A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.

The Golden Oaks Library was long gone, but the palace that stood in its place was still large and staturesque. A warm, beautiful place once Twilight settled in. And despite their new responsibilities, the Holders of the Elements of Harmony were still able to meet around the table and just talk like normal mares.

A topic of normal mares being, quite naturally...

"Oh... Heat is like the hardest cider," Rarity sighed, rubbing her temples with her hooves. Applejack nodded in sympathy, rubbing her own hooves together.

"Tell me about it. Ah felt like doing half of Manehattan," Applejack groaned.

"It feels like it's been worse lately," Dash sighed. Applejack nodded.

"Eeyup," she said in imitation of her brother. "Ah think ah've put in fifty acres o' apple trees jest to deal wit it."

Fluttershy winced. "O-Oh my… Yes… Um…" She looked over at Rarity, a curious question on her lips. "Rarity? How do you handle, um… You know… Heat?"

The white mare managed a warm, confident smile.

"By channeling my raw sexual energy into my art! ... And visiting the spa. A lot." She looked at Fluttershy curiously. "How do you… Er… Handle it, darling?"

Fluttershy blushed bright red, tapping her hooves together hard as she fretted. "Ah, um, oh… I-I just… I um… I try to… Ride it out… Um… In my cottage." A beat. "And definitely… Definitely don't go out into the woods and… See what happens…"

"I... see," Rarity said, reaching out to pat Fluttershy's hoof comfortingly but with a raised eyebrow. She looked over at the bouncing pink holder of Laughter. "Pinkie Pie?"

"I have sex!" Pinkie said cheerfully and without an ounce of shame.

"... Well yes, we know that, but with who?" Rarity asked. Pinkie Pie grinned, bouncing up and down harder.

"Oh, depends on who I'm seeing at the time! And sometimes Dashie!"

"PINKIE!" Dash hissed, blushing bright red. At the looks from the others, she blushed harder. "I-I mean, it's not like I do it all the time! Now that I'm at the Wonderbolts Academy, I have so many stallions!"

"Or mares," Rarity giggled. Dash scowled and flailed almost cutely.


"I never said there was!" Rarity giggled.

They all looked down at the far end of the Friendship Table, where Twilight was studiously looking at her hooves without saying a word. A lot of curiosity was on her, and she looked harder.

"Ahem. Twilight?

"Uh... I uh... ahem... Oh well, it's been forever since I've had a heat, soooo…" Twilight tried to move the conversation with the social-fu skill of a drunken grasshopper. "Hey! How about that Agricultural Conference Big Mac is going to? I'm going to help him when he gets here but if you have input on it-"

"Forever, darling? Come now, don't be embarrassed... Tell us!" Rarity insisted with a smile, easily knocking the conversation back with the skill of the master.

"It can't be that bad," Applejack said.

"Definitely not as bad as Dash," Rarity snickered. Dash glared as Pinkie giggled harder.

"Can we just forget that?!"

"Come on Twily, it's not that bad!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "I mean, you must be handling it a lot better than us! You're not even sweating or twitchy!"

"Yes," Rarity said, "it's almost like you're not even going through it…"

"Well," Twilight began, her gaze anywhere but at the eyes of her friends. "It's because… Technically, I'm not going through it. I haven't, for a while." A pause. "I sealed it. With a magic spell of my own design."

It was deathly silent in the palace for a time. A silence that Fluttershy broke.

"What?!" She squeaked in astonishment. Twilight looked up at the others, just as shocked by Fluttershy's outcry as the rest were of Twilight's announcement.

"You... sealed it?" Rarity asked slowly. "Is that healthy?!"

"Even thought up the incantation: 'Heat oh heat, I'll make you stop, this spell helps to put it off!'" Twilight explained, feeling more uncomfortable at the looks of concern on everypony's faces.

"For how long?" Rarity asked.

"Ummm… Since… Since I was twelve?" Twilight squeaked. Rarity's eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

Everypony else wasn't much better, gasps filling the air.

"Are you insane, Twilight?!" Rarity gasped.

"I had no time to be lusting over stallions," Twilight tried. "It's perfectly safe!"

"S-Safe? You could have seriously injured your body!" Fluttershy cried.

"Messing with your heat is crazy when you're that young!" Dash shouted. "Geez, no wonder you're so slim and coltish!"

"I am not coltish! So I'm a little androgynous... it's not like I'm asexual!" Twilight insisted. "It was a little trying sometimes with how much magic is in me, but as Princess of Friendship I don't have time to worry about heat!"

"But with how much magical energy you've got now, there's no way this could ever be safe!" Rarity insisted. "You're an alicorn, you can't just close off that part of you!"

"It's not something I'll do forever!" Twilight insisted. Rarity hummed thoughtfully, her eyes widening in comprehension.

"Oh! No wonder the only time you've shown any interest in somepony was when you were a human on the other side of the mirror. You weren't in your regular form!"

"I… Even so, I'm not interested in romance here! I have too much to do!" Twilight insisted. "And it wasn't that big a deal! I just… I liked a stallion over there! It was no big deal!"

A beat. Then, Spike broke the silence, having walked up to stand by Twilight's chair.

"She has a shrine to him in her room," he announced wearily. Twilight blushed bright red.


"I'm just saying, that's not nothing," Spike said, his clawed hands held up appeasingly. Applejack shook her head.

"Twilight, love is a part of friendship. How are ya gonna understand it if you cut yerself off to such a big part of it?"

"It-It makes it easier for me to understand it if I'm objective," Twilight tried weakly. "And again, it's no big deal! I can stop anytime I want!"

"That sounds healthy," Dash muttered sarcastically. Pinkie Pie shot up right next to Twilight, looking completely innocent.

"Sooo... If someone wanted to release the seal, how could they do it?" Pinkie Pie asked. "I mean, such an incredible spell you made yourself…"

"Why?" Twilight asked, suspicious.

Rarity caught on first, and smiled in the face of the princess's incredulity. "Darling, you know we only ask out of concern," she said. "Besides, it would be educational for us. It's a spell we've never heard of before, and would like to understand."

"Oh," Twilight said, mollified for the moment. She shrugged with a smile. "I have a reverse incantation, and myself, Spike, my parents, and Princess Celestia are the only ones who know."

All eyes shot to Spike. Spike coughed. Rainbow Dash was usually a bit slow on the uptake, but her attention had been locked since the conversation began. So she got it and shot up on her wings, shooting into the air.

"Look at me!" Dash shouted.

"Dash? What are you-?" Twilight tried. Then Pinkie Pie popped up and shoved a muffin into Twilight's face.

"Twilight, here! Have a muffin!" Pinkie Pie said. Twilight blinked, and took hold of it.

"Oh, thanks," Twilight said, as she took it. "Dash, stop that, there isn't enough room to do any-"

She then saw Spike whisper to Rarity. Rarity lit up her horn, summoning her magic. Twilight's eyes widened.

"Wait a second-!"

"Sorry Twilight, but this is for your own good! 'I'm done being a stuffy prude. Let's have sex you sexy dude'," Rarity cast, as she shot a beam of magic right at Twilight. It connected, and Twilight wrapped her hooves around her belly.

"AHN!" Twilight cried.

Rarity looked over at Spike curiously. "Why army cadence?" She asked. Spike shrugged.

"Wh-why…?" Twilight groaned.

"Sugarcube, it's unhealthy goin' against yer nature like that," Applejack said honestly.

"Seriously! You need to let it go!" Pinkie said brightly, pointing up dramatically. "Or you'll end up like Michael Jockson and his chemically castrated voice and then you'll fly around in Neverland and have weird relationships with little colts!"

Everypony went silent, staring at Pinkie Pie. She nodded. Dash shrugged.

"Look Twi, she said it," Dash said. "Trust me, this is the best decision!"

"You should embrace your nature, not suppress it. That just makes you unhappy," Fluttershy said kindly. Twilight groaned, and Fluttershy reached out a hoof to rest on her shoulder. "Twilight?"

"Ohhh… It feels like my ovaries are churning!" She groaned, her face a scowl of pain.

"Get her ice cream and all the romance novels we can!" Rarity cried. She reached out and patted Twilight's hoof. "Don't worry Twilight. It's been a while, but you'll be okay!"

"Yeah," Pinkie Pie said happily, "there's no need to be afraid of your own nature!"

"B-But you don't understand, I… I…" Twilight tried. At this moment, all their eyes were drawn to the front doors.

The great doors were opened, pushed aside by powerful hooves. A large, red stallion entered, a stalk of wheat held in his teeth. He cleared his throat.

"Yer Highness. About the conference, ah-"

Twilight's face turned an even brighter red, as her wings pompfed out. Her magenta eyes locked onto Big Macintosh, her mouth dropping open. She licked her chops, a hungry expression coming over her face. Applejack looked on in concern.

"Ah… Twi? You awright?"

Twilight's aura flared with eldritch energy, powerful enough to blow all her friends off their hooves and onto the floor. The floor rumbled, the sky darkened and thunder roared as Twilight rose, her eyes burning bright with magical power.

"TWILIGHT… WANT!" She bellowed. Big Macintosh's eyes widened as Twilight's magic lifted him off the floor. With her sheer magical power, Twilight yanked him to her embrace and kissed him-Sloppily and hungrily. The big stallion was frozen for a moment, but soon got into it. Twilight broke the kiss, snarling like a beast.

"BED. NOW!" Twilight roared, and the two ponies vanished in the light of a teleportation spell. The remaining holders of the Elements of Harmony, and Spike, all slowly got up to their feet/hooves. Rarity cleared her throat delicately as the entire castle began to shake and rumble, like an earthquake was hitting it. A very short, brief earthquake, again and again and again...

"... Do you think perhaps we should have thought this through a bit more?" Rarity asked.

"I dunno, I just kind of do stuff and worry later," Dash said with a shrug. Rarity smirked.

"Like Pinkie Pie?"

"I SWEAR TO CELESTIA RARITY!" Dash barked, bright red.

"Well, at least he looked into it," Pinkie said brightly, as Applejack covered her face with her hat.

"Ah'm not imaginin what ah'm imaginin' right now, ah'm not, ah'm not…"

One week later…

The town of Ponyville was in a bit of an uproar. Whether it was night or day, the rumbling, shaking, and other sounds of copulation coming from Twilight's castle had affected everypony. Ultimately though, nopony was brave enough to approach the shaking crystal palace.

At least not until the rest of the remaining Elements voted Rarity as the one to go and knock on the door. Rarity huffed as she trotted towards the palace, Spike walking alongside her, practically walking on air despite the trouble sleeping.

"Thanks again for letting me stay with you, Rarity," Spike said happily. Rarity beamed.

"It's the least I could do for my Spikey-Wikey… But did you really need to sleep in a bed of my undergarments?"

Spike coughed. "Yes. Absolutely. It's a dragon thing. I…" He looked up at the front doors of the castle, and saw a familiar white form waiting patiently outside. Rarity gasped.

"Princess Celestia!" She cried. She instinctively bowed, before rising. "This-If you're curious about the earthquakes, ah… It's because Twilight has been very busy with a certain magic experiment of hers! She just got overly focused on it, that's why she hasn't been sending you letters-!"

"It's all right, Rarity," Celestia said gently. "I'm aware of the… Situation. And I'm going to take care of it."

"Oh dear," Rarity murmured, worried. "It's really our responsibility. And the others would say that too if they were here…" Rarity narrowed her eyes. "And hadn't abandoned me like a bunch of cowards…"

"I told them the counterspell!" Spike insisted. "So don't punish anyone but me!"

"I'm not here to punish anypony," Celestia said soothingly. Abruptly, the shaking stopped, as did the loud noises. Spike and Rarity looked up at the palace in concern.

"You… You don't think she killed him, do you?" Spike asked in concern.

"I'm sure she didn't… Probably," Rarity said, trying to be optimistic and failing miserably. The palace doors slowly opened. Twilight pranced out, literally glowing with the largest smile Spike or Rarity had ever seen on her face.

Much, much more slowly behind her, Big Macintosh trotted out. He looked like he'd been recently showered and cleaned. He settled down on his bottom on the stairs, staring out into space. Celestia looked at Twilight. Her smile was threatening to turn into a saucy smirk.

"Hello my faithful student. How are you feeling?"

"Never… Better," Twilight purred. Celestia looked over at Big Macintosh.

"And you, noble Apple? How are you?"

Big Macintosh opened his mouth and closed it a few times, before he finally found the words to speak.

"... Kind of afraid o' how much ah liked it… Eeyup… Spoiled fer any other mare ever… Eeyup," he murmured in a daze. Celestia reached out and patted his shoulder with her hoof.

"That's natural," Celestia soothed. She looked over at Twilight. "I'm so glad you decided to release the hold on your heat, Twilight. I really was getting concerned. I look forward to the friendship report."

"Reports," Twilight said happily. She looked over at Big Macintosh, biting her lower lip. "I'm going to be exploring this… Thoroughly."

Big Macintosh shuddered, but it wasn't out of disgust.

"And speaking of," Twilight said happily, nuzzling Big Macintosh. Celestia shook her head.

"Remember Twilight: Proper hydration. And also cuddling."

"Yes Princess!" Twilight said cheerfully. "Come on darling!"

"Yes dear," Big Macintosh obeyed. With his head hung low, he followed Twilight back into the castle. Celestia's horn glowed, as did the rest of the Crystal Palace. The doors shut… But the ground didn't start shaking again. Rarity looked at Princess Celestia.

"So… What did you do?" She asked.

"I just improved the sound and shock absorption of the castle," Celestia said. "Don't worry. She should calm down in a few more days." She beamed at Rarity and Spike. "I look forward to your friendship reports, too," she said.

Rarity blinked and blushed. "Wait, by friendship reports, do you mean…?"

"Have a nice day, my dear little ponies! And Spike?" Celestia asked. The dragon perked up.

"Yes Princess?"

"Don't do anything I wouldn't," Celestia winked. She vanished in a flash of light. Spike looked over at Rarity, grinning broadly. Rarity looked back at him, and blushed hard despite herself. He cleared his throat.

"... So, about the underwear basket…"