This Goddess Must Be Crazy

Chapter 1: Truck-Kun Got Laid Off

So many people across America, er, Japan have been Spirited Away to other worlds that the CDC has officially classified it as an epidemic...This is a dangerous disease known as: Isekaitus.

-Isekai Anime Survival Guide by Geoff Thew, Professional Turd Holder

Sweat trickled down Izuku's back, both from exertion and sheer nervousness. He adjusted the headband, feeling as though it should be heavier. Somehow, despite all odds, he'd managed it: he'd taken first place in the Sports Festival's obstacle course event. He was doing like All Might had told him: he was standing up and proclaiming "I am here!"

Of course, he'd also painted a gigantic target on his back while doing so.

"This is going to be so great!" Mei Hatsume, one of Izuku's teammates cackled. "By teaming up with the lead player, everyone will get to see my babies!"

"These are pretty cool," Ochako Uraraka, Izuku's another of his teammates, agreed. "But, do you really have to keep calling them that?"

"What else would I call them?" Hatsume demanded. "Now, get ready, because I'm about to show you my best one!"

"We already have the jetpack and hoverboots, what else is there?" Izuku asked, adjusting the heavy equipment.

"This!" Hatsume declared, holding up a belt-like device with circular discs interspaced along it. "The omni-directional repulsor belt! It uses gravidics to deflect incoming blows! Put it on, Midoriya, make sure everyone can see it clearly! With that on, no one will even be able to touch you!"

"Won't that keep us from being able to touch him?" Fumikage Tokoyami, the last of Izuku's teammates demanded.

"No, it only deflects blows at a sufficient velocity," Hatsume clarified. "Just activate it, and you'll be invincible!"

"That does sound useful," Izuku agreed, taking the belt and strapping it on. He touched the buckle as directed by Mei, and it let out a soft hum.

There was no further time to think, as Present Mic sounded the beginning of the cavalry battle. Just as Izuku feared, nearly every team on the arena floor immediately attempted to attack him, going for the 1,000,000 point headband on Izuku's head that was worth more than a thousand times as much as the next most valuable.

"Now, Uraraka!" Izuku called, activating the jetpack.

"You got it!" Uraraka touched Izuku, activating her quirk.

Upon her doing so, several things happened at once. First, the belt that Hatsume had made did indeed operate using gravitational forces, but by being combined with Uraraka's quirk which nullified gravity, the emitters that controlled the belts gravitational exertions went into overdrive. Secondly, Uraraka's quirk created a sort of bubble around the rapidly expanding gravidic field, which immediately became superdense, temporarily many times more than that of the mass of the Earth. This created a miniature black hole almost instantly, right at the center of the UA Sports stadium.

No sooner than the black hole had formed than it ripped a hole in the space time continuum, temporarily overlaying one universe with thousands of others, and displacing everything and everyone caught within this field from the very fabric of their reality.

Oh, and it also immediately turned Izuku and his team into pancakes, killing them instantly. Whoops?

That was why, the next thing Izuku knew, he was sitting in a chair in a pool of light, blinking in surprise.

"What...what just happened?" he gasped.

His response was an immediate backhand upside the back of his head. "You screwed everything up, that's what!"

"Ow!" Izuku cried. He looked up to see a very irate young woman stalking around the back of his chair. She snapped her fingers, and the light beneath them formed into a chair, which the girl sank down into, leafing through a stack of papers.

"Just look at this!" she complained. "Do you have any idea how much trouble that little stunt of yours is going to cause? Not only did you manage to get yourself killed, which dooms your own timeline and world to a sad fate, but you also ripped a whole in space time that's going to cause an ENORMOUS mess for untold universes! Already, the Tomb World has spilled out and is starting to infect a dozen other worlds! Where am I going to find enough heroes to save them all! This is a lot of work that you've given me!"

The tirade washed over Izuku, leaving him feeling baffled and stunned as he rubbed the back of his head. "Um, sorry, er, who are you, again?"

"Don't you mortals have any respect?! I'm a goddess, obviously! Aqua, the goddess in charge of Japan! Which means I'm in charge of YOU!" Aqua the 'goddess' ranted, looking up from her papers with an angry glare.

"Oh." Izuku wracked his brains, but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out who this goddess was. She had blue hair, was dressed in an elegant blue dress with a skirt so short it was making it really hard for Izuku to pay attention. "I'm, um, sorry, er, Holy One. But, um, what happened, exactly? I was just competing in the UA Sports Festival, I didn't mean to cause so many problems…"

"Well you did," Aqua sniffed, uncrossing and crossing her legs again. Izuku worked very, very hard to keep his eyes on her face, and went beet red in embarrassment. "I really ought to send you straight to hell, or have you reincarnated as a cockroach!"

"Wait, I died!?" Izuku demanded.

"Haven't you been paying attention? Of course you died! That would have killed anyone!" the goddess shouted, waving her clipboard about in exasperation. Suddenly, a sly look came over her, and she lowered her clipboard, leaning towards Izuku with a gleam of mischief in her eye. "Say, I bet you'd really like to avoid that fate, wouldn't you?"

"Um, yes?" Izuku stammered, leaning away from her and feeling very uncomfortable. Goddess she might be, but she looked like an attractive young woman who was invading his space in a way that made Izuku squirm in his seat.

"Well, I'll tell you what," Aqua declared, putting a hand beside her mouth and whispering in a conspiratorial fashion. "You do me a solid and save one of these worlds that your little accident screwed up, and I'll return you back to life, just like you were!"

"Um, OK? What, um, what do you need me to do?" Izuku asked, still trying to inch away from Aqua. For some reason, her breath reminded him of chips and soft drinks.

"Well, there's a world I'm in charge of that an old enemy of mine is invading. He's the Lord of the Tomb, and he's conquered his realm and is trying to invade some other totally innocent ones to bend to his will. Well, I'm not going to allow that! I'm going to do what I always do: Recruit a bunch of Japanese teenagers and send them off to beat him!"

Slowly, Izuku blinked, staring at the puffed up goddess. Was she insane? "Let me get this straight: you send a bunch of ordinary high school kids off to defeat villains that can conquer entire worlds?"

"No, some of them are middle schoolers," she huffed. "Look, are you going to agree to this, or am I sending you to the bad place?!"

"No, I'll go," Izuku assured her, making a fist. This Aqua might be crazy, but this was a second chance, and Izuku was going to be a hero, one way or another. "After all, I have a really strong quirk now. I'll train hard, then defeat this Lord of the Tomb and save the world with a smile on my face!"

"Right sure, well, I'm even going to grant you a magic item or a powerful magic ability, because I'm nice like that," the goddess said, and with a wave of her hand a catalogue appeared in the air, floating down into Izuku's hands.

"Oh wow," Izuku gasped, looking through the pages. There were support items like suits of armor or weapons, or even special quirks like flame manipulation or protective barriers. "You can do this? Give me another quirk, or a powerful weapon?"

"Huh? Quirk? No, it's magic. Surely you've read about this in video games and stuff right?" Aqua said, reclining in her chair and pulling out a bottle of alcohol from somewhere. She popped the cork, taking a long swing, then smacking her lips and sighing. "Ah, I needed that! Seriously, you have no idea how much trouble you've caused me. You're lucky I'm willing to cut you some slack here."

"Hmm," Izuku mused, looking over the catalog. "Well, what I really need is something to enhance one for all. A powerful healing item would be good, but I don't know if it will be able to keep up with me all the time."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," the goddess muttered. "You do go on. Man, can't you just choose already?"

"Hmm, well, can I pick anything I want?" Izuku asked. "What about things that aren't listed? This catalog is large, but I'd like to really think about this."

"Yep, if you want something custom just let me know, those are just the presets, but as a goddess naturally I'm talented enough to make something if I have to," Aqua said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You can even ask for a servant or something to help you."

"Oh, in that case, what I really want is someone or something that has really powerful healing and support abilities, and knows a lot about this 'Lord of the Tomb,'" Izuku said eagerly. "It would be helpful if they knew a lot about this world as well, someone to guide me!"

"Ok, one healing and support companion, coming up!" Aqua declared. She stood up, setting aside her bottle and made a grand gesture. A fountain of light splashed up, making Izuku gasp in surprise. As the light faded though, nothing happened.

"Oh no," Aqua suddenly moaned. "Oh no no no no. Not AGAIN!"

A magical circle appeared around them, and began to glow brightly.

"You dumbass!" Aqua screamed, jumping forward to grab Izuku by his shirt collar. "You asked for a magical companion with super strong healing magic and support abilities, and could guide you?!"

"Um, yes?" Izuku said, trying to shy away from Aqua. She might be beautiful, but she was clearly also insane.

"That perfectly describes me! And I just granted your wish!" Aqua wailed. She dropped Izuku, running over to pound on the edges of the circle as they glowed brighter and brighter. "Let me out! Let me out! I'm not going back again! You can't do this to me! I thought we closed that loophole!"

"Er, Aqua, what-" Izuku began, but then the circle suddenly flashed so brightly it blinded Izuku, and he raised an arm to cover his eyes. When the light faded, he found himself standing in a grassy field, with a wailing goddess flopping on the ground.

"Um, what just happened?" Izuku said, edging away from Aqua. "Where's the magical companion you said I would get!"

"YOU IDIOT! GODDESS REQUIEM!" Aqua screamed. She jumped up, aiming a fist for Izuku's face. He easily dodged to the side as Aqua stumbled past him. When she charged again, Izuku stood his ground, catching her fist in his hand. She was strong enough that it made Izuku grunt, but even without One For All he'd been strength training for months and easily blocked the blow.

"What's...the," Izuku gasped.

"YOU DRAGGED ME INTO AN ADVENTURE AGAIN!" Aqua screamed, tears flowing down her cheeks. "You big stupid meany! I'm the most powerful healing and support object ever given to an adventure, and I know tons about this world and that stupid jerk invading it!"

"Oh," Izuku said, frowning. "Well, I guess you can just go back again if it bothers you so much. I can find a way to stop this villain on my own."

"I can't! Not until we defeat the Lord of the Tomb," Aqua sniffed. She knelt in the dirt, sobbing and moaning. "You're probably just another stupid NEET who never leaves his house and has all sorts of perverted fantasies! I bet you're not even smart like Kazuma was!"

Izuku stepped back, feeling both outraged and slightly ashamed at Aqua's display and accusations. "H-hey! I'm not a NEET! I was enrolled in UA Highschool! It's the most prestigious Hero School in Japan, maybe even the entire world!"

"UA? I've never even heard of that! And why are you wearing a dumb track suit? Kazuma always said HE wasn't a NEET, but that was a filthy lie!" Aqua snarled, standing and glaring at Izuku.

"Because I was participating in the school sports festival! Honest! And, and I would never do anything, um, like you said. I'm not Mineta…"

"Hmph. I can't believe you tricked me into this," Aqua grumbled. "This is going to be such a mess to sort out. Maybe I can get Kazuma and the others to send me some actually strong adventurers to help me."

"Hey! I didn't trick you! You should have been clearer, or not picked yourself as my bonus!" Izuku argued. "I don't know anything about this!"

Aqua inhaled, ready to lay into Izuku again, when there was a sudden flash of light on a nearby hilltop. Izuku turned, getting a good look at his surroundings. They were in the middle of some idyllic looking grasslands, with a river running by not far off, and a forest in the distance. There were low rolling hills around them, and atop one only a few dozen meters away, a group of strange beings had appeared.

Each of them were giant monstrosities, humanoid skeletal figures that all stood over two meters tall. They were nearly all armed and armored with dark metal, bearing mis-matched weapons and shields. One of the monsters stood out to Izuku, as unlike the others it bore a staff and wore dark robes of fine make, and was a little shorter than its companions.

"New heroes," the staff wielding skeleton hissed. "The Great Lord demands you either bow to him, or die. Make your choice. It matters not to me."

"What the hell?!" Aqua snapped, rounding on the undead. "This is a low level area! There's not supposed to be a bunch of strong monsters here. What do you think you're doing?!"

"Bow to the Great Lord, or face his wrath!" the sorcerous undead screamed.

Despite being caught off guard, Izuku was already thinking. "Aqua, these undead...they're monsters threatening the people of this world, right?"

"Yes, they'll slaughter anyone who gets in their way. The Lord of the Tomb can summon endless hordes of them, that's why he must be stopped!" Aqua declared.

"Fools," the leader laughed, a dry, rasping sound like a death rattle. "Kill them all!"

The armored undead began to stride forward, but Izuku raised one hand. He'd come up with a plan to help him win the Sports Festival, a way to use One For All without totally destroying his arm. Now he had to hope it would work. He concentrated, placing his pinky beneath his thumb, then letting One for All flow into. He snapped his finger out with all his might, causing a great gust of wind to explode from his fingers and slam into the undead. One raised its shield and buffered the blow with it, but another was flung to the ground in a clatter of bones, while two slammed into one another.

"What the heck!?" Aqua gasped. "Since when did you learn wind magic?"

But Izuku was already moving. The one with the staff, he was the boss. Izuku dodged around the still stunned foes, racing towards the leader.

"What is this?! Die, human!" A stream of black smoke raced out of the staff, and the grass that it touched immediately withered and died. Izuku lept to the side, roaring in anger. He got close, then put all his power into his left arm. "SMASH!"

The mage dodged away, but just the force of Izuku's blow passing by it was enough to shatter its bones. The red lights in the eye sockets of the creature were snuffed out as its boney body was pulverized. The robe shredded, and the broken staff was flung away.

Izuku stood, panting, cradling his now damaged arm with the other. His own body was badly bruised and broken, and he winced in pain, turning to face the other undead. They were standing now, moaning and hissing in anticipation. Apparently, killing the leader hadn't stopped them. Well, Izuku still had three fingers, and one arm, and he would-

"TURN UNDEAD!" Aqua stood above the undead, her lips curled in disgust. She raised a sparkling staff above her head, and a massive blue circle with strange geometric patterns formed around the dead knights, and there was a flash of blue light as the bones of the monsters were reduced to dust and ash. Their empty suits of armor and weapons clattered to the ground, as their souls were released with a sigh of resignation.

"," Izuku said, goggling at the destroyed foes. "I guess you really are a goddess…"

"Hmph. Of course I am!" Aqua said, suddenly giggling. She turned seriously, coming over to gently take Izuku's shattered arm in her hands. "Wow, what did you do to yourself? You punched that lich so hard you broke your own arm…"

"Um, yeah, that's um, my quirk. Don't you know about it?" Izuku asked, feeling a bit light headed from the pain.

Aqua shook her head. "You keep saying 'quirk.' What's that even mean? Oh well, let me help you. Heal!"

Immediately, the pain in Izuku's arm and broken finger vanished. He let out a gasp of surprise, raising his hand and flexing it. "It''s totally fixed! Wow! Your quirk is incredible, Aqua!"

"Um, is that a compliment? I mean, quirk isn't as insulting as some of the stuff Kazuma called me, but it's still kinda weird," Aqua said, scratching the side her head and eyeing Izuku sideways.

" don't know what a quirk is?" Izuku asked, baffled. "But, you're the goddess in charge of Japan. Surely you know about quirks? I mean, 80% of the population does have them…"

"Of course I'm the goddess in charge of Japan! Why, thanks to me, dozens of worlds have been saved by brave Japanese heros!" Aqua bragged.

"Right, you mean Japanese high school students. I thought you were picking the ones with the strongest quirks," Izuku said, rubbing his healed arm and marveling at how it felt. This was even better than what Recovery Girl did. In fact, it almost felt like Aqua had repaired some of the damage that had been lingering from when he'd over used his quirk in the past.

"Ok, seriously, the hell is a quirk?" Aqua snapped, planting her hands on her hips. "And how did you get so strong and know wind magic?"

"Um, I don't know any magic, and my quirk doesn't really control the wind. I can just put so much force into my fingers that I can send out shockwaves of air," Izuku explained. "That is how I broke my arm though. I um, I don't have the best control over it yet, and most of the time I seriously injure myself when I use it, unfortunately. B-but I'm getting better! One day, I'll be able to use my quirk without hurting myself at all, and I'll be the world's greatest Hero, like All Might!"

Aqua looked confused, scratching at the side of her head with one hand in befuddlement. For a goddess, she seemed to do that a lot. "Wait, you've got like super strength or something? That's weird, your stats were good and all on your info sheet, but not that high. If I remember right, it was your intelligence that was highest. There was that weird special ability you had, One For All, but I didn't really look at it. And who the heck is All Might?"

"Wait, you don't know who All Might is? He's the greatest Hero in Japan, no, the world! He's fought dozens of super strong villains like Toxic Chainsaw! And, um, well, One For All, that's my quirk. Seriously, how can you not know about quirks? They've been around since the 21st century in the before times…"

"Huh?" Aqua blinked. "But, in Japan, the year should be 2016. No more than 2017. I know I'm bad at keeping track of mortal time, but not much can have gone by! And heroes, villains? I really don't understand…"

Izuku ended up giving an increasingly befuddled Aqua a brief history of the world and background on quirks.

"Wait, so everyone in your Japan is born with these weird special abilities?! That must be how you ripped a hole in reality and caused so many problems! I thought it was just a weird equipment malfunction," Aqua said as they walked along a path towards a distant town.

"Honestly I don't know what happened. Everything was going just fine, and then suddenly I was in that place with you," Izuku admitted. "But I don't get it, I thought you were the Goddess of Japan. You mean, you're from the past or something?"

"Maybe, I don't know, this is all really weird," Aqua sniffed. She glared at Izuku suddenly. "But you're going to have to defeat the Lord of the Tomb! I'm warning you, he's really strong! I guess I can help, but don't expect me to carry all the weight! At least you're not a useless NEET like the last guy who dragged me out on an adventure!"

"Um, OK?" Izuku agreed. "I mean, I'd want to help save this world, even if it's a strange one. But if you can heal me, I won't have to worry about overusing One For All so much."

"Huh. Yeah, OK. This might be easier than the last time, when I defeated the Devil King!" Aqua laughed. "Come on, Izuku! Let's go to the Adventurer's guild and get started!"

"Adventurers guild? That's like, the Hero Public Safety Commission, right?" Izuku asked. Aqua gave him a blank, vacant look. Izuku almost thought he could see the back of her skull through her eyes. "Um, you know, the people in charge of organizing heroes and sending them off to fight villains and monsters?"

"Oh, yes, that. Of course! And if you beat up a bunch of strong monsters, they give you money so that you can get all sorts of stuff, like alcohol, or food, or all kinds of things! Just so you know, the last time I was an Adventurer, I was an arch priest, and I was super rich and famous. The entire land talked about the famous goddess, Aqua, and her companions, who defeated the Devil King and saved the world!" she bragged.

As they got nearer to the village, Izuku took a good look around at it. The buildings were made of simple wood, with thatched roofs and painted in bright colors. As Izuku and Aqua approached, two nervous looking men barred their path. They were both dressed in rough spun clothing that had been crudely dyed in reds and greens, but had on rough leather jerkins and battered metal helms. One was carrying an old looking rusted spear, and the other had a battered old shield and a long knife.

"S-stop right there, m-monsters!" the man with the spear stammered, pointing it at Izuku.

"Monsters!" Aqua erupted. "We are not monsters! I will have you know that I am Aqua, Goddess of Water and Arch Priest of the Axis church! This is Izuku Midoriya, my chosen champion! We have come to rid your world of the Lord of the Tomb and his foul minions!"

"Are you sure?" the man with the shield asked, looking uncertain under his ill fitting helmet. "I mean, you both got funny colored hair and weird clothes. You look like monsters to me…"

"Aqua, the water goddess?" his companion asked. "Isn't that some minor no-account deity from the old religion?"

"WHAT!?" Aqua shrieked. "I am a Senior Goddess, I will have you know! I have already defeated the Devil King in a far off land, and I have come here to rid you of the evils of your world! I am not some 'no-account deity!' Don't you worship me in this land? What about Eris? Please don't tell me you all worship some stupid junior goddess!"

"Eris?" the two men looked at one another, frowning.

"Eris, goddess of fortune? Pads her chest?" Aqua prompted, making Izuku want to crawl into a hole and die. This was supposed to be a divine being? She sounded like a petulant child.

"Goddess of fortune? You mean like Chris, the noble thief?" the men asked.

Aqua made a disgusted face. "Ugh, yes, her, do you worship HER?"

"Um, no, not really, she's more of a demi-god anyway. We're mostly followers of Psyche Dio here, goddess of preparation and forethought," the men admitted.

"Huh? Well, that sounds like some lame, stupid goddess I've never even heard of," Aqua stated, moving forward to wag her finger under the mens' noses.

"Um, Aqua? Er, maybe you should calm down a little bit," Izuku said, gently pulling the ranting deity away from the cowed peasants. He quickly bowed politely to the men. "Hello, I am Izuku Midoriya. We're, um, well, I guess we're here to stop this Lord of the Tomb? We fought some really strange monsters back a ways, they looked like undead skeletons. Have you seen anything like that here? And is there a local Heroes Board or, er, Adventurers Guild we can talk to?"

"Are you a god too?" one of the men asked, scratching his head.

"They're not gods you dummy, they're just foreign, or something," his friend told him. "Look, this here's just a village. We don't have any Guilds based here. Heck, you're the first mercenaries we've seen in a good long while. Are you two just talk? I don't see any gear, just them funny clothes, so I suppose you can do magic or something? We heard a ruckus and saw some flashes of light, so Pierre and I came out to investigate while my boy runs to get Count Blois and his Freemage."

"Um, I guess I sort of have some magic?" Izuku said. "But it's pretty destructive. It makes me really strong, and fast, but to use it hurts my body. But Aqua knows healing magic, maybe if you have someone who's hurt or sick she could help them?"

The men exchanged looks. "Well, Aimee's lame, been so since birth. If you heal her, maybe we can trust you. But no funny business now."

One of the men left to run into one of the nearby farm houses, while the other uneasily guarded Iuzku and Aqua. To his shock and bewilderment, Aqua was sulking, her cheeks buffed out as she muttered under her breath and kicked at the ground. A few minutes later, the man returned, carrying a young girl with light brown hair and hazel eyes in his arms. She was dressed in the same rough-spun clothes, but one of her legs was clearly malformed. She was clinging to her father tightly, looking terrified. Behind them, a woman and several other children poked their heads out, concern, fear, and excitement mixed on their faces.

Upon seeing the crippled child, Aqua's demeanor changed entirely, going from petulant to tender and sweet. "Oh my gosh, are you OK, dear? Why has no one healed your leg before? This doesn't look that bad, any low level priest could have fixed this easily. Does this Psyche Dio's clergy have no compassion?!"

"Well, healing magic like that's expensive, and clerics strong enough to perform it don't come out to little towns like this often. They're needed elsewhere," the man admitted. "But, if you can help my daughter, we'll pay, honest we will."

"Hmph! I am a goddess! While I would gladly accept an offering, to heal this sick is an act of compassion, offered freely, even to those who do not worship me." Aqua reached out a hand, touching the child's twisted foot and smiling at her. "Be at peace, little one. In the name of Aqua, Goddess of Water, be healed."

A soft glow emanated from Aqua's hands, and the little girl gasped. When the glow faded, her foot was no longer malformed, but normal looking. She started to wriggle in her father's arms, and he set her down. Right away, the girl began to run and jump, laughing and cheering in delight. "Look papa, look! I can walk now!"

From the house behind her, her mother and siblings poured out, laughing and crying to see their sisters hurts mended.

"Huh," Izuku muttered, watching as Aqua basked in the praise. "Maybe she's not a useless goddess after all."

Oh, how sweet the innocence of youth.

Authors Note:

So I was bored, trapped at home, and watching a lot of Isekai and Hero Aca. So I wrote this. No, it doesn't make any sense to me either. Unlike my other Hero Aca story, Rejected Stones, this one isn't finished and I'm just publishing new chapters as I write them.

Also, this one runs on rule of funny instead of rule of drama, so there's that too.