Love Hina – Felony Assault

Fanfic by Steven Biggs

I've got a bit of writer's block for the next chapter of 'Beautiful Dreamer'. I thought I'd throw this out for some fun. ^_^

Chapter One – Primary Suspects

Wednesday Night

[My name is Friday. I'm a cop. While in Japan conducting investigative training for a local police force, I was called to assist in a local disturbance and missing person call at a hot water bath resort. They call it an 'onsen'. It's name is Hinata-sou.]

[When I arrived at the scene I saw, well, let's say that I've never seen the effects of such violence on a building as I saw that night. I believe that this will turn into a homicide investigation once the details are sorted out. I took the statements of all five permanent residents, along with one woman there on vacation.]

[Strangely, all of the persons involved are female and the missing person was a man. He was reported to be the manager of Hinata-sou. I started the investigation with the two primary suspects. The first claims to be a good friend of the missing person. I conducted the interview at the scene, in what is the dining area of the resort.]

"Miss Narusegawa, can you describe what happened here tonight?"

"Well, we were just sitting down to a dinner of tempura . . . . ."

"What is tempura?"

"It's just different meats and vegetables dipped in batter and fried. Sometimes we have rice or maybe soup to go with it."

"Just the facts, ma'am."

"Well, as I said, we were all just sitting down to eat and Keitaro attacked Shinobu again."

"The victim, Urashima Keitaro, had a prior record of this behavior?"

"Yes, he's always doing something perverted to one of us."


"Keitaro went to the kitchen to help bring out the rest of the food. When Shinobu came through the door, he tripped on Su's foot."

"Kaolla Su, the foreign girl."

"Yes, that's right. He tripped and fell on Shinobu, pulling her skirt off."

"So he did not actually plan to attack her, as you first stated."

"No, not really. You see, Keitaro is rather accident-prone. He can't help the way he is."

"And then what happened?"

"Motoko-san drew her sword to protect Shinobu. I think she used her rock splitting technique on him."

"A rock splitting technique with a sword? Could you explain?"

"I think that Motoko-san could describe it to you better than I could."

"Very well, go on."

"Well, she knocked Keitaro away from Shinobu and into the wall."

[I looked at the imprint on the wall. It is the shape of a human's body, about six inches deep.]

"Is that where he hit?"


"And that impact killed him."

"Oh no, he's used to that. It hardly bothers him anymore."


"He bounced off the wall and, uh . . . . ."


"And that scum grabbed my breasts."

"He attempted to sexually molest you?"

"Well, not really. You see, his glasses were knocked off and he couldn't see. He just reached out for some support after bouncing off the wall."

"And then?"

"I hit him."

"What happened after you hit him?"

"The usual. He crashed through the wall and sailed away."

[I looked at the wall. A large hole had obviously been punched through it from the inside.]

"The usual? This has happened before?"

"About ten times a week, at least."

"And that is when the body was missing?"

"No, he'll be back soon."

"You want me to believe that a human was thrown through that wall, after being slammed into that one, and survived?"

"Keitaro is very durable."

"And just what was your relationship to the, missing person?"

"Ah, uh, I am, that is, we are, ah . . . . ."

"Were you romantically involved with him?"

"No! We are, ah, just, uh, good friends!"

[I noticed her blushing and beginning to sweat. She obviously is trying to hide something about her relationship with the victim. This may be a crime of passion. I may be able to get more information from the others.]

"Thank you for your time. Please wait in the den with the others and send Miss Aoyama in."

"It's our common room. We usually have parties there."

"Just the facts, ma'am."

[The next person I interviewed was one Aoyama Motoko. She claims that she is a sword master from a Shinmei School near Kyoto. Kyoto, I remember from history class, was the ancient capital of Japan, just as Tokyo is now. It seems interesting that if you take the two syllables of Kyoto (KYO and TO) and switch them it becomes Tokyo (TO and KYO). But, I digress. This school is some kind of secret training academy, but to what purpose no one can accurately tell me. They keep saying something about demons, but maybe my Japanese is a little rusty. I am more apt to believe that they are a group of highly trained hit men (and women). Miss Aoyama is said to almost never to be without her weapon, and guards it most protectively. She would not allow the local police to confiscate it, so we have decided to let her retain possession for now.]

"Miss Aoyama, could you tell me what transpired this evening?"

"Urashima was up to his usual tricks. That lecherous, deceiving, weakling male attempted to sate his lust upon Shinobu-chan and Naru-sempai."

"So, he was a sexual predator?"

"No, he is just a clumsy, near-sighted, weakling male."

"Miss Narusegawa claims that you are responsible for that indentation on the wall."

"That is correct. At such short range, and with Shinobu-chan nearby, I held back slightly on my technique."

"Your splitting rocks technique."

"It is the Shinmei School Secret Arts technique of the Rock Splitting Sword."

"Also useful for committing a 'hit' I assume?"

"To hit the target is the primary objective."

"I see. And then what happened after your 'hit'?"

"Urashima lunged for Naru-sempai, attempting to molest her."

"So, even after your attack, he kept attempting to sate his desire?"

"No, he just fell against her. He is not very coordinated."

"And did you practice your 'technique' on the victim on a regular basis?"

"Urashima is always quite accommodating to my training. Since he arrived I have had multiple opportunities to hone my skills."

"Did you have, shall we say, an emotional attachment to the victim?"

"You, you , how dare you insinuate that I would lower myself to even think about the lips of someone such as Urashima, to even harbor any feelings for his gentle touch, to have even the slightest desire when I see his warm, gentle smile, I mean when he grins lecherously at me when I am practicing. You also are a vile, weakling male!"

"Then, shall I take that as a yes?"


"You can go now. Please send in Ms Konno."

End of Chapter One.