Title: Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf in Middle-Earth

Author: Technetium

Rating: PG

Archive: Sure, just tell me.

Disclaimer: Master Tolkien owns Middle-Earth.  I'm just playing in his world.  Monty Python isn't mine either.  Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) is a real person, and is really the Iraqi Information Minister.  Because he has made outrageously false claims in his official capacity ("Their forces committed suicide by the hundreds.... The battle is very fierce and God made us victorious."), he has become a kind of celebrity.  Websites such as www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com have sprung up, and he has even been parodied on Saturday Night Live.  I consider him a historic figure, so I don't think this violates the rules against real person fics as laid out by ff.net.  This fic is just another parody based on his outrageous statements.  I don't mean to disrespect the actual M.S.S., as I have no idea of his true motivations or actual beliefs.  This is not meant to be for or against the war, and I don't mean to offend Muslims, Iraqis, Americans, British people, soldiers, or anyone else.

Author's Notes: Please let me know what you think.  I'll try to change passages if people find them offensive, and I will welcome constructive criticism, praise, or flames.


            Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Iraqi Information Minister, looked out his window and smiled at the sight that greeted his eyes.  "Rejoice," he exclaimed to the people around him, who were busy fortifying their office doors and windows with overturned office furniture, "The immoral mercenaries are committing suicide under the walls of Baghdad.  Let them come.  My feelings, as usual, are that we will slaughter them all!"  In reality, heavily armed U.S. and British troops with no recognizeable warning signs of depression had entered his building.  Even as he spoke, a soldier pointed an M-16 at him and demanded that he surrender.

            It is said that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can move mountains.  With faith as strong as al-Sahaf's, you can move worlds.  Muhammed faced the soldier, but every fiber of his being believed that "there are no American Infidels in Baghdad.  Never!" and he did not perceive reality.  Reality, which was impatient, and had other things to do with its time, and had lost track of the number of battles it had fought with this man, gave up.  Reality shifted.

            Muhammed blinked as he found himself in a black stone tower facing a greasy, rat-like man and an irate-looking man dressed in an odd cloak that seemed to change colors when al-Sahaf looked at it.

. . .To be continued in the next chapter, in which al-Sahaf denies the existence of Ents.