A/N: Hello, people!

I don't own Harry Potter.

I have no beta.



As commissioned by Nocturn!

TAGS: Drama, Humor, Revenge, Malicious Compliance, Mild Language, Laziness.

[Tutoring Gone Wrong]

It was a rainy afternoon and Harry James Potter was avoiding the weather like it was the plague. Also, he was avoiding the Common Room because, for some reason he still couldn't grasp, Draco Malfoy was walking around trying to pick a fight. While putting him in his place was amusing, it got tiresome now and then and sometimes Harry just wanted to relax. Not every minute of that day had to be spent being a thorn in someone's side after all.

So, taking a leaf from Hermione's book, he decided to get a nice series to read from the library and find a nice nook in the Library Annex. Said best friend was off somewhere doing extra credit work that she really didn't have to but felt compelled to. She'd been excited so he'd shrugged and wished her some good luck which had her all teary-eyed in gratitude undeserved.

The book series in question was some kind of collection of magical fairytales or something of the like. The first in the series was based in magical Scotland and told the story of the fair folk and a human being far too interested in them for his own good.

Thankfully, it wasn't a romance. He just wasn't into lovey dovey stuff and didn't really want to read about it. Not now. Maybe some time in the future he would but definitely not now.

Besides, it was so much cooler to read about the fairies kicking the man's arse for his behaviour! Harry wasn't really sure what the fae looked like in real life but the image of Tinker Bell kicking some dumb wizard in the bullocks made him snicker.


He groaned. He was in the library! The place of silence! The place of calm! Why was Draco Malfoy even here? There was no reason for him to step foot in the library in Harry's opinion. He was rich and had easy access to any of the books necessary for schoolwork.

So if he was in the library and yelling Harry's name out like some distressed maiden, then obviously he was there to bother Harry and Harry alone.

However, if Madam Pince got wind of his loud mouth, then both of them would be kicked out of the library and banned for a time! She was unfair like that.

"Malfoy, every day you manage to prove my doubts about your intellect, correct," he chose to say in lieu of a greeting as he returned to his story of drama and revenge.

The blond sputtered in offense. "How dare you speak to me like that!" he shrieked.

"It's a library, Malfoy. For some reason, you don't have common sense required to know that you must be silent while in here. That, or you are simply illiterate when it comes to following directional signs."

The amount of signs Pince had put up were too many to count. She really didn't like any kind of noise in her library and she would destroy you if you made a ruckus! Within visual distance of his seat, Harry could see four signs all around the room, and knew that there were plenty more just in the Annex alone.

"As if I care about some stupid rules."

"And that's why you keep losing Slytherin House Points and why half of our House can't stand you. You make it easy for the Gryffindors to win."

Harry didn't care about his feelings. He wasn't obliged to be nice to Draco Malfoy. Not when the little twat did nothing but be a pain in the arse to everyone he came across. And it wasn't as if he was being dishonest. No one really liked Malfoy and many simply put up with him because his family was more wealthy than theirs were.

Money held power, even on the magical side of things. However, Harry was not one to be threatened by money or power and would speak his mind no matter the consequences. Besides, he was reasonably certain that he'd be able to find a workaround needed to make the lives of those involved, hell!

The blond glared at him, obviously annoyed by how he couldn't seem to make Harry suffer. He was nothing but a spoiled brat. Why would Harry be threatened by him? Lucius Malfoy was more threatening and even then, against Harry Potter, he was nothing. Not in their present situations.

"Potter, you're going to tutor me," Malfoy decided to announce like the twat he was. As if Harry existed simply to do as he pleased.

Well... that sentence was very easy to misconstrue. Just because Harry took things too literally on purpose, didn't mean he wasn't capable of taking a different meaning from someone's words. Malfoy never mentioned that he needed help or that he needed to pass whatever he wanted tutoring in. Help suggested something positive and passing required enough knowledge for a good grade. Also, Malfoy never said what he wanted tutoring in.

Harry smiled wide. "Since you asked so very nicely, I'm sure I can squeeze some time in for you. What subject are you looking into?"

"History, obviously."

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. He should have been more specific than that.

Malfoy wanted tutoring... and he was about to get a crash course in British Muggle Politics.


The enraged expression on Draco Malfoy's pinched face made Harry snicker. It seemed that he finally received his essay on Goblin Rebellions of the Modern Ages back, and obviously the results were not what he was looking for.

"Binns totally failed me because of you! A Troll, Potter! I've never gotten a Troll in my life! You sabotaged me by filling my head with useless information about some no-name Thatcher muggle!"

"You asked for tutoring in History. I assumed you were curious about the recent events in Britain's political climate. Margret Thatcher is a popular figure among Muggles even now, and she is a Halfblood for your information. You could potentially run into her in Diagon Alley any day." Not that many would consider that a good thing.

That had been an unexpected piece of news actually. The amount of 'Muggle Politicians' who were actually magical to some extent, really made him curious about the muggle leaders in other countries.


"You should have been more specific because all you said was 'History'," Harry said with a shrug. "Besides, you never even asked, you just told me I was going to tutor you and never once assumed I would retaliate which foolish of you. You'd think being exposed to be every day would make you think more clearly before speaking."

Malfoy knew that Harry had him there, so all he could do was stomp his feet like a literal child and promise retribution he was in no way capable of dishing out.

Harry didn't have to worry because it was literally Malfoy who was causing a fuss and he wasn't capable of much outside of Potions Class. What did Harry have to worry about from him of all people?

"Malfoy, just know that if you dare lay a hand on any of my friends in an attempt to get back at me for some perceived wrong, I will make you suffer. You're used to me when I'm uninspired and lacking in a will to put forth effort. You won't want to find out what happens when I'm actively plotting someone's suffering."

[In Somnus Interruptus]

On a completely separate occasion, Harry found himself faced with Malfoy once again. This time the blond had decided that he wanted whatever it was he wanted, in the very early morning. Meaning he decided to wake Harry up from his restful sleep, in order to make demands. It was nowhere near time for breakfast and he was already up to this shite.

Harry, while totally capable of functioning early in the morning, didn't want to. Especially not for someone like Malfoy who had no respect for other people. So when he was roughly shaken awake, he aimed the most intense glare of his life at the blond. If only it was socially acceptable to set someone aflame with one's eyes.

"This better be good," he gritted out.

"You've been assigned as my personal assistant while I'm recovering from that fall down the stairs." That fall happened so long ago...

"By who?"

"Professor Snape."

Ah, Snape. Never learning it seemed. How many times would he have to embarrass the man before he finally dislodged his head from his arse? Surely he didn't like being bested by a child. Unless this was some kind of humiliation fetish in which case, no thank you.

"And if you do anything to jeopardise me, it'll land you in detention with Snape," Malfoy said with a smirk. As if this somehow was a genuine threat that Harry should be scared of.

Harry snorted. "Detention doesn't scare me. Besides, I wouldn't attend anyway."

Malfoy sputtered, obviously not expecting Harry to be so blasé about the consequences of not doing as he demanded. "You can't just ignore Snape!"

"I am a student, not a child minder. It is not my job to babysit you every time you bite off more than you can chew. I have my own work to do and my own classes to prepare for and if Snape wants to sabotage my future for the sake of yours, I can easily transfer to Beauxbatons."

The Boy Who Lived was popular all over the word apparently, not just Europe. Surviving an unsurvivable curse did that after all. Also helping put an end to the rising Dark Lord of the time probably helped it along too. Either way, he could probably get into any magical school in the world if he just wrote a letter or two. Snape's need to coddle Malfoy wouldn't get him the results he wanted.

Harry could just send mail to anyone if he chose to study abroad. There was the Floo Network. Two-Way Mirrors. Nothing was truly lost by the distance he'd put between he and Britain.

Across the room, Zabini seemed to have risen some time during his and Malfoy's little tiff, and he looked amused. "Potter isn't going to be a House Elf for you to order around, Draco. I don't think you thought this through very well."

"Shut up, Zabini!" the blond hissed. "Don't forget who's in a better political position between our families."

It was Harry's turn to snort. "Might want to be careful there, Malfoy. Zabini's mom is very good at wrangling debts from people and we all know what happens to those people eventually. Your father might just vanish one of these days if you're not careful with your mouth."

The smirk on Zabini's face was one that spoke of blood.

It was rumored that his mother wasn't fully human and that she maintained her family's wealth by marrying those who owed her a debt, and then those people dying mysteriously soon after. It was pretty obvious what she did, but the law could never do anything about it.

Harry found it to be an amazing way of life. Why anyone was dumb enough to become indebted to someone called The Black Widow was beyond him, but then again, people were stupid in general.

"My father can handle some lowbrow witch!" Malfoy asserted, pointed nose sticking in the air in the most haughty fashion he could manage.

Both Harry and Zabini snorted their disbelief.

"Anyway, Malfoy, if you try to make me cater to your every whim, you're going to learn exactly what indignities I can force you to suffer," Harry warned with a smile. "I'd think twice before acting if I was you."

As Harry could feel no shame, nothing would affect him. It'd roll off his back like water on a duck.

It was obvious that Malfoy was truly considering his options. His dislike of Harry was so powerful that he no doubt wanted to chance whatever could happen, just so he could potentially demean Harry in front of the school. It was a very Gryffindor mentality, willing to jump in despite the danger.

On the other end, he was a Slytherin even if he was the worst example of one that Harry had ever seen. He could see the danger ahead and self-preservation told him to not overstep his boundaries. So what did he do in this situation?

Nothing ever seemed to work out for Malfoy whenever Harry was involved.

What a pity.

Finally, after several minutes of deliberating under the watch of both unnerving shades of green and purple eyes, Malfoy wilted in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled into his chest, no doubt pouting. "I'll go and tell Professor Snape that I don't need help."

"Smart choice," Harry praised. "Have a nice morning."

He promptly turned and buried himself in his blankets once more.

Zabini's snickers of amusement followed Malfoy's walk of shame from the room. "Nice way to get what you want, Potter."

"It's a gift."

[Training Woes]

"Malfoy, this better not be what I think it is."

As usual, it seemed that Malfoy didn't learn his lesson no matter how many times Harry was willing to make him sit through it. It took little effort on his end and it usually ended up with Malfoy being embarrassed in front of many people. Therefore, why would he mind all that much? If only he could come at it from a new angle to keep things fresh.

The blond had his newest state of the art broom in his hands and was looking as haughty as usual. "According to Flint I'm to be a Reserve for you if, Merlin willing, you drop dead at some point and Slytherin needs an emergency player."

Harry blinked. "Ignoring the fact that you're a sub-par Seeker, what does this have to do with me on a personal level?" Honestly, Malfoy wasn't a good Seeker, though to be honest, none of the other Seekers for the other House teams were very good either. Diggory was okay, he supposed, but nothing great. Malfoy was no better than any of them though, and the only way he'd beat any of them was through cheating. And everyone knew Malfoy was willing to cheat to win.

The fact that he never saw it as an admission of failure and lack of skill was baffling.

The smirk that crossed the blond's face, made Harry sigh. He was about to say something stupid and Harry was about to destroy someone's day as a result.

"Flint wants you to train me personally so I'm as capable as you are."

And just like that, Flint had signed up for the malicious compliance ride that only Harry Potter could provide. He was going to make the idiot regret ever even considering making Harry spend time with the blond twat. Harry's memory was long and his list of grudges was almost as long.

He smiled, hoping that his wrath was easily felt as he said, "Alright, Malfoy. I'll train you." And he'll train him to be terrified of ever thinking of being team Seeker again.

"If you try to sabotage my training, Flint can give you detention!"

He snorted. As if he'd go to a detention assigned by Flint of all people. Detention was not the threat people thought it was.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO DODGE FIVE BLUDGERS WHILE LOOKING FOR THE SNITCH?!" Malfoy demanded once Harry finally revealed his plans.

Off to the side were the Weasley Twins who had been employed with a few dozen Galleons to launch demon balls of doom at the most annoying kid in the school. They'd even been willing to do it for free but Harry was taking them from their private inventing time so obviously they should be paid for their efforts.

"Malfoy, you have to weave through the attacks of five Bludgers sent at you by the best Beaters in Hogwarts, all while trying to find the Snitch before I do, and before the five minute mark elapses," Harry clarified. "You missed a few details in there."

Since Flint wanted him to be as good as Harry, then he had to actually develop the skills necessary. Malfoy was a better Beater but whatever stupidity his parents fed him for years had him insisting that he was purely Seeker material. He would need a lot of pain before he finally accepting his place on the team.

The problem was Lucius Malfoy paid for his son to get on the team, so Flint had to put him somewhere, not necessarily in the Seeker position. So the former Beater, whoever they were that Harry never cared to learn about, had been set back as a Reserve in case anything happened to Malfoy.

"I didn't agree to this!" the blond whinged.

"You wanted to be taught," Harry pointed out.

"No! Flint wanted you to teach me."

"And Flint himself told you that you weren't meant to be a Seeker so I can only assume that you went crying to your daddy like always, and Flint was backed into a corner of sorts. So basically... you asked for this. If you didn't mean for this specifically, then you should have thought this through." Harry was all out of fucks to give. Foolish actions beget unfavourable outcomes.

The horrendous colour of red that stained Malfoy's cheeks proved him right. The fool was too painfully obvious.

Though just because it was Malfoy's fault didn't mean Flint wouldn't get his for being a coward who caved so quickly to outer influence.

"Since everyone wants to take up my personal time in order to pamper the biggest infant in the school, I'm going to do what I think is best, and what's best is beating you until you're too bruised to play any longer. Prepare yourself!"


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