A TARDIS on Saint Marie
Featuring the Seventh Doctor
Gerald Walters sat at Catherine Bordey's bar and smiled to himself happily. He had no problems, no worries and no stress. Well, there was that thing, but he tried not to remember that as much as possible. He was on holiday for goodness sake.
"Can I help you, Mr Walters?" Catherine Bordey, the Mayor of Saint Marie, asked him. Catherine was an old French woman who was dressed in very flamboyant clothes and who had a very charming smile.
"Rum please, Catherine. I've had a hard day." he said grumpily, taking out his book and beginning to flick through it. She left him to think about other things, but his thoughts were soon interrupted by the arrival of a short man dressed in a brown jacket, red waistcoat, white shirt and tie.
"Who are you?" Gerald wondered, putting down the book he had been holding.
"I'm someone who just wants to observe what happens." the stranger said, with a Scottish voice, "I won't get in your way, if that's what you want to know."
Catherine came back with Gerald's rum and didn't recognise the stranger at all.
"Who's this? Aren't you going to introduce me?" she wondered, staying beside the table.
"I already know perfectly well who you are, Ms Bordey, but you don't need to worry about who I am. I just need to see what happens next."
"What happens next? Do you mean that-"
She was cut off by Gerald collapsing onto the table with a thud, dropping his glass of rum.
Gerald Walters was dead.
DI Jack Mooney was sat in his shack, video-calling his daughter, Siobhan.
"And I had to make up a speech for the Commissioner on the spot!" he said with a laugh.
"Did he like what you said?" she asked, curious to know what happened next.
"Of course. He's such a nice fella, you know. Ah, I miss you, you know Siobhan. I miss home."
And just as he said that, there came a knock at the door: it was Detective Sergeant Florence Cassell, come to break some news. Jack ended the call and greeted Florence with a smile.
"Florence, good to see you. Any news at all?" he asked, his Irish accent sounding true.
"Sir, there's been a poisoning at Catherine's bar." she replied, "JP and Dwayne are already at the scene and they've told me about someone strange being present."
"Strange? What sort of strange?"
"You'd better see for yourself."
Ten minutes later, DI Mooney and DS Cassell were sat opposite the little Scottish man who had been at the scene of the crime.
"So, my officers here tell me that you saw the murder taking place. Is that true?" Jack asked him.
"No, I've only just arrived. I'm the Doctor, by the way. Is this the Fifth Ring of Triskellia or the Caribbean?" the Doctor asked.
"Catherine Bordey mentioned that you knew her. Is that correct?"
"Who's Catherine Bordey?"
Meanwhile, Dwayne Myers and JP Hooper were analysing the scene. JP was taking photographs of what had been found near to the body, including a black umbrella with a red question mark handle.
"Dwayne, what on Earth is that?" JP asked his partnet, pointing at the umbrella.
"It's an umbrella, JP. What else did you think it was?" Dwayne replied.
"Of course it's an umbrella, Dwayne. But what's it doing there? The victim was poisoned, not attacked."
"The umbrella belonged to that Scottish guy who just appeared out of nowhere. He's a suspect, so we have to investigate why he had a red umbrella with him. That's
what we do, JP."
Jack had decided to arrest the Doctor on suspicion of murder and locked him up in the cells that were at the back of Honore Police Station. The Doctor watched Jack and Florence curiously as they stood by an old whiteboard and went through the case.
"So, what do we know?" Jack asked, prompting Florence to run through everything that they had so far.
"The victim is Gerald Walters, aged 47 and born in Sutton, England. He studied Computer Science at university and became a computer programmer at the age of 28." she explained, whilst Jack summarised the notes on the whiteboard, "There is one unusual detail however."
"And what's that?"
"His computer company became involved with an organisation known as UNIT seven years ago."
"UNIT? And who are they then?"
"I can tell you, if you want." the Doctor announced, drawing the two detectives towards the cells.
"Do you really know about UNIT?" Florence asked.
"Yes, mainly because I used to work for them some lifetimes ago, when life was so much simpler and when I was a lot more confident. They're an organisation who deal with alien activity, usually using guns. Tell me more about the incident involving your victim. I can help, you know."
Dwayne and JP had now found something even more inexplicable: it was a tall blue police box, parked in an alleyway near to Catherine's bar. It gave off a feeling of suspicion and so JP had stepped forward to try and find out if anyone was inside.
"Excuse me, open up, Honore Police!" he yelled, thumping the door. The door opened and he couldn't believe what he saw. The room inside was much larger than the room outside and looked like a Gothic castle.
"You have got to be kidding me." Dwayne muttered in awe as he entered the room, staring at everything that was in the room, including the large hexagonal console at the centre of the room.
The Doctor was now strolling round the inside of Honore Police Station, smiling at all of the ornaments that were littered around the place.
"What on Earth is going on here?" came the gentleman-like voice of Commissioner Selwyn Patterson as he entered the police station and saw the Doctor, "A suspect set free?"
"Ah, hello. I'm helping, erm..." the Doctor tailed off, realising that he didn't know anyone's name.
"Detective Inspector Jack Mooney and this is Detective Sergeant Florence Cassell." Jack explained, smiling awkwardly at the Commissioner.
"And they have hired me to take the case. I have skills, experience and local knowledge, especially as this case involves an organisation that I have had past experience working for."
The Commissioner walked over to the Doctor and took him to one side.
"Who exactly are you and what gives you the right to intervene in such a way?" the Commissioner demanded.
"I am the Doctor and, as you can see, I have identification saying that I am UNIT's scientific advisor." he replied, before adding, "Was UNIT's scientific advisor. But then I went travelling and things became much less simple."
The Commissioner stared at the pass, which showed an old man with a young-old face and a mass of curly white hair on his head.
"This is not sufficient, Doctor."
"Just let me get to the bottom of this case. I have a suspicion I know what happened, but I need to be at the scene of the crime to be sure."
This got the attention of DI Mooney and DS Cassell.
"You know what happened?" Florence asked, amazed at the Doctor's intelligence.
"I think I do, but I need to be certain."
The Doctor then ran off, out of the police station.
Dwayne and JP had left the police box when the Doctor came rushing towards them, with a shocked look on his face.
"Did you go into my police box?" the Doctor yelled, glancing at the police box and noticing that the doors had been left open.
"We had to. Do you know what's inside that thing?" JP wondered.
"That is a machine capable of travelling in time and space. It can transcend reality and cross the dimensional divide. Believe me, I did that once and it did not end well."
"Hey, listen, aren't you supposed to be locked up?" Dwayne asked the Doctor, trying to make him go away.
"They let me out because I think I know what happened. I just need to be at the scene of the crime. Now, if you excuse me..."
The Doctor walked off, entered the police box, shut the door and there was a pause for a few seconds. What happened next was remarkable: the police box faded from view, wheezing and groaning itself out of reality as it entered an infinite vortex of time.
"JP, that man is a nutter." Dwayne said and, for the first time in a long time, JP agreed with him.
DI Mooney and DS Cassell were now hard at work at the police station, just as JP and Dwayne returned, ready to tell them all about the amazing blue box.
"Ah, Dwayne, JP, what have you got for me?" Jack asked, hoping for a lead.
"Sir, that Scottish guy's got a weird blue box. It's bigger on the inside as well." Dwayne said, not believing what he'd said.
"A bizarre blue box? How very suspicious. This case is turning out to be a very odd one."
"I disagree, DI Mooney," came the Doctor's voice from the verandah, as he entered the police station, umbrella in hand, "I know exactly what happened."
"How exactly did you figure it out?" Florence asked.
"Because I was there. You see, my blue box that your officers went inside is a time machine and I simply travelled back and saw what happened. Your suspect is a Thromelian and has one fatal weakness. Can you guess what that is?"
There was silence for a few moments as everyone thought. JP was the first to get it.
"It's alcohol, isn't it?" he suggested, earning a proud beam from DI Mooney.
"Precisely. Thromelians usually look like big globs of gunk so it must have taken over Mr Walters and slowly began to forget about its past life. It then came to this pleasant little island on holiday and ordered a rum, seeing as it had tried to fit in so long ago. It didn't remember that alcohol, or more specifically ethanol, was poisonous to it, so downing the rum was the nail in the coffin."
The four police officers in the room stared at the Doctor in amazement, realising that his theory was the only one that made sense.
"I'd better inform the Commissioner." DI Mooney said, walking off to the beige police Landrover outside.
An hour later, DI Mooney, DS Cassell, Dwayne and JP were sat outside Catherine's bar, each with a beer in their hand.
"I wonder where that Doctor fellow's got to." Jack wondered, gazing up at the sky, "His life must seem very exciting."
"You liked him, didn't you sir?" Florence deduced.
"Well, I did admire him in a way. He reminded me of my old man."
"Let's do a toast then. To the Doctor!"
They all clinked their beer bottles in agreement.