Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series and am writing this soley as a fan. (thank you everyone who's read the story so far)

Dabbling in Dentistry – Chapter Eleven

After storming into the convention hall, smacking multi-colored cheerful balloons out of his way, Draco Malfoy threw down his daisy print apron with all the terrible force of a pampered teenage pureblood. He pointed straight at the registration booth greeter with his feet squared and a full glare.

"Attention Muggle. My name is Draco Malfoy and I am positively superior to you in absolutely every way. Bring me the spawners of Hermione Granger or suffer needlessly!"

Ronald Weasley rounded the corner just in time to pull Draco back and drag him towards the exhibit hall. "What? It's a perfectly valid threat. Stay right there you baked good eating, flour user! Your questioning isn't over..." drifted from his disappearing form.


The 35th annual Surrey dental convention and expo was going swimmingly. Tooth shaped balloons and miniature toothpaste samples lined the walls. A sea of dental lab coats filled the wide corridors, which is the only excuse for why two robe-clad pureblood wizards had gone completely unnoticed using only a semi-folded newspaper, a tooth shaped welcome map, and a complementary tote bag.

Draco mumbled continuously as they entered the convention. Giving threatening glares to attendees and booth vendors alike.

"Well, you're getting calm...er" Ron noted.

"What I'm getting is appalled." Draco said, taking in the smiling molars, happy face stickers, and endless bowls of brightly colored candy.

"These dentist have a catastrophic sense of interior design. It's repetitive and well beyond tacky. Longbottom could do better than this hideously blinded. Their obsession with this smiling molar motif is cultish at worst, single-minded at the very best." He said while rummaging through their totebag. "And why would anyone hide this much waxy string in a tiny little box?" Draco sneered as he continued pulling more and more green minty floss from it's container.

Hands full of string, Draco took the place in as a whole. "It's no wonder Granger went over the edge."


After an hour of searching for big haired, know-it-all, elf lovers, Draco was coming up short.

"This place is half the sized of Azkaban and all muggles look alike. I say we yell Granger's name and grab the first two that look up." Draco suggested.

Ron flipped over their complementary tooth shaped map, looking for a better answer, and was greeted by the events schedule. "Bright Smiles dental has a listing. They're giving a presentation on 'traditional dentistry essential techniques' in fifteen minutes. We can get them then."

Satisfied with his discovery, Ron went to popped a yellow candy in his mouth only to have Draco stop him.

"Dear Merlin, don't eat that...it was made by muggles! Muggles have put their hands all over it. It could be infested with rats. "

"It's not big enough to be full of rats."

"They could be very small rats." Draco whispered emphatically, "and they could have the Plague. Give me that."

After divesting Ron of a stock pile of peppermints, smiling lollipops, and assorted multicolored candy balls, the two arrived at the presentation arena.

The small stage was bare except for two extremely bookish muggles, a big projector screen, and a comfortable looking reclining chair. Dozens of blue plastic chairs filled with white coat clad, enthusiastic, note-taking dentist. Ron and Draco casually tucked into a corner by a free fluorine treatment contest form box.

The bookish man with medium brown hair stepped forward. "Hello, I'm Paul Granger and this is my wife Janice, we are the proud founders of Bright Smiles Dentistry and educational learning center. Today we are going to discuss the fundamentals of our proud profession. For some of you this will be a trip down memory lane. For others," he scanned the room for students, "just getting your feet wet, so to speak, this should be a highly educational and deeply enriching presentation. Dear, if you'd make yourself comfortable." He motioned to his wife, who laid down in the padded chair.

"Gallons! He lectures just like Granger. I say he finds a way to work in 'servitude', 'degradation', and 'saute pan' at least five times."

"You know Malfoy, Mr. Granger never struck me as the type to be a crazy tyrant." Ron continued as Mr. Granger set up the projector for better viewing. "What if he's not the bad sort of muggle. I mean how could he be as bad a Harry's uncle?" He turned to Draco. "Malfoy, are you even listening."

Ron looked up to find Draco looking on in opened mouthed horror at the stage.

"No we simply cut the nerve here..." Ron looked up at the projector magnified image, mind frozen in horror.






"Wait. Dentists are a form of doctor! W..with stitches... and the bone saws!" Ron shouted as he jumped out from their hiding place. Draco dragged him back with the force of one saving someone from an oncoming truck. "Think Weasley! Do you want to be killed?" then hissed "...we're surrounded by doctors! Doctors bore Granger." Draco finished with a final shutter.

On stage the sound of buzzing metal continued.

"Drills! Harry's uncle sells... drills."

"Well obviously he sells them to dentists. Bet he likes to watch as well. Sick muggle."

"Now we just stanch the bleeding.."

"And that is how we successfully preform a root canal with double bypassing." Dr. Granger happily helped his wife out of the chair. "Thank you dear for leaving that one especially for the conference. That extra impaction variation was quite lively."

Mrs. Granger attempted a smile though the novican and gauze.

"Mor Wilcm Daar."

"Next, we were planning to use general anesthetic and show you a live wisdom tooth removal, unfortunately our daughter was called away suddenly." Dr. Granger mentioned sadly. "Just the right age for one too. But one must look on to future opportunities." He said brightly.

Ron's last illusions of Hermione's sanity and mere eccentricity vanished in a fog of lab coats and shiny metal objects.


As they walked backstage, doctors Granger and Granger were confronted by a freckled redhead in dueling stance.

"Hello young man, interested in the proud profession of dentistry are you?" Mr. Granger stepped forward. "Oh, you're one of Hermione's friends, aren't you. Richard. No, no Ronald."

"Dear it's Hermione's friend Ronald."

"Wello teer..."

"Stay where you are you light shining, candy baring, tooth mutilators!" Ron stepped back and fired a stupefy only to have Mr. Granger grab his wife and dodge behind a giant toothbrush cut out.

"Hermione said you were a bit sensitive about your full name, but you shouldn't take it this seriously!"

"Come out and fight you nerve cutting, drill users."

"This is highly inappropriate. You're in danger of expulsion!"

Stupefy dodge

"Nothings worth risking your academic career!"

"Ne's myght Wonilt!"

Ron tried again, only to be forced to dive as the now flying toothbrush cut out and a sensibly heeled size nine woman's shoe came flying past his head. He turned to Draco. "Why aren't you helping me?"

Draco, helpfully hidden behind a stage ladder, yelled: "They ran through the rusted door there. Best pickup the pace Weasley. The shoeless one is fast."


Ron only had to follow Paul and Janice so far before the effects of type three novican, a badly laid out alley, a misplaced soda can, and Draco hurling an abandon sensibly heeled size nine woman's shoe, felled Hermione's mother.

Paul Granger stopped and yelled. "Don't hurt my wife!"

Ron snorted. "Like that isn't the cauldron calling the dementor black! Who put stitches in her!"

"He's right! Surrender now or suffer deservingly!" Draco yelled. "What? I put my hand on something that came off a muggle's foot. They have to surrender!" Draco ended his argument with two well aimed stupefy spells.

"Well, that's settled" Ron breathed. "Help me check them for tiny sharp torture devices!"

Draco riffled through Mr. Granger's pockets, coming up with a button, some dental floss, and his wallet.

Draco flipped it open. "Dear Merlin, Granger's hair was even worse as a child. They even put a shiny fence in her mouth to hold back those giant teeth of hers. Her heirs are doomed forever." Draco added conversationally.

Draco and Ron returned Grangerless to a clueless crowd loudly applauding the new crown and bridge making technique being presented on stage.


"Time to go back then." Ron

"Not yet, " Draco holding Mr. Granger's identification card. "There's still the matter of files, letters, journals, biographies, photos, and scrapbooks! Muggle homes await."

Draco casually walked out of the convention. "That house of toothpulling, scone making, scrapbookers falls tonight." Ron gave a last look to the horrors they'd seen and followed.