Pairing: Amidamaru/Yoh (one-sided)
Warnings: Yaoi. Spoilers, maybe? Only if you know who I'm talking about at one point, and if you do, I guess it really doesn't count, then...
Disclaimer: Not mine, Takei Hiroyuki's. Lucky guy.
A/N: A quickie originally written for the Shaman King yaoi mailing list on Yahoo groups.
Sometimes I wish he would die.
That's the sort of thought that always comes to me at the wrong time. When we're fighting, it's all about survival, all about me helping him, all about him living to see the next sunrise. So why do I find myself staring at my opponent through his eyes, fighting for his life, and sometimes wishing that I wasn't strong enough? That I would falter, and Yoh would pay the price?
Because I'm selfish. Because I'm worthless. Because I can't touch him like this and I want to. The most I can hope for is a strange tingling sensation whenever my wraith-form passes through his solid living one, merging and becoming my own.
I wish he would die, and become a ghost, and haunt me forever.
I think that I was insane when I was alive. I had to have been. Otherwise I wouldn't be obsessing over him, this little boy, and watching his every move and keeping him safe. I'm his guardian, yes, but I somehow doubt that it's appropriate for a guardian to want their charge to die.
Fine, then. I wish I was alive. But what sort of existence would that be? I know he has no interest in me beyond friendship, and me manifesting before him, solid and true as I once was, would never change that.
So I suppose I'll have to be content with watching over him. Even if it means watching him be in love with a girl who's his own age, a girl who has powers like him, a girl who is alive.
What am I to him? I'm just a piece of my former self, a bit of broken glass that may catch the light in rare moments. Despite the fact that we're friends, compared to Yoh, compared to anyone else he may know in his life, I'm nothing but a shard.
Sometimes... I wish he would love me.