Heart of Ice
December 8, 2000
Written by PallaPlease

===Author's Notes: After watching "SubZero" on Cartoon network, I felt obligated to write a fanfiction piece regarding Victor Fries' feelings about his wife, Nora, after her organ transplant. Yes, I'm in a gushy mood today. You would be, too, when having a day off from eighth grade and being able to kick back…write fanfics…get hooked on fifty-eight pounds of pure glucose injected into my blood-stream (no, but I wish)…and making the mistake of reading one too many Superboy/Wondergirl fics. They're making me wanna write a Superboy/XS fic, there're so many SB/WG fics out there…Yeesh.
For those who don't know, XS is Jenni Ognats, daughter of Dawn Allen, the female Tornado Twin. In other words---XS is Impulse's cousin. Back to Fries…*sniff* Please review! I need to know how I did, considering it's the first one I've attempted to write a mature story like this. Discounting a few others…===

The wind blows harshly against me, the snow forming an icy barrier on my back. The cast of ice on my leg will soon no longer be needed, and I will be able to walk freely. The staff I clutch in my cold fingers is worn and smooth, comfortably fitting the contours of my hand. I exhale, my breath forming into ice crystals before my face and then falling to the ice below my feet with tinny tinkling sounds. A smile floats across my face and I remember how we used to laugh and romp in the snow. A salty wetness comes to one eye and I recall how the neighbors thought we were crazy, two adults throwing snowballs at each other, a doctor and his playful wife.

The wetness is growing now, invading my vision and blurring my precious sight so that I must weave my fingers into the thick fur of the only two companions I have. Two white polar bears immense in size and devoutly loyal to me walking one each side of my body, supporting me as true friends do. Oh, Nora, if you could see this, what a sight we would make.

I can almost hear you laughing and grabbing my hand. It is nothing but imagination and a lonely winter wind tugging at me. Human companionship is something most people long for, it's a natural process. Now, however, I have lost any links to human I once had and I must settle for my silent comrades of the snow. At times, when the emptiness grows too strong, I think of the miracle that you are alive and the sorrow fades away, brooding until I am defenseless to its attacks once again.

We had reams, you and I, of a house with three children and a dog. Yes, I can remember it now, we planned on having a black Labrador and a small, playful cat. An attic and a room for each child, a cozy den with a fireplace for cold winters.

I lose my memories for an instant, the bitter cold entering my mind once again. Each shuffling step is another burden to throw onto myself, another spark of futile wishes to burn my soul. Souls…

After the pain I've caused, would you still say I had a soul? I still love you, Nora, and I feel deep guilt for what I've done. Is that or is that not a sign that I am still a rat gripped by humanity? The fur around my fingers is soft and tough, comforting though it is always moving. The grace of the polar bears flows fluidly into my fingertips. Memories are the worst enemies ever conceived.

They have the unique ability to latch on to your mind and mock you constantly. The only way to get rid of them is make a new memory or remember another one. All my happy memories have become bittersweet and without you, love, I can make no new ones.

I stop walking and fall to my knees, forgetting the pain caused in my right leg at the action as my hands drop the staff and loose the grip on the downy fur, both imprinting into the hard snow.

As a single teardrop falls onto the whiteness, splashing and freezing in its perfect moment of ending. I pick it up with two fingers, gently so as to not break it.

The tear has become a clear flower, crystal and perfect. It is like my heart.

I have a heart of ice.

And yet, even hearts of ice can love and long for acceptance.