shrine. Now where's my cat?
*Finds him at the bottom of an old, ancient, foreboding well*
Bouyo – Meow.
Kagome – There you are!
*Monster sucks her into the old, ancient, foreboding well*
*A nifty light-show and a few stunt scenes later*
Kagome – Where am I? And who's that dude stuck to a tree. I'll save you! *Pulls arrow*
InuYasha – Thanks for freeing me. As a sign of my thanks I'll attempt to kill you. Multiple times.
Kagome – Ack, that monster who was dead isn't dead!
InuYasha – Outta the way, I wanna kill her!
*An intense fight scene and a the plot of the story flying around later*
InuYasha – Dude, that's the Shikon no Tama!
Kagome – The Shikon no Whatta?
Kaede – Hello, I'll just pop out of nowhere here and tell you that you're the reincarnation of my dead-as-a-dornail sister.
Kagome – I have got to stop eating grandpa's cooking.
InuYasha – I want it!
Kagome – Hey, it came out of MY body, it's mine. Get your own!
InuYasha – I'll kill you.
Kaede – Play nice you two.
InuYasha – Screw you old bag.
Kagome – What the hell? I really have got to stop eating grandpa's cooking.
Kaede – You're awake?
Kagome – This dream/drug-induced hallucination should be over by now. I wanna go home. *Whimper*
Kaede – No can do.
Kagome – Crap.
InuYasha – Gimme the Shikon no Tama!
Kagome – Bug off. I'm going home. *Walks away unescorted* This time period sucks.
*Kagome is kidnapped, in accordance with The Laws of Anime ™ *
Viewers – *Sarcastically* Wow, didn't see that coming.
Kagome – I hate my life.
Samurai-thugs – Let's play with her skirt, threaten rape, and comment on how funny she looks.
Kagome – No Stockholm Syndrome on this end.
InuYasha – Gimme back my reincarnated girlfriend! I mean…the jewel!
Kagome – Eek!
Samurai-thugs – Our boss is attacking us? Why?
InuYasha – His heart was eaten out by a black bird.
Kagome – Ew! Sucks to be him.
*A bunch of stuff happens. The Shikon no Tama gets loose and the crow eats it.*
InuYasha – You're the reincarnation of a dead priestess who was a freakishly good archer. Shoot it.
Kagome – I've never held a bow and arrow in my life.
InuYasha – So? The Laws of Anime ™ conclude that you must be perfect at it.
*Misses. Multiple times.*
InuYasha – You suck at this.
Kagome – Well DUH!!!
*InuYasha kills it. In accordance with The Laws of Anime ™ and the launching of the plot, it comes back to life.*
InuYasha – Damnit!
Kagome – I'll shoot my arrow with its foot, that way my horrendously-bad aim will go unnoticed by the local villagers.
*Hits the bird, splits the jewel.*
Kaede – That's not good.
Kagome – I'm really wishing I hadn't gotten out of bed this morning.
InuYasha – Great merciful crap! The jewel!
Kaede – The Laws of Anime ™ state that you two will have to work closely together in order to retrieve the shards.
InuYasha – Why do I have to help?
Kaede – Because by The Laws of Anime ™ you're the angsty romantic interest of the series.
InuYasha – Screw this, I'm outta here!
*Kaede chants, a necklace appears*
InuYasha – What the hell is this?
Kaede – Pick a word Kagome, and he will be forced to obey your every whim.
Kagome – Osuwari (sit)!
*InuYasha smashes into the ground*
Kaede – As The Laws of Anime ™ state, this will ensure that you two will work together and become romantically involved. It will also ensure that he won't kill you.
InuYasha – Fuck you old bag.
Kagome – I just wanna go home!
Kaede – No dice. Now go find the jewel shards.
InuYasha – By the way, whatever happened to my love-story-arc… I mean ex-girlfriend?
Kaede – She died.
InuYasha – Crap. Well in that case I'll just pretend that it doesn't bother me while I let that fact secretly eat away at my soul non-stop for the entire series and complicate the main-character's life.
Kagome – And I'm her reincarnation, right?
Kaede – That's about the size of it.
Kagome – Word.
*A bunch of random stuff happens. Character development happens.*
Sesshomaru – S'up dawg?
InuYasha – Great, my she-male of a brother is here to mock me about being a hanyou. Just great.
Kagome – Who are you?
Sesshomaru – Word up yo, I'm his bro. I've been sent to establish character development and confuse people as to whether I'm an antagonist or protagonist. I also have a poker face, hate all living beings either than myself, and I have a huge honkin' fuzzball on my shoulder that nobody will ever be able to figure out.
Kagome – You're a guy?
InuYasha – Fuck off Sesshomaru.
Sesshomaru – You were dad's favorite.
InuYasha – Serves you right for being a stone-cold jerk. Let's fight pointlessly.
Sesshomaru – I'm game.
Sesshomaru – Oh, by the way, dad's grave is hidden in your eye.
InuYasha – So that explains the Astigmatism.
Kagome – This time period is like Days of Our Lives on acid.
*Pulls it out*
InuYasha – Cool, I got a sword!
Sesshomaru – Blow off, it's mine.
InuYasha – Get a life poker-face.
Sesshomaru – I'm stronger than you are but I can't pull the stupid sword from the stone.
Kagome - Eh?
Sesshomaru - *Grunt* *Pull* *Grunt* Damn…
InuYasha – Ha ha, you can't pull it out. Nya nya!
Sesshomaru – Maybe if I kill you it'll budge.
InuYasha – Bring it on Fluffy!
Kagome – *Effortlessly pulls the sword out* What's so hard about pulling this damn thing out?
InuYasha – All hail King Arthur! Er, I mean, w00t!
Sesshomaru – Why can that weak human girl pull it out and not me? Oh well, might as well kill her for it.
Kagome – Can't we all just get along and negotiate.
Sesshomaru – Negotiations are for weenies.
Kagome – Suit yourself you shman.
*A large and pointlessly-long fight later*
InuYasha – Ha ha, got your arm.
Sesshomaru – Damn, I'm gonna feel that tomorrow.
InuYasha – Ph34r me d00d.
Sesshomaru – This isn't over!
Kagome – Tight moves.
InuYasha – What the fuck? All that effort for a rusted old piece-of-crap katana? I knew dad was smoking something when he knocked up mom, but come ON. This sucks.
*A bunch more stuff happens. More characters come and go. InuYasha learns that his father wasn't as high as he thought he was when he left him the Tetsusaiga.*
InuYasha – This sword rules! And to think my tight-ass girlie-man of a brother got a sword of healing. Ha ha!
*More pointless stuff happens.*
Kagome – Shit's going down in my time. Lend me a hand, will ya?
InuYasha – D00d, the future totally r0x0rs my s0x0rs.
Kagome – No time to oogle at the modern comforts of which you will NEVER partake in. Quick save everyone here. And while you're at it, hide your ears. I already have enough worry about without the FBI and CIA experimenting on you.
InuYasha – So you're making me wear this blank, un-ad-endorsed "baseball" cap?
Kagome – Screw your clothes, according to The Laws of Anime ™, nobody'll notice that you're walking around in a feudal-aged outfit with a modern-aged baseball cap and scarily long white hair.
InuYasha – Sweet.
*Stuff in the modern world happens. They then go back to the feudal world where more stuff happens.*
Kagome – InuYasha and me, happy as can be.
Shippou – Hi, according to The Laws of Anime ™, I'm the default cute cuddly character that is required in every anime series. Gimme the shards, I gotta avenge my dead stark-naked father.
InuYasha – Already done.
Shippou – You're good.
InuYasha – Being the pretentious, presumptuous bastard that I am, I'm going to tell you to screw off.
Shippou – To hell with you, I'm going with Kagome.
InuYasha – That entails going with me.
Kagome – Osuwari.
InuYasha – *BAM!!!* Eat garbage and die, Kagome.
Shippou – Because you're the main character Kagome, you're going to be super nice to me and I'm going to quickly form a mother-son attachment to you.
Kagome – You're totally cute.
InuYasha – You're totally dead.
Urasue - *Steals dirt and brings Kikyou back to life* Damn I'm good!
Audience – OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Kikyou – I live! And being the icy bitch-queen that I am, I'm going to now spend the rest of the series annoying the crap out of the entire main cast and rambling pointlessly about revenge and how life sucks big hairy ass.
Kagome – Uh, hello? Not to dampen he moment here but A BIG FREAKIN' CHUNK OF MY SOUL IS NOW MISSING!!!
Kikyou – Bite me reincarnate.
InuYasha – Damnit! Now I've got two girlfriends to deal with.
Kikyou – I no longer like you.
InuYasha – You're only saying that because you've had a 50-year stay in hell. You know you love me baby.
Kikyou – Give it up Mr. Horny. You ain't gettin' none.
InuYasha – Damn.
Kagome – Why me?
Kikyou – I hate you the most Kagome.
Kagome – But I'm you!
Kikyou – So?
Shippou – I'm totally lost.
Kagome – Crap, this is getting paradoxal.
Kikyou – Damn straight. Go back to your own time 'ho.
Kagome – I was really this bitchy in my past life?
Kikyou – You suck.
Kagome – That entails that you suck, since technically you're insulting yourself.
Kikyou - *Gets confused*
InuYasha - *Gets confused*
Kikyou – ARGH!!!
Kagome – Heh, education's a bitch when used against stupider people.
Kikyou – I'm not stupid!
Kagome – Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you aren't.
InuYasha – Ack, no more catfights! I have to deal with enough of these in the rest of the series as it is!
Kikyou and Kagome – Get lost!
*A bunch more stuff happens. The group wanders, eats, sleeps, and have a bunch of nonchalance hijinks.*
Miroku – Yo, I'm the pimpingnest monk you ever saw.
InuYasha – Oh look, it's a perverted monk.
Miroku – Let me introduce myself. According to The Laws of Anime ™ , I'm the ladies man of the series. I'm supposed to be most of the comic relief in the series, as well as annoyingly and excessively perverted. I'm also really hot and pretend to honor Buddha while chasing skirts. Most of all though, I like booty.
Kagome – Get your hand off my ass.
Miroku – You know, I bet if you stuck a coal up there and pulled it out a week later you'd get a…
InuYasha – Get your grubby hands off my chick!
*Beats Miroku within an inch of his life*
Shippou – Adulthood sucks. That's all I'll ever learn throughout the course of this entire series.
Miroku – You'll say that until you get some action. Then your thoughts'll change.
Kagome – Argh, I already have enough on my plate as it is! I don't have time for a feudal booty call!
End of Commentaries for episodes 1 – 17
Coming up next, Sango's introduction! Wai! Heh, sorry, I just couldn't help myself on this one, I was having so much fun reading Thumbnail Theaters that I ended up just shooting out this idea. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review if you have time. I'm not going to say that I need such and such reviews to continue the story, as I have a MAJOR policy against that. However, reviews are always encouraging, and they certainly give me more incentive to write. So if you have any thoughts, please share!