Note and Disclaimer: Like everyone else, I don't own anything from Star Trek. This is part of a new short story series, "Dammit, Jim!" Enjoy!
From his office, McCoy heard them all the way down the corridor and they were coming his way. Jim and Spock had been loudly debating about a technical point in a regulation. It had been a continuation of their recent supply mission to Delta VIII, McCoy knew. Kirk had gone one way and Spock wished for another and the two butted heads throughout their time on the planet's surface.
It was obvious that Spock had no control over his opinions. As part of the landing party (and an unbiased spectator in the matter), McCoy observed that he was acting usual for a Vulcan. Normally, Spock offered Jim advice. He did not go out of his way to question every move the captain made. Granted, Spock was proper and did so out of earshot of the other crewmembers. It did not mean it was right.
But he'd never risk a mission for the sake of arguing with Jim.
Initially, McCoy thought that the cease of their dealings with the Deltans would calm Spock down. Spock found their sensual nature to be annoying and it was funny to watch him rein in his human emotions. Apparently, this was not the case, even as the Vulcan's voice rose. McCoy sensed a hint of illogical fervor in Spock's point of view as they drew closer to him. They bypassed Christine Chapel and went straight to McCoy.
"Spock, the nature of their lives is the precise reason why they should take such a vow," Kirk said loudly. "You speak of it as if it were the very essence of their being and will benefit Starfleet."
"Each of us brings a gift, no matter our origin," Spock countered, calmer now that he was near McCoy. "The Deltans have a…different point of view that I believe will bring more to the Federation and to Starfleet itself."
"And Starfleet itself will fall to its knees," Jim replied practically. "All of the humanoids will not be able to peel their eyes off of them."
Annoyed (and yet so amused), McCoy turned around in his chair, leaning himself on the top. "Can I help you, gentlemen?"
Spock and Kirk looked at McCoy like he had two heads, one with an eyebrow raising and the other with an opened mouth. None of them moved to speak. It was like McCoy had stomped on a fresh grave and not that they entered into his personal space in Sickbay. The good doctor had enough.
He stood up abruptly. "Mind telling me why the captain and his first officer are in conflict with each other?"
Kirk raised a finger upward, to make a point perhaps, but stopped himself. Spock put his hands behind his back and cleared his throat. None of them again elaborated on their fight. Quickly, McCoy figured out the crux of the matter. It was not the exact details of their disagreement. It was the fact that their friendship took on another turn and they required a mediator.
McCoy was having none of it. Hands on his hips, he added, "I won't tolerate it."
"Tolerate what, Bones?" Jim asked him innocently.
"Please intricate on your meaning, Doctor," Spock chimed in at the same time.
McCoy could not fathom why they did not admit their fault. This time, it was his turn to be speechless. Uncomprehensive noises came out of his mouth. He began pacing his office space back and forth, throwing his hands up many times in frustration. All the while, the pair watched him in almost a mix of incredulousness and delight.
Eventually, McCoy found his voice, facing Kirk. "Out! Out, the both of you! Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a therapist!"
"Therapist?" Spock sounded mildly surprised.
"Doctor, we are not asking for a therapist," Kirk protested. "We are asking for input on a point. Starfleet –"
"I said out!" McCoy interjected. He did not care if it was the captain or not. "I don't save marriages. I don't make policies. I most certainly do not care!"
Kirk turned to Spock. "Well, you heard the man. He's the doctor, not the therapist."
"I'd say, he made that quite clear," Spock added.
"I would say it was belligerent. What do you think, Spock?"
"That is harsh, Captain. Then again, Doctor McCoy can be zealous in his opinions."
That was infuriating. McCoy could not believe it. Aggravated, he groaned and marched out. They'll get the point. He was just the doctor, damn them!
"I am taking a walk," he yelled to everyone within earshot. "Ya'll better be cleared out before I return. You won't like me."
"I thought you were the doctor," Kirk said. "You're the instigator now?"
McCoy had enough. Rolling his eyes, he stomped out. He did not care if anyone else saw him agitated. At this point, they deserved to know how much their captain can be a child or how the first officer can act like a human.
"At least I wasn't their damned therapist," he mumbled to himself. That, at least, was reassuring.