[Do you ever wonder what happened to the duck and the rooster? Many people do, including me. But do you ever wonder what happened to Joey's sailboat, the *Mr. Bowmont*, which he ridiculously purchased in the season six finale? I think fewer people wonder about that, and I'm only mildly curious myself.

It's probably not a big deal because 1) the boat is inanimate and cannot suffer if abandoned, sold, or whatever, and 2) the boat appeared in only a couple of episodes, unlike the birds, who were seen from season 3 to season 6. (The duck was mentioned in episode 702, but not seen.)

So here is a story that takes place mostly on the boat, after Rachel tried to teach Joey how to sail.]
Joey and Chandler were alone on the *Mr. Bowmont*, a 22-foot sailboat that Joey had recently purchased at a charity auction. The boat was docked at the marina, and the sun had just set.

"Wow," Chandler said. "That was a great sunset. You're right, Joe. It is better drinking beer and eating chips out here."

Joey smiled. "I told you." He stretched out and put his feet up, as if leaning back in his leather recliner at home.

Chandler would have kicked back and relaxed too, but the rapidly unfolding darkness made him nervous. "So, um, you wanna head back now, Joe?"

Joey glanced at him. "What's the rush? I thought you wanted to get away from everybody, after that stuff at the gym." (Chandler had embarrassed himself during two naked incidents with Mr. Geller, and the gang still teased him mercilessly.)

"Yeah, but--but it's gonna be really dark soon." Even though there were lights all along the pier, the idea of being on the docks after dark made Chandler as skittish as when they went on that ride-along with Gary at night.

"It's okay." Joey reached over and switched on some lights that he'd rigged up to the boat. "Better now?"

Chandler nodded and visibly calmed. "Thanks." He had feared that Joey might take the opportunity to tease him.

Joey just kicked back and grabbed another sandwich from the cooler. "No problem."

Chandler put his feet up too and changed the subject. "This is a really nice boat, Joe. I bet it'll be as much of a chick-magnet as that Porsche you found the keys too."

"Yeah," Joey grinned. "It's so cool to just sit out here, knowing that I have a boat. It's like I'm already one of those rich movie stars who own mansions and stuff."

"I see." Now he understood why Joey was willing to make payments on this boat for years to come. It was an morale booster and a status symbol. "When you're a huge star, Joe, and you live in L.A., will you fly us out there in your private jet?"

"Sure!" He put his arm around Chandler's shoulders. "You come over anytime you want. Even if it's just to play foosball."

"Aw!" Chandler hugged him, then laughed. "I kinda feel like a game of foosball right now, but we'd never get the table out here, would we?"

"Nope, but I know what we could do instead."


Joey smiled mysteriously and got up. He went into the cabin at the front of the boat and returned with a portable TV.

"Hey!" Chandler laughed. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

Joey nodded. "Remember when I had this at Nana's funeral? It still works great." (He had sneaked this same TV into the funeral and reception for Monica and Ross's grandmother.)

Chandler smirked. "Can this thing get cable?"

Joey just checked his watch. "No *Baywatch*, but maybe there's a game on." So the guys sat close together and flipped through the channels.

On the pier, some people walked by the boat and waved at Joey.

"Hey, Captain Joey," said a hot brunette woman who lingered behind the group. "Who's your friend?"

"This is my buddy, Chandler. Chandler, this is Amber."

Chandler tried to say hi, but only managed to make some goofy, incoherent noise.

Amber smiled. "Cute. So, are you guys heading out on the water tonight?"

Joey gestured to the TV. "Nah, we're gonna just hang out here." He didn't want to admit to her that he didn't actually know how to sail his boat.

Amber offered, "Well, if you want to, maybe you guys could come join me and my friends. There's room on our boat."

"Nah, some other time, maybe."

"Suit yourself," Amber shrugged and went off to join her friends.

Chandler slowly recovered his power of speech. "She is hot!"

"Yeah." Joey turned back to the TV.

Chandler was amazed by his casual air. "Why'd you turn her down, Joe? It's not just 'cause I'm here, is it?"

Joey nodded. "And you're engaged."

"I know!" Chandler answered. "Even if I was single, Amber is completely out of my league. I'm just saying, I'd understand it if you wanted to ditch me for her. I could just go home, you know? The guys might be out of lap dance jokes by now."

"I don't want you to go home," Joey said. "When's the last time that you and me hung out, just us?"

Chandler shrugged. "It's been awhile, but that doesn't mean I want to get in your way or anything."

"You're not in the way. I can get girls any time." He put his arm around Chandler again. "Come on, I get sick of hanging out with Ross. He's not you."

Chandler smiled, feeling flattered. "Yeah, Ross can be really lame sometimes."

"Rachel said that on her dad's boat, Ross wore three life jackets!"

Chandler laughed hysterically and didn't feel so bad about his fear of being in certain parts of the city after dark.

Joey finished flipping through the channels and sighed. "I can't find any games on. Sorry."

"Oh well. It's a small screen to watch sports on, anyway."

"Yeah, but it was better than nothing at the funeral." Joey switched off the TV and put it aside, then he offered Chandler another beer from the cooler.

"No, I've had enough." Chandler smiled, remembering the incident with Mr. Geller in the steam room. "Any more beer and I might give *you* a lap dance."

Joey laughed. "So it's okay to joke about it now?"

"Yeah," he said, in a good mood. "Give it your best shot."

Joey thought for a moment, then grinned. "Okay, um, so did you sit on him so that he'd be sure to remember your name?"

Not amused, Chandler pouted. "Why does Mr. Geller think my name is Chauncey, anyway? I mean, Ross introduced me to his parents way back in college! Monica and I even had dinner with them last week, and Mr. Geller knew my name then. Why am I suddenly so forgettable to everybody?"


"Yeah, you guys thought I'd always worn glasses, Ross thought I was left-handed, and Mr. Geller thought I was Chauncey. I mean, does anybody know me?"

Joey frowned bewilderedly. "Wait, so Monica didn't tell you about the joke yet?"

"Joke? What joke?"

"Well, before you came back from the eye doctor, she said that we shouldn't tease you or say that you looked geeky with glasses. We should act like you look normal and stuff. Ross said, 'Hey, let's pretend that Chandler's always worn glasses.' Then he described some glasses that he used to wear as a kid. Monica pointed at him and said, 'When you were Bea!' or something like that. She was laughing too hard to explain to the rest of us, and then you came in, wearing your glasses."

Chandler was shocked. "And you went along with this?"

Joey shrugged and looked apologetic. "I thought it was just the regular joking around that we always do. I didn't know it would upset you, or that nobody would explain the joke after I left for work. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Joe. All those other guys should have told me, especially Monica."

"Yeah, I don't know why she didn't. And why would Ross think you're left-handed?"

"He doesn't!" Chandler realized the truth. "Ross is behind this, the jerk! He suggested the glasses thing, he made up the lefty thing, and he probably told his dad that I prefer to be called Chauncey!"

"What? Why?"

"Well, either Ross is getting back at me for making fun of him all the time, or in his own crazy way, he thinks that he's just initiating me into the Geller family." Chandler stood up furiously. "I'm gonna go teach Ross a lesson!"

"Really?" Joey looked doubtful.

Chandler thought about it, and didn't look so fierce anymore. "Um, will you help me?"

"Sure! Give me a minute." Joey got up and hurriedly put away the TV and the cooler inside the cabin. Then he locked the door and switched off the lights on the boat.

"Whoa!" Chandler said with a gulp. "It's *really* dark."

"Don't worry, I gotcha." Joey reached out and helped Chandler step back onto the pier, then they went home together.


With Joey standing behind him, Chandler angrily confronted Ross at his apartment.

Ross admitted to his prank and said, "Come on, can't you take a joke? It's like when we were in college, pulling crazy stuff on each other."

"Look at me, out of college and not laughing! Just how long were you gonna keep this up?"

"I don't know, a week maybe?" Ross laughed mischievously. "I mean, you were certainly helping things along at the gym. Who knew you were gonna sit on my dad like that?"

Chandler grabbed Ross's finger and twisted it, bringing Ross to his knees, just like when Ross had kissed Chandler's mom years ago.

"Ow! Why do I fall for that?"

Apparently Chandler didn't need Joey's help after all, but it was still fun to watch.

Chandler asked Ross, "Was Monica in on your little joke?"

Ross winced. "No. I-I just talked everybody into not telling you about the glasses thing. Said I was gonna do it, 'cause the Bea thing embarrassed me."

"What Bea thing?"

Ross reluctantly explained how, as a kid, he used to dress up in his mom's clothing and give tea parties as Bea.

Chandler exchanged a glance with Joey, and they burst out laughing. Ross must be telling the truth, because he wouldn't make that kind of stuff up.

Chandler forced Ross to grovel for forgiveness and to promise to straighten out Mr. Geller on the whole name confusion. As further punishment, Chandler asked, "Do your parents still have any pictures or home movies of you dressed as Bea, because I think all of our friends would like to see them!"

"Yeah!" Joey agreed with a wide grin. Clearly, it was soon going to be Ross's turn to be teased endlessly.