The Sask DADA Prof

A/N:  Weeeell, I am very mad at the weather.  I was supposed to have a math final on Wednesday, but there was a 'Too Cold For The Buses To Run So School Is Cancelled Day'™ on Tuesday.  Of course, that coldness transfers over to Wednesday.  Thursday was a scheduled no school day.  Now today, Friday, is when the math final was supposed to be.  Guess what?  It's another bloody TCFTBTRSSIC Day™.  I'm am soooo mad.  I just wanna write that flippin' test and get it over with, for Frond's sake (don't ask about the Frond, its weird AF stuff…).  I'm done with my stupid rant at the moment, so I'll go on to the review thingers…

Romm:  Whoo!  Webcomic!  *runs off*  I agree, poor, poor Severus…  And it's only just begun, BWHAHAHHHAHAA!

Derron Comes Ripping:  Yes, Vector's a bitch, die die die!  BWHAHAHA!  And I actually sorta like math…  Weeeeeeeiiird…  It's my inner hate of math coming out to attack you all, BWHAHAHAHAHHA!  Yes, I am hyper, ish, at the moment.  *bounces*

Shahanna:  Vector is suddenly completely interesting in Severus because he has a slight change in appearance (Vector has soooo high standards, not…), she's slept with all the other guys at Hogwarts (well nearly…  I'll say more about that in later chapters *grin*), and there's just the plain fact that she doesn't like René.  Vector was in the same year and in the same house as Severus, so she's known him forever.  And now this chick pops up out of nowhere acting as if, well, can't think of a good word…  *pauses to think*  Well, I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.  So René's 'invading' in 'her' territory.  Ish.  That all probably just made you more confused, lol.

RivanKnight:  Thanks ^^

Lei:  No, few people actually do know that René is Rhiannon.  Vector has nooo idea who she is ^^  René isn't the world's best, far from it.  She's pretty good, but not that good.  *starts to laugh*  HA!  It did work!  *laughs hysterically*

Gemini-Elf-2004:  *laughs*  I don't mind!  I rarely get on FF.Net anyway ^^  So if I don't review, that's why ^^

Disclaimer:  I don't own.

*~*~*~*~* Chapter 14:  Wherein the Term Actually Starts (I hope) *~*~*~*~*

            Five people sat in a room.  One of them yawned.  One after another the others yawned.  The cycle repeated a few times before the dark haired man skipped his turn.  The room fell silent.

            "Damnit Severus!" The woman leaning against him said, "You broke the chain thing!"

            "Yay for me," Severus said dully then yawned, "Damnit."

            "Ha!" The woman, René, laughed as Cassi continued the cycle.  When it got back to Severus again, he refused to yawn, "DAMN YOU SEVERUS!"

            "Ha," Severus said boredly.  The room was then silent.  René was leaning half asleep on Severus' arm, Cassi was sitting in the chair closest to the fire, and Minerva was drowsing in Albus' arms.  Then Minerva's eyes opened and she sat up as straight as a board.

            "Fuck," She simply said.

            After a few moments of silence, Severus said, "Okay, I'll bite.  What?"

            Minerva groaned and buried her face in her hands, "I haven't finished the timetables yet…"

            "Well, school will be delayed a few days.  I hope you all enjoy your holiday!" René said happily, "I think everyone will like that!"

            "No!  I must go finish the timetables!" Minerva stood up in a supposedly valiant manner and rushed out of the room.  Cassi, René, Severus and Albus blinked and looked at each other in shock.

            "Damn, so much for my holiday idea," René said after a pause.

            "I better go follow her to keep herself from working into a coma," Albus groaned and stood up.

            "Again, you mean," Severus pointed out.

            "I'd ask for the story behind that, but I'm too tired.  I'd fall asleep halfway through," René said drowsily.

            "It's actually pretty funny…  I'll tell you it tomorrow," Cassi promised, "Right now, I want to sleep," Cassi also stood up.  She and Albus tiredly left the room.

            "I'd go to bed, but I'm too tired to move," René mumbled, "And warm…  And comf…"

            "René?" Severus asked.  He got no reply, "René?" He asked again, this time with a nudge.  Still no answer.  Severus sighed and wrapped an arm around her waist.  After fifteen minutes of just sitting there, Severus realized that René wasn't going to wake up and his best bet was to stumble down to his room and put her in bed.  Though not in that exact order.  Groaning, he stood up and lifted René into his arms.  He stumbled tiredly through a doorway and into René's bedroom.  He then had to pause and figure out how he was going to get her under the covers.  After several minutes of thought and effort, he managed to get René under the covers.  He then sat on the bed and leaned back against the head board, one hand unconsciously running through René's hair.

            An hour later he was lying beside René, fast asleep.

            Some time later, René woke up and watched Severus shiver beside her.  Feeling sorry for him, she leaned over and pulled the covers on top of him.  She smiled and snuggled up to Severus.

            And then she was tortured with a thought that didn't go away.  A half hour later, she was still lying there with that thought, unable to fall asleep again.

            "Fucking mind," she grumbled, then fell silent, listening.  A couple minutes later she decided that Severus was most indefinitely asleep.  Heart racing, she pushed herself up and looked into Severus face.  Slowly, nervously, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his.  Two seconds later she was lying trembling beside him, wondering what on Earth gave her the stupidity to do that.  Two minutes later, she was fast asleep.  It was then Severus turned his head to face her and opened his eyes.  He stared at her in amazement for a few minutes, then smiled and went back to sleep.


            "What in the world…?" René's shocked voice said later that morning.  She was standing in the doorway of her bedroom looking out into the living room.

            Severus appeared at her shoulder and also stared at the menagerie, "Whoa," was his only comment.

            Nearly every student's pets were crammed into René's living room.  There were owls, cats, toads, rats and a few implacable animals that were obviously smuggled into Hogwarts.  A grin broke across René's face and she waded into the sea of fur, feathers and scales.

            "Awwww.  Ain't they cute, Severus?" René cooed and crouched down to pet one of the cats.  Severus didn't reply; he just joined her and scratched another one of the cats under her chin.  Soon the duo was buried under a pound of pets, all begging to be petted.

            After awhile, the animals drifted out of René's room except for a few kittens who proceeded to destroy René's room with their antics.  Laughing, René and Severus wandered off for breakfast, completely covered in fur and feathers.

            "I wonder; how did they get into my room?" René asked.

            "I have no idea.  The animals here seem to be able to go wherever they want, whenever they want," Severus shrugged as they walked into the Great Hall.

            The staff, and quite a few of the students, looked at their dishevelled appearance questioningly.

            "What?" René asked Minerva after a few minutes of being stared at.

            "What happened to you?" Minerva asked, her eyes flickering between Severus and René.

            "We were bombarded by a large group of pets on the way here," Severus explained, "They then proceeded to crawl over us."

            "You were attacked by a bunch of pets?" Minerva asked sceptically.

            "They were so kawai (forgive my spelling if I didn't spell that right…  It's been ages since I've seen that word ^^;)!" René grinned, "All fluffy and soft!"

            "Kawai?" Minerva asked.

            René blinked, "I think it's Japanese for cute or something similar to that.  I've heard it in a bunch of forums and stuff."

            "Forums?" Minerva asked again.

            "You know, message boards?  Chat?  IM?  Instant Messenger?  Any of those ring any bells?" René asked.

            "Not particularly," Minerva said.

            "Internet?  Microsoft?  Apple?  Linux?  Computers?" René asked.

            "The last one is somewhat familiar," Minerva said.

            "Familiar?  You are so deprived," René sighed, "Go out and buy yourself a PC," she paused, then added, "Macs suck."

            "Yah right!" a passing student exclaimed, "Microsoft is so crap, Apple is so much better!"

            "What are you, crazy?  Microsoft is ruling the market.  Nothing beats Microsoft.  Especially if it's a Pentium Four!" René said indignantly.

            The student snorted, "Bill Gates sucks."

            René waved a hand dismissively, "All Macs are good for are making videos.  Other than that, they are sooo fucked it isn't even funny."

            "Whatever mate," the student said then backed away.

            "…I am so lost," Minerva muttered.  Severus nodded in agreement.

            "Relax; it's Muggle stuff.  Beyond your level of comprehension," René sat down beside Cassi, who was pretty much sleeping in her bowl of Cheerios.

            Severus and Minerva glanced at each other and glared at René, "Insufferable Canadian," they both muttered.


            "We need only two more people, then we can start the meeting," Albus announced.  Almost immediately after there was a knock on the door.  Minerva gracefully stood up and let the person in.

            "This is the staff room, right?" the young woman asked.

            "Yes it is.  Have a seat," Minerva gestured to the only seat left.

            "Thanks," the woman said then walked into the room only to trip on one of the coffee tables, "Bloody hell," she zigzagged through the room and sat on the couch beside René.

            "Hi, I'm René Remfair," René said cheerfully and held out her hand to the woman.

            "Nymphadora Tonks, and please call me Tonks," Tonks shook her hand cheerfully.

            "What are you teaching?" René asked curiously.

            "I'm a teacher's aid thinger.  Hired on at the last minute," Tonks smiled.

            "Cool!  I was complaining that we need one awhile ago," René grinned cheerfully.  Tonks shot a curious look at Severus, who averted his eyes.  René opened her mouth to ask about the glance, but was interrupted by the door banging open, "Well then, that's my cue," René smirked evilly and stood up.

            Anzeldua Vector surveyed the room with a superior glint in her eyes.  They settled on René and watched cautiously as René oddly slid her way over to her.  Vector sniffed.  The pants René were wearing were a fashion disaster.  How much longer could pants get?  Vector was surprised that René wasn't tripping over them.

            "Zelda!" René gave Vector a big hug, "Nice to see you again.  How are you?"

            "Let go of me you freak," Vector tore herself out of René's grip.  It was then she spied the open spot between Severus and Tonks, "Excuse me," she said icily and headed off towards that spot.

            "Sorry gal, there are no spots left.  Looks like you're going to have to sit on the cold, hard floor!" René said cheerfully.

            "There's a spot there," Vector stated the obvious.

            "Ah, but it's mine," René pointed out.

            "You're standing here, it's mine now," Vector strode quickly towards the spot, only to be knocked over when René flew by, "What the?" she asked as René twisted around and fell into the couch, sliding into Severus.

            "Rollerblades.  I borrowed my brother's wives'.  Haven't you ever heard of them?  She doesn't use them, and I figured that it would be fun to blade around Hogwarts," René lifted up her pant legs to show the wheels, "Brilliant invention."

            "Cool!" Tonks said, "Could I borrow them some time?"

            "Sure," René said cheerfully and moved over towards Tonks, giving Severus room to breathe.  Vector glared at René and the grinning staff members and sulked off to lean against a wall.

            "You planned that, didn't you," Severus asked René.

            "Of course I did; it was terrible fun," René grinned.  Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Alright, now that we're all here I would first like to introduce the new additions to the staff.  René most of you already know, as well as her mother," the staff rolled their eyes.  The Remfair duo were too eccentric to not know, "Some of you will remember Tonks from her days as a student here," Albus nodded towards Tonks, who waved, "She' will be the teacher's aid, something we haven't had before.  Unfortunately, Minerva is still working on the timetables," Minerva glared at Albus from behind a mound of paper, "So we do not have those ready."

            "About how many classes will I teach a day?  No, wait…  Let's make this easier.  How many preps do I get?" René asked.

            "Probably none, Defence is a required course," Minerva said.

            "You're mad!" René exclaimed, "If it's required like that, you sorta have more than one teacher!"

            "We've always done it like this," Minerva pointed out.

            "Bloody hell, I went to a Muggle school until I graduated from Grade Eight.  Even they had more than one math, English, etcetera teacher.  And it was a smaller school than this!  Wait a minute…  How big are the classes?" René asked.

            "Anywhere between thirty and forty for the regular years.  The NEWT class will vary," Minerva said.

            "Mad, bloody mad…  Hell, I'm mad.  I'm beginning to use British lingo," René groaned, "Hell this will be interesting when I see my Canadian friends again.  'Was England interesting René?'  'Why yes it was.  I was a bloody Defence teacher, taught an ungodly amount of teenagers and had no bloody preps.'  'What's up with all the bloodies?  And the accent?'  'Bloody hell, now I sound like a fucking Brit.'" René had a conversation with herself, mimicking a British accent fairly well to represent herself.  The staff stared at her while Tonks giggled to herself and Severus hid a smile.  They had both found it pretty funny, "Albus, what do you do all day?"

            "Nothing!" Albus said cheerfully.

            "…I want your job.  Wanna trade?" René asked.

            "No, I get paid more even when you aren't on minimum wage," Albus said.

            "Don't remind me," René, Cassi, Severus and Minerva muttered.

            "I know what'll make you happy!  I'll teach one year of Defence, Transfigurations, Potions, Charms and Herbology," Albus supplied, happy that someone gave him an excuse for something to do all that time he spends staring at the ceiling.  Oh, he spreads around rumours that he's a busy man, but all he really does is attempt to tell Fudge what to do, order around the Order and a few other political things.

            "Great, you can have my third year," René said cheerfully.

            "I'm writing you down as having my fourth years," Minerva said.

            "You can have those blundering fools that I had last year as firsties," was Severus' comment.

            "Sev, you call all of your students except for a few select individuals blundering fools," Albus pointed out.

            "Don't call me Sev," was all Severus said.

            "You can have my first years," Sprout said.

            "Take my third years," Filius Flitwick squeaked happily.

            "Obviously I'm not the only one who found the teaching schedule screwed," René said, "I'm just the only one who said it!"

            "Alright, there's nothing new this year except for the fact that we are not doing the Hogsmeade trips.  Voldemort's return and all that," Albus watched gleefully as all his staff shivered, even René slightly, "And then there was René announcement thing.  I suppose she'll tell us more when she knows more."

            "Well duh.  Severus, you're helping," René said.

            "What?  Do I get a say in this?" Severus asked, already know the answer.

            "No," René said as Tonks laughed quietly beside her.

            "Fine then.  You have to go get me potion's ingredients from the Forbidden Forest then," Severus shrugged.

            "Dude, I can't tell the difference between a marigold and a lily.  I failed Herbology for a reason, you know.  And Potions.  And I barely passed Charms and Transfig.  The only thing I'm good at is Defence.  And skyboarding.  But that's from years of practice.  Okay, more than half my life," René rambled.  Severus rolled his eyes.

            "Since this meeting is going nowhere, you may all go off to do your own thing now," Albus said and the majority of the staff shuffled out of the room.

            "Come on René.  It's time for you to uphold your end of the bargain," Severus grabbed her upper arm and dragged her off to the Forbidden Forest.

            "But I said that I can't tell the difference between-"

            "Shut up."


A/N:  And I finally update, whoo me!  I was stuck on one sentence for nearly a month.  Can you guess which one?  Then I wrote this all in an hour ^^;  I suck, I know.

            ~ Mage Kitty =^.^=