Yo! It is a bitch with a sword! OK, not literally but who cares? * Ignores all the hands that shoot up into the air *. This fic is my first and it is a song fic. Of course, it has many different songs and it is a Draco/Hermione. * Bows from all of the applause but someone chucks a stapler * OK! WHO THREW THE STAPLER!? * Another one is chucked and It hits me in the head and I get knocked out *

Chapter One. As If

Hermione walked down one of the long halls of Hogwarts. She could not have been any happier. She had great grades, she was not picked on as much by her Slytherin peers, her parents were as happy as ever, and she had a great boyfriend. One that would not cheat on her, play her, or mentally or physically abuse her. Ron Weasly. The youngest of the men in the Weasly family and Hermione's sweet, loving, caring, truthful. . . . Hermione's thought's were stopped abruptly when she passed by a classroom and heard moans and groans.

"Faster, Ron, uhhhhh-" said an all too familiar voice.

Hermione walked up to the classroom door and rested her ear on it.

"Ron," she heard the girl moan again.

"Lavender," Hermione mouthed to herself in disbelief.

Hermione was going to let it go when she first passed by the room, but when she heard the name of her significant other she had to know who was in that classroom. Hermione grabbed her wand and pointed it at the door.

"Blendo Teetus" Hermione muttered. The door became transparent and Hermione saw who was in the classroom.

Hermione, being the smart, and completely strong woman she is, was fazed and completely shocked at the site in front of her eyes. Ron was up against the wall with Lavender Brown sandwiched between him and the chalkboard. He was pumping himself into the girl that Hermione had called a friend for six years! Her boyfriend that she was practically praising two minutes ago was now fucking Lavender! Hermione was not going to stand for it. The thing that had gotten Hermione was that Ron had just asked her out three hours ago and Hermione had said yes. She was not going to blame Lavender, though. It was Ron's fault and Hermione was going to make him pay! She raised her wand right and Ron's back. The couple was still oblivious that Hermione was standing in the doorway, looking completely peeved. She opened the door quietly.

"Ran dose Compendia" Hermione yelled.

Ron was knocked out strait away and Lavender screamed.

"Hermione! What are you doing?!" Lavender screeched.

"I am stopping this right now! Get dressed!" Hermione yelled.

"We were busy, Hermione!" Lavender yelled.

"Ron is my boyfriend, Lavender!" Hermione screeched back. Lavender was buttoning her blouse while Hermione said this and her jaw dropped.

"Wha- What!?" Lavender asked.

"He didn't tell you?" Hermione asked looking on the verge of crying her eyes out.

"No. He's your boyfriend and I was. . . Oh, Hermione I am so sorry!" Lavender said with pleading eyes.

Hermione started crying. "It's ok," Hermione said. Hermione stepped back a bit and then started to run through the halls. Her bag was left by the door of the classroom that she had just invaded. Hermione heard the bell ring and students started to pile out of the Great Hall. Hermione ran up a flight of stairs, which were right next to the Great Hall, and started to run away from the Great Hall, her face in her hands. All the people that could see her stopped walking and stared and she ran down the long hall that lead away from the Great Hall. The huge group just stared after her until she was out of site, shrugged, and then went back to walking toward their next classes. Only three people cared to know what was wrong. Four pares of eyes stared toward her, on pare blue, one green, and another silver.

Hermione had liked Ron ever since their second year. A long time for a small 12 year old girl with a crush to hold. Hermione had waited forever to be able to go out with Ron and the day she was aloud to, he had cheated on her. HE had cheated on HER! That was the most absurd thing Hermione had ever heard. Hermione noticed that she didn't like Ron, but she loved him. It had totally crushed her. Hermione was running toward the Head common room but she tripped and fell onto the cold stone floor and sobbed onto the solid foundation. Hermione cried and cried for seemed like hours. She tried to stand up and it took her a while, but she finally propped herself up against the wall but she couldn't stand for long.

She fell back down, but was caught by somebody. She didn't notice who and she didn't care, unless it was Ron. Hermione opened her eyes and didn't see any red, so she closed them again and cried some more. The person carried her toward the Head Common Room and walked up the portrait.

"Pixie Dust," the person said. The voice was a boys and only one boy knew the password. The Head Boy.

He carried her into the large common room and set her on the couch. Hermione just rolled back off onto the floor. The Head Boy threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Honestly, Granger. What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked her, his silver eyes showing clear and all out no emotion.

"Fuck off, Malfoy. I am not going to take your shit today and if you even try to insult me you will regret it for the rest of your life," Hermione threatened.

"Don't insult me, And watch your language," she flipped him off," Maybe later." He said like the smart ass he is.

"You are going to regret that you are even talking to me," Hermione warned.

"Malfoy's don't regret anything, Granger. Mudbloods might, but superiors such as I don't," he said with a sneer.

"I know you don't regret anything, that's how bad it's going to be when I am through with you, you sorry pure blood, ferret faced, toe headed, jack- ass!" Hermione said. She was now on her feet, rather wobbly, and looking Malfoy in the eyes. Malfoy smirked and walked up to her to where they were body to body. Hermione didn't move.

"Nice come back, Granger. But here's a clue," he bent down to her ear," I don't give a shit."

"Oh really?" Hermione asked and he just cocked an eyebrow. Hermione, being delusional,(AN: yeah right!) grabbed his balls and pushed him back onto the floor. "I have just done the world a HUGE favor! No more little Malfoy bastards!! YAY!" Hermione said and then walked into her large bedroom to sleep, slamming the door behind her. Malfoy was lying in a ball in the middle of the floor, on the verge of tears, and grabbing his maybe damaged gear.


Later that night, Hermione was sitting in the common room in a high backed chair. She was sitting staring at the fire blankly, thinking absentmindedly. While she was in her room she had slept the whole time. She had cried herself to sleep. Hermione was trying her hardest not to cry, still, but it wasn't going to work for long. She couldn't hold it in much longer. She put her face in her hands and started to sob into them. She stood up five minutes later and walked into her room. She got into her trunk and pulled out a bottle of bronze liquid. She then walked back into the common room and sat back down into the large chair.


30 minutes later, Hermione was piss drunk and half of the once full bottle was gone. It was a large bottle and anyone who drank half of it was surely going to be unable to think. Hermione looked over the side of the large chair but couldn't see the clock that was positioned right behind it. Being in her state, she leaned too far over and fell over the side without a sound. She shot back up like a bullet but fell back down again. She then got back, slower this time, and staggered toward the wall with the large oak clock that was right across from the large fire place. She still had the bottle of R&R in her hand. She was looking at the clock on the wall but couldn't see the couch she was going toward and fell on top of it. She then got back up and she stood on the middle cushion. She was looking at the clock and was trying to stay upright but, she lost her balance, which wasn't hard to do, and fell over the back of the couch with a loud scream, the bottle still intact.

Hermione heard someone come rushing out of the bathroom and came over to her. After about two seconds after the person had looked at her, he started to laugh.

"You are such a fricken complete dick!" Hermione slurred at him. She struggled to get up but couldn't.

"Want to see it?" he asked, still being a smart ass. He obviously forgot what happened last time he was acting like that.

"Hell no! You don't have anything. And don't get near me or I will find a way to kick your ass!" Hermione threatened him.

Malfoy stopped laughing. "Don't threaten me, Granger." Draco warned.

"Remember what happened last time you told me not to threaten you? I made your sorry ass s- s- saa- sterile!"

"If you want to check, Granger, I am not sterile," Draco said to her.

"How would you know, anyway? Did you go ride the school bike or did you jack off?" Hermione asked him. He flared down at her.

"I am going to go with the bike," Draco answered, acting, once again, like a smart ass.

"You see, Malfoy," Hermione said getting up," I would take you on your offer, but I don't think I can stand up," Hermione finished flipping lazily onto her stomach.

"What is wrong with you, Mudblood?" Draco asked.

"Nothing is wrong, you stuck up, pure-blood ass!" Hermione yelled.

Draco walked over to her and grabbed her by her waist and tried to get her up but she was struggling and eventually, they were both on the floor, Draco on top. (AN: the way I like it!). But Hermione was still kicking and punching and after she stopped, Draco was conveniently right between her legs. That's when Hermione noticed something, he was only wearing a towel, that was on the verge of falling off! (AN: TAKE IT OFF 'MOINE!)

"What is up, Granger?" Draco asked, pinning her hands to the floor above her head.

"Ron," Hermione slurred.

"What about him," Draco asked her, not really caring.

"I caught him cheating on me," Hermione said, barely above a whisper. She then burst into tears.

"Oh. . ." was all Draco could think of saying.

"GET OFF OF ME!!" Hermione screamed and started to struggle again.

Draco was afraid that if he let her go, that she would go on a killing spree, so, in the end, her pelvis ended up right against his gear, if you get what I mean. . . ; )

"Stop moving Granger. You're about to take off my towel," Draco said, finally getting her to stop.

Hermione wrapped her legs around his and pulled herself up onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Granger, what the he- " but he was cut short by the drunk Hermione shoving her tongue down his throat.

Draco was caught by surprise when she did this, but didn't argue. Instead, he returned the kiss and laid her back onto the floor, laying himself on top of her. He let his hands travel her body, starting at her breasts down to her knees, while Hermione ran her hands through his silky blonde hair. He didn't know why he was doing it, but let's just say Hermione wasn't the only person who had drunk that evening.

Draco took time to notice what Hermione was wearing and was surprised. She had on super short black stretch denim shorts and a black midriff showing tank top with a white glittery cat between the breasts. The kiss seemed to go on forever, but neither stopped it. After five minutes of strait kissing, they broke apart and they were both breathing hard. Hermione was smiling and Draco looked at her, smirking smugly.

"Couldn't resist me, now could you Granger?" he asked her smugly.

"I can," she paused, making it look like she was think," but tonight I am choosing not to," she said then brought her lips back onto his, hard and burning with suppressed passion that she had just chose to let loose.

Draco wrapped his arms around her waist and hoisted her up, her legs rapping around his waist. His towel fell off, but he didn't notice, only Hermione did when she felt his manhood pushing against her shorts. He carried her into her room and they both fell onto her bed, Hermione on the bottom. Draco started to kiss her jaw bone, sucked on a spot on her neck, and then started to move down. 'Draco Malfoy was here' he thought when he saw a purple spot showing up on Hermione's neck. When he came to her shirt, she let him take it off and he kept kissing down toward her shorts.

"Draco," she breathed, he just made a noise to indicate he was listening," what the hell are we doing?!" she asked in surprise. 'That's what I call snapping back to reality!' Hermione thought.

Draco stopped and got off of her. "I do not know. Except all I know is that I was kissing you- " he trailed off. He then started to wipe off his tongue with his hands . Hermione glared at him and growled in frustration and attempted to stand up. When she was finally planted onto the ground, Draco was still wiping off his tongue. Hermione pushed him out her door with one try, and was about to close the door when she noticed his equipment.

It was big and Hermione wanted to know what it would feel like inside of her. Hermione almost drug him back inside her room but decided it was going to have to wait for a later day. Hermione smirked and Draco looked at her oddly.

"Nice package," Hermione said, still smirking. She looked at the look of shock as it crossed his face and she slammed her door shut, locking it before she crawled into bed.



Hermione woke up with a small head ache. For such a small girl, she could handle a lot of alcohol. Well, not a lot, but more than any guy could. 'I think' Hermione thought to herself. Hermione was having a good morning so far, until she looked back on yesterday. The whole kissing Malfoy thing was probably the best thing that happened that day, but the whole Ron thing, Hermione had gotten over it. She knew that it would happen, it had happened once before. Not the Ron cheating on her fiasco, but the Ron braking her heart.

When they were in 6th year, she had asked him to go out with her, he had refused and went and asked Parvati Patil! Hermione had just asked him to go out with him but he just said no and went to ask the Gryffin-whore . Hermione didn't know she was going to get turned down, but she did and that time she had drunk a full bottle of Vodka. She didn't go to school for a full two days, the hang over was so bad, but over the summer, she got used to drinking when she went to a block party.

Hermione crawled out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. Hermione had curves, and she was rather tall, but she had always covered it up with her school uniform. Hermione decided that she would try and see what it would be like to act like all the other girls in the school. Well, except for three of them, and they were three of Hermione's four best friends. Elektra Bentley, JT Anderson, and Ginny/Virginia Weasly. They acted like Tom-boys. Played hard-core Quidditch games, knocking out all of the rules, and had gone on the last two adventures that she, Harry and Ron had gone on. They even wore the boys school uniform, minus Ginny. Ginny had to wear the girls.

Hermione walked to her closet and pulled out a black, short skirt that JT had shrunk when Hermione wasn't looking and a white blouse that was almost transparent, with a black bra and underwear. Hermione put on her normal flat footed slips but noticed that it didn't look right so she grabbed her 3 inch platforms and put it all on. She examined herself in the mirror and then when she thought it looked right, she took it off and ran into the bathroom. She didn't plan on knocking.

"Granger!" Malfoy yelled when she came barging into the large bathroom.

"Oh shut up, Malfoy. I've already seen everything you've got," 'which is quite a bit!' her brain finished. Hermione looked in the mirror that would reflect Malfoy from the place he showered in the large circular shower in the far corner. She saw he was slightly blushing but it disappeared and he glared at her.

"Are you hung-over?" he asked her, going back to his shower. He said it like a sneer, only just a tid bit less.

"Actually, no. I can handle alcohol *Malfoy *," Hermione said, turning around and hoisting herself up on the sink so she could see him. Well, not all of him, just his silhouette behind the shower curtain.

"Are you sure? Last night you were wasted," he said, exaggerating wasted.

"I must have been really wasted because I kissed you," she said.

Malfoy was walking out of the shower when she said that and shuddered.

"Why the hell are you still in here? I told you to get out!" he said.

"Nope. You're out of the shower and it's my turn now. Get out," Hermione said, pointing toward the door that led to his room.

"Actually, Granger," he started," I don't think I will because you have seen all of me. It's my turn to see all of you."

Hermione glared at him. She then grabbed her wand.

"Petrificus Totallus," she said and Draco, and his towel, bonded together and he fell to the floor. Hermione levitated him out of the room and onto his bed. "Night Draco!" Hermione said blowing him a kiss before leaving his room and closing the door behind her. Draco glared after her, struggling to get free from his bindings.

Hermione took a ten minute shower and hopped out refreshed and ready for the day. She walked into her room and got dressed. She grabbed a pair of black sunglasses with silver rims, and them on. She then walked into the common room.

"That took you twenty minutes," said the voice of Draco from over the couch.

"How did you get free?" Hermione asked, wrapping her cloak around her so he wouldn't notice what she was wearing. He turned and looked at her.

"It wore off in five minutes," he said with superior smirk plastered to his pretty face. He stood up and walked over to her. Hermione scanned him over with her eyes and noticed something about him she hadn't before. He was hot! All the other girls said he was, but Hermione just couldn't see it until now. He was now only a foot away from her and he was looking down at her.

"Oh well. I was going to forget about you anyway. Not on purpose, I just forgot. Gotta go! Bye!" Hermione said running out of the portrait hole. She had a bit of trouble because of her shoes, but she got out of there as fast as she could.

Hermione was close to the Great Hall and was about to walk in when someone to called her.

"Hermione!" the person called. Hermione turned around to see a flushed Lavender Brown running down the hall, with two school bags, one in each hand. She ran right up to Hermione. "Here you go, Mia," she said, handing Hermione her bag.

"Thank you, Lav," Hermione said to her, smiling.

"You aren't mad at me?" Lavender asked surprised.

"No. It wasn't your fault, it was Ron's. I didn't tell you so I don't blame you," Hermione told her. Lavender grinned genuinely.

"What was Ron's fault?" asked two voices from behind Lavender.

"Ron was cheating on Hermione," said Lavender.

"Say what?!" said Elektra and JT together, once again.

"I didn't know you were going out with him, Mia. Why didn't you tell us?" Elektra asked.

"Because he just asked me yesterday before breakfast," Hermione said gloomily.

"Dick head," JT said and all the girls laughed.

"Who was he cheating with? I say we kick her ass!" Elektra said.

"That would be me. But I didn't know!" Lavender said the last part so she wouldn't be beaten into the ground by her two friends.

"He didn't tell you!?" asked JT.

"Nope. He just brought me into a class room, and it got a little- heated," Lavender explained.

"Stop, wait! Reverse the tape! He was sex cheating on you?!" Elektra asked Hermione.

Hermione nodded. "Let's go," Hermione said, turning toward the Great Hall, but the doors opened and Ron stepped out. Hermione turned her head to Elektra and JT and saw Elektra and Lavender holding JT back from beating the hell out of Ron.

"Hey baby," he said to Hermione. He took her into a hug and tried to kiss her.

"Get away Ron!" Lavender yelled at Ron. Ron looked at her with death in his eyes.

"Yeah Ron. We know you were cheating on, Mia! Now get your white ass over here so I beat the hell out of it!" JT threatened. Ron looked at bit scared. JT and Elektra were known for practically killing people and getting away with it, not to mention the victim would be in the hospital wing for three weeks.

"Mia, it wasn't what it looked like," Ron pleaded.

"Ron! I have confirmed that you were cheating," Lavender said in disgust.

"Mione, I didn't mean to. Please don't leave me!" Ron pleaded again.

"As if!" Hermione said," I'm not just going to act like it didn't happen! It happened, Weasel, and I don't want anything to do with you anymore! Plus, I have already left you" Hermione finished.

"Yeah!" Lavender, Elektra and JT said together.

The four girls walked past Ron, JT still being held back, and walked into the Great Hall.


You, you've got a lot of nerve

I guess you haven't heard

I'm doin' fine out here on my own

You, you think that you can come

Around here for some fun

But boy you've got a lot to learn

Don't shake your head from side to side

Saying that you've changed enough

That you see the light

Cuz you just say what you say

And want your way

And it's that game that you play

It's a little late

As if

I'm ever gonna take you back

As if

It's ever gonna come to that

So see you 'round, wave goodbye

Be a bird pass me by

As if

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life

Not tonight, get a grip

Baby as if

Come on (oh, oh) come on

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

Uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah

(Oh, oh)

You seem to think that I (I)

Ain't got no sense of pride (Pride)

Well boy you got a weird perception now (Yo)

Of what it is to love (Love)

And I am sure because (Because)

You got the look of desperation

Don't shake your head from left to right

Saying that you will when you won't ever see the light

And you just say what you say and want your way

And it's that game that you play

It's a little late

As if

I'm ever gonna take you back

As if

It's ever gonna come to that

So see you 'round, wave goodbye

Be a bird pass me by

As if

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life

Not tonight, catch my drift

Baby as if

{Oh, oh, oh, oh...}

You gotta go, you gotta go bye-bye

{Oh, oh, oh, oh...}

As if

(Never gonna take you back, whoo!)

I, I got places to go (Go)

With people you don't know (You don't know 'em)

We're gonna dance all nice and slow (Ha, ha, ha)

Don't shake your head from left to right

Saying that you've changed and now you're on my side

Cause you know you just want some lucky charm

And it's that game that you play

So I'm moving on

As if

I'm ever gonna take you back

As if

It's ever gonna come to that

So be a dear, disappear

Maybe I'm not being clear

As if

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life

Not tonight, get a grip

Baby as if

(Oh, oh, oh, oh...)

No, no, no

As If

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if

I'm ever gonna take you back

As if

It's ever gonna come to that

So see you 'round, wave goodbye

Be a bird pass me by

As if

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if I'm gonna let your love back in my life

Not tonight, get a grip

Baby as if

I'm gonna let you break my heart again

As if I'm gonna let you try and be my friend

It's the end, take the hint

Baby as if

(He, he, he)


I hope you liked the first chapter! I thought I would give a little D/H in the first chapter, just to give a small smackeral of what is coming up in the chapters ahead! I love you all!

If you send me flames, I'll just set my sister's Barbies on fire with them!

I am working on the next chapter so I'm out. Bye!