[WARNING]:This is Yaoi, if you don't know what this means don't even bother to read this fic. But FYI ( for your info) yaoi means man/man relationship if you don't like this please go and read something that goes better with what you like. Shounen ai and yaoi are beautiful just like Shoujo ai and yuri are too; love is love. You have been warned, now proceed at your own risk.

[DISC]: Don't own Gravi... damn it! *shakes fist *. Please don't sue me, I'm poorer than a sewer rat *but I smell better _' * the only thing I own is this little fic... and it really isn't that good _'

[A/N]: YxS. Yaoi, it's Gravi...duh! This little fic came to me during my financial info. analysis class last week, but I didn't star writing till yesterday so... if you like it and want me to continue REVIEW and say it, if you don't like it well you can say that too T_T. I guess this is what happens when you are associated with one crazy author and you're a wacko yourself _'. Yuki could be a little OOC. Well enough of this nonsense babble of mine, lets get to the business...

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:: WHAT IF ::

by: KM-Sama

Chapter 1:

To find out... for real.

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Maybe he wasn't given the chance to find out, I don't know. But that's something that's been bothering me for quite some time now. Why? Well, that I don't know... all I know is that 2 months ago I was peacefully working on one of my books -well, as peaceful as it can be with the brat at home- and that thought just came to me... and I still wish it didn't.

I know Shu's first time was with me and I know well... because he told me and -for some reason- he never lies to me. You know, first time I throw him out, told him I hated him, that he sucks in bed and that he was gay. Well none of that was true. I really didn't hate him and he is really good in bed actually and according to him being gay...well. now I'm not so sure anymore. And to be honest, it's driving me crazy.

Its not like I'm dying to find out really, actually I'm quite scared of what the answer to that question might be. And its not like I haven't been meaning to ask, its just that I don't have the strength to do that; nor say the courage because well. think about it, I mean what if I asked and for the first time in his life the brat starts to wonder? What if he finds out that he really isn't; or that he wants to "try" something else, or... or... I don't know what the hell I'm thinking about. All I know and care about is that it scares the hell out of me, and that if I don't have my answer fast, I'm going to go nuts.

Why? ... Well because since that faithful night I barely slept, or worked or stopped wondering -the 'what ifs' I mean- and that was 2 FREAKING MONTHS AGO! For Christ's sake! I CAN'T go on like this; I really have to find out. So.. ok, now, problem number one solved: I have to find out. I can't believe it took me 2 months to get to that knowledge, I'm such a case. But that's not the issue here; so anyway, I've solved one problem and that just leaves me with another one, HOW to find out... and that it'll be problem number two.

It's not that I just ask him -I know, I know. That's the fastest, easiest and smartest way- let me tell you why I haven't done that -'cause I'm a coward thank you very much- its because I don't think I can get a straight answer from the brat and I'm not implying he'll lie to me -'cause he never does that- all I'm saying is that he's so worried about pleasing me -I know, I know and I DO feel guilty for that... sometimes- that he'll just say he is not even bothering to think it trough. And that's not what I want, I want to know... for real.

I think, I think that the only way out is the one I'm fearing the most, the one I've been trying not to think of in the past couple of months -miserably failing-. And that only is... to let him -more say make him- try... and that scares as much as it hurts -though you might think it doesn't- because I feel so much for him... I do, and I don't want to loose him I just want him... to be happy. Doesn't matter if its not with me... I have to give him the chance to know, to find out what he really wants, needs and likes.

I know, I know he says all the time that he loves me, and that he needs me, and likes me and so on. But I keep wondering if that's really true or that if, maybe... I'm all that he knows.

TBC... if you ppl want me to.

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[A/N]: Ok in this fic I'm assuming Yuki doesn't know about his Shu fooling around with Hiro, I didn't found any reference to that on the anime or the OVA and since I haven't finished the manga I wouldn't know. There might be some lemon in the future... maybe. Please don't forget to leave your review and tell me if you want this fic to continue. You also may contact me in osiris150880@yahoo.com or osiris150880@msn.com to contact me via MSN.

Matta ne...

::Plotless, pointless... just like me::