This Harry Potter story was written for fun. All rights belong to the wonderful lady (JK Rowling) who gave the world Harry Potter to read and enjoy.
Story Line: Harry learns early in first year that Headmaster Dumbledore is determined that the Boy-Who-lived will remain the Boy-Imprisoned-On-Privet Drive. He makes a knowledgeable friend with an uncommon elf and they plot how to make Harry's time in 'prison' bearable.
The elf's name is intentional – what's in a name anyway?
Chapter 1: First Year))**((
SCENE Finding a True FriendIt was the second week of school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for Harry Potter when he returned to the boy's dormitory in Gryffindor Tower and found a strange creature changing the sheets on the beds. He wasn't scared but merely surprized to find yet another creature in the world of magic. After all, he'd met a half-giant, goblins and real ghosts.
"Hello," Harry said carefully as the creature ignored him and kept on with his work.
"Go away wizard," the creature said. "Snot has work to complete."
"My name is Harry… Harry Potter," the boy said.
The elf paused in his work and replied, "Snot knows who you are, Mr Harrys Potter."
"I've never seen anyone like you…" Harry told the elf.
"You've never seen a house elf before?" asked the little creature as the dirty sheets vanished and new ones appeared with a snap of his fingers.
"Is that what you are?" asked Harry. "Of course, you know what you are… but what's a house elf?"
"Elves do all the work at Hogwarts. We clean mess, do laundry, cook food, and dust all furniture."
Harry shook his head and said, "Then I'm a house elf too!"
"You're Harry Potter! Why you say you a house elf?" the creature asked.
"My relatives think I'm their house elf. I've lived with them for ten years and I do all the cooking their food, washing their clothes and everything else."
The elf didn't say anything but seemed thoughtful as he continued his work.
"What is your name?" Harry asked.
Now, the elf stopped and then turned to face the boy before replying.
"My name is Janus Thickery Snot."
Harry stepped forward and offered his hand to shake.
"My name is Harry James Potter."
The 'elf' looked at the hand and then at the boy again before asking, "Aren't you going to make fun of my name? All wizards and witches make fun of 'Snot'."
Harry shook his head and explained, "Until I was five years old, I thought my name was 'Freak'. That's all my aunt, uncle, and cousin ever called me. When I started school, I learned that my name was Harry Potter."
"And it was just last month, I learned that my full name is Harry James Potter. And Hagrid told that my father's name was James, and my mother's name was Lily."
Snot, the elf snapped his fingers and a chair appeared for the wizard who sat and watched for another minute while the elf continued making the beds. He prompted Harry to talk and tell him the different parts of his story until Snot felt he had complete details on Harry James Potter.
Then the elf told his story, "Snot was named Janus Thickery Snot while I worked at St. Mungo's hospital taking care of witches and wizards. I was there for twenty years and Snot knows every potion and every treatment needed for every disease and every condition. But Healers decide Snot is only good for wiping snot from noses of witches and wizards lost in Janus Thickery ward. After five years wiping noses, Healers send Snot to Hogwarts."
"Headmaster Dumbledore tells head elf that my name is Janus Thickery Snot and that is the name I have."
Harry stood to help with the last bed, his bed.
"I think you've made your name something to be proud of," the wizard told the elf as he fluffed his pillow.
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That night, Snot popped into Severus Snape's office as the potions professor graded summer homework and growled at different elves completing the task of filling the bins with appropriate potion ingredients for the next day. When the elf appeared, he snapped his fingers to freeze and silence the portraits, send all the other elves fleeing from the room, and completing all the sorting for the next day's assignments.
"Snot, what do you want?" the wizard asked with some impatience.
"Severus Snape is excellent potions professor and he seldom makes a mistake."
The potions professor stopped his work and turned his full attention to the elf.
"And you think I have made a mistake, now?"
The elf bowed and explained, "You have been lied to for the last ten years. Headmaster Dumbledore did place the son of Lily Evans in a secure home but it wasn't safe or loving."
"Explain!"
"Harry Potter was trapped under the thumb of his aunt, Petunia Dursley. This woman is Lily's sister."
"Petunia?" Snape asked faintly, remembering the beastly girl from his childhood.
Snot continued with his narrative saying, "The boy never knew he was a wizard or even his mother's name before a month ago. Apparently, the half-giant Rubeus Hagrid was the Hogwarts representative to introduce the boy to the wizarding world, to Diagon Alley, and to begin the boy's indoctrination to be in Gryffindor."
If the elf omitted all references to James Potter, it was because he sought help for the boy and didn't wish to cause the potions master any pain through hurtful memories.
"Hagrid? And Gryffindor?" asked the head of Slytherin house.
"The sorting hat wanted to place Harry Potter in Slytherin but the boy had only heard negative things about your house."
Leaping to conclusions, the wizard asked, "How is his physical condition?"
"Bad, but you will make potions and Snot will deal with that bad bones and weak muscles later in the school year," the elf informed the wizard.
"Why are you telling me?"
"He is his mother's son and can excel at potions if you encourage and train him."
Severus said nothing for a moment and Snot pushed ahead, "Build a bridge by offering the boy with the green eyes a picture of Lily Evans. He's never seen a picture of his mother."
The next evening in the privacy of his bed, Harry stared at the photo of his mother as a young woman, just before the beginning of her fifth year here at Hogwarts. She smiled with a natural twinkle in her eyes that touched the lonely boy's heart.
SCENE A False Friend and A Secret GuardianTrouble found Harry one evening in the first week of October. He'd returned to his dorm room from the common room for more parchment – he was working with Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger to complete their first long assignment in Charms to write a report on the charms to create water.
When he opened the door, he stopped with surprize – Ron Weasley, his supposed best friend – was rifling through Harry's trunk, sticking galleons in his pockets and eating Harry's chocolate frogs.
"Ron! Stop! What are you doing?" Harry said rushing over and pushing Ron out of the way.
"I'm just looking through your trunk…"
"And stealing my galleons! I saw you sticking some in your pocket!"
"You got lots of galleons! I need some so you can just hand 'em over."
"No! That's stealing!"
Ron sniffed dismissing Harry's protest just before he saw the photo of Lily Evans in the trunk.
"Who's this Potter? A muggle girl you left behind in muggle-land?"
"That's mine Ron, put it down."
"Why? You think you can get it back from me?" Ron asked as he stood up and held the photo above Harry's head.
Harry frowned and decided to try and talk Ron into handling over the photo but the red head sneered and ripped the photo in half.
"It's just a piece of muggle trash…" he began to say before Harry tackled him, throwing the larger boy to the floor of the room and pounded him with both fists, one after the other. The screams coming from Ron brought the prefects who broke up the fight, and then summoned Professor McGonagall.
Harry stared at Ron with a heated expression as they were marched from their dorm to the headmaster's office.
As the rotating stairs carried them up to the office, Harry began to feel the adrenalin leaving him but then he hoped that the headmaster and his head of house would understand why he tackled Ron.
Ron's excuse was that he was just looking at the muggle things Harry brought into the world of magic. "My Dad collects muggle stuff all the time."
"He was stealing my galleons! They're in his pockets! And he tore up the only picture I've ever had of my mum. He called it muggle trash and tore it in half."
McGonagall gave both of her firsties an evil look and the headmaster sighed before he shook his head.
"Now, Harry my boy, when muggleborns come into Magical Britain, there are always misunderstandings. Mr Weasley is your good friend."
Harry interrupted, "He's not a friend. He's a thief!"
"Harry!" Dumbledore admonished the young wizard. "Don't say things you don't truly mean. I believe that Mr. Weasley is the perfect wizard to be your friend. He will be your dorm mate for the next seven years and I already planned on you spend part of your summer with his family next year. They will offer you an escape from your 'loving' family before the next year starts in September."
"My relatives are not my family," replied Harry.
Dumbledore grinned and pinned Harry with a stare as he said, "I am perfectly aware and informed of everything that happens at Privet Drive. Your years there have been very important to shape you and make you strong in ways that only I can understand for now."
Dumbledore smiled at Ron and said, "The Weasley family is the only other home I will approve for you to visit."
"You approve where…?" Harry stammers, not believing the headmaster knows how badly treated he was at Privet Drive.
Now Dumbledore turned back to Harry and said, "I am your magical guardian and I make all decisions regarding your housing, education, and money until you're at seventeen."
Harry froze for a long moment before replying "Yes sir."
"Now, off to the dorms and I don't want to hear of any more problems between you and your best friend, Ron Weasley."
Ron snickered at Harry's frozen expression the entire way back to the dorm. At the dorm, McGonagall said, "Mr Potter that'll be detention with me for the next three nights for fighting."
"Yes, Professor," Harry replied and waited to hear that Ron got detention as well. But McGonagall sent the two boys back to their room without another word.
Back in the dorm room, Ron crowed that he was going to rule Gryffindor first year boys and girls while Harry went to bed without saying another word to anyone. During the night, all the galleons returned to Harry's trunk, the photo was repaired and placed in his book bag, and Harry's trunk had a notice-me-not spell placed on it that kept Ron from seeing it.
When he went to look for the stolen galleons the next morning, Ron Weasley found rat pellets from Scabbers mashed into the material in his pockets. His robes were wet and smelly; he noticed the other boys; Neville, Harry, Seamus, and Dean, fled the room because he stunk.
SCENE Halloween / 31 OctoberWhen Halloween came around, everyone in the first year Gryffindor tried to avoid Ron who usually smelled like rat droppings, and who continually refused to do his own homework. That day when the red head made disparaging remarks after Charms class because Hermione tried to help him, the other Gryffindor boys and girls remained silent – McGonagall seemed blind to everything Ron did and never took anyone's side against the bully. Before the feast, Harry noticed that Hermione had not come to the Great Hall and he called Snot for help.
Assured by the house elf that he would keep an eye on her, Harry still panicked when Professor Quirrell appeared and warned about a troll wandering around the castle. Everyone was hustled off to their dormitories and in a shadow under the staircase, Harry called Snot again.
"Mr Harry Potters go back to dorm. Miss Hermione Granger be there already, reading her favourite book."
"Thanks Snot," Harry said as he hurried to catch up with the rest of Gryffindor house.
The professors spread across the castle searching for the troll; the giant creature turned the corner on the third floor and stumbled upon Professor Quirinus Quirrell who was contemplating how to get passed a growling three-headed dog. The troll's club bashed into the back of Quirrell, throwing him into the room with the dog.
Quirrell never had time to scream as the different heads tore the professor to pieces. Then the troll, angry that his prey had been stolen from him, charged into the room and attacked the dog. By the time that Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore made it to the third floor, the troll and the dog were both mortally wounded.
"You can tell Hagrid that Fluffy is dead," Minerva told Albus.
"And over there is all that's left of Quirrell," Snape said pointing toward a pile of bloody rags that might have been robes just moments ago.
But Dumbledore ignored both professors as he cast many spells in the room, searching for any trace that might indicate if the Dark Lord had been present in the room this evening.
SCENE Taking Sides / 6 NovemberThe next week, Ron Weasley found himself in some trouble – he got caught rifling through Neville's trunk in the dorm by Neville and a prefect. When the prefect searched Ron's belongings, he found books that belonged to Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas, and Lavender Brown. He also found pants that belonged to Seamus and shoes that belonged to Neville. The other students watched with growing disbelief as Ron was questioned by McGonagall but the woman didn't assign any detentions and merely told Ron to keep his hands off the belongings of other people.
"It won't do any good," Harry said sadly as Seamus, Neville and Lavender wrote letters to their parents and Harry's prediction proved true when nothing was ever said about the thefts again.
SCENE Invitation for ChristmasHarry was surprised but pleased when Neville quietly invited him to come home with him for Christmas. When Harry put his name on the list to go 'home' for the holidays, McGonagall took him for the second visit to Headmaster Dumbledore's office.
"Harry, my boy, it isn't safe for you to spend the holidays at the Longbottom home."
"Excuse me sir, how did you know…" Harry tried to ask.
"That's not important Harry. You will not spend the holiday with Mr Longbottom. That is final."
"Yes sir," Harry managed to reply without irritating McGonagall and getting detention again.
"Remember, I decide where you spend holidays and summers. If you can't fit in better with magical children who I think are best for you, I will leave you at Privet Drive the whole summer and send you home for each holiday rather than allowing you to remain at Hogwarts."
Ignoring or just not seeing the hate in the boy's eyes, Dumbledore smile congenially and waved him away.
"You'll have a perfectly good holiday with Ron Weasley here at Hogwarts."
SCENE Christmas 1991In the days leading up to Christmas – Harry learned that the traditional wizards celebrated 'Yule' instead of Christmas and he asked Ron for information only to learn that the Weasley family didn't support the 'stupid purebloods'.
"You'll learn. Dumbledore wants us to help muggleborns by not telling 'em about old tradition stuff. Magic doesn't need those stupid ceremonies!"
Finally escaping Ron, Harry spoke briefly to Neville before Hermione interrupted and lectured them both on the evils of traditional magical culture. She assured them that Dumbledore knew best for all magical people.
"The whole world needs to listen to Albus Dumbledore!"
The two boys stared at the girl and refused to talk any more with her that evening. Harry truly regretted not being allowed to go home with Neville to learn about these traditions. The next day, he attempted to talk to Susan Bones and Ernie McMillian from Hufflepuff but Ron pushed his way into the middle of the conversation and ran the 'puffs off.
Wandering around the castle on Saturday afternoon to get away from Ron Weasley who only wanted to play chess or talk about quidditch, Harry slipped into the library. When he looked up Wizarding Traditions, he found that most of the books had been withdrawn from circulation and Madam Pence only growled when questioned about it.
Then, on the seventh floor, attempting to hide from Ron who seemed to have an uncanny ability to find Harry anywhere in the castle, the boy was walking past a tapestry of a wizard attempting to teach ballet to trolls in tutus, a door magically appeared in the wall and Harry's favourite house elf stood in the opening, motioning Harry to come inside.
"Hurry, Mr Harry Potter, hide in here!"
The door vanished as it closed behind Harry and when Ron Weasley arrived just a minute later, he swore to get even with Fred and George who'd sent him to the seventh floor to drag Potter back to the dorm.
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Inside a large, marvellous room, Snot explained the 'Room of Requirement' to the young wizard.
"This is wonderful! Hogwarts is so wicked!"
"Hogwarts is not evil, Mr Harry Potter," insisted Snot.
Harry laughed and explained, "It's a muggle expression Snot. It means the castle is great, smart, powerful, and beautiful all at the same time."
Snot nodded once, seeming to hear another voice as well as Harry's. Then the conversation turned serious as Harry asked, "Snot, I know it's a long time until June but I need to start and figure out how to survive next summer. The Dursleys won't be happy when I come back for two whole months."
"There are two things you must do, Mr Harry Potter," Snot said. "First, make me your elf, then you must listen to me. I can help you."
"Do wizards own elves? Are you slaves?" asked Harry with honest horror in his questions.
"Elves are not slaves. To have magic and to survive, we must bond to a wizard or to a place with a great deal of magic."
"Like Hogwarts or St. Mungo's?" suggested Harry.
Snot nodded and added, "The only other places in Britain are Gringotts Bank and the Ministry of Magic."
"What happens when you become my elf?"
After a long discussion on bonding with the elf, Harry's contribution of magic and Snot's obligations to Harry after bonding, Harry agreed to take Snot as his elf. The bonding took only a moment and while Snot staggered slightly feeling the surge of magic he received from Harry, the boy merely grinned to feel the connection form.
"Mr Harry Potter is very strong!" Snot insisted. "I shared Hogwarts magic with many elves but you… I'll have to find out what all I can do now."
"That's great Snot!"
"But we will not tell anyone!" Snot insisted. "If old smelly Whiskers heard that I was your elf, he'd ban me from the castle."
"I won't tell anyone!"
"Good," replied the elf who also produced a book that he handed to his new master. "And you're going to read this book and memorize the underlined passages this weekend."
"What? Why?"
Then Snot explained about Dumbledore's ability to read everyone's mind. The book's passages would give Harry's mind spell-crafted protections and when Dumbledore or any other wizard with the ability to read minds attempted to read his mind, he would be struck with a blinding headache within seconds.
"And when you get older, I will provide you with another book to learn legilimency to create additional protection in your mind."
As Harry Potter's elf (and with the help of Hogwarts, the ghosts and the portraits not in Dumbledore's office), Snot set in motion plans to heal, train, and help Harry Potter survive the misadventures the headmaster planned, his terrible muggle relatives, and the stupidity of the average British wizard.
The same night as the bonding, Snot went to the infirmary while Poppy was at dinner with everyone else in the Great Hall. The students would leave for home the next day and no one wanted to be in the infirmary under the mediwitch's care this evening.
From his years at St. Mungo's, Snot knew how to read medical records, and he knew the names of potions to heal abused children. As soon as he'd read the file on Harry James Potter, Snot knew the mediwitch had not done her job properly.
There were two bonds on Harry's magic – one from his parents and a second one from Albus Dumbledore. There were potions to remove them gradually over a period of several days and the boy would find a marked improvement in his magic then.
Other potions during the coming months would heal all the badly healed bones, organs, and muscles that needed to be healed, while shampoos and soaps would remove the scars.
There was nothing in Poppy's records about the famous scar on Harry's forehead and Snot knew he'd have to investigate it before summer. In a short meeting with Severus Snape, the potions master agreed to brew the extra potions the elf needed but he was missing three expensive ingredients he could not purchase without attracting the headmaster's attention.
"Snot will get the ingredients, Severus," the elf replied and disappeared with the list. He spent the rest of the night in the Room of Requirement, searching abandoned trunks for galleons, and other monies. He also found several expensive robes, artefacts and some jewellery that he took to second hand shops in Diagon Alley. The proprietors bought everything that Snot offered – it was Christmas and Yule and everyone was in search of the perfect gift.
Severus found the missing ingredients on his desk the next morning, Poppy found she was missing three healing potions that were often used by children after visiting their families over the holidays, and Harry had to drink three potions before breakfast that morning.
"But won't Ron hear us?" Harry whispered when Snot appeared. The elf shook his head and motioned toward the red-head's bed where Harry could hear him snoring loudly.
On the morning of 25 December, Christmas morning, there were no gifts at the foot of Harry's bed. He'd sent letters to a few people; Hermione, Neville, Susan Bones, and Ernie McMillian thanking them for their help while he learned about being a wizard that fall term and wished each of them a Happy Christmas or Peaceful Yule.
He had nothing to send as presents and no way to purchase any so he sighed that no one sent him any. There was a pile on Ron's bed – two jumpers from his Mum – one with a large P on the front that told Harry that his bed had been robbed before he woke. A couple books were already thrown on the floor and Harry hoped to be able to retrieve them later.
Seeing the boy-who-lived with no presents but with a look Ron couldn't interpret, the red head stuffed a piece of his mum's fudge into his mouth as he teased Harry saying, "Too bad you don't have any friends…"
After eating the entire box of fudge in just three days that his mum sent for Potter, Ron realized that he – Ron Weasley – was the best friend anyone in the world could have. He also suffered from sugar overload in his digestive system for two days.
_)**(_
After breakfast in the Great Hall, Harry walked through the castle to get his exercise – winter weather in Scotland prevented outdoor activities for the most part. A walk to the seventh floor of the castle provided the workout Harry's bones and muscles needed now that the potions from Snot were healing him.
At the tapestry of the dancing trolls, Snot waited outside the door to the Room of Requirement and ushered his wizard into a Christmas wonderland.
"What is all this Snot?" asked Harry as he noticed robes, robes and muggle clothes, boots, shoes, and books, presented as gifts around a twinkling Christmas Tree.
"Snot and Hogwarts have gifts for Mr Harry Potter from the Room of Requirement – vintage robes from a century ago that will make Draco Malfoy envious, good boots for winter weather, warm shoes for inside castle, many books, under clothes, warm socks. There's quills, parchment, and ink for your school work, and a good bag for your books each day."
"Thanks Snot! Thanks Hogwarts!" Harry declares as he examines the robes, shoes and boots. "I've never had a good pair of shoes or boots in my whole life."
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SCENE Locking Spells and Fashion TrendsWith the beginning of the winter term, a new DADA professor was assigned to Hogwarts. For November and December, the students worked with different Aurors who came in the mornings and left in the afternoon. But beginning the first of January, Alastor Moody became the professor for the rest of the year. The man was frightening to look at with scars and a mysterious magical eye but he was a great professor on the different shields for protection, spells to attack other wizards and creatures, and tactics for avoiding fights.
When the boys from the first year Gryffindor dorm (minus Ron who was in the Great Hall eating a second lunch) showed up at his door one afternoon, a half hour early for DADA class, he was surprised to hear their request for a strong locking spell that only their own magic could open.
"And McGonagall ignores the problems Weasley causes?" Moody asked when Potter explained in more detail about their problem with the 'thief' in their dorm.
"I'll teach you two spells, a good charm that'll protect your trunks and give any thief burned fingers too. And I'll teach you a simple charm to remove other spells like compulsions from another person. It sounds like your head of house is charmed to ignore complaints about that red head bum."
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There were several changes at Hogwarts that winter term; Harry Potter's vintage robes began a revolution in wizarding fashion at the school. Open front robes from the 1700s were much more comfortable and made dodging Professor Moody's spells easier.
Draco Malfoy demanded new robes from his mother and she provided them in the same 'vintage' style that was soon copied by all of Slytherin. The new robes made the fashion section of the Daily Prophet, and magical magazines in Britain.
When the girls and other boys in Slytherin gave Harry Potter credit for starting the 'vintage' style, Draco went on a tear in the Great Hall demanding that everyone tell the reporters that 'he' originated the style. With detentions from his own head of house, a scathing letter from his father calling him a 'mis-labelled' Gryffindor, and the scorn of the upper years, Draco was not having a good winter term.
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Across the Great Hall, Ron Weasley wasn't having a good winter term – for some reason, the old cat (McGonagall) started giving him detention and giving him extra homework when he was caught helping himself to the belongings of others. He spent every night in detention with some professor, never turned in his homework, and actually wrote his mother to complain.
There were a few floo calls made and for two days, McGonagall again ignored the Weasley boys but then she talked to Filius and to Pomona; the three professors began checking each other for compulsion spells at breakfast and dinner each day. The twins blamed Ron for their change in fortune as detentions piled up.
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With potions from Poppy's stores, from shops in Diagon Alley, and from Severus Snape, the house elf Snot healed Harry Potter's body and mind of ten years of neglect and abuse. The elf removed the blocks on Harry's magic slowly and left a subtle glamour on the young wizard to hide true power.
With the help of Hogwarts, Snot found the most usual ring in the Room of Requirement. The ring had an old charm called 'don't pay attention to me'.
"This is not the same as Notice-Me-Not," Snot explained to the boy in late February. "With this ring, other people will see you, even talk to you some but they won't care enough to shout, hit, or order you about."
Harry was so overcome with excitement, he knelt down and hugged his elf. "You are the bestest elf in the whole world, Snot!"
Embarrassed but joyfully happy that his master praised him so, Snot wiped his nose on this clean Hogwarts tea towel and said, "Now, don't wear at here at school. We must save it for summer."
Harry looked at the ring and asked, "Where do I hide it?"
Grinning Snot said, "In your trunk. Moody's charms and my notice-me-not makes Harry Potter's trunk safe from thief Weasley now."
SCENE Trouble for DumbledoreTo further muddy the waters around Harry Potter and Hogwarts in general, Snot spent time in the owlery and disabled the headmaster's charms that kept control of letters sent home by students. It took a week for Dumbledore to deal with old complaints and to hide evidence before he was able to restore the charm. Apparently, a stone had become covered with too much 'chalk' from the owls and wiped away the headmaster's charm.
One report that didn't go away was the report on the death of Quirinus Quirrell that occurred at Halloween. Amelia Bones descended upon Hogwarts with four Aurors and demanded to examine the chamber where the professor died, the remains of the professor, the dog and the troll.
"All those items were buried or disposed of the very next morning," Dumbledore informed the director of the DMLE who exploded in fury and ordered Dumbledore's arrest for interfering with a criminal investigation. It took two days for Dumbledore to get Fudge to dismiss the claim (after Albus paid a modest bribe) and get the matter swept under the rug again.
The Wizengamot did insist on a hearing regarding the death of a professor at Hogwarts during the school year (Amelia made certain enough members with children or grandchildren attending the school read her report). Fudge allowed the hearing to go forward despite Dumbledore's best efforts to bury this idea along with the pitiful remains of Professor Quirrell.
During the 'hearings' about the demise of Professor Quirrell, Dumbledore shifted the blame onto Deputy Headmistress McGonagall. Sensing a moment of weakness in Dumbledore, committee chairman Cornelius Fudge stripped McGonagall of her position as Deputy Headmistress and promised a shocked Dumbledore that the committee would appoint a new deputy before the first day of August.
With assistance from Minister Fudge and before Dumbledore could return to Hogwarts and spin some tale for Minerva, reporters from the Daily Prophet used a ministry floo to enter the castle and inform the 'former' Deputy Headmistress of her demotion. Students, reporters and other staff members were there when Dumbledore entered the Great Hall and they all watched McGonagall curse him in her native brogue, transfigure cups of tea into pots of hippogriff crap that were dumped on his head, and charm the dancing teddy bears on his purple robes to break wind each time the professor attempted to say anything.
The following morning, the Daily Prophet cover story included magical pictures of the pots of dung, and students fleeing the smell from the headmaster's robes.
Limping with a sore foot from Minerva's hexes, Dumbledore apparated within Hogwarts (the headmaster's privilege) from his office into the chamber where the Mirror of Erised stood. He conjured a chair and sat before the mirror and tried to avoid staring at the image the mirror showed him. That dream was lost in the past!
No matter the argument he tried or the meditation technique he tried, Albus made no progress in obtaining the stone. The mirror recognized that the headmaster 'desired' the stone for his own use for gold if not for the elixir, and so it refused to return the Philosopher's Stone.
The last letter from Flammel demanded the stone's immediate return. An unfortunate accident in their potions lab meant Nicolas and his wife had been without their elixir of life for the last four months and they had less than twenty days to live. After five hundred years, they would die and their mortal remains would turn to dust.
An hour of trying to find the stone left Dumbledore with a headache as well as dealing with other aches and pains magnified by the cold, damp room. Losing his temper, Albus Dumbledore bombarded the Mirror of Esired with an overpowering blasting spell that blew the ancient artefact into three thousand, seven hundred and ninety-two pieces. His close proximity to the artefact when he destroyed it meant that Dumbledore now had thirty-seven splinters embedded in his face, arms, and legs.
"Elf! I need a house elf?" he roared and because every elf feared an angry headmaster, Janus Thickery Snot was sent by the head elf to deal with Dumbledore.
The elf appeared with a pop and the headmaster motioned toward the shattered mirror and ordered, "Carefully collect the pieces of the Mirror of Esired. Put all the pieces into a box and bring it to my office."
Then Dumbledore apparated to the infirmary where Poppy healed him with a sour look on her face after he required her to pluck each splinter out by hand and return them to him.
))&((
In the cold and damp chamber, Snot joyfully set about cleaning up the smashed mirror. In the first box he summoned from the Room of Requirement, he placed each piece of the magical glass that once showed people their heart's desire. He sighed at the sadness the shards radiated; wizards lived their lives with regrets of missed opportunities. In a second box, he placed each of the shards of wood, the magic that supported the mirror fading quickly now; the headmaster would never be able to repair this artefact. Snot faithfully collected three thousand, seven hundred and fifty-five pieces of wood that when combined with the thirty-seven Poppy pulled out of Dumbledore should allow the headmaster to 'repair' the mirror.
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When Snot found the pretty red stone, the elf put that into a bag of marbles that he kept in his pocket – the headmaster's orders were to collect the pieces of the mirror – he'd said nothing about this pretty red stone.
After all the pieces of wood and all the pieces of the mirror were carefully stored in the two boxes, Snot popped them into the headmaster's office and placed them on the bookcase behind the headmaster's desk.
Snot paused for just a moment under the phoenix's sharp eyes, as he felt Harry Potter's magic call to him from two spots on the book case; on the top of the book case, there were several silver items that moved about, puffed or whistled with Harry's magic – Snot recognized items that healers used at St. Mungo's to monitor the health of patients at the hospital. From the bottom shelf, Snot felt the pull of an ancient artefact, something older than the pretty red stone in the bag of marbles in his pocket; something that 'belonged' to Harry Potter.
The elf glanced at the phoenix who warbled cheerfully to the elf and he bowed as she gave him explicit instructions.
))^^((
When Dumbledore decided against gifting Harry with his father's cloak of invisibility, a Potter family artefact, Hogwarts and Fawkes began seeking a way to get the cloak back to the boy. Now with the help of the elf that was bonded to Harry, Fawkes was determined to get the cloak to the boy and to inconvenience Dumbledore. With information from Fawkes, the elf popped to specific spot in the Room of Requirement and found an old invisibility cloak that was in the last moments of existence – Hogwarts had kept the cloak in stasis to prevent the collapse of the charms.
Snot popped back into the headmaster's office with the old cloak and substituted it for the one wrapped in Christmas paper on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. Fawkes sang happily and waved her wings to hide all traces of the elf's visit.
))^^((
Returning to his office from the infirmary, Dumbledore noted the two boxes with the pieces of the mirror placed on his bookcase. He added the thirty-seven pieces of wood pulled from his face, arms and legs, and then turned and sat at his desk.
Focused on seven reports that had to be completed before the end of the year – something that Minerva always did but refused to do this year since she'd lost the position of deputy – Dumbledore didn't hear or feel the last charms expire in the cloak on the bottom shelf expired. He was unaware of the fire that ignited until the smoke reached his nostrils.
He glanced up and saw Fawkes tilting her head from side to side as though singing one of her songs silently, looked left and then right without seeing fire outside the floo in the opposite corner. As he stood up and pushed his chair backwards, the flames at the bottom of the bookcase flashed upwards and consumed books, nick knacks, both boxes of shards from the mirror, and the monitoring devices.
Stumbling away from his desk, Dumbledore watched his throne consumed by the flames that were climbing the wall behind his desk and headed for his private bedchamber.
Casting water charms and calling house elves to help, the headmaster and elves managed to put out the fire but the acrid smell of smoke settled into all his robes, the mattress and pillows of his bed. The smoke also affected the pigments in the portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts – every portrait went to sleep and most of them vanished as Hogwarts removed them to heal in other locations.
Shortly after extinguishing the fire, the headmaster summoned Minerva and Severus; they both were surprized to find Dumbledore's office destroyed so quickly and Minerva asked, "What started the fire?"
"I don't know," Albus admitted as Fawkes crooned a song to make the wizards and witch feel content and not seek too many answers.
Pulling out his wand, Severus asked, "May I?"
"Of course," Dumbledore replied motioning toward the charred chair, bookcase and blackened books. The potions master cast multiple spells and moved from one side of the office to the other with his spells.
Snape appeared to study the results from the spells for quite some time before he turned to Dumbledore and said, "You had a magical object that expired – something that was made of Demiguise hair. The hair explodes when stored in a clump without the magical charms that make it into a cloak."
Minerva turned on the headmaster and shouted, "Albus, you had the Potter cloak! What did you do to it that would make it die away?"
"Potter's cloak? Why did you have it?" Snape asked with true curiosity in his question.
"I thought to gift it to the boy this past Christmas… as a memento of his father. But he's such a disappointment, I decided to wait until a later time," Albus said, not willing to admit he also searched for clues of the third Deathly Hallow while holding the cloak in one hand and his Elder Wand in the other.
"I hope as his guardian you will make restitution for destroying a priceless artefact," Snape commented.
"As Potter's guardian, such a thing is not necessary!" Dumbledore insisted.
))&&((
Summoned to the Room of Requirement by his elf, Harry was opening the wrapped package that Snot insisted was a late Christmas present from Hogwarts. Inside the brilliant paper, Harry found a shimmering cloak that made him disappear from view.
"Snot, where did this… what is this?"
The elf smiled, summoned a mug of hot chocolate to help hide the taste of Harry's midday potions, and explained about the cloak – how it had been in the Potter family for centuries and couldn't truly be used by anyone except for a Potter.
"Hogwarts asked me to return it to you. And there are things the cloak can do… well, you will have to experiment this summer to find out what they are."
))^^((
Alone in his office, seated in a new and uncomfortable chair, Dumbledore suddenly sat forward when he remembered that the fire destroyed the shards of the Mirror of Erised – now he'd never be able to repair the mirror, and never retrieve the Philosopher's Stone.
His face in a sour and unpleasant expression that made the phoenix laugh, Dumbledore reached for a sheet of parchment and his ever-full quill to compose a letter to Nicolas telling him the stone had not fallen into the hands of the Dark Lord but it had been destroyed. His last line wished Nicolas and his wife well as they began their next great adventure.
Checking the calendar, Dumbledore knew the Flammels would expire before the end of the school year and he'd be safe from their revenge when he went on vacation in July.
))^^((
SCENE Unexpected DiscoveryIn April, Harry and Snot began exchanging ideas on dealing with the two month 'vacation' at Privet Drive with the Dursleys. After a couple experiments with the ring over two weekends, they believed that the muggles would ignore the boy-who-lived, feed him, and allow his presence in the house without any problem.
"Must you go back to Privet Drive? Could we escape to someplace else?" asked Snot.
"The headmaster says I have to go back to Privet Drive – he's my magical guardian or something, and 'he' decides where I spend my summer vacation."
"Snot could kill your muggle relatives…" the elf offered.
"No! Absolutely not!" Harry insisted. "I don't want anyone to die! We're not murderers… they always get caught anyway."
"Only the stupid ones do," Snot agreed.
Harry shook his head and said, "Snot, I know the Dursleys and if this ring works the way we think it will, I can have a decent summer with them. If something happened to them, who do you think old Whiskers would send me to live with?"
Snot pulled his arms close and wrapped them around himself whispering, "The Weasleys! That would be much worse than the Dursleys!"
Harry sighed and looked at a painting of a forest glade with sunshine breaking through the trees. He motioned toward the painting and said, "I wish I could hide in a magical painting."
The elf was quiet for a time and scratched his head as he held a conversation with Hogwarts. Finally, Harry noticed that Snot was thinking too much and asked, "What are you plotting over there?"
The elf looked up and asked, "Is Mr Harry Potter willing to try slipping in and out of magical paintings?"
"Well, yeah, but I thought the people in the paintings were all dead and just part of their souls were captured there."
"True, but Harry Potter is very powerful wizard with blocks removed. House elves have a charm to send tea and whiskey, new clothes and furniture into portraits when we have our most power at the solstice celebrations."
"Since Snot became your elf, I could do it anytime," the elf explained. To demonstrate, Snot summoned an old cauldron from a pile in the room and then casually sent it flying toward the painting of the forest scene. Rather than bouncing off the canvas as Harry expected, the cauldron flew into the picture and clanged against a tree before it fell to the ground, making more noise.
"Wicked!" Harry exclaimed and after Snot taught him the charm, Harry banished cauldrons into the forest scene for five minutes until casting the charm was second nature.
Looking round the Room of Requirements, Harry and Snot found several non-magical and magical paintings. There were nice magical paintings of a library in Rome, a castle in the Austrian Alps, a country house in France with gardens, cattle, and flower gardens, and a traditional school room with a teacher waiting for her student to come to class.
"Which one first?" Harry asked, his wand in his hand.
"No!" Snot exclaimed. "Mr Harry Potter won't be guinea pig for testing! We will send a living creature into a painting and then pulling them back out."
Nodding in agreement after thinking about the elf's argument, Harry sat down to figure out how to test the charm with something living.
He told the elf, "It'll need to be something that's living and not a conjured or transfigured animal."
"How about Hedwig?" Snot asked but then ducked his head to hide from the look on Harry's face. "Okay, not pesky owl."
"She'd vote to use the pesky elf!" Harry quipped and Snot had to nod his head. He and the owl merely co-existed.
"How about Ron's rat?" Snot suggested. "It's really old and smells terrible. He'd not miss it."
"That would be stealing and I don't want to steal…"
"We just borrow the rat. If something happens to it, we replace it or give him a couple galleons."
"Anonymously," Harry said. "I don't care how many galleons I give him; he'd blame me forever if anything happened to the rat and I was blamed."
While Harry selected a painting for the test, Snot went to the dorm and 'borrowed' the rat that was sleeping in Ron's bed. Ron was at the Ravenclaw vs Slytherin Quidditch match cheering for the Ravenclaw team.
Harry picked a magical painting that displayed a small area where the rat could not run and hide when he wanted to call it back. Snot popped back into the Room of Requirement with the sleeping rat and cast the spell to send the rat into the painting.
Harry and Snot watched closely as the rat appeared in the painting, woke and appeared to stagger for a second, but then the figure of the rat blurred as it transformed into a man, a wizard who rubbed both hands over his face, again and again before pulling out a wand.
Snot snapped his fingers to close the portal into the picture while he and Harry watched the wizard.
"Who are you?" asked Harry.
"Let me out! Let me out!" cried the wizard.
"Who are you?"
Blubbering the rat-faced man replied, "My name… my name is Peter… Peter Pettigrew."
Leaping in front of the portrait, Snot silenced the man before he explained some history to Harry.
With the silencing spell removed, Snot questioned the rat-man with an elven spell that encouraged the wizard to answer questions. Peter cried and tried to deny having anything to do with the death of James and Lily Potter but he contradicted himself and blubbered continuously.
While the man was sobbing, Snot jumped into the portrait, petrified and disarmed the wizard, and searched him. The elf popped back out of the canvas with two wands, a money bag, and a few small items that were spelled to be port keys.
"I won't let you leave this frame until I know more about you," Harry told the rat man who continued to cry and beg to be released. Snot silenced the painting again and then hid the painting deep in the Room of Requirement behind old chamber pots.
_)&&(_
SCENE Funeral for a RatHarry found it difficult not to confess to Ron about 'borrowing' Scabbers, but Ron didn't seem concerned when his rat wasn't around that evening. During the night, Hedwig provided Snot with a dead rat, that the elf transfigured to look more like Scabbers – especially the missing toe. The elf placed the dead rat at the foot of Ron's bed.
In the morning, Ron found the dead rat and didn't hesitate to pick it up and laugh while swinging it around by the tail. Then he threw at Neville, then Dean, and finally Harry. Harry dodged the carcass and it flew through the door to smack the seventh-year prefect in the face.
The prefect threw up just a little. Then he grabbed the rat by the tail and Ron by the ear before proceeding down the stairs to find Professor McGonagall. After sending the prefect on his way to breakfast after cleaning his face with a strong charm, McGonagall frowned at Ron who pretended to shed a tear at the death of his pet.
"Bring your pet, Mr Weasley and we'll bury him in the Forbidden Forest before breakfast."
"Uh… we'd miss a lot of breakfast time… Just banish Scabbers for me."
"Are you sure?" McGonagall asked and when the boy looked toward the door and the waiting breakfast, she banished the rat.
That was the funeral for Scabbers.
At breakfast, Ron blabbed about the dead rat and enjoyed watching the girls turn pale and move away from him. Harry listened to the boy's full story and didn't feel bad about 'borrowing' Scabbers.
++(&&)++
SCENE Another Discovery!"Well Peter Pettigrew and you both survived entering the canvas of a magical painting," Harry told Snot. "And you came out without any problem. Let's see if I can do it."
With Peter Pettigrew's prison painting shrunken and hidden away, Snot and his wizard looked through the collection of paintings in the Room of Requirement and chose one without much detail or comforts for the boy's first venture into a magical painting.
With some coaching from Snot, Harry cast the incantation and easily stepped 'into' the canvas. He turned around and found his view of the Room of Requirement to be restricted to the area immediately in front of the painting's frame. He saw Snot and waved.
"Can you hear me, Master Harry Potter?" asked the elf.
"Yeah, you sound normal," Harry replied. He lifted his wand and cast a few simple spells that lifted the table from the floor and threw light into each corner of the room. When he attempted to cast a spell to open the shutters on the windows, nothing happened. Confused for a moment, Harry walked the few steps to the window and attempted to open the shutters – again nothing happened.
"The painter must not have meant for the room to be more than just a simple still-life," Snot explained.
"I suppose you're right," Harry agreed. The room suddenly felt more like a cell than before, and he was reminded of his cupboard under the stairs.
"Come out, Mr Harry Potter," Snot called from the other side of the canvas and Harry did the simple incantation, added his magic to the spell and stepped forward. As he did, something in his head pulled and tugged back, as though it couldn't take the step with him.
Something in his head – his scar – couldn't make the passage back to the real world and it didn't want Harry to leave.
'I want out! I want out now!' Harry thought with determination, gritted his teeth, and made the step that took him out. There was a moment of blinding headache as the boy went from the magical portrait and back to the real world.
When he was outside the canvas, Harry collapsed on the floor. Snot quickly ended the spell, closing the escape hatch from the painting before he turned to tend to his wizard.
"What happened?" asked Harry when he revived a minute later.
"You passed out, Mr Harry Potter. Your scar bled but now it seems to be healing after all these years."
Then the young wizard and his elf looked back at the painting and they both saw a small cloud of dark smoke forming in the simple painting of a room; a mouth appeared in the cloud and began screaming but Snot snapped his fingers, silencing the painting as a snakelike, but still human face, appeared. After a moment, the face faded away leaving only the mouth to scream silently again until the face appeared once more, to press up against the canvas.
Snot declared most sincerely, "Mr Harry Potter, you were a soul jar of the Dark Lord!"
Pointing toward the dark cloud floating around but trapped inside the magical painting, Snot said, "And that's a really ugly piece of his soul."
"What's a soul jar?" the boy asked, knowing he would not like the answer.
(**&**)
SCENE A Great SummerHarry's summer changed for the better beginning the moment the young wizard placed the ring on his finger as he left Kings Cross train station in search of his relatives. When they found the boy standing beside them, Vernon and Petunia both blinked and grunted at his greeting but didn't say anything else. Vernon opened the trunk and even helped Harry place his trunk inside. The owl's cage was placed on the seat in the back where Harry sat for the ride back to Privet Drive without any conversation or threats from Vernon or Petunia.
At the house, Vernon helped Harry retrieve the trunk again and allowed him to carry it up the stairs without any protest. In his room, Harry opened the window and allowed Hedwig to fly out to hunt.
Without the usual 'pop', Snot appeared in the room and began to set things to rights with a better mattress and sheets for his Harry Potter. The clothes in the trunk were quickly packed away in drawers and the small closet.
After looking around the room, Snot expanded the closet to include a wall where Harry's selection of magical paintings were hung – the forest, the castle, the library, the country house, and the classroom with a teacher waiting at her desk. (The two paintings with 'prisoners' remained hidden in the Room of Requirement behind a large stack of discarded chamber pots from the early 1800's).
At supper that night, Harry was fed sufficient food and Dudley decided to ignore his cousin when a delicious second dessert appeared at his place at the table. Then Harry did the wash up (with Snot's help) before bidding his aunt and uncle a good night.
The next morning, Snot helped Harry to prepare an excellent breakfast that sent a happy Vernon off to work, Petunia to her book club, and Dudley searching for his friends without a thought for Harry Potter. Snot insisted on cleaning up the dishes and sent Harry upstairs to begin his summer homework.
After lunch with his aunt and cousin, Harry again went to his room and with Snot locking the door, he entered the painting of a castle with his broomstick in hand and spent the next two hours flying around turrets and flags. Guards on the parapets waved merrily when Harry passed by.
His evening repeated the night before, supper followed by some homework and reading laid out by Snot before bed.
This set the pattern and tone for Harry's entire summer. If Petunia noticed the cleanliness of her home, she said nothing in thanks, and if Vernon noticed the perfection of the cuts of meat that Petunia served for dinner, he kept his praises only for his wife's ear.
**(&&)**
During July and early August, Harry explored the library painting and spent many hours with the classroom teacher who helped him improve his skills in writing compositions, using the quill, and revising his first-year classes in charms, potions, and history.
When Snot checked at Hogwarts that none of the professors were present, Harry travelled through the portraits to visit several paintings there and talked to historical wizards and witches who were silent most of the year.
For an adventure, he ventured inside paintings that hung in Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin dormitories. None of the houses had a true portrait of their founder – the wizard whose portrait hung in the Slytherin common room was a headmaster from the 1300's from Ravenclaw. He played the role of Salazar Slytherin with good spirits every twenty years or so to keep the 'little devils' on their toes.
Harry's absolute favourite painting was the castle in Austria in the mountains where he could fly without worrying about muggles, aeroplanes, dragons, or any ministry official. One afternoon just after he took off, Dumbledore's phoenix Fawkes appeared in a ball of fire.
Holding his position on his broomstick, Harry waited for the phoenix to draw close.
"Are you here to make me a prisoner? Are you going to tell on me?" he demanded of the phoenix. She merely circled around, turning flips and encouraging him to fly.
Harry relaxed and began to play tag with the phoenix, chasing her through the clouds and around the castle turrets. They drew a crowd from the castle's inhabitants who saw a wizard chasing a fireball through the sky above the castle to defend them from fire and death.
From that afternoon, anytime Harry flew around the castle, Fawkes would join him, teaching him to feel the flow of magic in the air that rose from earth below them.
When Harry's examination results arrived with the next year's book list, Snot realized that someone or something must be stealing his wizard's letters. Hedwig and Snot worked together to set a trap; Hedwig allowed Snot to disguise her and she flew in with a parchment simply labelled 'Harry Potter' that she dropped on 'her' boy's desk. A strange elf appeared for less than a second but it was enough for Snot to catch a beaten and bedraggled elf named Dobby.
Harry came up to his room to find Snot with a prisoner of the elven kind – Hedwig kept threatening to kill and eat this 'Dobby' character so the little fellow was hysterical by the time Snot completed telling Harry the story about a terrible danger at Hogwarts in the coming year.
"Can you find out who his master is?" Harry asked Snot.
"Yes, Mr Harry Potter, Snot can find out."
"No, please. Bad master will beat and kill Dobby three times a day for ten days if he finds out Dobby trying to help Harry Potter!"
"Will you stop stealing my mail?" Harry asked and Dobby shook his head.
"But Harry Potters must not return to Hogwarts!"
"What about the other kids? They're just as important as me?"
With that, Dobby collapsed in new hysterics. Snot healed the elf's wounds (self-inflicted and master-inflicted) fed him an elven calming potion and sent him home with a pop.
"Don't tell me who he belongs to," Harry instructed Snot while he praised Hedwig for her part in the trap for the elf.
"Keep an eye on him when he comes around, and we'll be nice to him."
Shaking his head in disapproval, Snot verbally agreed to his wizard's directions while he and Hedwig exchanged glances. She might dine on elf if Dobby caused any more problems.
++))**((++
Looking at Harry's grades – he was fifth in his class of forty-two students in his year – he and Snot looked through the old text books from the Room of Requirement and found he had most of the books already. There were two supplemental texts from the seventies that would help so he kept them.
He only needed three new books – Snot refused to allow Harry to buy the of worthless books by Gilderoy Lockhart. The boy-who-lived realized something truly bothered this elf because Snot never lost his temper until he saw that wizard's name on the book list as the professor for the coming year. When the elf deflected Harry's questions, the pair of them delayed the explanation for later.
Harry also needed some new muggle clothes, as well as potion ingredients, parchment and a wrist holder for his wand.
"How can I get some of my money?" Harry asked Snot.
The elf thought for a long time and then said, "Snot has some money from the Room of Requirement stuff that we sells to dealers. But the shops in Diagon Alley don't want lots right now."
"What about some muggle shops?" Harry asked and Snot shook his head.
"Snot has hard time holding glamour of old man around muggles without Mr Harry Potter being with me," the elf explained. "If you could go with me, we'd make lots of sales."
"We'll have to plan for that next summer," Harry said.
Snot pulled out the money he still had from selling items before Christmas and came across his bag of marbles. The bag felt significantly heavier and without mentioning it to Harry, he opened the bag and poured out golden marbles.
"Say! That's cool, Snot," Harry said as the marbles fell on his bed. "Where'd you get the gold?"
"Snot… I don't not know," the elf replied as the two of them spread the golden marbles around and Harry found a pretty red stone.
"What's this?"
His elf explained how he'd found the stone in the blasted parts of a mirror that Dumbledore destroyed at the end of the school year.
"And your bag was filled with marbles before you put the stone in there?"
"Yes, Snot collected marbles for many years," the elf said sadly. "Snot had fifty-three marbles of every colour and size."
"And we've got fifty-three golden marbles now," Harry said letting a few pieces of gold fall from his hand back to the covers on the bed.
Snot sat and considered the golden marbles, and his wizard, Mr. Harry Potter.
"Snot…" the elf shook his head and cleared his mind. "There's something making me talk elf-nonsense, Mr Harry Potter."
Harry shrugged and said, "It's not a problem Snot. You're the bestest elf in the world so if you want to talk like some of the other elves, I don't care."
Pleased not to have disappointed Harry Potter, Snot continued, "I think I can sell the marbles – just a few at a time to merchants in Diagon Alley."
"That'll help a lot Snot but I've got money in Gringotts, I just can't get to it. Hagrid took me to Gringotts once to get some," Harry said as he handed the gold marbles and the red stone back to his elf. Snot put the red stone back into his bag where he'd kept his marbles but placed the golden marbles into a wallet – an even more secure magical device every elf had to carry their master's money and valuables.
"How did giant Hagrid get you into Potter vault?" the elf asked.
"He had my golden vault key," Harry replied and his eyes suddenly met Snot's.
"Hagrid had Mr Harry Potter's vault key?"
"Yeah and I guess he gave it back to Whiskers."
"Snot is Harry Potter's elf; I will find Harry Potter's vault key."
That night while Harry slept, Janus Thickery Snot made his way across Britain, searching for his wizard's vault key. First, he checked at Hogwarts in the headmaster's office and room, but there wasn't any sign that the vault key had been there in some time. The elf relaxed and focused on the magic from Harry and allowed that connection to lead him back to England.
In the early hours of the morning, Snot gazed upon a strange looking house know by the inhabitants as the Burrow. In a jewellery box in the master bedroom, he found and removed Harry Potter's vault key. No one in the Burrow ever knew they'd been visited by a house elf, let alone the house elf who belonged to Harry Potter.
There was one development during the summer that Snot and Harry didn't have a direct hand in pushing forward. The committee that Albus managed to convince to blame Professor Minerva McGonagall for the death of Professor Quirrell, finally decided on a suitable candidate for the now vacant position of Deputy Headmistress; Delores Umbridge, the Minister's Undersecretary would take the post effective 1 August.
SCENE "Burrow? No Thanks!"During the second week of August, a letter arrived via owl from Albus Dumbledore informing Harry that he'd be sending Arthur Weasley to collect Harry and his trunk on Saturday to spend the last two weeks of the summer vacation with the Weasley family.
In the letter, Harry read:
They are such strong supporters of the light; I believe it will be good for you to spend time with them. Your best friend, Ron Weasley, looks forward to flying with you and helping you complete your summer homework. Mrs. Weasley, Ron's mother, can do all your school shopping for you.
'You mean Ron wants to copy all my homework so he doesn't have to do any,' Harry thought.
After thinking for another minute, he went to his aunt and asked for a favour. With only a moment's hesitation, she agreed to the request and shortly thereafter, the messenger owl was winging his way back to Hogwarts with the following letter.
Professor Dumbledore,
I can't possibly part with my nephew before the first of September. Do not send any of your freaky people to attempt to collect him. I will report that as kidnapping. There are too many chores here for him to complete to be traipsing all over England with your kind!
Petunia Dursley
When he received the reply to his letter, Dumbledore was confused – the boy should see this as an opportunity to escape from his prison! But the signature on the letter was real and apparently signed without coercion; Petunia Dursley was Harry Potter's guardian in the mundane world so until 1 September the boy-who-lived would remain at Privet Drive.
Wading up the letter, he went to the floo to inform Molly she wouldn't have a house guest after all.
"Oh Albus, I am sorry to hear that," Molly said without as much shouting as Dumbledore had expected. Her next words quickly cleared up his confusion.
"It seems that Potter's vault key has been 'lost'. I can't find it anywhere but knew that once he was here, I could take him to Gringotts and get it replaced for just a few galleons."
Albus frowned through the flames and Molly shrunk back a little to see that unusual look on the headmaster's face.
"Find it! Shake those three rascals of yours until their teeth fall out of their heads but find that key, Molly!" Dumbledore said. "I can't access any funds without it!"
"Yes headmaster, I'm sure it's here somewhere," Molly replied as Dumbledore broke the floo connection. With soot and ashes in her hair and clothes, Molly Weasley turned and began yelling for Fred, George, and Ron to appear in her kitchen.
Many minutes later, Ron still shivered with fear at his mother's rage but he managed to say, "Why don't you ask Ginny? She talks about Potter all the time and she could have taken the key as easy as me!"
Fred and George remained silent; their posteriors sore from their mother's stinking hexes cast after their strong denials to stealing the key to Potter's vault from their mother's jewellery box.
"Ginevra Weasley! Where are you?" screamed Molly.
Everyone at Hogwarts found Dumbledore and McGonagall to be short-tempered in August and the new Deputy Headmistress soon brought the cauldron to a boil.
SCENE Late Summer 1992When Dobby appeared at Privet Drive again, Snot captured the elf and forced more of the story from him; his bad master planned to send something evil to Hogwarts that would kill many 'mudbloods and blood-traitors'.
Dobby begged, "Snot knows that Harry Potters can't go to Hogwarts!"
The older elf shook his head and said, "Elves must protect and help our wizards but Harry Potter is only wizard who can help all others! Snot will help Harry Potter!"
Crying, Dobby begged Snot to call for him if the elf needed help and returned to his home to serve his bad master for another day.
Albus Dumbledore found it impossible to juggle Delores Umbridge, the Wizengamot, the ICW and the upcoming school year. He lost sleep and looked each of his one hundred and thirty-seven years! The last person to cross his mind was Harry Potter, so the young wizard had a quiet end to his summer vacation. He couldn't access the boy's trust vault either and couldn't make any payments to various minions and government officials who expected the annual payment to remain loyal.
On the last day of August, with Cornelius Fudge present in Dumbledore's office (that still smelled of smoke from time to time), the new Deputy Headmistress announced that she had decided to change the sorting ceremony. There weren't any objections immediately following her announcement because no one present could imagine such a thing.
"I am certain you will agree that the sorting should begin with all the good pureblood families, then the lessor purebloods, who will be followed by the half-bloods."
Minerva, who was enjoying the different shades of purple in Dumbledore's face, asked, "But what of the muggleborns, Delores? When do we sort the muggleborns?"
The rotund, toad faced woman waved a hand dismissively, "They can all go to Hufflepuff… that's where they belong."
From its place on a shelf far away from the headmaster's desk, the sorting hat spoke up, "Delores Umbridge! How dare you attempt to interfere with Hogwarts traditions! And you… remember you're practically a muggleborn and spent seven less than memorable years here in Hufflepuff in the sixties."
The hat proved to be merciless adding, "I believe Professor Sprout managed to get you graduated with a single NEWT in charms."
"HOW DARE YOU!" the witch screamed, threatening the sorting hat with her wand.
"Now, now, Delores, you know your father is a squib cast away by the Selwyn family before they died out, and your mother is a lovely muggle. They live outside of London and avoid your visits by hiding under the furniture when you apparate into their backyard."
Incandescent with rage, Delores Umbridge made an error – she attempted to cast an incendiary spell at the Sorting Hat. Hogwarts grabbed the spell, turned it around and set the deputy headmistress on fire. As her hair burned, Delores proved she could scream as loud as Molly Weasley at her finest.
Then the witch stumbled backwards and fell down the circular staircase in Dumbledore's office. While the long tumble did extinguish the fire, Delores broke several bones hitting the hard steps.
"I shall summon healers from St Mungo's," Dumbledore said after Minerva reminded him that she was no longer the 'deputy headmistress' and such commands over the floo system were not something she could do any longer.
Cornelius frowned, drank two glasses of Firewhiskey and demanded to be kept informed of developments in the castle until Umbridge was healed and returned to her post at the school.
"I just got rid of her, Dumbledore! I won't take her back!" he told the headmaster not realizing that the rest of the staff was still present and listening to his every word.
As soon as the healers came through the green flames in the fireplace, Cornelius threw in more floo powder and left for the ministry.
Searching through the broken toys left in his bedroom, Harry found what he was looking for – a small cardboard box with about fifty marbles in it.
When Snot appeared in the bedroom the next morning to help Harry prepare breakfast, the boy had a package for his elf.
"You're not giving me clothes, are you?" Snot asked.
Harry blushed and replied, "I remembered that I can't 'give you' clothes. I just tell you what to wear. But this is a gift from me to the bestest elf in the world."
Opening the box and finding blue, red, green and yellow marbles with a least two 'shooters', the old elf found himself crying like that Dobby character.
"Mr Harry Potters gives Snot marbles! Beautiful marbles!"
Hugging the elf, Harry said, "Don't cry Snot. Please don't cry."
"I just be happy!" the elf explained, dumping the marbles into his bag again with the pretty red stone.