Disclaimer: Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto

Warning: As with all my stories, this is an experimental piece. Bear in mind, this story borders on crack fiction and is just for fun. Sometimes we just need a little silliness around Valentine's Day, no? A huge thanks for Yengirl for her Beta work. This chapter wouldn't have been published without her help and encouragement, so please be sure to check out her Valentine's Day story and/or her other work, and show us your love by spreading the positive constructive review!

This was stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

Why, oh why did that dimwitted, dead last loser have to go and "accidentally" do this? Gods, Uzumaki Naruto deserved to be charred with a giant fireball and left to burn for an eternity. Who closes his eyes when he puckers up, then allows himself to be pushed forward so his lips smack those of his supposed 'friend'/rival in front of the entire class? For crying out loud, was he really that dense?

Uchiha Sasuke was beyond irritated, but if he were held to being fair, Naruto deserved a little- just a little- leeway for that accident. He was NOT going to call it a kiss! Certainly, neither of them was expecting the sudden shove that shifted Naruto forward and had them sharing their first...Ewwww! It was an incredibly embarrassing moment that made him cringe to his very core!

To his credit, after recovering from the ordeal, Sasuke was able to keep his wits about him, and in true Uchiha fashion, returned to acting as if nothing happened, giving the others no choice but to do the same.

The furious fangirls who pounced on Naruto made up for things just a little, but there was no doubt, with all the ruckus it created, everyone had witnessed it.


The day only got worse when Iruka-sensei came in to announce the Genin team assignments, and to his horror, Sasuke learned the nitwit was on his team, together with Haruno Sakura. Thankfully, excitement over the new teams filled the rest of the conversations that day, but there was no missing the elephant in the room...the big fat one, which continued to stare at Sasuke.

Lucky for him, Sasuke appeared to be in someone's good graces, for the newly minted Genin teams began to train and perform missions on their own from that day forward. Seldom did they run into other classmates, and life took on a new routine with long hours training and the occasional mindless mission. Working to polish his skills were all that Sasuke came to focus on, and it really didn't take long for 'the incident' to fade from his consciousness.

As the weeks progressed, Team 7 had its challenges. Insults and brawls were par for the course, but what Sasuke didn't expect were the occasional moments he'd catch himself believing they weren't half so bad. He wondered if it was a secret jutsu of Kakashi-sensei's, because the nitwit still caused all kinds of problems and Sakura's unwanted adoration drove him crazy. Still (and he would never admit this aloud), there was a little pride when they worked together when it counted. They were a dysfunctional team, but in a messed up kind of way, they were becoming 'his' dysfunctional team.

Now, Naruto could be downright irritating at times, and often deserved the negative attention he got, but even Sasuke knew that wasn't always the case. As a general rule he kept to himself, and purposely stayed out of the dobe's affairs. But one cold day in February, on his way to the training fields, Sasuke came across a small commotion taking place just ahead of him. Normally he would have ignored it, but he was young, and when he sensed Naruto's chakra, he allowed curiosity to get the better of him. To avoid detection, the Uchiha masked his own chakra and wordlessly hid out of view behind a building and listened in.

"Hey! There he is! Pucker up, pansy," one boy shouted.

"Hahaha. Kiss any other dudes today?" Another laughed with his lips puckered up like a carp.

Sasuke froze, feeling hot and cold all over. The topic had been filed away in the back of his mind, but in that very instant, the whole fiasco resurfaced, fresh as the day it happened. It was still very much a sore spot he'd been publicly humiliated, and hearing this made his stomach twist.

Frankly public displays of anything other than fighting prowess were never a good idea. Naruto you loser...he inwardly fumed to himself, and then, Naruto's loud frustrated voice caught his attention.

"Enough already! You've been pestering me for weeks!" Naruto shouted back. The retort did nothing to stop the boys however, and they continued their snickers and taunts. The exchange dragged on... and on, each word cutting deeper and deeper, and Naruto sounding more upset.

Before Sasuke knew it, the unfairness of it all grated on him.

Why were they still giving his teammate a bad time when no one had mentioned it to him even once?

"Cut it out." The words, low and furious, tumbled from his lips before he realized he'd said anything and stepped out into view.

All three boys turned to confront Naruto's defender, only to reel back in shock when they recognized the Uchiha.

"What the..." One of the boys struggled to come up with something to say.

"Wait a minute... Are you?... Another looked flabbergasted.

"...and he...?" The third boy gaped, trailing off, unable to finish his words.

"What are you all getting at?" Sasuke spat. He was confused which made him defensive. He hadn't meant to defend Naruto but the words had flown out and it was too late to take them back.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," the third boy muttered and motioned his friends to back away.

With that, Sasuke signaled for Naruto to head out. They were supposed to meet Sakura and Kakashi-sensei. Ignoring the eyes glued to them, they sped off together, and Sasuke fumbled to make heads or tails over what just happened.

"Ready to spar, teme?" Naruto finally asked, supplanting him back to the moment.

"Hn," Sasuke answered. The interruption allowed him to shake off the embarrassment at having defended the blond and stopped his mind from delving further into the insinuations.

C'mon, Sasuke. Focus. Why are you wasting any time on this? You know those kids were just stupid and harmless. Don't be a fool. Everyone knows you and Naruto are rivals. Rivals! Not friends, and certainly nothing more.

Suppressing his unease, he further attempted to mollify himself with a past truth: Let it go. You're stupid to worry. Unlike Naruto, you, Uchiha Sasuke are immune to imbecilic rumors.

It was also a fact that now was not the time to blow anything out of proportion. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day which gave him enough grief each year without having to worry about the blond.

Intense training followed and allowed for the release of all that pent up energy, but nothing really seemed to help with the unease in his mind after the encounter with the other boys. As a result, Sasuke decided to skip out of dinner plans the team had made months ago and headed directly home instead.

A day later, Sasuke couldn't have been more ill prepared when Naruto up and fainted right in front of him and many of their peers. Sakura had asked if the knucklehead had been cutting back on spending money on food so he could save enough to buy the 3 new kunai required for their training sessions. Was this a result from food deprivation that finally caught up with him? Naruto didn't give her an answer but shrugged off his growling stomach as a comical thing, laughing at his own stupidity.

Sasuke kept his distance while the surrounding audience teased and heckled, but when the others turned their interest elsewhere, he came a little closer to observe the blond. Internally, Sasuke was furious in learning that Naruto was facing starvation and being treated this way. He knew the situation was incredibly easy for others to overlook, but he personally knew starvation was no joke. Having been on the verge of collapse when he hid from Anbu after an event (the Uchiha Massacre*), when he had refrained from eating or moving until he was discovered by the body clean up crew, Sasuke had never forgotten how unforgiving the hunger pangs were and how the loss of sustenance blurred his focus and gnawed away at his every thought.

He attempted to tell himself he didn't particularly care about the blond, and how the dobe lived his life was his own business, but it was impossible to ignore his conscience when his sharp eyes took in the subtle sag to Naruto's pants, indicating recent weight loss. Worse yet was the fact that Sasuke knew he was the one at fault for causing the team dinner to be canceled the day before. The more he thought about it, the surer Sasuke was that his friend's bright cerulean blue eyes had started to lose their shine as well.

Sasuke did his best to remain indifferent. He really did, but Naruto's dire situation just wouldn't leave him. It was all was too similar to his own recent past, and the terrible memories it harbored. No one deserved that, his conscience told him. Thus, after great internal debate, and against his better judgement, for once, he broke down and let sympathy rule his actions.

His first thought was to leave some ryo behind, but Sasuke knew there was a very good possibility that that honest loudmouth would go about looking for the owner first, and if unable to locate him or her, ultimately give the money to someone simply because it wasn't his. Sasuke then considered directly giving him the kunai, but knowing how stubborn the blond was, he knew he would be too proud to outright accept them. Subsequent ideas carried equal flaws, and all were ultimately abandoned, frustrating him to no end.

Stumped, further irritation raked through him when the chatter of nearby fangirls caught his attention. He repressed a snort when out of the corner of his eye, one of the girls dared to approach, waving a bright red box tied with a satin ribbon, batting her eyes and cooing his name to summon him over.

Argggh. Of all the times...Not. Now! Sasuke plastered a scowl on his face. Geez, why in the world did all those stupid girls so desperately insist on gifting him chocolates anyway? Sweets were never his favorite, and quite frankly, the obvious lovey-dovey false suck ups for a date only made his stomach churn. Didn't they realize stunts like this only pushed him to hate them all the more? It was pointless to explain though. Attempting to converse, even in the slightest, only encouraged those crazed girls, and he knew it was just best to bolt. His eyes quickly scanned the area for his satchel, but once he located it, he wanted to groan.

Really? Of course his satchel was lying right by the tree Amy (or Ami -whatever her name was) was standing! With a coy smile, she preened as she placed her box of chocolates into said satchel.

Great. He resisted rolling his eyes. Just great.

The very action made him want to sneer and only fired up his desire to ditch the scene and rid himself of those awful candies all the more! If only he could just throw all of those gifts away and be done with them! Unfortunately this thought only triggered the inner voice of his mother in his head.

"Mottainai, (don't be wasteful)," she reprimanded. And try as he might, he just couldn't bring himself to disobey her and trash them. Argh...Stupid morals! He was practically ready to explode and then out of nowhere, the perfect idea came to him.

Naruto was poor and living on minimal funds. He would never openly accept money or help, and that honesty of his would prevent him from taking anything that wasn't his own. However today was Valentine's Day, a special day for giving and getting. Girls in particular made grand efforts to gift friends with special chocolates and he knew as friend deprived as Naruto was, he would never return a gift if he thought it was meant especially for him.

With new purpose, Sasuke rushed past Ami, surprising her when he doubled back and quickly grabbed his satchel full of candies, and took off.

It took a bit of creative maneuvering, but moments later, Sasuke was sauntering down the path to his home, sporting a very smug look. The act was simple and yet it made for a brilliant win-win situation. In one fell swoop, he was able to rid himself of those awful gifts from his fangirls while gifting the blond with some extra calories he would not otherwise have the opportunity to enjoy. The guy was a knucklehead but honestly no one deserved to starve.

With pride, the Uchiha congratulated himself on a plan well executed. He wasn't top of his class for nothing.

Only...wouldn't you know it? Not more than a few minutes passed and... he was ready to take it all back!

Geez, how could something so simple could go so wrong?

Grinding his teeth, he decided some people did deserve to starve! Especially orange clad knuckleheads!

Once the goods were transferred, Naruto being Naruto, took no less than a minute to realize he was gifted with extra snacks during his walk home. He was surprised at first, but after noting his name inscribed on the box from an anonymous donor, he didn't bother giving it a second thought before opening the box and gorging on the delectable treats. The sweets were sinfully delicious, smooth as silk, and honestly unlike anything he had ever had before. Lost in chocolate heaven, he let out a moan in pleasure with each greedy bite. Sweets and snacks were the extras he couldn't afford so he couldn't believe today he'd hit the jackpot!

Naruto was busy satisfying his hunger pangs, until a former classmate spotted him and started teasing him about eating someone else's 'love chocolates,' snapping him out of his daze.

"Love chocolates?" He crinkled his nose to that. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Now Naruto was no stranger to teasing, so at first he ignored the jabs, carelessly stuffing his face without thought. Eventually though, it was impossible not to take note of the growing crowd surrounding him, and the girls with frowns pasted on their usually pleasant faces. Arms crossed, he noted a large red Valentine heart in the hand of one of them and the cogs in his mind started turning. Images of a gaggle of starry-eyed girls cooing over their beloved Sasuke-kun the whole morning with decorated heart-shaped boxes in their hands appeared in his mind's eye and his stomach -heavy with chocolate- dropped.

Today was February 14th. Never in his life before had it meant anything special, but he knew it was for others. Exchanging chocolates was a regular occurrence for the popular kids but never had it ever happened to him. NEVER. Truth be told, it had long been established, no one in their right mind would ever publicly commit such an act. It was also a fact, no girl ever really gifted special giri chocolates to any boy unless it was the teme.

A light bulb then went off in his head. In a rush, he dumped out the contents of the delightful treats into his bag and quickly flipped the box over. All at once, the horror of it hit him when he spotted the heart-shaped note attached to the bottom of the box in neat script reading: For you, Dear Sasuke-kun. With Love.

His face flushed with embarrassment. There, before his very eyes, was a love note from one of Sasuke's admirers for Valentine's Day. He wanted to kick himself and scream. Argghhh. Of course these chocolates weren't for him! How stupid he was. He should have known! Receiving something this rare and special was too good to be true. In the next moment he gagged. Blehhhh! He spat out the offending sweet and wiped off his tongue. He was eating teme's love chocolates!

Naruto wondered if someone may had accidentally slipped him chocolates that were meant for Sasuke but he was quick to dismiss that thought. No one, and I mean NO ONE, would be stupid enough to do that, especially when he had been the village pariah for so long.

So who in their right mind would dare pull this as a joke, knowing they could be potentially make themselves an arch enemy of the infamous Uchiha?

It was then he heard someone sobbing behind the nearby bushes and turned to look.

"Gads, Noriko, those were YOUR giri-choko?" Ami accused, pointing to Naruto.

"Uh huh," Noriko sniffled.

"You fool! Why did you gift them to him?" Ami accused rather harshly.

"I didn't," Noriko denied vehemently. "'Really Ami, you have to believe me! I slipped them into Sasuke-kun's bag. I really did!" She defended. "I know because there were several others underneath mine, plus I recognized your gift, the red heart-shaped box with the satin bow. Why won't you believe me? I slipped it into Sasuke-kun's bag, I swear. Oh Ami," she cried. "I should have listened to that dog boy, Kiba. He warned me earlier Sasuke-kun wasn't happy about the attention or all the gifts, but I refused to listen. I knew there was a possibility Sasuke-kun might not keep my chocolates, but never in a million years did I ever think they would end up in Naruto's hands! Why oh why did this have to happen to me?" she whimpered. "It's so unfair!"

Hearing her distress, infuriated Naruto. Had he known, he would have never eaten those stupid treats no matter how hungry he was! The treats were meant for the teme and there was no denying he was the last one the gift giver ever wanted to share them with. At times he could be dense, but there was no mistaking it. He knew no one else would be brave enough to steal the Uchiha's chocolates and gift them to him, and that left only one possibility.

Storming down the path, arms swinging by his sides, he cut around others and made his way toward his rival walking home, steam nearly coming out of his ears. The closer he got, the angrier he became, eyes glued to that infamous Uchiha fan Sasuke wore on his back. Worked up and absolutely livid, Naruto prepared to pummel him.

Sasuke caught a glimpse of orange approaching him, but he paid it no mind. Even if Naruto discovered who the gift was from, he figured in the worst case scenario the dobe was coming to thank him or something lame like that, so imagine his surprise when the loudmouth stayed quiet for once and chose to trail him.

Curious, Sasuke cocked his head back in Naruto's direction. In an instant his eyes widened, and he knew he had made a big mistake. Before he could react, chocolates were already heading toward him at frightening speed.

"Na-ru.t..," but before he could even finish shouting his name, one of the chocolate projectiles pegged him square in the mouth!

"That's what I think of your stupid love chocolates!" the blond yelled.

Recovering from the initial surprise, Sasuke was prepared to retaliate but froze when a loud shriek came out of nowhere, scaring him into swallowing said chocolate whole.

"Narutooooooo?! Nooooooo! The town gossip Yamanaka Ino screeched. "Was that honmei-choko you just fed Sasuke-kun?!

In a flash, a gaggle of girls came scrambling over, crying and shouting, "Not fair. I wanted to feed Sasuke-kun MY choco first. How dare you!"

On the sidelines, a few boys snickered, and a few more looked on envious.

An angry mob closed in on the blond, sobering him back into reality. Caught with a chocolate in his hand, he suddenly forgot all about his original retaliation and shot off, chocolate box dropped and long forgotten.

Seeing all the commotion and confusion caused Sasuke's anger fizzle out, and after taking the situation in, he had to resist facepalming. Arghhhh. He wished more than anything this was just a bad dream and he could wake up. Unfortunately there was no such luck.

This is exactly why I should keep to myself. He groused. Just look what happens when I try to be helpful?!

There was no use trying to clear up this mess. Denial only made for a guiltier appearance and he was sure the rumor mill was already broadcasting the misinformation clear across town, courtesy of course with the dobe's public tantrum.

Stupid Naruto! Thanks to him, even in a million years, he would never live this down!

With that, the raven-haired man looked down at his daughter with a serious face.

"Sarada, I should not have to say this, but this stays only between us."

"Of course Papa. Uchiha secrets are supposed to be taken to the grave," she agreed.

A subtle nod and pause followed before he finally spoke again.

"So to answer your question for the final time. NO, I will not give your Mom a public kiss, and just because the Hokage shared some chocolate with you, does not mean I would like to try them."

~The End

So what did you think? Any humor points? I'm curious, who out there, thinks Naruto may have had something to do with Sasuke's aversion to public displays of affection?

For those who don't know in Japan Valentine's Day is celebrated with two kinds of chocolate. Giri-choco (obligation chocolate) given from girls to male friends in friendship and gratitude, and honmei-choko (true love chocolate) given from girls to male friends they have romantic feelings for.

Quick story note: * indicates this was not said aloud.

Author's Note:

I know I've already written a story about that infamous day in class with "First Kiss," but I couldn't resist re-visiting that scenario with an older Sarada.

Feedback is always appreciated. Likewise, if you are a believer in the positive constructive review, please see my Profile page if you'd like to join the Fanfiction Review Movement.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope this served as a little treat and you enjoyed it. No promises, but with enough feedback and the precious gift of free time, perhaps I may add one more chapter.