Barista Bonus- The Problem with Eavesdropping
By dietcokechic

A/N: This is all Roxie's fault. She asked me why I hadn't written a story about
Kira's 21st birthday. Girl, this one is all for you.

For those not familiar with the Barista series, all you need to know is that
Kira, a coffee-slinger in Colorado Springs, has wormed her way into SG-1's heart
and they'd do anything they can to protect her. Although Kira is in this story,
it is primarily just SG-1 doing the talking...and the doing as well. For those
interested, this takes place (chronologically) after my story 'Breakfast at
IHOPs' and a month after Season 2's Touchstone ep.

This little bonus story has grown much longer than I had anticipated, so I
thought I'd post now, and see what folks thought. I'm posting it as a separate
story because it'll be a little longer than normal and is written in a rather
funky format; everyone has a say in this one! Please let me know what you

Jack's POV

Why do these things happen to me? I mean, here I am innocently washing my hands
when WHAM I overhear something I'm not supposed too. And don't think it doesn't
strike me as just a little ironic as to my being here in the first place.

Here being a restroom off Interstate 50 near Canon City.

Gas station restrooms are notorious for being a) tiny, b) dirty and perpetually
out of toilet paper and c) single stalled. Which is why I always make sure to
go before I leave home and seldom actually step into one of those tin boxes.
But fate decided to have a little fun at my expense and have a gas nozzle hiccup
while still attached to my hand. So I wound up with diesel all over said hand,
and that is just not something you want to smell on an hour plus ride home.

So I head to the bathroom and was rather surprised to discover that all my
preconceptions of restrooms are shot to hell. Not only was this restroom quite
clean, but it also housed two stalls in addition to a urinal and a couple of
sinks. I'm not saying it's posh or anything, but as gas station's go- this was
by far the nicest I'd ever seen. I bet it has something to do with it being
attached to a Marie Callendars restaurant.

So here I am washing my hands when I overhear two guys talking behind me. I can
see them as well as I'm in front of a mirror and can see their reflections
behind me. One guy is obviously doing his business, while the guy next to him
comfortably chats away. Geeze guy, can't you at least wait until your friend is
done? Kids these days, eh?

"So are you going to go?" Standing up guy asks

"Haven't decided." This would be from peeing-man.

"You know she'll want you to Rick."

Rick? What kind of name is Rick?

"I dunno Jarod, Kree can be pretty uptight sometimes."

Ah man! They are not talking about Kira Meyers, right? God, I hate that
nickname of hers!

"It'll be her birthday man! Booze, friends- she'll be positively putty in your

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm hoping for." Peeing man says lecherously nodding his

I so should not be listening to this. And yet I remain glued to this very spot.
Funny how these things work out, isn't it?

"But she's not exactly easy Rick." Jarod says sighing as he finishes up.

"Well, luckily for you my-man, you know me!" Rick says snaking an arm around
his friend's shoulders. They ignore me as they meander over to the other sink.

"How so?" Jarod says washing his hands.

In the mirror I can see Rick smile predator-like at his friend. "I got me some

"Roofies?!" Jarod says in a slightly shocked voice.

I haven't a clue what this is, but it doesn't sound good. Unfortunately, my
welcome here is over and the pair are looking at me rather rudely. Thankfully,
for all their bravado, early 20-something guys are mostly just talk. Even in
civies, folks can usually tell that I'm Somebody. Maybe not the type of guy
that kills Gods on a semi-regular basis, but Somebody nonetheless. I don't get
harassed much.

"Hey man, you mind?" Jarod says standing a little straighter. Once again I
thank my Grandpa Mac for passing on those lovely height genes.

"Nope." I say drying off my hands and mentally weighing the pros and cons of
beating the hell out of these two idiots. I make a quick decision. As much as
I'd like to find out exactly what 'roofies' are and maybe practice some of those
Jaffa kung-fu moves Teal'c has been trying to show me, I'm going to act like the
ex-Special Ops guy I am and have a little chat with them later. On my own
terms. Preferably in dark ally with few witnesses.

I'll tell you one thing though- Kira Meyers is not going to be spending her
21st birthday without an escort.

And I know the perfect person to help me out.


"You want me to what?" I ask looking at Jack as if he'd suddenly been possessed
by a Goa'uld. And in our line of work, these things do happen.

"I need you to infiltrate a fraternity."

"You've got to be kidding me Jack!" I reply shaking my head resolutely no.

"Well maybe not a fraternity, but I need you to go play college student."

"No." And I don't even want to hear why. God Jack, what the hell have you
gotten yourself into this time? Wait. Forget I asked that.

We sit in hostile silence looking like mismatched bookends as we wait for
someone from SGC medical to clear us. Although we were able to take off our
grimy jackets, (and it was not my fault this time) neither one of us relished
changing into hospital gowns. So here we sat, side by side in our rather ripe
black t-shirts and pants that I doubt will ever come clean. Janet may make us
change, but I'm hoping she'll just be quick and order us to take a shower.

Shower. God, that word sounds good. After four days in the same clothes, I
think everyone within a 20-foot radius of me will be mighty glad when I've had a
chance to get cleaned up. I know Sam wanted that shower as much as we did, but
it sure would have been nice if it had been our turn to go first. I glance at
my watch; we've now been waiting 20 minutes.

My time check does not go unseen.

"Think anyone will notice if we just step out for a few minutes?" Jack asks

"I think they'll notice Jack." I say trying not to sound like I'm talking to a
10 year old.

"Don't you even want to know why Daniel?" Jack asks completely changing the
subject and returning to my masquerade as a frat boy.

"Do I have a choice?" I ask trying not to sound belligerent. Besides a shower,
I need a nice hot cup of coffee. Double tall mocha. With a splash of almond.
Kira, I can almost taste your coffee.

"It's for a good reason Daniel." Jack says sounding much more serious than
normal. I turn to look at him.

"Ok, I'll bite. Why do you want me to impersonate a college student Jack?"

"Because there's some guys out there that may be trying to drug Kira." Wha? Of
all the things I thought Jack could possibly say, that was not one of them.

"Excuse me?" I need more clarification here. Trust Jack to skip the important
bits and just go straight for the jugular.

"I overheard a conversation the other day and I think there's a couple of guys
who are going to try and drug Kira on her birthday. I had never heard of the
drug, but I looked it up on the Internet later." Jack's voice dropped in volume
as he told me his findings.

"It's the date rape drug Daniel." I could feel all the color leaving my face.
Someone wanted to rape Kira? No way! That was not going to happen!

"Are you sure they were talking about our Kira, Jack?" I ask hoping he had
gotten it wrong somehow. Unfortunately, for all of Jack's faults, (and there
are many) he does not jump to conclusions. Well, alright- he does jump to
conclusions, but not about stuff like this. If Jack heard someone planning on
hurting Kira, he heard it correctly.

"Not unless there is another young woman out there who goes by the nickname
'Kree' and happens to be turning 21 next week." Jack says in a dejected voice.

I let out a heavy sigh. Damn, this is serious. "Jack, as much as I think you
have Kira's best interests at heart here, running around playing Black Ops Guy,
and having ME play the undercover guy, just won't work."

"It will work Daniel." Jack says sounding much more confidant than I feel.

"I don't think so Jack." I say sounding extremely depressed. I can't pass for a
college student! Obviously Jack hasn't been on a college campus in the last 15


God, that shower felt good. I towel-dry my hair vigorously and quickly pull on a
clean blue jumpsuit. Although it was my turn to use the shower first, I don't
need to make the guys wait any longer than necessary. With any luck they've
finished their post mission physicals and are waiting on the other end of the
door. I am once again thankful that the SGC washes all our clothes as I stuff
the rather foul smelling attire into a laundry bag and throw it into the hazmat
bin. The labeling of the laundry bin "hazardous material" had initially been a
joke, but later proved quite apropos and the name stuck. Now all off-world
clothing goes through a decontamination period before being laundered.

I work in a very odd place.

I'm surprised that no one is there to greet me as I step out of the locker-room
and switch the sign from 'Female' to 'Male.' It's all yours guys. You just
need to actually be here to use it!

I am almost to the infirmary when I hear them.

"It will work Daniel." The Colonel sounds quite certain in his assessment.

"I don't think so Jack." Daniel says sounding as if he had just been told his
dog had died.

"What won't work?" I ask as I step through the infirmary doorway. There sat
Daniel and the Colonel, both stripped of their jackets, but still wearing the
same clothes I had seen them in for the last four days. I can't help but smile
a little as I take in their disheveled appearance. So much for our simple
24-hour survey mission.

"Jack's bright idea." Daniel says dejectedly.

"Whad'ya think Carter? Could Danny pass for a college student?" The Colonel
asks hopefully.

I give Daniel a critical look, not even trying to reason why the Colonel wants
Daniel to go back to school. It's funny, although I see Daniel nearly everyday,
I don't often really look at him. Sitting there in his fitted black t-shirt and
combat pants, Daniel looks nothing like the Abydosian-robed Archaeologist I
first encountered nearly two years ago. Daniel looks... Daniel looks buff! I
find myself trying not to smile as I take in Daniel's broad shoulders and slim
waist. No wonder he has 'a woman on every planet' as the Colonel so often
teases. Daniel is a good-looking guy.

In a brotherly sort of way of course.

"Sam..." Daniel says fidgeting noticeably on the bed. I can't help but give him
a wide smile.

"Sorry Daniel." I say sincerely. I turn to look at the Colonel. "Post Doc
definitely, maybe a grad student, but definitely not an undergrad Sir."

"Why not?" The Colonel whines. I resist rolling my eyes. He really is just a
big kid, isn't he?

"Because Colonel, you trained Daniel too well. Look at him!" I insist making a
gesture at Daniel. "Daniel has muscles Sir. And despite the long hair, he
really wouldn't blend in too well with college kids these days, he looks too

"Edgy?!" Daniel asks in disbelief. "I'm edgy?"

"In a good way Daniel." I say soothingly; he doesn't look mollified.

"Well, what about Sam then?" Daniel asks giving me a little nod.

Now it's the Colonel's turn to look me up and down. I find it rather
disconcerting and more than a tad uncomfortable. Now I know how Daniel felt-
wish I'd at least combed my hair.


Carter? I turn to look at Sam and for the first time since that crazy Land of
Light mission, I really look at Carter. Damn. Sam's hot. Even in those baggy
coveralls, she'd attract college kids like bees to honey. Tall, leggy blonde?
Oh yeah, she'd blend. I bark out a short laugh. There's no way Carter'd pass
for a co-ed.

"I don't think so Daniel." I say finally.

"Why?" Of course Daniel wants to know why. When doesn't Daniel want to know

"Because, Carter looks too.." I wave my hands ineffectually in circles. "Too
grown up." I say finally.

Now it's Daniel's turn to laugh. "Too grown up Jack?"

"You, know what I mean Daniel- Sam is just too.. classy to pass for a college

"I'm classy Sir?" Ah man, come on Carter, cut me some slack here, ok?

"Sorry to keep you all waiting." Yes! Saved by the good Doctor. Didn't think
I'd ever be so happy to see Doc Frasier.

"You guys know the drill. Sam, since you're obviously the cleanest," She shoots
Daniel and I a glance and sniffs her nose slightly, "Why don't I start with you
while Daniel and the Colonel have a chance to wash up."

I'm too happy at the prospect of a shower to make any quips.

"Thanks Janet." Daniel says for the both of us. Together we head down the hall
towards the locker room. This isn't over Daniel. There's no way in hell I'd
blend into the college scene and Sam is just.. well neither would Sam. Which
just leaves you Danny boy. Now all I gotta do is talk you into it.