It's the day before my wedding. I am nervous, excited, scared- all the things a normal bride should be. I am ready to start my new life- quite literally. This is one of my last days as a human. The only blemish in my perfect horizon is the absence of my best friend. Jacob hasn't been seen for weeks, and I worry for him. I am scared that the next time we see each other, we will be enemies- me, a vampire, and him, a werewolf.

I put it out of my mind, and join Renee for a last meal together- our favourite junk food, McDonald's. I might not see her and Charlie again, if the changes I undergo are too drastic, if I cannot control my bloodlust. So I sit, and enjoy the rare sunlight that Forks has gifted me on this final day of being human. We talk of my childhood, we share our fond memories of Arizona. Charlie comes in, and I can see why he and Renee fell for each other once. They banter, and talk like old friends, any bitterness between them falling away like old cobwebs. I get a glimpse of what my life would have been like if Renee had stayed, and they had grown older together. I am wistful for a moment, but then I think of the forever that waits for me with Edward. He and I will never grow apart like my parents, I promise myself. There will be no regrets.

I enjoy the feeling of camaraderie and family that being with Renee and Charlie brings me. But I am suddenly struck with sadness, as I realise how much I will miss them. They will grow old, and die, and I won't be there. I feel very alone. I excuse myself before I can cry in front of them, and take a walk outside. I am safe, I know. The wolves are patrolling, and Emmett and Jasper are close by. I can wander for a bit.

'Bella.'

I turn. I know it's him before I even see him. 'Jacob! You're here!'

He smiles, that wolfish, goofy grin. 'I wouldn't miss your wedding for anything, Bells.'

I leap into his arms. The loneliness slips away as I feel the familiar heat of his skin. I remember that the wolves can be immortal if they keep phasing and I selfishly want him by my side for the rest of my life.

He turns to me, a sober look on his face. 'I have a present for you, Bella. A wedding gift, sort of.'

'What is it?' I ask, apprehensively. I know Jacob doesn't want me to marry Edward, doesn't want me to become a vampire.

'A visit with the Quileute shaman.'

I can tell this is a big deal, by his seriousness. But I have to know why. 'What for?'

He sighs. 'Look. It's no secret I'd rather you didn't marry the blood sucker. I'm asking you to come to the shaman, to get some guidance. If, after that, you still think it's the right decision, I totally respect that. I won't take action against the Cullens. Hell, we might even stay friends.'

This is a huge step. All I have to do is visit the shaman and Jacob will support me. I know he will be reluctant, but he sticks to his word. So I say yes. And we head off to La Push. I enjoy these last moments with my best friend, as tense as he is.

We enter the shaman's home. It's a small, neat house, and actually pretty modern. I was stupidly expecting a tent. The shaman- an elderly woman, to my surprise- welcomes us in.

'Hello, Bella.' Her voice is smooth, and reminds me of hot chocolate on a rainy day. I am instantly at ease. Her grandmotherly presence warms me. 'I am Judith Aki. So, Jacob has brought you here for some guidance.'

'Yes ma'am,' I reply, wondering if this was going to be a counselling session of sorts. Charlie wanted me and Edward to do pre-marital counselling with the local reverend, but we agreed that no one could really understand our situation. Perhaps this shaman might have been a better choice.

She smiles at me. 'I will provide you the tools, but I can't give you answers. You will have to come to your own decisions.'

I nod, slightly perplexed. What tools was she talking about? A workbook? I smother a laugh as she turns to a whistling kettle on the stove. I catch Jacob's eye, and I'm concerned to see that he is paler than usual, and appears strained. Before I can ask if he's alright, Judith returns with the hot water, and a single cup, tea leaves already lying at the bottom of it. She carefully brews the tea, and it turns a rich green. The scent is woodsy and filling. I am eager to drink it.

'Now, Bella, this tea is very special. Very few have been allowed to partake of it. This is a privilege, you understand?'

I nod. I wonder why I was chosen, and what this tea will do to me.

'It will take you on a journey, and at the end of that journey you will have everything you need to know if you're on the right path.'

I nod again, not quite understanding yet what will happen. She offers the tea to me.

'Bella,' says Jacob. 'Whatever happens, I promise I'll support you, whatever you decide.'

'Thanks Jake,' I whisper. I take a gulp of the hot liquid, and drain the cup. The world spins around me, and I am fatigued. Exhaustion hits me like a truck, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

I hear Judith's comforting voice. 'Sleep now, child. The tea will tell the truth.'

It feels like hours has passed before I wake. I blink, and realise I am in my wedding dress. I'm not sure how I left La Push and got here. As Renee chatters above my head, and Charlie drifts about quietly, I feel as though I'm in a dream. Voices echo and it's a little difficult to focus. I'm dreaming because of the tea. This is the future, the next day, in fact. I concentrate, and things are a little clearer.

I am walking down the aisle, and Edward sees me, his face lighting up. I see Jacob lingering in the back. He kept his promise after all. The Reverend declares us man and wife, and we dance and dance. The party fades away, and I'm in a plane next to Edward. He's telling me that our destination is a surprise. We arrive at a beautiful island, Isle Esme. We have all the privacy in the world, and I am eager to get the honeymoon started. Edward is hesitant, but he gives in, that first night. It's rough, but I am happy. I feel complete. He refuses to touch me for the rest of our time there.

Again, I experience a short time jump. I learn that the tea will only show me what I need to see, and gives me the knowledge and memories I need to understand. I am on the floor of our luxurious bathroom on the island, vomiting into a toilet. I find myself remembering when my last period was. First, terror, then joy overwhelms me. I never thought it possible but I want this baby more than anything in the world. My heart cracks a little when Edward says he doesn't want it, that we have to get rid of it. My arms go around my belly protectively. I call Rosalee, and she promises nothing will happen to my baby.

Suddenly, we're back in Forks. The baby is draining my life but I don't care. I want him or her to live, even if I don't. Edward is angry with me. I never thought he would be this unhappy. He even ropes in Jacob to 'talk some sense' into me. Nothing can dissuade me though. I have no second thoughts, even as my body is ripped apart during the birth. I am dying, I know. Is this my ultimate end? The choice Jacob hopes I won't make? I'd choose this baby over and over again, no matter the outcome for me, I tell myself.

Edward tries his best to save me, and injects me with vampire venom. The pain is unimaginable. The tea helps me miss most of it, though. When I wake, I am no longer pale, mousey Bella Swan. I am beautiful. My hair is a deep shade of chestnut that it had not been when I was human. My skin is smooth and free of pores. My eyelashes are long and luxurious. I revel in myself. I remember my baby, and I am eager to see her.

Renesme. She is perfect. I am willing to die for her a thousand times. If this is the future, I want it. Jacob even imprints on her. I was upset at first but I know now this is why he and I had such a strong bond, why he never imprinted on me or anyone else. He will protect her forever, and that gives me comfort.

The days that pass are idyllic, the only dark spot being my daughter's growth. Half human, half vampire, none of us know how long she will be with us. We try to spend as much time as we can with her. Until the Volturi come after us, believing my daughter to be an immortal child. The days whirl by, a frenzy of preparation. Allies come from around the world to help us. New wolves from the reservation phase everyday. I feel guilty about that. Many of them are young boys who now know that monsters are real. I am in a real state of fear, and wonder again if this is the terrible future that the tea promised. It's all resolved, in a surprisingly quiet fashion. We even come to learn that a hybrid like Renesme can potentially live forever. We are overjoyed, and relieved.

The next fifty years are beautiful, save for the loss of my parents. Renee is senile by the time I visit her. She smiles and tells me I look like her daughter, Bella, who died young. She never got over the loss. I feel guilty. If I ever thought Renesme died, I'm not sure I would get over it. Renee passes away peacefully. Charlie knows a little of what I am, so I am able to keep in contact with him. He marries Sue Clearwater, and they live out their days happily in Forks. Still, when he dies, part of me goes with him. I never understood how much his quiet, steady presence meant to me. The world moves on, and so do I.

The tea brings me to my three hundredth anniversary of being a vampire. I've traveled the world several times over with my love. Jacob and Renesme get married, and live happily in the little cottage that was gifted to Edward and me when we were first married. I am assured of forever with my family and my best friend.

Then, the unthinkable happens. The Volturi come back. Carlisle tells me they will return every few centuries to 'recruit' us. They want Renesme. Her power has grown since she was a child, and she can project images into people's heads without even touching them. The Volturi don't give up and try to take my daughter by force one night. We hear her cries, and Jacob's shouts, but it is too late. Jacob defends Renesme alone, but one wolf against several vampires is no match. His pack comes several minutes too late, and so do we. He is gone. We attack the Volturi, and few escape with their lives. Renesme is broken. Her life mate, my best friend, is gone in an instant. I fear she will never heal from this.

Renesme grieves for years. She barely lives. She does not leave the house, doesn't go to school with us. She ceases to marvel at human invention, the new technology that excites Emmett. Edward needs someone to blame. He is inexplicably angry at Jacob, for imprinting on Renesme, for loving her, for dying. I try to be there for her, but I don't know what to do. I tell myself this is all just a vision. I will wake up and I will change things.

Another hundred years passes. I've now been a vampire for five hundred years. I marvel at how things have changed. Renesme is still a shell of herself. I've grown used to her sadness. It is always present, and I take it for granted. It becomes the new normal. I let it fester. I should not have; I should have fought harder for her. She can't face eternity without Jacob, she says in a note that she leaves us. The last few hundred years was too much. She is going to end it. Like her father before her, she goes to the Volturi to reveal herself to humans, to die. Unlike the last time I rushed to Italy, I am too late. My daughter's broken body is presented to me with as much sympathy as Aro could muster.

Edward and I are lost. Renesme is gone, and our pain is unimaginable. I beg the tea to let me wake up, but it's not done with me. We drift apart, Edward and I. We blame each other for Renesme's death. I should have paid more attention, he should have talked to her more. We didn't do enough, and now she is gone. I don't realise how much pain Edward is in until he leaves us. A note in his delicate handwriting tells us that he needs to be alone.

Almost twenty years pass and we are in rainy England now, far from the memories of Jacob and Renesme. We finally see Edward again, and this time, I know he is lost to me. His eyes are blood red, and he begs Carlisle to kill him. He can't stop drinking human blood, he says. Carlisle, bless him, tells him that there is hope for him, that he has recovered from the same thing before. Edward won't listen. He barely looks at me as he storms out. I hear from the current wolf pack in Forks that Edward arrived in town, killed several people, and walked onto the reservation. They had no choice but to kill him. I grieve, again. I lost Edward the moment he left me, I know that. But the pain feels fresh as I look to a future with no daughter, no soulmate, no best friend. If not for the Cullens, I would have no one.

Esme and Carlisle are my rocks. Carlisle tries to give me purpose, and trains me to be a nurse. I have remarkable self control when it comes to blood, he says. So I help people, I save lives. I think about becoming a doctor, but I enjoy nursing. I feel a little bit of my soul coming back.

I think I could do this, face forever alone, if I'm helping people. But the world is weakening. Plagues ravage the planet. We, the vampires, are immune, but we watch thousands die. Wars are declared, and I'm not sure I can survive this. Vampires can survive a plague, but a bomb would tear us apart as it would a human. Surprisingly, I live to see peace. But my family does not. A bomb hits the makeshift hospital that the Cullens set up. I only survive because I am out getting supplies.

I am alone now. I wander the destroyed planet, thirst burning my throat. The animal populations have dwindled, and I'm almost always thirsty. This isn't living. It's just surviving. It's not what I wanted or envisioned when I walked down the aisle to Edward. I visit Forks once again. There is nothing familiar there except a small village of people. They know what I am instantly. I recognise their dark hair, their bronzed skin. It's what's left of the Quileute Tribe. My thirst burns in my throat, and I flee before I can hurt them. I see too much of Jacob in them.

I cannot outrun my thirst. I devastate a small settlement in Port Angeles. One of the last human colonies, and I have destroyed it with my hunger. The Quileute Tribe hears of my actions, and when they come, I let them take me. I welcome death. As the wolves' teeth rip me apart, my life flashes before me. My love, my child, my best friend, my family. Destroyed. The pain, the lost happily ever after, were not worth it. We were supposed to have forever. I understand now what the tea was trying to show me. Forever isn't meant for anyone. Change will always find us, heartbreak and death are inevitable.

I wake slowly from the tea. Jacob is sitting on a squishy armchair eating a bowl of chili. I can hear a television playing somewhere in the background. I get up, slowly. I know it's only been a few hours since I took the tea, but I still feel like I haven't seen Jacob in centuries. He notices I'm awake, and I hug him long and hard.

I know what my choice will be.

After I wake from the tea, I tell Jacob and Judith what I saw. I tell them everything. Jacob, the most loyal of friends, tells me he would happily die for me, for my child, if that's what I choose. I still have to think about it. Was it all worth it? Losing a child, Edward, my family?

I decide to talk to him about it. He tells me not to be silly, that the tea is Jacob's misguided attempt to 'steal' me. I quietly give him the ring back.

'I choose to remain human, Edward.'

He looks at me, stunned. Even after his posturing about my soul, he still wants a life with me. I am sorry. I want more than anything to marry him. But I don't want to live forever, to lose everyone I loved, to see the world burn. Everything is more beautiful now that it is temporary. I love Edward, but immortality is a curse. He understands, or so he says. I know that part of me would always love him. I will never wonder though, what our lives would have been like. The tea told me.

I call off the wedding. Renee is disappointed, but Charlie seems pleased. I'd always suspected that he thought I was marrying too young. Alice smiles sadly when I tell her, and strokes my face gently. I understand I might not see her for a long time, if ever. Rosalee whispers to me that she is proud of me. Proud that I've chosen life. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme all bid me goodbye. I ask them to take care of Edward for me, and they promise to do so. The Cullens move out of town shortly after that. They don't return in my lifetime.

I go on to college, studying English Literature. I return to Forks. Somehow, that wet, annoyingly green town has become home. Like the tea showed me, Charlie and Sue Clearwater get married. I am so happy for them. Leah and Seth- my step siblings, technically- never phase, and I am thankful for that. Jacob is still around. He knows that he would never imprint now, since Renesme will never be born. He tells me it was fine, that he can't miss someone he never knew. But I know it bothers him, when the rest of the pack imprints and pairs up.

I get a job at the school and start teaching. Jacob starts turning up more and more at my apartment in town, bearing snacks. Often I get invitations to have dinner at his house and I happily go. Our relationship grows. Jacob is life and sunlight and mortality. I realise what it is to be alive with him. I hadn't felt that in my three hundred years with Edward. We were alive, but not living. Edward and I were the unchanging stones in a riverbed; Jacob and I are the bent trees, touching the water's edge, living and dying.

We marry and we live. We have three children- Alice, Renee and Charlie. Our house sits on the water's edge, and we look at the sunset together everyday we are together. I visit Charlie almost every week. I sit at his bedside as he dies. When Renee becomes ill, Jacob insists that she lives with us. She grows old, surrounded by her grandchildren. She doesn't forget me this time. My children grow up, move away, come back, explore the world. They marry, have their own children, live wonderfully human lives. My distant memory of Renesme comes up sometimes when Alice sings or when Charlie paints. I see her in my daughter, Renee when she makes silly jokes. Renesme is a part of me, and she always will be. But she will never face the cruelty of immortality.

I thank Jacob everyday for the wedding gift he gave me, for the choice I got. I no longer fear wrinkles and grey hair. I welcome them, as signs of living. I am not stagnant, I am not a beautiful, unchanging statue. I am time, mortality and life.

After fifty wonderful years together, Jacob dies. He chose to stop phasing when I showed signs of ageing. He wanted to grow old together. And we did. I am not broken at his passing; I know that I will see him soon.

I have lived, and I welcome death as an old friend.

AN: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review if you like xx