"AMY! AMY! I SWEAR YOU'D BETTER BE IN THERE SLEEPING!"
Sheldon rolled over with a groan. Why was he hearing the shrill voice of his boisterous friend and neighbor in his REM cycle? What kind of dream was he having anyway? he wondered.
Sheldon soon realized he was not having a dream at all. He was having a nightmare! He groaned again and swiftly pulled the covers over his head as a blond, hugely pregnant woman in a thin floral bath robe, burst through his bedroom door and flipped on the bright overhead light.
"What are you doing Penny?" Sheldon mumbled from under his bedspread.
As much as he loved his friend, she had better have an important reason for charging into his bedroom and disturbing his sleep pattern. I mean what kind of reason could have possibly warranted such rude reckless behavior, he fumed. Unless...
"OH DEAR!" Sheldon exclaimed as he threw the covers back and jumped out of bed.
"You are in labor, aren't you?" he asked, his eyes squinting from the bright light.
"Okay, okay, no worries Penny" Sheldon said in a rush as he ran to his dresser not giving her a chance to answer. He quickly opened several dresser drawers and grabbed various articles of clothing and one official looking stopwatch.
"First, we will start timing. How long ago was your last contraction?" he questioned, his eyes no longer squinting but panicking.
"Sheldon, where's Amy?" Penny asked ignoring his question as she waddled over to the bathroom flipping on the light in there.
"Now, Penny" Sheldon began "I know that traditionally the female gender has been the one to engage in the art of midwifery, but surely you are liberated enough in this day and age to see a male may also be adequately equipped in this area" he chastised. After all, he thought, several years ago he had helped his twin sister Missy give birth almost single-handedly.
Penny ignored his comment and turned off the bathroom light. She went over to the closet.
"Where's Amy?" she questioned again as she started riffling through Amy's side of the closet.
"What are you looking for Penny? I agree you need to get dressed to go to the hospital, but Amy will not have any clothing that would fit your girth. Actually I do not have clothing that would fit either" he added.
Penny glared at him for a moment but went back to her riffling.
"Oh god!" she moaned as she pulled an empty hanger covered in black and silver silk ribbons from the closet. "It's gone!" she huffed.
"Penny, try to concentrate. We really do need to start timing those contractions" he sighed. His friend could get so easily distracted sometimes. Not very "mom-like" behavior, he surmised.
"Sheldon" Penny said as she turned to face him. "I'm sorry I barged in here but I'm not in labor. I just need to find Amy. Do you know where she is?" she asked hesitantly as she clutched the empty hanger to her chest.
Sheldon's mouth turned up in displeasure as he realized Penny's reason for waking him was not due to a medical emergency but based on her closet expedition some kind of "fashion emergency". Women! he scowled.
"Amy is working late at the lab" he answered gruffly as he folded his clothes and put them back in the drawers.
"Is that what she told you?" Penny asked.
"Yes" he answered but did not look up.
"And you believe her" she added quickly.
"Yes" he said again but this time he took a moment to look at her. She had an expression on her face he could not place but he thought it might be akin to worry.
"Wait, why would I not believe her?" Sheldon questioned. What was Penny insinuating? he wondered.
"Um. No reason. No reason at all. I'm sorry again I woke you. Go back to sleep" she said putting back the hanger and leaving the room as quickly as she could given her condition.
Sheldon closed his dresser drawers and went after her.
"Wait Penny" he shouted and moved in front of her in the living room. "Why do you need to find Amy? What is going on?" he asked her. He was starting to worry that maybe his wife was in some kind of trouble.
"Look Sheldon. I'm sorry again" Penny repeated as she tried to move her "girth" around him and leave the apartment. After a few unsuccessful attempts though, she stopped.
"Okay, I'm just going to call her real quick. I'm sure everything's fine" Penny said as she pulled her phone from her robe pocket.
After a few moments, it was obvious Amy was not answering the call. Penny turned her back to Sheldon.
"I know what you are up to Amy Farrah Fowler" she whispered forcefully into the phone. "I saw the dress was gone! You had better be on your way home right now young lady or so help me I will haul my fat ass out there and drag you home myself!" she yelled and ended the call.
Sheldon was impressed with how "mom-like" Penny sounded in her message to Amy. His earlier assessment of her behavior may have been flawed, he briefly thought. But then the worry kicked in as Penny turned back around with a forced smile.
"So I'm just gonna go" she said trying again to leave.
"Penny please do not make me ask again" Sheldon pleaded. "If Amy is in trouble, I need to know. I am her husband" he added the gravity evident in his voice. If there was something going on with Amy, he had to help her. Not only was he obligated as her husband, he loved her.
Penny's face contorted in a grimace and she closed her eyes. It looked like she was having some kind of internal debate with herself. Finally she opened her eyes and looked at him. While he was not the best at recognizing facial expressions, he thought she might be displaying a look of pity.
"Come sit down sweetie" she said and slowly sat down on the couch.
Sheldon did not hesitate and sat next to her. For some reason though, he was extremely nervous. He kept smoothing down imaginary wrinkles in his pajama pants.
"You're right. You are Amy's husband and you deserve to know what's going on, or at least what I think is going on anyway" Penny began.
"Sheldon, you remember before you were married and you got mad at me because you found out Amy had told me she was thinking about breaking up with you and I didn't try to stop her. You know after Leonard and I eloped" she clarified.
"Penny, you know I remember everything" Sheldon sneered.
Penny glared at him.
"Sorry, go on" he apologized sheepishly.
"Anyway" she continued clearly annoyed. "At the time I really did want to stop her because I didn't want to see you get hurt. But I also didn't want to see Amy continue to get hurt. You had been together for a long time and you still hadn't committed to her and..."
"But I was going to commit" Sheldon protested. "I had a ring and..."
"Sheldon, I didn't know that at the time and neither did Amy" Penny interrupted. "You were too scared to show Amy how you felt about her and Amy was too scared to open up and stop bottling up her feelings. For two geniuses, Nobel Prize winners even, you guys can be absolute idiots sometimes" Penny huffed and shook her head.
"While I appreciate this wonderful trip down memory lane with you Penny" Sheldon said in a rare sarcastic tone ignoring her "idiots" jab "what on earth does this have to do with Amy now? Tonight?" he asked.
"Well, Amy told me something she is thinking about doing and this time if I don't try to stop her, I'll never forgive myself" she sighed.
"What did she tell you she was going to do? he asked.
Penny sighed heavily. Even Sheldon could tell she looked stressed.
"I don't think Amy is working late at the lab Sheldon" Penny said as she leaned back into the couch cushions. Sheldon noticed she started to caress her round stomach and let out small puffs of air through her mouth in an apparent effort to relax.
"Well, where do you think she is Penny?" Sheldon asked. He was getting tired of his friend's shenanigans. Talking to her was like...what was that expression, like watching a pot of water heating to a boil, he thought.
"Look, I'm only telling you this because you are married now. It's not like before when you weren't committed and sure about each other" Penny said stalling.
She still looked stressed, he thought.
"Where is Amy?" Sheldon asked again clearly getting more frustrated by the minute.
"I don't know for sure, but I think she is at a bar" she answered.
"What? Penny that is ridiculous" Sheldon stated harshly. "Why would Amy lie and say she was working late when she is at a bar? At this hour? Alone?" he smirked.
Sheldon knew Amy occasionally went to bars with the girls but with Penny nine months pregnant and Bernadette a full-time working mother with two small children, they rarely had girls night anymore. Amy would never go to a bar when it was not girls night and especially not alone.
Penny sat up straighter and let out another sigh.
"I don't think she is alone Sheldon. I think she is with someone or at least trying to be with someone" she answered sadly.
"What are you saying Penny?" Sheldon asked confused. What did "trying to be with someone" mean exactly, he wondered. "What did Amy tell you she was going to do?" he questioned again.
Penny took Sheldon's hand and looked at him with a serious expression.
"I'm so sorry sweetie. Amy told me that she was so frustrated with you that one night she was just going to get all glammed up, borrow one of my old skimpy dresses, find some trashy bar, and..." Penny trailed off.
"And?" Sheldon asked softly not quite believing what he was hearing.
"And find some stranger to have sex with" she finished in a rush.
Sheldon immediately dropped her hand.
A/N: I know, I know. I am not sure Amy would actually say that either but... I can't help but remember all of the times TBBT writers would sneak in lines revealing Amy's freaky side when it comes to sex.
Maybe something pushed her over the edge to let that side out? We'll have to find out.