"...A long time ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away..."


It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.

Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Cuke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.

The evil lord Darth Verdura, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space...


It was very cold and very dark as the sun set over the unbearably icy planet of Hoth. The wind blew outside like it was tinted with razor blades. Lots of icicles hung from the ceiling like chandeliers from within an icy cave, with a bed of snow at the bottom. At the very top of the cave--next to other vegetables like in a refrigerator, hung Cuke Skywalker; hero of the Yavin IV battle.

His non-existent legs were frozen solid by the ice, and jacket did not warn him in this freezing cold, and his normally dark green skin was lighter from the cold. Cuke opened his frost-bitten eyes and looked down, only to be greeted by a vicious Wampa!!

Cuke looked down. Somewhat covered in snow, was his lightsaber! He simply needed to use the Lite Vinaigrette and grab it. But he had to act quick, because the Wampa looked exceptionally hungry...

Reaching a non-existent hand towards his lightsaber, Cuke was busy concentrating. Slowly, little by little, the Jedi weapon levitated towards his body...then a stalactite fell on the ground and shattered, causing the Wampa to turn around and growl at Cuke.

"Hehe..." He awkwardly chuckled. "LOOK!! IT'S MADONNA!!"

The Wampa turned to the right, and screamed in pain. Its right arm was cut out of its socket, and Cuke

was free from his icy prison, on the ground.

"Well, I'd love to stay for dinner, but--"

Cuke had left, riding a small toboggan. The angry Wampa stormed after him, bloody appendage painting the snow red.

"YYYYYYYaaaaAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Screamed Cuke as he slid away from the beast.

Eventually, the Wampa died of frostbite, and Cuke was home free!

For the first nine-thousand miles,

that is.