Rescuing the Hobbits!
By Siren

Hey guys! I've thought about doing a sequel to 'The Truth About Santa's Elves' for a while. So, I've decided to rescue our dear hobbits! This story is dedicated to all my patient reviewers that put up with me for so long with 'Back Again'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shiver in the back of a taxicab as it pulls up in front of Santa's workshop. Getting out, the driver pokes his head out the window. "That'll be $3,447.00" I blink at him, reach into my pocket and pull out a super bouncy ball. "Will this do?" I ask. The driver stares at the ball like it's poison or something. "What do you think I am? An idiot?" he snarls. I pout and look at him. "Of course not. I think you're a guy who's severely underpaid and therefore wants to rip me off. Come on, this is a SUPER bouncy ball!"

He glares at me. "I did not drive your teenage ass from PA all the way to the north pole. Pay me or I'll drag you to court." Note to self: Hide in Middle Earth for a while. He holds out his hand and looks at me pointedly. I grin brightly and drop the ball into his palm. "Have fun!" I shout and dash into the building. I ignore his angry shouts and shut the door behind me. Some people can be so rude! Looking around, my mouth drops open. "Holy crap," I mutter in awe.

Hundreds, no THOUSANDS of hobbits are running about, making toys. Most of them look well fed, but some look miserable and way too thin for a hobbit. Hold on little ones, I'm here to liberate you all! Taking off my coat, I drop it to the ground, revealing my 'camouflage' outfit. Taking out some brown lipstick, I put it on my face like war paint. Now I'm ready!

"Hobbits! It is I," I strike a pose, "Siren, liberator of the height impaired!" The hobbits glance over at me blankly. "Um, who are you?" one of them asks. I fall over anime style and quickly stand up again. "I'm here to free you all and bring you back to Middle Earth!" Most of them cheer, but a few just roll their eyes. "And how do you expect to get past Gandalf? He's a wizard you know!" I roll my eyes. "I came prepared, duh!" Reaching into my backpack, I take out Hermoine from Harry Potter.

"She's a real genius when it comes to magic," I say with a big grin. Hermoine looks around in confusion. "Where am I?" I hand her a wand and gesture to the hobbits. "We're here to free the hobbits from Gandalf's unfair slavery!" I announce. She nods. "Oh." Hearing someone walk in behind me, I turn around to see Shire Elf. "Hi!" she greets and waves. I squeal and jump around.

"Who's she?" Hermoine asks. "It's Shire Elf, dummy! Frodo and Sam's number one fan, duh!" Turning back to the hobbits, I grin. "Where's Frodo and Sam?" The hobbits pale. "Gandalf has them in his chamber," one of them says. My eyes widen. "Uh oh..." "THAT OLD FART HAD BETTER NOT BE TOUCHING MY FRODO!" Shire Elf shouts from behind me. "I'LL SAVE YOU FRODO!" She yells and starts running towards Gandalf's chamber.

"Hermoine, open a portal to Middle Earth and get the hobbits out of here. I'm gonna go help Shire Elf." Hermoine nods and gathers the hobbits around in a circle. I run toward the chamber, and hear a blood-curdling scream. Pushing the door open, I gasp. Frodo and Sam are both in tight leather pants, shirtless, and staring at Gandalf in terror. Turning to Gandalf, my eyes nearly pop out of my head.

The old wizard is dressed in a dominatrix outfit, complete with a whip. Shire Elf is currently beating the crap out of him, yelling about her 'dear Frodo'. I rush over to the frightened hobbits and rush them out of the room. "Shire Elf, let's go! Frodo and Sam need consoling!" Shire Elf immediately stops her vicious attack and skips after the hobbits. "Wait for me Frodo!" she yells. Turning back to the wizard, I kick him swiftly between the legs. "That's for the future nightmares I'm going to have because of this!"

Turning around, I run away with a big grin on my face at the sound of Gandalf's whimpers. Shire Elf has already jumped into the portal, along with the hobbits. "Thanks Hermoine! There's a taxi outside that accepts Super Bouncy Balls as payment! Have fun!" I yell and jump into the portal.

I appear on the other side, in Middle Earth. The hobbits are rejoicing, and Shire Elf is hugging Frodo and Sam. Smiling, I strike my super hero pose. "And good triumphs over skanky wizards once again!"

Later that night:

I curl up on Legolas's lap, and watch the end of 'Queen of the Damned'. Lestat is SO hot! "So the hobbit liberation went well?" the elf asks. I nod and take a sip of my Mountain Dew. "It went super well. Shire Elf is currently dating Frodo, and Sam is being a bit jealous." Legolas chuckles. "All in a day's work, hm?" I smile and nod. "Yup." Closing my eyes, I lean against him. Suddenly, a thought hits me:

Who will make all the toys? 0.0

THE END! ...Or is it? Mwahahaha!