Lost on my own

Warnings/notes : Vanyel/Tylendel, Vanyel pov for first part, third pov in last.

Disclaimer : The wonderful world of Valdemar was created by Mercedes Lackey. Tylendel, Vanyel and Savil all belong to her ; I'm merely interpreting them.

written at 19th march 2003, by Misura


I miss you.

I miss the way your laugh sounds.

The way your eyes light up when they meet mine.

The way you illuminate my world, simply by being there.

I wept when you left me, even if I didn't want to show it to anyone else.

No one can possibly understand what you mean to me.

No one can possibly take your place in my heart.

And why would they bother to try?

I'm pretty or so I'm told.

You're not. You're more than pretty, much more.

You are perfection.

Next to you, I am nothing, a face like there are thousands in this world.

Without you, as I am now, I am nothing, a body robbed from its soul.

Robbed from its heart, because that left to go with you.

Wherever you are, know that the most important part of me will acompany you.

To watch over you, to protect you from any harm.

To remind you of your promise ; that you would return to me.

Long ago, or so it seems in any way, I locked the inner rooms of my heart, throwing away the key to make sure no one would ever be able to hurt me again.

Yet here I am, withering away in your absence.

A promise is not enough ; mere words are not enough.

I need to feel you, touch you, hold you close to me.

I need you to feel me, touch me, hold me close to you.

I want to hear your voice, whispering into my ear that you love me.

I miss you so terribly. It hurts.

It's cold here without you.

Every minute, every second without you seems like an eternity.

An eternity of loneliness.

I miss you.

All alone I feel lost in the darkness that is the everyday life without someone to care for.

Without someone to care for me.

I know I matter to Savil too, but it's not enough.

Please hurry and come back to me.

On my own, I can't face this life.

It's too much to take, now that you melted the walls of ice I had created around me.

You brought the spring into my life, yet currently the flowers have died and the leaves are falling.

It's autumn, heaed for a cold, bitter winter in which I will freeze.

I don't want that to happen.

But unless you bring back the sunshine into my life, it will.

I miss you.


Savil sighed as she noticed the lonely figure of Vanyel sitting on the windowsill.

It was raining outside, as if the boy wasn't depressed enough already.

For a brief moment she wondered if Tylendel would wait for the worst of it to pass.

She chided herself for even considering it ; the blond was just as bad as Vanyel.

Just as deeply, desperately in love.

Half of the time she wanted to cuddle the two of them, hide them away from the ugly world out there like a mother-hen.

And half of the time she wanted to strangle them with her bare hands because they annoyed her beyond even her limits, which was quite a prestation since she was generally known as a patient (if somewhat stubborn) person.

Living in one house with two young newfound lovers would try the patience of a saint, which she most definitely did not consider herself to be.

"I'm back! Did you miss me?" A cheerful voice called out, coming from a not-so-cheerful looking Tylendel. Apparently he hadn't even bothered to wear a raincloak.

Water was dripping from his hair and clothes, forming small pools on the floor.

" 'Lendel!"

The next moment, Vanyel was in his arms, murmuring how much he had missed him, how happy he was to see him again. Words of love, longing and a deep affection.

After a short hesitation, no doubt because of his wet clothing, Tylendel returned the hug, murmuring how sorry he was for having to leave, for not being able to take Van with him.

And Savil successfully fought down the urge to scream at them it had only been one day since they had last seen eachother. Again.

When Vanyel started to help Tylendel out of his soaked clothes, to prevent his lover from catching a cold, she discreetly withdrew to her studyroom, locking her door to the sounds that were all too soon coming from the livingroom.

She shook her head and chuckled.

~the end~