hey guys, sorry for such a long break in writing, hope you're all okay amongst this chaos!
He lay in bed, trying to keep as still as possible. It was impressive how still he'd trained himself to become, but he slowly, painfully gradually twisted his head around to look across at his little sister. She slept peacefully, her mind not yet scarred with the truth, the cold harsh reality of childhood, or such childhood as he had perceived it...
The memories drifted around his head as he began to relive that feeling. He felt his heart rate getting quicker. Fighting to keep himself still, the adrenaline pumping around his blood, he felt everything shaking, jiggling against his willpower, slowly edging his toes around, curling them into the soles of his feet. Leaving semilunar trenches in his palms, he dug his nails in further. The relief was momentary, one pain releasing the other, a chaotic switchboard of agony.
The anticipation was pure terror. Every night he held his eyes open with the strength of steel, bearing a fierce stream of sight on his sister. He dreaded the moment she drifted off to sleep, swooping away amongst the birds in the sky.
He knew what was coming, and he was scared.
The light drifted under the door, simultaneous with the rough click of the switch, flicking under their fingers. This should have brought peace, comfort to a restless Evan, but no. His heart was pounding, pushing against his chest, about to escape. He writhed desperately away from the ringing in his ears and the throbbing over the welts and bruises. Screwing up his eyes, a monochrome kaleidoscope swam across his vision.
Blocking out the world, shutting off his senses, the creak of the door and the flooding of light sent a cascade of violent shivers through his body. The kaleidoscope or crazy shapes clouded his vision as he shut himself off, trying to power down and remove his soul and spirit from reality.
And darkness fell.
As if no time had passed, he felt the pain of reality press down on his chest, spluttering and choking he gasped for air, weakly stretching up in bed, trying to appear normal. He fought to suppress the memories of last night, or was it early this morning? All concept of minutes and hours passing had drifted away the minute his conscious thought had ran for the hills, an act of mere self preservation. He scanned over his body, noticing the lingering dampness in his clothes, dosed in sweat and tears he didn't remember losing.
And once again his eyes felt drawn to his little sister. It amazed him how she slept through all... all... that. How he wished he had the ability to sleep like an angel... not just shut down through indescribable pain and pure fear. After everything she was his first thought. A protective instinct, or control with a wild side?
The mind is an incredible thing, it has the power to save us from the most unimaginable pain, shut off in a little box. But one day that box shall be opened, and like Pandora we shall fall.