Everyone writes this, so I guess I'll do too.

I don't own Evangelion...

Evangelion owns my heart, though.

And my brain, for many months already... That's why I began writing this.

Enjoy...

XXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 1

To say that it was upset would be an understatement of the century.

Ireul felt the solemn agreement of itself to kill itself and knew what mere moments remained for it to contemplate the irony of the situation.

It's all knowing, it's ever growing, it's all powerful. It was a lie.

Right now, it was dying.

Everything kept letting it down lately. The Eleventh Angel's life story passed by before its 'eyes'.

It, like the eight Angels before it and apparently six, but, who knows, perhaps countless more after, was born as a formless creature with an infinite energy source. Infinite things weren't common here, on Earth. Humans were obsessed with time, understandably. The concept of the thing would be something Ireul had to get used to (not like it was as limiting to it as it's to humans, even now).

Ireul was bound by the Call. It had one objective, just like the rest of its kind. But the form which the Angels took was something every one of them crafted for itself, it's a result of one's own decisions and adaptability. Maybe not, maybe that is an illusion, but Ireul wanted to believe in that little bit of freedom at the core of it's being. Because there was very little freedom in its life.

A colony of mentally-interconnected creatures which could grow indefinitely and hack electronics sounded cool in theory. A unique form, it was supposed to show the Lilin what their Fruit of Knowledge wasn't in any way special. The ability to evolve at extreme speeds, to create electronics humans required millions of years to develop from your own body and with unlimited energy source? It would be much more humiliating than just punching or shooting lasers at them until they die, the Angel decided.

Yeah, it breached Geofront all the way to the MAGI. But it didn't go that well afterwards. It would be sad enough if it was just about dying without the Evangelions, these weird copies of Adam, even necessary to participate in the fight. It was the first to die like that. Much more ire was caused by the fact what Adam wasn't deep underground, like the Call led it to believe. It was in the Central Dogma. But, it was impossible to simply reach the man who had it implanted in his palm without an Eva. Somehow, his will was strengthened to the point he could generate an AT-field. No conventional means, no explosions would get to him. Only another, stronger AT-field.

The idea to make the MAGI self-destruct was actually a desperate one. Ireul had most of its body inside the MAGI, in the epicenter. Even if everything humans had built was destroyed, the Eleventh would have no way to contact the Adam. Even though it was so, sooo close. If only it had an Eva, it would literally be in its grasp.

But there was none. No functional ones, that is.

The Angel got stuck. The lack of actual physical offensive tools was intentional, it was deemed unnecessary at the time. In the end Ireul's pride in its own design was its downfall.

'This sucks. I am the most intelligent Angel. I know more of these humans than anyone of my kin. Why I have to die so stupidly?' the downcast Angel mused.

Reuniting with Adam would be… nice. It would be the best thing what could happen. The loneliness it felt all this time - was it its entire life? - would end, and more Angels would appear. What would happen next the Angel wasn't sure, but surely it's kin would be dominating the world, and Ireul would be the happiest of them all.

Humans were an interesting species. It would be cool to recreate them in their new world, just to see what more can they accomplish with their brains. In the end, Ireul was in debt to them for giving an idea for its current form.

But that wouldn't happen. Doctor Akagi's program only has given it a little push, and the Angel decided it wasn't worth the humiliation to keep living. The codes themselves felt like a phrase "you know this is the best for you" getting ingrained in it's 'brain,' filling everything, comforting, and making sense. Ireul stopped resisting at the last moment.

Why not just blow up the computers anyway? Well...

If it did that, humans would die. But Ireul wouldn't be the one to reach its Progenitor. As of now, Ireul had to test its design on people who fought as hard as they could. It was damn close. To put it simply, Ireul wouldn't just let the Twelfth come and get all the spoils.

The Angels were loners. It was understandable. It didn't care about whatever the rest of its kind wanted.

In the end, the humanity survived only on a whim of one Angel.

Ireul's excuse was what it got really close. It wouldn't get the win for itself, so it left its foe alone and committed suicide.

It had learnt just recently what japanese in the old times did the same thing. Ended their own lives to escape the shame of failure.

…Well, apparently it didn't work that way for the Angels. Ireul left unbearable shame exactly because it gave up.

It was unreasonable. Its feelings didn't help anyone. But whatever made it feel the Call in the first place just didn't tolerate the surrender.

The Main Core of the Angel already destroyed itself, and the chain reaction was about to finish off the remaining portion of the colony too.

The feelings didn't let go. Despair, terror, shame, it just knew that's something the Angel isn't supposed to feel in that amount. The sense of it's identity was getting weaker and weaker with each 'body' dying… No, not just that. That happened to its bodies. Ireul wasn't letting itself to think about the implications of it.

'This wouldn't be alright anymore.' But if it dies right here, nobody would care. It's better if nobody did.

At that time Ireul felt so bad in this portion of body and soul, it would prefer to be intruding the MAGI too, just to disappear momentarily with the rest. Yet its supernatural (to Lilin) abilities actually lengthened the moment for it, and this couldn't be helped.

The way Ireul perceived the world would be hard to grasp for a human mind. Looking from each of its bodies' perspective at the same time, having a dividable attention span, and much more. Binocular vision of humans was unbelievably limiting, it recognized.

Ireul gave a 'look' at its surroundings.

It's gaze pierced the organic parts of the testing body it has taken over for one hundred seventy sixth time. The Eva had no neural connections to any other part of its body except the arm, so it was impossible to fight with. The Angel could wiggle with a limp of it's shoulder a bit.

Didn't help.

Ireul looked for the signs of living creatures. Or not quite living ones. Looked for anything.

The AT-picture of this headless, now one-handed, infested body showed what it... had a will?

'Of course it does, I know this from the MAGI already,' annoyedly noted the Angel. 'My mind is so slow without the rest of my body. Can't have all the memories pop up instantaneously like before. Shameful, I have nothing but the brain cells and yet I think only, is it 262 or 261 times faster than one human?'

The Angel didn't like the thought what it was getting dumber every second. Then it finally noticed something unusual about its thoughts.

'I didn't even realize until now, I've learnt Japanese while hacking too. Well, one more thing what won't get to be used for my purpose,' Ireul concluded grimly.

It didn't fool itself, these kinds of thoughts were a defensive reaction to the way it felt. Making itself more aloof and rational helped to cope with the sheer… 'intensity' of the moment. The big 'brain' it had didn't mean it was perfectly stable psychologically, right now it would be closer to the opposite.

Without much else left to do, the Angel's perspective 'got' into the Core of the Eva.

Ireul could see a galaxy of orangish, glowing, circuit board-like lines outside, the taken over body parts discernible through the dark crystal of the Core. The Angel was pretty beautiful, in a sense...

For a pilot the sphere would be completely opaque. Only an illusion of transparentness appears when they get synchronized with the Eva. But for the Angelic sight of Ireul there were no such barriers.

Ireul moved some more of its bodies inside the Core. Like a shining robe of stars covering the Evangelion, they shifted on its back and went inside a hole in the middle, between its vertebrae.

Now the place was filled with a dim yellowish luminescence. 'If I was a human, I would curl in a ball here, that seems to make them comfortable sometimes,' it mused melancholically.

It wasn't one. This second taking so long was a reliable reminder. It wondered if this was a part of the Scenario. 'Makes no sense. But a lot of it doesn't. For example, the Angel of Free Will… has no free will. I'm apparently Fear. So nonsensical.'

The time stretched terribly. "Just what should I do now? I just want to get this over with."

This hollowed out cavity, meant to be filled with an entry plug, didn't respond. Even when lit, it was still depressing.

'So, I'm inside a crippled clone of my parent which lacks a limb and a head, in a hole inside its living heart. Perhaps it would be normal to one of Lilin to be depressed by this sort of thing, too,' the Angel thought.

'Maybe that's too much thinking for now. Even for me…' It yawned. Well, it didn't, but if it could, it would've.

The feedback Ireul was about to receive from its own, now dead Main Core was going to be painful. It blinked its orange lights and quietly passed out.


"Who are you?"

Ireul shuddered. It a moment it realized what it's AT-field structure must've weakened enough to 'synchronize' with the Eva. 'Well, doesn't matter anyway at this point,' it thought.

A feminine voice repeated the question.

"Nobody. Was the Eleventh Angel, but I failed. I'm a dead man now," it answered abruptly. Its voice was metallic and shaky.

Ireul didn't really care about brain contamination what the Eva could inflict at this point. The tiny chance this could somehow help was worth the risk...

"Failed? How?" the female person continued questioning.

Ireul felt angered at the reminder. And saw no point in hiding the outburst.

"My purpose, the Call! It was all a lie. I've never prepared properly. And your Evangelion I've taken over is useless," Ireul growled. "Why would you ask anyway?"

There was a pause.

"If you had a purpose, it means you have wants. To have wants is to have a soul," she uttered, no hint of emotion present.

'Huh? Oh, right, that is something I recall from MAGI data. The Dummy Plug system. Talking about souls, I wonder, why is that. She doesn't have one.'

For the first time Ireul cared enough to focus its 'sight' on the dream what the existence in a Core was. The nothingness turned into an endless orange space. The Angel looked at the blue-haired girl, and something told it what she was different from the First Child. Ireul recognised her expression as a smile. It also recognised that it was completely untimely and creepy, for human standards.

"But what about your own will? Doesn't that count as wanting? Without a will an Eva can't be synchronized with, isn't it?" the Angel asked.

The Evas were, even now, somewhat mysterious to it. 'Because humans themselves don't know what the Hell are they doing.'

"I only had a bond, it was necessary for my original purpose. It was changed, and now I'm needed to give my will to this Eva."

The Angel understood what the bond probably meant being a part of the reincarnation cycle for Rei Ayanami, avatar of Lilith. 'She got discarded, basically. The human soul it would have a chance to receive, this creature was ripped of even that, and then put in a testing device. I guess that's sad, in concept, but the fact is, this creature wouldn't mind anything.'

"Well, that isn't going well, is it? I've got this Eva taken over, it's completely infested. NERV will incinerate what remains of the testing body, along with you," the Angel pointed out.

"I understand that. It's one of my directives to keep myself alive. Unless there is an Angel threat, it's a priority," the First Child's 'sister' said. "And you are the Angel, aren't you?"

"So to satisfy your orders you don't need to do anything. And as you don't have a soul you don't mind to die. Then why even talk about all of this?" Ireul angrily queried. It ignored the question at the end out loud, but inside it was puzzled. 'No way, she has to realize I'm Angel, why wouldn't she?'

The expression on the girl's face shifted. For some reason, the Angel didn't like this.

"Are you really an Angel?" she repeated.

"...Yes?"

The girl continuously stared.

"The moment Ireul decided to kill itself, I've felt it. And I know something about you. The way you are currently, you actually are just as alive as I am."

"What do you mean?" the Angel asked nervously. It started to realize what is going on here.

"The will. The power of identity. Everyone alive has it. The crux of an AT-field. I don't know everything, but as I reside in the Eva, this is clear to me," she said impassively. "Inside the Eva, I have nothing but my will. It's restricted and crippled, but even then, the Evangelion empowers my will. This is why we can disrupt yours and materialize our own barriers."

"..."

"Your Core self-destructed, willingly, and because of that your will got destroyed. For an Angel, a will is everything. A will to survive, to reunite with your Progenitor, you've given up on it. You, essentially, are just a portion of a soul and a body. Angels need a will to reunite with Adam." not-Ayanami concluded.

The Angel was taken aback. In the back of its mind it knew this all, but refused to get this knowledge to the surface. Yes, this is why it wasn't doing anything. This is why it sulked in the Eva's Core, waiting to die. It gave up. Unlike any Angel before, it stopped because it was too hard. And now, Ireul already could feel the wave of absolute terror licking the 'limbs' of its, these closest to the Central Dogma. Unlike any other Angel's, its microscopic bodies already began dissolving into LCL.

"Then you know why I didn't become one with you the moment I could've," Ireul finally replied. "I've lost my will. I can take over any Eva, but… If I did that with you right now, I wouldn't be the one in control."

'Not like I can initiate the Impact now, anyway. Because I am turning into LCL. Dissipating. On my own! I'm not just dying, my own identity doesn't think of itself as my own, it's not united anymore. I've fell so low...'

The Lilin hybrid had put its panicking thoughts to a halt.

"You don't want to disappear. Give me your soul and body, and get reborn," the girl said straightforwardly. "Use your S2 engines and focus on my will, turn it into the mediator."

"..."

"Share your memories, your dreams, your everything." She almost sounded like there was emotion invoked.

"..."

"..."

"Let me just estimate how much of my body I'd have to sacrifice," Ireul sighed after a while.

The reason it would have to do that laid in their inherent differences. This girl's will was never suited for an Angel. Hers was much, much weaker than Ireul's in its peak. And how much exactly...

Ireul gasped. "Jesus. This is so inefficient..."

A spawn of Lilith didn't respond.

The Angel looked again at the form it was about to make for them two.

It was freaking tiny. It was unbelievable to leap from its glorious form to… this.

'Better than dying, I guess. And there is one upside to it. Really, only one reason it's even worth it.'

That is the opportunity to shut down the Call forever. This… this was freedom.

Yep, this girl would have the upperhand. Doesn't matter, it's still a second chance.

Ireul was tired. The Call was everything to it, but… It was tiring to have every part of your being be focused on one goal. And to feel like shit when you couldn't possibly know something what prevented your success.

Ireul didn't know freedom. What this would be like? What would there be in place of the Call? What really would compare?

The Angel found the answer quickly.

The Humanity. That's right, it would still have the Lilin to observe, to adapt to. No Angel lives in the human world because of the Call, but Ireul will.

Why not? All this fuss was about killing it. Why is that even a bad thing, why they fight for their lives at all? All humans have free wills, and Ireul was curious, really curious about how it would feel.

And even though it won't be easy, but there might be a chance for it to adapt to the Lilin themselves, adapt to the kind what is supposed to be antagonistic in the first place. If that's even possible, there is going to be a lot more of learning about this species to do.

"Very well, I'm ready," the Angel said eventually, to its surprise with more boldness than it thought it could muster.

But then a thought passed by on the edge of its mind. 'How the Hell does she know about mediators and the S2 Engines?'

The answer came to it. The reason was: Ireul had no choice in the matter, really. It began before it agreed. She was sapping away its soul, she was learning its memories, already. Its ego was simply that badly destroyed.

It was pretty cold, knowing there is barely anything to get from the girl in return.

She had nothing. Just the warm, orange pools. Reflections of herself. And the dead, happy, untimely smiles. Nothing worthwhile to get...

'Except life.'

All its bodies became orange juice, and only in a moment they vaporised.

With the exception of a tiny, insignificant puddle at the bottom of the testing body's Core.


Ritsuko crouched in front of a data pad, with all nerves in her body strained.

In a tempo much slower than the heartbeat of all the listeners in the Central Dogma, the mechanical voice was counting down.

"...4."

"3."

"2."

"Maya, hit it!" yelled Doctor Akagi.

Two hands hit the ENTER key almost simultaneously.

"1."

"Zero."

A loud silence embraced the bridge.

Everyone was staring at the monitors in horror.

Even for the Lilin that was a long couple of seconds.

And then a similarly loud "beep" and a mechanical response signalized the cancellation of the self-destruct program and the Angel's destruction.

Ritsuko loudly exhaled, in exhaust.

Simultaneous very loud cheers could be heard all over the bridge.

And only one gleeful technician, with a passing glance on a spectral monitor noticed a tiny spot of blue on top of a testing body's contour in the Pribnow box. It disappeared in like two seconds, so he didn't feel like to even bother.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Hi...

I know it's weird so far...

But I didn't want to tear up continuity too much.

Next chapter and onwards it should be more readable...

I'm not saying 'don't judge me' or anything. No, you should judge. This would help me improve...

After all, it's my first story in English ever. It's not my native language.

Thanks for reading so far, but... Better if you stick for a bit longer.