Hi guys! This is my first ever published story, so please be kind and constructive. I've written tons of *incomplete* fanfics here and there, but I never seem to be able to find the motivation to finish. I figured if I put something up, then having feedback and people waiting for updates might give me that push to finish.

I've read plenty of self-inserts and love them all. I thought it might be fun to create my own, so here's my version. Hope you all enjoy!

I do not own Twilight or any of its characters*

Ch. 1 A Rude Awakening

"Bells. Honey, wake up. You've gotta get to school. You don't want to be late to your first day, do you?"

I rubbed my eyes groggily and stretched at the sound of the unfamiliar gruff voice. Bells? What the hell's a bells? Hah that rhymed...wait! Who's voice was that? There's a strange man waking me up. A man. In my room.

"Shit!" I screeched, falling out of the bed and hitting my head on the corner of a desk that I know for a fact is not usually in my room. I rolled over quickly, not willing to waste another moment pondering the reorganization of the furniture, grasping for anything I might use as a weapon as I confronted the intruder before me. I blindly grabbed at the floor until I felt a shoe—a converse? What the hell?—that would just have to do. "Wadda-yoo-want?" I yelled at him as I held the shoe out as menacingly as possible for a shoe toward him. The desired amount of threat was lost in the thick sound of sleep still dominating my raspy voice. Damnit all.

A wide-eyed, stunned and slightly hurt looking man stood with his hands reached toward me, hovering as if he were unsure of what to do. "Bells? Honey, it's me, Dad. Can you put the shoe down now, please?" He had curly dark hair, kind eyes, and was wearing a police uniform. A cop? I chanced a look around and realized that I was not where I should have been.

"Why do you keep calling me Bells?" I spat, and he winced slightly, but then smiled nervously as he responded.

"Sorry, do you prefer Bella now? It never seemed to bother you when I called you that when you were younger, but I know it's been a while...look, I'm sorry I woke you up and scared you like that. I just thought you might want something to eat before school started. I left something from the diner downstairs in the kitchen. I have to get to the station. Will you be alright by yourself?" He was looking at me carefully, still holding the shoe up toward him lamely, like he was watching a wild animal.

After a moment a phone rang, and the man retrieved a cell from his belt clip, answering, "Chief Swan." I didn't pay attention after that. Swan? Bella? A cop, no a..a chief? Chief Swan. Bella Swan. Isabella Marie Swan...like Twilight? What the freaking hell was going on here?

The non-aggressive, even loving?, gaze combined with his response to me, stunned me into silence long enough while I looked back and forth between his face and the room that wasn't mine for him to shrug and walk out the door after mumbling awkwardly for me to have a good day.

I heard what sounded like his foot steps going downstairs before I scrambled to my feet. My center of gravity was off though, like I was somehow unexpectedly closer to the ground and more compact.

I looked over to the mirror that was atop the foreign dresser in the corner and gasped. I stared back into the reflection of big, chocolate brown eyes where there used to be bright blue. My hair was long, thick, and chestnut brown when it had been thin and wispy blonde only hours ago. I took a few timid steps forward, rubbing my hands in my eyes. I only stopped once I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not only were my eyes and hair different, but everything was different. My face and body were not my own. This face was heart shaped, pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. The front teeth were straighter, but larger than mine. Her eyes were rounder, larger, almost too large for her petite face, but it only enhanced her doe-eyed innocent appearance. Her lips were fuller than mine were, the top one slightly larger than the lower. Her nose was perfectly straight and narrow where mine had been slightly crooked from the time I broke it playing volleyball, and turned up at the tip with a small hump at the bridge. Her body was tiny, petite, maybe 5' 2". I was usually closer to 6'. The punchline to it all? I looked young. Very young, like teenage girl young, like a seventeen-year-old-girl young. I was supposed to be 29 years old.

I ran to the window, flinging it open with all the force these scrawny arms could muster, nearly tripping on air but catching myself at the last second, and looked outside into the dreary, rainy landscape just in time to see a police cruiser drive away, leaving only a mammoth of an old, clunky truck in the driveway. What. The. Hell?

No freaking way could this be real. Could it? I was not Isabella Marie Swan. I'm Iris Elizabeth McGee. This is crap that only happens in movies. This had to be a dream. There was no other explanation. I laughed in relief. I was sleeping. This was just a stupid dream. I didn't awaken in the body of a fictional seventeen year old girl. Charlie Swan, Chief of Forks Police, did not go to the diner to pick up some breakfast for me before I start my first day at Forks High where I would meet my fated, star-crossed vampire lover, Edward Cullen. That's not reality, thank God. I shuddered at the idea of vampires and werewolves being real. It was all a dream. Another relieved, yet nervous chuckle escaped my mouth.

That was when I turned, but tripped over the converse shoe I had carelessly thrown before and fell backward out the open window, rolling down and off the roof's ledge, and hit the ground with a painful thud. Damnit Bella Swan and your clumsy body. Damn you to the darkest pits of hell. Then I blacked out.

•PTaT•

"Isabella? Miss Swan can you hear me?" There was a sound like someone snapping near my ear. Rude. Why the hell was the voice calling me Isabell—oh crap! I tried to sit up, but found it nearly impossible when my sluggish brain wouldn't allow the movement.

"Oh God..." I squeezed my eyes closed at the throbbing originating from the back of my skull and wrapping to my forehead as I recalled my journey out the window. I thought this nightmare would be over by now. I guess not. And why was the pain so vivid? I almost felt lucid.

"Not quite." Chuckled the warm voice. He was making jokes at a time like this? What an ass. "Welcome back, Isabella. My name is Dr. Cullen."

Cullen? Oh like the vamp—oh, oh. I'm in so much trouble if I don't wake up soon.

I opened my eyes fully then to find myself staring back into the golden eyes of one Carlisle Cullen. It had to be him. No other doctor in real life would be as heartbreakingly beautiful with his light blonde hair and winning smile. Shit. What to do? Play along? Or have a meltdown like I really wanted to do right now? Ugh. Welp. Here goes nothing...

"Uhh, yeah. Nice to meet you, Dr. Cullen. What happened? Last thing I remember the ground was spiraling toward my face..." I glanced awkwardly at him. Gah, he was just so perfect.

"Yes, well, that's what I wanted to ask you. We can fill in the blanks of your memory if there are any after you tell me what you remember. How did you fall exactly?" He asked the question in a very casual, unassuming voice.

I knew the tone well seeing as I had been a nurse for the last eight years. This is the clinical, non-judgmental, friendly tone you use to probe your patient, to make them feel comfortable enough to spill their darkest secrets. I mean, it comes from a place of love and concern for your fellow man, wanting to know as much as possible to treat them adequately, but it's a bit manipulative still. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I had to keep my head in the game. Besides, when it came to actually falling out the window, I had nothing to hide. The fact that I was a 29 year old woman from the "real world" was a different story. I definitely didn't want to spend the rest of this little trip to La La Land in the psych unit.

Think fast, McGee. "Um...I had the window in my bedroom open trying to air the room out...I just moved here to live with my dad, police Chief Swan, so it hasn't been used in a while. It was a bit stuffy. Anyway, I'm known for being really clumsy, so of course I somehow managed to trip on a carelessly discarded shoe... and I fell out the window. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't survive the fall. Thank you for all your and the other staff's help." I smiled again and blushed. I'm blushing? This only gets better. Stupid Bella and her annoying physiologic response to all things emotional. I'm probably going to start crying next...I hope this ends soon. I love Twilight, at least I did love it when I was younger, but this was too much.

"No need to thank us, Isabella, but I'm sure my co-workers will appreciate the recognition of all their hard work. You actually got off pretty easy compared to what could have been. You dislocated your left shoulder, bruised one rib on that same side, and got a relatively minor cranial fracture. How are you feeling?" A minor cranial fracture? Understatement of the day for sure.

"Like I fell off a roof." I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. Ow. Note to self, stop moving. It hurts.

He noticed my wincing. "I'll ask the nurse to increase the dosage of pain medication you're receiving."

"Don't worry about it...we're on the brink of an opioid crisis as it is. No need to add one more addict to the bunch, eh?"

Carlisle stopped what he was scribbling on his notepad and looked up to meet my eyes, his expression unreadable. Then he chuckled softly and said, "I doubt managing your pain responsibly for a few more days will contribute that greatly to an opioid crisis, which I've heard no mention of by the way, but we can use a non-opioid medication like Toradol instead if you prefer."

"Ok, but I only want one dose. It can cause nephrotoxicity and an acute kidney injury which I definitely don't need in my already compromised state..." The look of suspicion growing on his face revealed to me my mistakes. Crap. I've been awake for what? Five or ten minutes, and I've already forgotten who I'm suppose to be? Firstly, it's like 2005 in Twilight, I think, which means that the over-availability of opioid medication won't be documented in medical journals for another decade or so. Secondly, I'm supposed to be a naive seventeen year old, not an experienced RN who would know the adverse effects of any pain medications. Shoot.

He narrowed his eyes but kept his voice casual as he said, "You seem to know a lot about these medications. I'm glad you are so involved in your plan of treatment. I'll go put those orders in now. Get some rest."

"Thank you." I smiled sheepishly at him and watched him leave until the door clicked behind him. "Ugh..." I groaned, still in pain, but also annoyed with my slips. Get it together, McGee! Be one with Bella Swan...

After a while, I felt dumb talking to myself and trying to convince myself that I was now a fictional character, so I tried a different tactic. I just needed to fall asleep. Surely if I went to sleep in a dream I would wake up in real life, right? Who knows? I was just winging this, but it was my only idea at the moment. I laid still, concentrating on relaxing every muscle group one by one, listening to my steady breaths in and out, in and out, in and out, in...and...out...

•PTaT•

"Good morning, Sleepyhead!" A chipper voice called to me as I moved to sit up.

"What happened? Where am I?" I was still groggy from sleep. This felt very much like de ja vu. My head was still throbbing.

"You're still at Forks Hospital. I'm Sandra, your nurse for today. How's the head?" The freckled, red-headed nurse named Sandra announced. What?! I'm still here? How is that possible? This has got to be the world's longest nightmare. Or maybe it's not a nightmare...maybe I'm in a coma in the real world. Or maybe it's real...? No it's not real. That's crazy talk, Iris, and you are not crazy. I hope not anyway...

"Oh, right." I mumbled, blushing again. I rolled my eyes at this body's reaction. Ok since I'm stuck here, it's time for action. I've never been one to just sit and do nothing. It's what drew me toward ICU nursing in school. I worked in the ER for five years and the trauma/burn ICU for another three until I somehow wound up in Crazy Twilight dream world. I wish I could remember what happened before I woke up here. I remember being at work that day. I remember it was cold, snowing, when I walked from the parking deck into the hospital. Then it's all kind of blank. Did I even make it to my unit? Ugh! It was so frustrating trying to recall...

"Hey, are you in pain?" Sandra's sweet voice was laced with concern for me as she had apparently watched my expression change from polite indifference to frustration as I was lost in my thoughts.

"No, I'm fine." Lies. I hurt like hell, but I refused to take anymore meds that may cloud my mind and make me lose more time. I needed to come up with a plan. Wait, how much time had passed? Where was Charlie Swan? Wasn't he worried about his only daughter? What about her hair-brained mother, Renee? Sure she seemed flighty, but she always showed up whenever Bella was hurt and in the hospital. "Excuse me, what's the date? And have you seen either of my parents around?" I asked innocently.

"Chief Swan just left. He didn't want to wake you. I haven't seen your mother. Do you want me to call her or someone else for you?"

"No that's ok. And the date?"

"Oh, it's January 22nd. I think you were admitted on what? The 18th? Which means you've been here about four days." She shrugged before asking if I needed anything and leaving.

Four days. Four days I had been here. Insanity. I must have been out for awhile since I could only recall the last fifteen hours or so. I sighed to myself and wondered what to do, how to get back to my own body, my own world, and out of this could-be-dream world. -

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