Me and Mrs. Muddlefoot
Drake Mallard sniffled slightly from the movement of the disturbed dust in the attic. He wanted to find the darn garden trowel as soon as possible. He glanced over at his neighbor Binkie Muddlefoot, who was making herself comfortable on a grand old ratty chair. He was getting a little tired of her as of late; she seemed to be always under foot. He knew that despite her boorish treacly ways, she was just trying to find some sort of personal connection. He just wished it didn't have to be him.
Binkie chuckled, "Gee, Drake take you time. I'm in no big hurry."
Drake looked up from inside a cardboard box and dryly responded, "Yeah, I know."
Binkie vacantly stared at Drake. Drake lowered his eyelids and thought that's the typical Binkie response he's grown accustomed to.
Binkie lightly coughed then said, "My goodness, Drake. Not to be rude but it's kind of dusty in here."
Binkie absentmindedly ran her hands over her white apron and continued, "It looks like you could use a helping hand around the house."
"Yeah," Drake reticently answered.
"What about Launchpad?"
"What about Launchpad?" Drake mockingly retorted.
"Doesn't he help you out? Gosalyn's only a child, so she can only be expected to do but so much around the house."
"I mean since Launchpad seems to be your buddy. Maybe he could…."
Drake stopped looking for the trowel and angrily turned to face Binkie. "Whoa! Wait-a-minute! Exactly what are you getting at?"
Binkie nervously bit her bottom lip and meekly spoke, "Don't be cross, Drake. I recently saw a program on the Generation cable station. I understand."
Drake folded his arms and raised his eyebrow. "Understand? Understand, what?"
Binkie became red-faced and sputtered, "You know! You and Launchpad. Don't worry, I'm an enlightened person."
Drake flabbergasted, momentarily goggled Binkie before yelling, "Binkie!! You're nuts!! I have a girlfriend—Morgana McCawber! I'm sure you remember her…." Drake completed the sentence in his thoughts, "you empty headed cow!"
"Yeah, but she doesn't live with you and Gosalyn. Does Launchpad have a girlfriend?"
"What! That's nobody's business but Launchpad's."
Binkie cocked her eyebrow.
Drake rolled his eyes and growled, "He currently has a race car driver girlfriend in Duckburg, ok!"
Binkie daintily put a hand up to her beak and giggled.
Drake irately inquired, "Why are you asking me such personal questions?"
"Well, don't you think it's about time you tell me something of yourself. I thought we were friends," Binkie answered.
"Yeah, but friends respect their friends boundaries. If I want you to know something, I and only I will be the one to decide when and what to reveal. You understand that!" Drake responded.
Binkie nodded, 'Yes'.
Drake momentarily stopped to gather himself then he went back to his desperate search for the garden trowel.
Binkie sat quietly in the old ratty chair for a few minutes before she timidly spoke, "I didn't ask you those questions to be mean spirited. I'm sorry, Drake."
Binkie continued, "I figure it's got to be tough for you being a single father. I only wish for you and Gosalyn some happiness."
Drake huffed, "Look, Binkie. Thanks for the sentiment but Gos and I are content. So quit worrying."
Binkie distractedly fondled her white pearl necklace. "Just how are things between Morgana and you?"
Drake whipped around and scowled at Binkie. "Were you even listening to me? Don't ask me about my private life, I will tell you what I feel like discussing when I'm ready. Oh—and for the record—Morgana and I are peachy keen."
Binkie perked up and asked, "Any plans for a wedding?"
Drake eyes bulged; he was caught off guard by such a question. He nervously coughed then uneasily responded, "Uh, well. We're taking our relationship one day at a time."
Binkie smiled then remarked, "That's wonderful. You have a good outlook on relationships." Binkie forlornly lowered her head and clasped her hands.
Drake tilted his head in concern. He never saw Binkie like this before. Drake hesitantly spoke, "Binkie, are you ok? Is everything alright?"
Binkie meekly responded with her head still lowered, "Gosh, Drake. I guess its ok for you to ask questions."
Drake nervously rubbed his feathered head and embarrassedly simpered.
Binkie looked up teary-eyed. "To answer your questions—No and no."
"… I'm sorry to hear that."
"I don't know what it is, Drake. It seems like Herb and I have grown distant this past winter. I try to be the perfect wife to him and the perfect mother to our children. Where did I go wrong? I thought something like this wouldn't happen to my marriage." Binkie covered her eyes and began to bawl.
Drake was dumbfounded; he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He walked over to Binkie, sat on the arm of the chair and gingerly placed his arm around her. He gently rocked her and softly spoke, "Oh, Binkie. I didn't know. I'm very sorry I acted so insensitive towards you early."
Binkie loudly sniffed and cried, "That's ok. That was my clumsy attempt to break the ice. I'm so dumb."
"Binkie, don't say that. You're not dumb—you're just ignorant."
"Duh … thanks?"
"Well, maybe ignorant is too harsh a word. I really meant naïve."
"Ok." Binkie struggled with her tears.
Drake pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Binkie who made quick use of it. She offered Drake the soiled hanky. Drake shook his head and replied, "Keep it. I have a large stockpile. It's a necessity when one has such a messy kid."
Binkie smiled despite her teary countenance. She snuffled then said, "I bet I look quite messy myself. As if it matters, since I'm no spring chicken. I'm losing my looks and I'm just going to keep getting homelier as time goes by."
Drake pouted. "Binkie, are you kidding? You look fabulous. You shouldn't feel that way about yourself." Drake thought about how he's not getting younger himself. His thoughts began to trail on about how he could be losing his dashing good looks. Drake simpered, "But, I can understand where you're coming from. I'm no spring chicken, either."
"You? But you look—so marvelous."
Drake was a sucker for flattery; he coyly waved his hand. "Oh, really?"
"Of course! Morgana's lucky to have you."
Drake smugly smiled. Drake tenderly placed his hand under Binkie's chin. He gently turned her head and raised her chin so he could look directly into Binkie's eyes. Drake softly spoke, "And don't you forget, Herb is very lucky to have you. Besides, putting yourself down won't help to mend the gap between you and him."
Binkie tenderly grasped Drake's hand from under her chin. She held his hand, exhaled and once again looked downward to gaze at her light-blue pumps.
"Binkie, I wish I could say or do more to help, but I'm no expert. Maybe you and Herb ought to look into marriage counseling."
"Perhaps." Binkie looked up into Drake's sky blue eyes and sighed.
Drake temporarily gazed into Binkie's glistening eyes before turning his attention back to the stacks of boxes in the attic. "I better find you that garden trowel like I promised." He let go a Binkie's hand and proceeded to get up off the large armrest.
"Wha…." Drake turned to address Binkie and was greeted to a full kiss. He was so overcome with surprise that he just sat frigidly on the armrest.
Binkie hastily ended the kiss. "Oh my stars! I just wanted to give you a friendly peck on the cheek. I never intended … I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"
Drake dreamily stared into Binkie eyes for a fraction of a minute before he engaged her in a salacious kiss. Binkie embraced Drake as he heatedly ran his hands down her back to the large bow of her apron which he effortlessly untied.
Drake breathlessly pulled out of the kiss and yanked himself off the chair and away from Binkie. He hysterically grabbed his head and stammered, "My God! What have I done? I better go home!"
Binkie held her freed apron and jumped out the chair. She gasped, "Drake! Wait!"
Drake didn't hear a word since he sped out of the attic as fast as he could muster. He ran out of the house and into the house next door. He quickly slammed the front door and raggedly gasped for air. Drake trembled all over while his heart wildly palpitated.
Herb Muddlefoot peeked out from behind the doorway to the living room. "Howdy neighbor!" he cheerfully exclaimed.
Drake's eyes bulged as he surveyed his surrounding; this wasn't his beautiful house. Binkie Muddlefoot entered through the front door. She avoided Drake's gaze and hastened to the kitchen. Drake definitely knew that wasn't his beautiful wife. He squealed, flee out the front door and back into his house.
Herb confusedly scratched his head. "Drake must've really needed to go potty."