Harry Potter finished heaving out the last of his stomach contents, and then looked up at the stone walls of his prison.

How long had he been here? Weeks? Months? Decades?

Time had lost all meaning to him. He didn't know when that happened, as all his memories felt rushed and hazy.

He was given no more time with his thoughts as his head turned at the sound of the opening to the entrance of his cell. In walked two people he desired to see the least.

Albus Dumbledore and Hermione Granger.

The Manipulator and The Betrayer.

"Come to gloat?" Harry asked with a raspy voice. Though he could not be sure if the rasp was caused by disuse or by his recent expelling of his last meal.

Dumbledore quirked his head and asked in what seemed like genuine curiosity (though Harry knew better than to trust the experienced liar). "What would we be gloating about, Harry?"

Harry laughed without humor. "You caught me. I was almost free, and I underestimated you. And now I'm… here."

Dumbledore simply smiled in response, damnable eyes twinkling away.

Harry then turned to Granger. "So, did you testify against me at my trial? Or was there even a trial? It's been so long that I can't even remember."

Granger huffed in annoyance.

Before she could say anything, Dumbledore spoke. "Harry, my boy, why don't you tell us what you do remember that led to your… imprisonment?"

Having nothing better to do, Harry told his tale.

"It was near the start of my sixth year, after I saved Sirius from the Arch and destroyed Voldemort at the end of my fifth year. I destroyed that monster right in front of Minister Fudge, got Sirius free, and still I don't get my happy ending. Because, at the start of sixth year… that is when I discovered the truth…"

Rage filled Harry's mind as he stormed through the castle to the Great Hall. His enchanted cloak, a present from Sirius, billowed around him as he approached the doors.


Harry bellowed the name of the man he had once respected, as he slammed the doors wide open and silenced the occupants of the Great Hall.

Harry's gaze swept over the student body, looking for the man who had secretly been orchestrating every moment of Harry's life. The item Harry held in his hand was the damning evidence that proved every misdeed of the man. And, even after defeating the Dark Lord, the old man was still trying to rule his life. Trying to ensure that he would be married off to a "proper" family. Well, Harry was not going to stand for it.

And there was the man of the hour. He was clearly trying to hide, as he wore simple black robes and had shaved off his beard. However, try as the man might, he could not hide from Harry's keen Seeker eyes.

"DUMBLEDORE! Did you think such a simple disguise would fool me? Did you honestly think you could hide from me after everything I have been through? I am no longer the simple child you could fool with a smile and a twinkle of an eye. I now know the truth!"

Harry grabbed the old man, pulling him down so they speak eye to eye. Harry smirked at the look of fear that filled the old man's eyes.

"Harry, my boy, I am not sure what I could have done to upset you. However, it is fortunate you are here, for you see I have been removed from my position as Headmaster and if you…"

"AHA!" shouted Harry with vicious glee. "I see that people are starting to see you for who you are and have removed you from at least one of your positions of power. You will lose more than that by the time I am done with you. Your time has come to an end, your blithering idiocy has finally caught up with you, you old fool! You messed up and left me with the evidence I needed. Behold!"

Harry lifted the damning evidence in the air for all to see. He filled with a sense of righteous justice as he saw the old man's face pale. Dumbledore was finished, and they all knew it.

In the utter silence of the room, Harry spoke again.

"So, I have finally found a way of silencing the 'great' Albus Dumbledore. What nothing more to say about how you are innocent? Do you want to claim that this is all a misunderstanding, and that you haven't secretly set up marriage contracts for all of us? Do you have the courage to lie to us about how you have decided how we shall all spend our lives? Before you speak, take a closer look at the evidence, and consider how much fun you are going to have in Azkaban!"

Harry brought the evidence right up to the shocked old man's face, as he clearly tried to form a rebuttal.

Harry was distracted as he heard the voice of one of his friends. "I am glad you are free of the Wrackspurts, Harry Potter. You have finally become your own man and see the truth for what it is."

"Luna, my dear friend" Harry spoke softly as he turned and walk over to her. "My dear Luna, you have stood by me all of last year, and remain one of my truest friends. How have I not seen it before? You are not just one of my truest friends, you are the truest of all my friends! Luna, were you also under one of the old man's foul contracts?"

Luna's eyes shone with emotion. "Yes, Harry Potter."

"Luna, run away with me. We will defend each other. We can be happy… together!"

Harry leaned in for a gentle kiss. Luna responded in kind. For a moment, the two poured all their emotions into that perfect kiss.

The bliss was broken by the sound of a hated voice, the voice of Severus Snape.

"So, Potter, do you think you can possibly defeat me and the Headmaster so easily? Miss Lovegood will fulfill her contract to marry me. And there is nothing you can do about it. Now, unhand my future bride."

As Snape's hand touched Harry's shoulder, Harry's well-honed battle instincts kicked in and he twirled around. Ensuring he kept himself between the cruel Potions Master and his lady love.

Turning his head to Luna, he spoke with earnest conviction. "Luna, I promise, no matter what happens, I will make sure you never have to fulfill a contract with this villain!"

As he saw the expression of purest love and gratitude fill Luna's eyes, he turned back to Snape. Summoning all the courage he had used to face and defeat Voldemort, he looked directly into the man's eyes. Practically daring him to read his mind.

"I'm going to finally get you Potter. You will…"

Not letting the man finish his sentence, Harry snapped his wand forward.


With that overpowered disarming charm, Severus Snape was sent to the ground in a collapsed heap. And Harry leapt atop the table, brandishing his wand to defend himself from further attacks.

"Harry James Potter! How dare you!?" shouted his friend, Hermione. "You have gone dark! The Professor knows what he is doing, and if he setup a contract for you, then you should accept it!"

Harry stared at his, now former, friend. "You would have me submit my freedom? You would have me become a slave? Tell me, Granger, how long have you been on Dumbledore's payroll? How long did it take for you to choose betrayal over friendship?"

"Harry Potter, it is time we left."

Harry turned to the sound of the voice, and saw Luna standing next to Snape's collapsed form. In typical Luna fashion, for reasons that were beyond Harry, she had decided to dress up as a Hogwarts Professor. Seeing the love of his life with her hair in a tight bun and dressed as a teacher woke something primal in Harry.

"Luna Lovegood, you little minx. Roleplaying as a teacher… how very naughty! We will have to explore that later. Although, before we go, perhaps one last kiss?"

As Harry leaned in, he heard a spell being cast, and all went dark.

"… and then it is all hazy until now. What did you do? Keep me under the influence of potions until you had a use for me? Is there another Dark Lord out there you need me to defeat?"

Harry glared as Dumbledore began to chuckle. The man would stop, look like he was going to speak, and then chuckle some more.

Harry looked over at Granger, the Betrayer, and asked her a question. "What has him laughing? Is my misery that amusing?"

Granger sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Harry… that isn't how it went."

Harry leaned back, skeptically, and crossed his arms. "Oh? Then, do tell, what did I get wrong?"

"Well, it all started when I was heading downstairs to lunch. I saw you in the Common Room opening a bottle of fire whiskey. You told me not to worry, that Sirius had sent it as a present and you had never tried it before. So, you would just have a sip and then follow me shortly. Foolishly, I believed you. About half an hour later, you made it to lunch…"


Hermione sighed as she heard Harry's slurred scream from outside of the Great Hall. Looking over to the doorway, where the doors stood wide open, she watched Harry walk in, grab an open door, close it, and then slam it open so it could smash into the wall.H

That is when she felt a headache begin to make itself known. Looking at one of her best friends, she took in his attire. He was wearing a billowing cape… and that was it. Idly, she wondered if the cape was enchanted to billow or if he was casting some accidental magic. Later, she would wonder if her mind was contemplating the cape as an excuse to continue staring.

"DUMBLEBUMBLE! You don't fool me!?" Harry bellowed as he strode over to Neville Longbottom and grabbed his confused friend by the front of his robes.

"Harry, I'm not the Headmaster. It's me… Nev…"

"Hee hee hee!" Harry interrupted. "So, they finally fired you!? You lose even more! LOOK!"

Harry then lofted a lacey bra in the air. Hermione recognized it as the one that Romilda Vane was planning to send to Harry to entice him into asking her out.

Everyone in the Great Hall stared at Harry in silence, aside from a deeply blushing Romilda who was trying to sink under the table and out of sight.

"HA! You shut up! Have fun!"

Neville stammered in shock as Harry rubbed the bra all over his beat red face.

"I believe Harry Potter is suffering from a massive infestation of Wrackspurts" Luna Lovegood said conversationally. She had not said it loudly, but it carried extremely well in the utter silence of the Great Hall.

"LUNA!" Harry yelled as he spun suddenly and stumbled over to her.

"Yes, Harry Potter?" Luna replied with an inquisitive expression as she stood to meet her friend.

"You defend! I defend! RUN!"

Before Luna could respond, Harry wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her in close for a sloppy and passionate kiss. Luna's expression quickly morphed from shock to confusion to (with a shrug) enjoyment as one hand pulled him closer and the other began running through his hair.

Hermione stared in shock, while also noting a large percentage of the female student body had expressions of envy upon their faces.

After two minutes of stunned silence, the sound of Severus Snape's voice finally made itself known.

"That's quite enough of this nonsense, Potter!"

Snape laid a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry disentangled clumsily from Luna (whose expression looked far dreamier than it had ever been in the past).

"No contract for you!" he spoke to the girl with earnestness.

Harry twisted suddenly and stared into Snape's eyes (well, his eyes were a bit crossed, so he stared at Snape's nose and forehead) with hatred.

"Now, Potter, time to get…"

"EXPELIPUNCHUS!" shouted Harry as his fist connected with Snape's nose. As Snape went down, grasping his bleeding nose, Harry jumped up on the table waving the bra in the air as if it were a wand.

Hermione, seeing Professor McGonagall walking towards Harry with a stern expression, felt the need to stand up for her friend.

"Please, Professor, I think Harry has been drinking and it went to his head. He doesn't know any better!"

Harry shot a glare in Hermione's direction, his eyes clearly becoming increasingly out of focus. "BETRAYAL!"

"Mister Potter" spoke Professor McGonagall in a soft tone. "I think it's time we got you to the hospital wing."

Harry turned to the Professor, one eyelid drooping closed and the other eye occasionally rolling back into his head and then back towards the general direction of McGonagall.

"Luna… roleplay… NIIIIIIIIIICE!"

Harry stepped down clumsily and began leaning in towards a disturbed McGonagall, lips puckered.

Hermione heard Dumbledore chuckle as he casually shot a beam of red light which connected with Harry and knocked the drunk boy unconscious.

A clearly amused Headmaster spoke up. "Minerva, please take young Harry to the antechamber connected to the Great Hall. Filius, please get Severus up to see Poppy and then bring down a purging potion. I think it's time we sobered up our young hero."

"… ten minutes later you were given a purging potion and the Headmaster cast a sobering charm on you. We gave you five minutes of privacy as you finished purging, and then came in to see how you were doing and so you could, apparently, insult me."

Harry stared at Hermione in disbelief. He then looked around and saw the happily crackling fire at one wall, and the rest of the pleasant surroundings he remembered from when his name came out of the Goblet of Fire. As she had talked, the sobering charm had done its work and he could remember the less heroic version of events.

"Sorry, Hermione. I guess I can't hold my fire whiskey."

Hermione huffed with fond exasperation. "Considering you drank the half of the bottle in about ten minutes… I would say you have more of a problem with pacing."

Harry chuckled and then looked over at Dumbledore.

"So, how much trouble am I in?"

Dumbledore smiled in response. "Ah, yes. For detentions, since you believed you had already served a prison sentence, I will accept time served. As for the points. Minerva took off 100 points. Severus took off 500 points. The other professors were too busy laughing to take off anything else."

Harry winced. "Well, 600 points off and no detention. It could be worse, I suppose."

Dumbledore lifted a finger. "Ah, there is one thing more. You thought you were saving the student body. So, for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award you 1000 points."

Harry looked at Dumbledore in confusion, ignoring Hermione's sputtered cries of disapproval. "Isn't that why you gave me points at the end of first year?"

Dumbledore touched his forehead lightly, as if trying to recall the event in question. "Ah yes, I had forgotten. Then take another 1000 points for the finest game of chess seen in many years."

Hermione looked at Dumbledore with suspicion. "That's why you gave points to Ron. Are you just giving Harry points because he's your favorite?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Well reasoned, Miss Granger. Take 1000 points for cool reason under fire."

Harry smiled as he saw Hermione's face play out the inner conflict that had her wanting to complain further but also wanting the points.

"If that is all, I really must be off. I believe Miss Lovegood is waiting on the other side of the door. Harry, I hope you have learned some sort of lesson from today's events."

Harry nodded emphatically. "Yes sir, that I should never drink again!"

Dumbledore shrugged and response and left as he muttered. "I would have gone with how it is important to apply heating charms to your cloak if you are going roam the castle in the nude, but I suppose yours works too."

As the door opened, Harry gulped nervously as he saw the hungry expression on Luna Lovegood's face.

Two weeks later:


Minerva McGonagall groaned in annoyance as Harry stumbled into the Great Hall.

She glared at Albus, who was popping a lemon drop in his mouth from the bowl that had just appeared in front of him.

"This is the third time this week. How much longer will you let him get away with this?"

"Minerva… he's had a rough fifteen years. Let the boy blow off some steam. If he's still doing this after he graduates, we can talk."

Minerva shook her head with annoyed amusement as she stole a lemon drop from the bowl. "Why is he accosting Draco Malfoy?"

Albus popped another lemon drop as he replied. "He believes you transfigured your hair blonde."

"Ah… wait, does that mean it's my turn to be the secret evil mastermind behind all of his life's woes?"

"It would seem so."

Minerva smiled smugly. "Finally! I can't believe both Filius and Hagrid got to be the mastermind before me."

Albus smiled. "Yes, now to see which girl turns out to be his 'lady love' today."

Minerva gasped as a line of thirty girls formed and Harry started making his way down the line. "Oh my… that's new. I suppose you're right Albus, no one is being hurt by this."

"Potter! That is…"


Minerva watched as Harry turned back to sloppily kissing Hermione Granger, as Severus Snape collapsed to the ground groaning as he held his recently kicked crotch. She shrugged. "Well, no one is being hurt that hasn't earned it."

Albus frowned in response. "I can't believe I lost the bet to Poppy. I really thought today would have been a throat punch. I owe her two knuts now."

Minerva sighed as she stood and readied her wand when she saw the Divinations Professor sneak into the back of the kissing line.

"What I don't understand, Albus, is how Harry keeps getting the fire whiskey. I thought I had found and confiscated it all."

Harry went down to a stunner right before he could kiss the disappointed Professor (who had not foreseen that as a possible outcome).

Albus pointed his wand at Harry to levitate him into the antechamber as he responded. "I do believe Sirius has been sneaking the fire whiskey into the castle."

Minerva narrowed her eyes as she picked up the purgative potion from a cupboard in the room. "And why would you think that?"

"Well, when I saw him entering the castle last night, he told me that he was sneaking fire whiskey into the castle to give to Harry."

Minerva sighed as she poured the potion into Harry's mouth as Albus cast the sobering charm. "And what did you do when he told you that?"

"I gave 100 points to Gryffindor of course. It's important to encourage truthfulness."

"Of course…" Minerva sighed as she and Albus left the room as Harry awoke groggily and started to spew into the supplied bucket.

Harry Potter finished heaving out the last of his stomach contents, and then looked up at the stone walls of his prison.

How long had he been here? Weeks? Months? Decades?

Time had lost all meaning to him. He didn't know when that happened, as all his memories felt rushed and hazy.

He was given no more time with his thoughts as his head turned at the sound of the opening to the entrance of his cell. In walked two people he desired to see the least.

Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore.

The Dark Lady and The Unwitting Stooge.