(Saitou and Okubo have been wandering around in the woods in search of a certain scarred redhead, and suddenly encounter someone who they'd swear was him if it weren't for this person's bizarre fashion sense and doofy expression.)

"Excuse me, but we're looking for the Hitokiri Battousai. Are you-?"

(They recoil at the strange sound he makes in reply.) "Oro?"

"We need him to come fight Shishio. He-"


"Now stop that! We're serious! If you don't help-"


(They retreat, feeling their own brain cells pop and die every time they hear that. As they attempt to recover, a mighty figure steps out and looms over then, billowing with arrogant snark.) "For now, this baka deshi is a mere rurouni, protected by the sacred words 'Oro?', 'sessha', and 'de gozaru'."


(Hiko smacks him to shut up.) "If you truly wish to speak to him, I will allow it on one condition."

"Now look here, we don't have time for this nonsense. The entire fate of Japan is in the balance. Can't we just-?"

"Oro? Oro? Oro?"

(They cower appropriately.)

"You must go back out of the forest to town, and bring me back... a jug of sake!"

"A jug of- but you're already *holding* a jug of sake! And there's a huge pile of more behind you! Why on earth-"



"That is merely my recycling pile. You must bring me more sake!"

(grumbling) "Oh, all right. Sake. We'll go look for some."

"A big jug, not just One-Cup Ozeki."


"With sound aesthetic principles in its shape and glaze."

"Yes, yes."

"Now- GO!"

(They go. After sundry difficulties, they return.)

"Here. We have brought you more sake."

"Yes. It is a nice jug, with a good vintage. I particularly like the earthy yet ethereal fragrance, and the impertinent toffee-nosed legs reminiscent of lark's vomit."

"May we now speak to your rurouni who says 'Oro'?"

(Hiko glares sternly down at them.) "He is no longer just the rurouni who says 'Oro'. He is now the hitokiri who says 'Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Amakakeru no Hirameki'!"


"But that's not fair!"

(Hiko thwacks Kenshin into silence) "Therefore, he is no longer contractually bound by any previous agreements referring to the rurouni who says 'Oro'!" Instead, you must now accomplish a special test to gain access to the hitokiri who says 'Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu Amakakeru no Hirameki'!"

("Oro?" *ker-thwack*)

(sigh) "All right, what is this test?"

"First, you must fetch me... another jug of sake! And then bring it back here to refill this first jug of sake, which will probably be empty by then, and line up my entire recycling pile of empty jugs on that wall."

"All ninety-nine of them? We shall do no such thing! Come on, Saitou, let's forget about it. We can defeat Shishio without the Hitokiri Battousai!"

(Hiko recoils.) "What did you say?"

(Okubo repeats himself very carefully.) "The Hitokiri Bat-TOW-sai?"

"Do not use that pronunciation from the dub! It is beyond the endurance of any serious otaku!"

"But what's wrong with saying 'Bat-TOW-sai'? What else are we supposed to call Mr. Hi-MOO-ra?"

(To Hiko's relief, Saitou shushes Okubo by discreetly stabbing him in the face.) "I think that's covered under 'Aku Soku Zan'. Would you like a cigarette?"

"Perhaps after the end of a yaoi doujinshi, though I *never* take this cape off."

"Eh. Same with my gloves."

(The two snarkmeisters commence posing for the doujinshi cover art while Kenshin passes out, all swirly-eyed and nosebleedy.) "Ororororooooo..."