Thank you so much SamGirlDeanCurious for beta'ing this muddle for me. Thank you VegasGranny and Ncsupnatfan for pre-reading.
This story was my entry for the Sam Winchester Big Bang 2020.
I have a feeling this story was from a prompt, but I cannot find any sign of it. I put all my prompts in a file, and I can find no mention of this idea. If it was your prompt, I am so sorry. Please let me know who you are so I can thank you properly xxx
Jack was hungry and so had gotten out of bed and headed to the kitchen.
He thought he would get some of the good cereal while Sam slept, and tidy the evidence away before he woke up so he'd never know what he'd done. Jack knew his lectures on sugary treats and the risks to dental hygiene came from a good place, but Jack really liked Krunch Kookie Crunch, and he would make sure he brushed twice after. Flossing too would probably be a good idea. Sam's warnings had been pretty dire.
Maybe Castiel would be awake, too, so they could talk. He liked the times they spent in the night, discussing Jack's mother and Castiel's life before and with the Winchesters, but they didn't do it so much when Sam and Dean were around. There were always other things to do and say.
He turned a corner and stopped as he heard a low moan. It seemed to be coming from Sam's room, and he approached slowly, wondering what was happening. The moan came again, and words began to form within it, "No, please no. Not her."
Jack stopped outside Sam's door, not sure what to do. He guessed Sam was having a nightmare. He understood how horrible they could be as he had his own, but he'd never overheard one of Sam's.
From what Castiel had told him about the life Sam and Dean had before he'd been born, he guessed there were lots of things Sam dreamed about that made him sound like that.
Jack didn't know what to do. If it was Dean, he would have kept walking, leaving him to break out of it on his own, because Dean was so much more guarded about things like that. Sam was different though. He shared more of what he was feeling and encouraged Jack to do the same.
"Jess! No, Jess!"
The cry ripped through the quiet hall, and Jack reacted automatically. Sam sounded like he was in awful pain, and Jack couldn't leave him with that alone. He opened the door and went into the bedroom. Sam was lying on his back, his legs tangled in the sheets that covered him and his hands raised in front of him as if he was reaching for something. His face was tight with pain, his head thrown back and the cords on his neck standing out.
It was a howl of pain now, and Jack felt an overpowering need to make it stop. He went to the side of the bed and shook Sam's arm.
"Sam, wake up! It's just a dream."
Sam's fist swung out and collided with Jack's jaw. Though it didn't hurt, it shocked him enough to make him stumble back a step.
"No!" Sam sat bolt upright, his eyes roving the room and that same name coming in panting breaths. "Jess?"
"It's me, Sam. It's Jack."
Sam's eyes settled on him and for a moment his lips parted with shock and he whispered, "Jack, what are you doing here?" and then his eyes cleared, and he said, "Are you okay?"
"You hit me," Jack said.
Sam raked a hand over his face, pressing his fingers hard into his cheeks. "Sorry, man. You caught me off guard."
"It's okay," Jack said with a small smile. "It didn't hurt. You were having a nightmare."
"Tell me about it," Sam murmured.
He tried to sit up, but his tangled position stopped him. He pulled himself free and then sat back against the headboard and took a deep breath, seeming to be trying to shake off the nightmare, though he still looked haunted.
"Who's Jess?" Jack asked.
"I don't really…" Sam shook his head and sighed, and seemed to come to a decision. "She's someone I knew a long time ago."
Jack knew it was more than that. You didn't sound like you were in that kind of pain for someone you just 'knew'. Jess, whoever she was, had been someone Sam really cared about.
"What happened to her?"
Sam winced with pain. "It doesn't matter, Jack. I'm sorry if I woke you."
"You didn't. I was already awake. But I heard you and it sounded like you were in a lot of pain. Do you want to talk about it? You said it helps sometimes to talk."
Sam huffed a small laugh. "Yeah, figures that would come back and bite me on the ass. Should have let Dean talk to you about that stuff."
"Dean told me to 'put all that crap in a box and chase it with alcohol'," Jack recited. "But I think your way is better. You don't have to talk, but I'm listening if you want to.
Sam considered a moment and then spoke in such a quiet voice that Jack wasn't sure he really wanted to be heard. "Jessica Moore was my girlfriend a long time ago. She died."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"What happened to her?"
Castiel had said Sam and Dean had lost a lot of people in their lives, so many that they'd loved, but he'd never mentioned a Jessica before. The only girlfriend he'd mentioned was someone called Amelia, and Castiel only knew the vaguest details of that relationship. He said she'd come at a difficult time in Sam's life and that it hadn't lasted. Though he hadn't said it explicitly, Jack suspected that Dean had something to do with the reason it hadn't lasted.
Sam's jaw twitched. "She was killed on Azazel's orders by a demon that had possessed my friend."
"Azazel… That's the demon that killed Mary," Jack said.
"Yeah. It was all part of some big plan. It's over now, he's dead, but killing him cost us a lot. Jessica was one of the things we lost, I lost." He rubbed at his forehead, his brow creased with pain. "I've been thinking a lot about her lately."
Jack thought there was more he still wasn't saying, and he wasn't sure what to do. He was trying to do what the Winchesters would do when he was unsure himself, how they would help him. This was a harder one to maneuver though, as they would both do different things. Dean would dismiss it, maybe get Jack a drink and ask if he wanted to play cards. Sam would want Jack to talk about it.
Since it was Sam he was trying to help at this moment, he figured he should follow Sam's lead. As it was Sam he was trying to help, he thought he should follow Sam's lead.
"Our love was this crazy, all-consuming thing," Sam said, sounding vague as if he was speaking to himself, not Jack. "And then it was gone, just like that. I didn't save her, and I should have."
"Could you have saved her?" Jack asked. "Really?"
Castiel said Sam and Dean blamed themselves for things that were out of their control, Dean especially, and he wondered if Sam really could have helped the woman he loved or if it was what Castiel called 'misplaced-Winchester-guilt'.
Sam looked up and Jack saw his eyes were wet. "Yeah, I could if I wasn't too busy fighting who I really was. I wanted to be normal so much, and because of it, she died." He wiped a hand across his cheeks, smearing the tears that had fallen, and said, "I've been living with it all these years, trying to work around it so I can do what has to be done, but since Dad came back…"
Jack knew only the vaguest details of John Winchester's visit and what had happened, but it had changed all of the Winchesters. In the time immediately after John, Sam and Dean had been sad and quiet, but they seemed to have gained a kind of peace that had been lacking before, especially Sam.
"Dad was Dean's heart's desire," Sam said. "What he wanted more than anything. And I will never regret having that time with him again. It was amazing. I got to talk to him, make things right. I put one nightmare to bed that day, but it opened an old one again. It wasn't my dream, see. I would have had Jess back if I'd been the one with that pearl in my hand. I would have had my chance to say sorry and goodbye to her. There was so much more I needed to say, but I never had the chance. And I never will."
Jack looked away as Sam sniffed and wiped at his eyes again, giving him a moment to compose himself.
"Breakfast," Sam said bracingly, and Jack chanced a glance back at him to see he was smiling and calm again, his eyes red but dry. "What do you want? I'll make anything."
"Pancakes," Jack said with a wide smile. Second to Krunch Kookie Crunch, they were his favorite, and they would keep Sam busy long enough to—hopefully—let the dream fade. "With maple syrup and strawberry."
Sam chuckled. "Sure, you can have both." He swung his legs around the bed and stood, giving himself a moment to get his feet under him before going to the dresser and taking out clean clothes. "I'll meet you in the kitchen," he said, and then strode out.
Jack stayed a little longer, mulling over what had happened, and then he went to the library to find Castiel, to tell him what was happening to Sam and to get some guidance on what to do. But when he got there, he saw that the room was empty and there was a note on the table saying that Castiel had gone out and would be back in time for their breakfast.
He sat down at the table and considered what was happening.
Sam had smiled at him and was going to make pancakes, trying to be normal, but he was hurting. Jack understood that pain as he used to feel it for his mother before he killed Michael. He wanted to help Sam, but he didn't know how.
Donatello said he should do what the Winchesters would do, make them his moral compass, and he knew what Dean would do if he could; he would give Sam Jessica. And Sam would do it for Dean if their situations were reversed. They didn't have his power so they couldn't.
But what could he do to help Sam if not bring her back to life?
Sam came from the hall and said, "Pancakes are coming up. Dean's in the shower. If you see him hanging around in here, send him to the kitchen. He can help make the bacon he's going to want. If he argues, tell him I'm not his maid."
"I will," Jack said distractedly, examining Sam and seeing the lines in his forehead and the tightness of his eyes that were the results of his nightmare.
Sam clapped him on the shoulder and disappeared down the hall that would lead to the kitchen.
Jack got up and walked back to the bedrooms, coming to a stop in Sam's room. He wanted to do something to help; Jack was sure helping was what Sam or Dean would do, so he was confident this was the right thing to do.
He'd never brought anyone back to life, but he'd also never been as practiced and powerful as he was now. He could do so much more than the angel that had told Dean Castiel was unreachable had imagined. Maybe if he tried, really stretched himself, he would be able to bring her back for Sam.
He had to at least try.
He didn't know what Jessica Moore looked like, and he was sure he'd need to if he was going to find her, so he went to the box he'd sometimes seen Sam's toying with where he knew Sam kept his treasures. He had given Jack a box like that and Jack kept the flash drive that had the videos his mother had made him, and photos of himself with Sam, Dean, and Castiel in it.
He was sure Sam would have a picture of Jessica in his.
He opened it, feeling a prickle of unease, like he was intruding into Sam's private life without permission. On top was a brochure for some kind of hotel for old people. Beneath that was a sheaf of papers, underneath which Jack found the photographs he figured must contain Jessica's likeness. There were many of Sam and Dean, looking younger than he had ever seen them, and some of Mary and Bobby, but not the Bobby that had come out of the other world; this was the one Sam and Dean had known before.
At the very bottom was a small picture, the kind that would be kept in a wallet, of Sam and a woman. Sam looked so young, almost Jack's age, and he was so obviously happy. They were both wearing sweaters with Stanford emblazoned on the front. Their arms were around each other and they were beaming at the camera.
Jack turned the photo and read the note in Sam's handwriting on the back. 'Me and Jess, post-finals party'.
He flipped the photo over again and smiled at the woman's face. "You're Jess," he murmured.
Knowing he needed to concentrate and be calm, he sat on the edge of Sam's bed and took a deep breath.
His powers mostly worked automatically, doing what he wanted when he needed, but it was going to take effort to do this. He fixed her face in his mind and searched for a sense of her. He felt his grace spreading from him, reaching into the air, and warmth that touched his mind the way it had when he'd been opening rifts.
"Jessica Moore," he whispered. "Where are you?"
There was a tug on his mind, his grace flared, and then there was a flash of golden light as a rift opened. A shadow fell through it and landed in front of him to the floor. Jack blinked and the light faded, revealing a woman crouched on the floor.
Her blonde hair was in a braid over her shoulder, and the black cargo pants and white vest and hoodie she wore looked dusty and old. Jack thought the dark stain on the shoulder of the hoodie was blood. As she straightened up and looked around the room, he got a good look at her and saw it was the woman from the picture, though she was older and there was no smile on her face now.
"I did it!" he cried, jumping to his feet.
Her hands snapped to her sides where there was a gun holster on one hip and a sheaf for a machete on the other. They were both empty, and as her eyes snapped from side to side, she looked shocked and fearful for a moment before her eyes narrowed.
Jack barely saw it. He was overwhelmed with what he had done. She was here. Sam was going to be so happy.
"You're Jessica! I'm Jack."
She fixed her glare on him and Jack was shocked to see that it was full of hatred. No one had looked at him like that since Dean had first met him.
"It's okay," he said. "I've helped you."
"Monster," she growled.
"No, I'm Jack," he said again.
She spun on her heel and grabbed the chair from the desk, lifted it high into the air and then smashed it down on his head.
It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel good either. She gaped at him for a moment then grabbed a broken chair leg from the floor and ran out of the door.
Jack watched her go and murmured. "I think I did something wrong."
So… Jessica is here! I love Jessica. I think one of the reasons Lost and Found and Search On are so special to me is because I was able to write her character. This is not sweet and mild Jessica of those stories though. This Jess is badass. We'll find out the how and why soon.
Until next time…
Clowns or Midgets xxx