Clouds and stars above us
I stood watching Faye that day, that day that seemed like yesterday, Since he left. She was slumped against the hull of Bebop crying, crying for him, crying for him and what he did. It was more than I could bear, All I could do was watch as my life, wait no, both of our lives were tilted upside down by the very person we thought we could rely on. That was two years ago, two years that seemed to drift by over our heads like the clouds and stars.
They found the swordfish II, I didn't want it neither did Faye, so we sold it for some cash to pay for his funeral. We didn't get much cash considering it was antique, but it had enough money to provide a plot of dirt and a casket. I had to make funeral preparations, When ever I mentioned them around Faye she would freeze up and walk into another room.
He did have a funeral, we went and left dry-eyed. At the funeral there were only a handful of people, not including the funeral directors and other such members there was a boy named Lin I knew him from that shoot out, and some people I had never met before. I didn't talk to them, they were probably old syndicate members. Besides no one knew Spike better than Faye or I. The funeral was short, Some guy did the eulogy, I didn't listen, there was no need to, he didn't know crap about Spike, it was almost dishonorable to have say the eulogy. I couldn't waste tears on him, He pissed me off what he did, leaving, leaving like we meant nothing to him at all. I could tell that Faye was crushed, at the funeral she never did look at the casket, she just looked down at her feet, her eyes unfocused.
I felt like he was my son, I guess he didn't feel like I was his father, or he would have stayed. Nevertheless I miss the Lunkhead, he was my friend, my son, my brother. He was a good kid who made bad choices, at least choices for the wrong reasons. That day he left it made me realize that on Bebop he thought he dreaming...or some bullshit like that, it seemed like he made us value him, but really to him, we were just an old burned out cop, a slut, and a mentally challenged kid. I'm glad Ed wasn't there to see him go, no telling what it could have done to her, she is so fragile. I think personally Ed would have been in a state of depression, no food, no sleep for weeks. Ed did come back one year after she left. I'll get into that later. That day I let Faye sit and cry for a while, but then it really got to me so I got up and went over to her
'What is it Jet? What could it possibly be?'
'There is no use crying over him, He doesn't deserve our tears.'
'I know, but I can't help it. He LEFT us, like as if we... we meant nothing to him at all.'
'Then lets return the favor, if we meant nothing to him at all then, he means nothing to us at all.'
'But... I cant ... just lie to myself like that Jet'
'Faye lies aren't bad they aren't as convenient as the truth.'
'He left to see....to see if he was alive, the bastard, he didn't value his life or ours at all.'
'To him life was a dream.'
'I think he likes to make other peoples lives dreams too, he certainly trying to make mine one.'
'Don't give even give him the pleasure in making your life a dream, just because he left doesn't mean you have to suffer for his stupid decisions.'
'Jet what are we going to do... I remember my past only...only to figure out there is nothing to go back to.'
'Faye I'm glad you remembered your past...'
'Why wouldn't I be?'
With that she looked at me, with what I consider a nice glance and proceeded to her room which she didn't leave unless there was dinner.
Faye, well, Faye was never the same after he left. Who could blame her I certainly wasn't, but she, she changed the most dramatically of us all. She always had this peculiar glint of solemnity in her deep emerald eyes. She had some peculiar habits, like she lean against the door frame like he used to do, and she would in the middle of the night get out of her bed and sleep on the couch then wake up early and get back into her bed so I wouldn't know. I found out soon, however, she would also at the bar never order vodka, he liked vodka, she just ordered a tequila and pretended that she never heard of vodka. I did the same only I had scotch. The most peculiar thing by far was she would the first aid supplies dump out the contents check to see if everything was there and reorganize them over and over as if she would need to use them. She actually left Bebop for a while, I forgot how long a week, a month, time didn't matter then, time just lost all of its effect after he stepped out that door. Time started again the moment she came back, I guess its because she brought life back with her. I do, however, remember what she said to me the day she left.
'Jet...I..I'm going to go get gas for the Red Tail.'
'Faye, the Red Tail was just filled up a few days ago.'
'Dammit Jet I'm going to go get gas wether you like it or not, I'm going!'
'Faye, come on now, don't be like that.'
'Jet I have no choice I have to go...'
'Faye please, there is nothing we can do any more... you know that he is...'
Dammit Jet this has nothing to do with him! He means NOTHING to me, because I obviously meant nothing to him. Goodbye'
Her eyes welled up with month old tears and they spilled over. I walked over to her and just put a hand on her shoulder.
'Faye, running away wont accomplish anything, it just delays it. If anyone should know that it would be you.'
'Jet, running is the only thing I know how to do, everything else I knew how to do was... lost when he lost... now please Jet let me do the one thing I know how to do...please let me run'
I let her shoulder go and I walked away as she lifted off and ran away. She did the thing I wish I had the liberty to do, run. She loved him, so did I, in a fatherly sort of way, but she really did love him. You could tell, when you looked in her once joyful eyes, that she loved the Cowboy with the two different eyes. She loved him even though he would never love her, now that's strong love. She must have loved him dearly to stay loyally by his side through thick and thin. It must have really killed her to see that her loyalty and love was somewhat wasted on a guy who didn't value it. I wish that he could have seen the love that she held for him, that she was always there for him, even though it didn't seem like it. She always was there if he was in big trouble, there for back up even if her back up wasn't needed, or she really didn't help, or even if he didn't want her there. He was rarely there for her though, When she would leave he would just laugh and take a nap, or go chase Vicious. In fact I could even say that at times he wasn't even worth the love that we poured into him, I feel like I just wasted emotions on him, like he didn't even care we existed, we were just the people that fed him and put a damn roof over his head. I had to feed and put a roof over a lot of people, but he was the only person who chose to leave and blow it all into the wind.
I felt as if time slowed down when he left and time stopped when Faye left. Thank God, Ed had come back when she was gone, in fact just a day or two after Faye left. I'm glad for that, If Ed didn't return when she did I thought I might lose my mind. I felt as if my life had a purpose when I had to take care of Ed and Ein, I had to provide for them and protect them. I actually grinned when I saw her come in that day with the dog waddling along behind her.
'Ed is that you?'
'Jet person! Ed is back Ed is home!'
Home...Ed this is no longer the home you once knew. I thought
'Ed come inside, we have enough food for seconds.'
'YAY seconds...wait where is Faye-Faye and Spike-Spike?'
'Faye is...looking for a bounty...with him.'
I couldn't bring myself to say his name, I vowed not to bring it up. The S word.
'Ok Ed will save food for them!'
'Only save food for Faye, He ate before he left he wont be hungry'
We looked for bounties for a while, but it was hard with out Faye or...him. I had to fly solo with no back up, I didn't complain but I was getting old and old men shouldn't run after bounties alone. I was almost at the end of my rope, I was exhausted constantly and Ed's chattering made it no easier. I couldn't complain about Ed though, she was the reason I got up in the morning knowing that someone depended on me. When Faye returned, I felt relieved. I could tell whatever she was running from she ran into, and got over it in her own way. She seemed as if a slight load was lifted from her shoulders, she seemed happier and she actually complained about my cooking. The complaints I took as a way of her for saying thank you, that was the way she was. She wasn't one of those girls who would become gushy or would whine or would act like she was superior to you, she was one of a kind. I noticed that she never did any of those peculiar habits again like she used to do, she drank her vodka, she slept in her bed and she didn't touch the first aid kit unless needed. Now that I recall, I never did where exactly she went, but that doesn't matter. What did matter was now we had to explain him to Ed. We couldn't tell her what happened to him, we just said we was Mars, and that was it, he was on Mars and Mars he will stay. Ed seemed to understand that Spike was never going to return, she read Faye's eyes and silently got the picture. Ed understood enough never to ask Faye about him, and only once did she ask me.
'Hey, Jet can ya open the hangar.'
'Faye-faye your back did you bring Ed souvenirs?'
'Ed... Where I was there are weren't good enough souvenirs for you.'
'Faye, where were you?'
'oh..I was visiting an old friend...'
'Faye-Faye were is Spike-Spike?'
I thought Faye would lose it here but this is when I noticed that she changed.
'Spike, is on Mars, he in on Mars and He will Be there for a while...he told me to tell you Ed that you ...you....can sleep on the couch now.'
'Yay couch is Eds!'
'Im gonna be in my room. Jet,'
'Jet person, Spike-Spike isn't coming is he.'
'No Ed he is gone.'
'Why did he leave?'
'that Ed is one question that will never be answered, not because I don't know, its because I don't have the heart to say it.'
Ed just stared at me for a while then went on her little tomato and went about her usual routine.
Faye really surprised me, in fact a few days after Ed came back she turned and smiled at me. Now it wasn't a big smile, it wasn't one of those Kodak moments you would catch on film. It was a sign that genuine smile from her that told me it was ok to smile now, it was ok. I think I smiled back at her, I can't really remember, but what I do remember is after that she went to her room and watched that video tape. She watched that thing at least a thousand times through before she came out and asked if the shower were fixed.
I had those lines 'do your best do your best me! me! me!' stuck in my head for days because of her. Damn Wrench. Damn that funny little emerald eyed wrench.
Faye and I started to hunt for bounties now, and we actually made a pretty good team, considering that we never really did it together before. With Ed feeding us info, We raked in more than enough to feed us and to keep up with repairs. Repairing was not as big of a deal as it used to be now that he wasn't here any more, no one really broke anything, so we would splurge and buy new items. We had enough money to buy Ed a present, a old ship it was slightly larger than the Red Tail. It was an old green city cab, that we saved from the scrap yard. It ran pretty well, And Ed loved it, She named it lobster. She was only allowed to use when we were docked so she wouldn't get too lost. I liked giving Ed that spaceship, it made me feel like was making someone else's life better somehow. I felt the happiest I felt since he left, Even though it has only been two years, It seemed like yesterday since he left, but a year since I knew him.
'Ed we have a surprise for you look'
'You do faye-faye Jet person what is it?'
'Look and see...'
I remember it came out so fast I didn't quite get what she said.
'Her name is lobster! Thank you Jet-person and faye-faye!
'Her? Well your welcome Ed, I'm taking a shower jet.'
Soon after Ed got her surprise I decided that it was about time that Faye got a present, so I docked the ship on earth, we didn't return to Mars much, we just blamed it on the syndicate complications, but that wasn't it. I told Faye I was going out to get food and she automatically piped up with Chinese. I turned and looked into jewelry stores and saw a necklace that I thought that she might like, It was plain as jewelry goes. It was a small diamond on a delicate gold chain. It was perfect, I bought it and the Chinese and went back to Bebop with a childish grin on my face as if I just surprised my friend with a surprise birthday.
'Faye Im back, here's the food.'
'What took you so long Jet?'
'Well there was a line at the Chinese Restaurant but this was the main reason.'
I gave her the navy blue box and told her to open it. When she did she just stared at it in disbelieve.
'Jet... It's...beautiful thank you. I don't really know what to say... Thank you for everything'
I remember the exact expression on her face, her glittering emerald eyes lit up, her cheeks became a rosy color and her ruby lips curved into a flawless smile. I never saw her face light up that way, not even when he was around, but then again, when he was around I never did pay that much attention to her. She wrapped her arms around me and a small tear ran down her face. That was the first time I saw her cry out of happiness. She quickly put the necklace around her neck and smiled. Then Ed scampered into the room
'Faye-Faye I like your new necklace!'
'Thanks Ed, Hey lets eat I'm starving.'
'I'm up for that idea.'
'Yes ed and Ein are quite hungry'
She was much happier now that I gave that to her, I think it made her feel loved, loved by someone. She needed that right then, She needed to feel like she was apart of this 'family'. I loved Faye like a father loves his daughter, not in the boyfriend kind of way, I don't think it would work out anyway, she isn't my type. I seriously doubt that I'm her type either, I also think it would take her a while to even date another guy, let alone fall in love with one. I hope to think that if I had a daughter that it would be like Faye, only wear less revealing clothing. Even though she dressed like a whore, she wasn't at all like one, she just liked to hide her true self behind those skimpy yellow shorts. Even though I never really met Julia, I bet that Faye was just as much as a lady as her, Faye just, for some reason, hides her good qualities rather than her good. She really had a good heart and a good head on her shoulders, she just had some really shitty stuff happen to her. I think, however that most of the bad stuff is out of our way, I mean what else can happen to us? After a couple of days it hit me when I was piloting the ship, our lives were finally turning around. Ed, Faye, me, all I could see were in happy moods. It was the first time I noticed that everyone was actually being nice to one another, well as nice as we could get that is. I could tell that Faye, Ed and I were all getting over him slowly, but it was beginning to happen.
Now, here I am, its about a month after I gave Faye that present and I'm flying the ship to Mars. We haven't been there in a while, I thought now that we were better it would be a good opportunity to go .
"Hey Jet we are going to Mars right?" Faye called from the couch on which she was painting her nails
"Yeah I heard there were good bounties there."
"Can Ed fly Lobster on Mars... Jet-person?"
"I don't see why not Ed, as long as you don't break anything."
"Jet, I'm going to a bar once we get there, and a casino perhaps too I'm going stir crazy."
"Stir crazy, burr bazy, blue baby, booze lady !!!!" Ed chattered as Faye wacked her with a magazine.
One thing I notice is that we always tell each other where we were going, I suppose, it is because we don't want to think that the other thought they left.
"Sure, I think I might go to a pool hall. I haven't shot pool in a long time."
"I haven't gambled in a while either."
"Ed hasn't done anything in a while." Ed flipped
I landed on the outskirts of a city, docked bebop in a small port and decided to roam around, Faye and Ed had already taken off.
"Well where should I go?" I got in the hammerhead and began to lift off. The thrusters propelled the ship out of the hangar and I began to scope out some possible pool halls. I began to look to the east, saw one that I never been in before, which is pretty rare since I was in the ISSP and pool halls were the main hangout. I gently landed the ship and strolled in
The pool hall had the cigarette haziness enveloping it like a blanket. The surroundings were two pool tables with a few people at them, the dart board, and the booths in back for 'business'. I immediately sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a scotch.
"Hey Jet I thought you always had Vodka?" a voice said from behind me
"Huh?" I turned and looked at it was one of my old partners from the ISSP, for a moment I thought It could have been him, but he's dead and I need to stop thinking about him.
"Jet for as long as I knew you, you had vodka." Nathan laughed and drank his vodka
"Well times change ya know, I don't know I seem to be quite taken with this little shot glass beauty." I slapped him on the back as a greeting and drank my scotch.
"Yeah times do change, where have you been for the past couple of years? I heard Earth but those were rumors." Nathan asked curiously
"Yeah I wanted to see more of earth, its actually quite pretty." I responded instinctively
"Jet, I know what happened to Spike, it not like no one knows. No one takes down the leader of the largest syndicate and is anonymous. I'm sorry about your friend." Nathan responded gravely
"Him, well, I guess I once could consider him a friend but he's cold and dead, there is nothing more to it than that." I snapped, I didn't want to hear about him again.
"Ya know there are some people that think that he might-" I cut him off
"He is dead Nathan, and don't you bring him up again around me ever." I was pissed, He was dead besides I don't think we was that low to stage his own death.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't my place. I just thought you might like that hope that he might be out there." Nathan apologized
"There is nothing wrong with having hope, but having hope that he is alive is foolish, If you knew him and knew what he did then you wouldn't want hope either." I answered
"Your so damn tough Jet aren't you? You just cant take the fact that he could be alive and like it." Nathan frowned
I took out my gun and held it to his head "Get away from me Nathan you ignorant little pissant."
"Fine its time I left anyway its three In the morning." Nathan stormed out
"Time is overrated." I called out to him
I knew he couldn't be right, He has to be dead so that we can go about our lives, so that we move on. If he alive then He'd ruin our lives all over again by sticking his damn nose in our future. I couldn't take it if he came back, I think I might just shoot the bastard on sight. He needs to be dead, He can't have his cake and eat it too, he cant just waltz back into Bebop like nothing happened, because he changed everything and its finally getting better. He died chasing Vicious and Julia and with them he will stay, in heaven or hell or wherever he ended up. Wow, I need to get him out of my head.
"Hey bartender can I have another scotch?" I asked
"Hey Jet, I thought that you always had Vodka." the hair on my neck stood on end, I knew that voice....but it couldn't be.
"You.." I said looking into the eyes of my former friend sitting next to me
"Hey long time no-" I cut another person off today, I noticed that he smelt of vodka, I bet he was drunk, I didn't care.
" You bastard how dare you come back, how dare you even talk to me!" I held out my gun to his head and frowned
"Jet wow violent, Is this what Faye did to you after those two years?" Spike grinned
"Don't even bring her up, Your supposed to be dead." I lowered my gun and drank my scotch in one gulp
"Well I'm obviously not Jet, Maybe you were at the wrong funeral." Spike said
"I can't believe you were alive this whole time, and to put icing on the cake you think that things haven't changed." I snapped
"Have things really changed that much? You don't seem so different, what about Faye and Ed?"
"You have no idea what you did to us do you? You have no fucking idea, you walk out on us like we were nothing to you, you fake your death to fool us, and now you want to become buddy buddy." I frowned at him
"Hey its my life, I can do what I want with out you approving of it can't I?" Spike narrowed his eyes
"Yes it is your life, but you fail to see the impact that you life had on us, you walked out on us , and you aren't welcome back. You aren't the person I thought I knew, I didn't think you could be so damn fucking blind." I explained
"I really didn't know I had such an impact." Spike contemplated
"Well lets say instead of you leaving what if I left, or Faye left? What would you do then?" I noticed that when I mentioned Faye's name that his eyes changed slightly, I don't know what it means but it meant something.
"I suppose you have a point, I guess I really didn't notice. Would it be ok if I did... come by?"
Spike asked carefully
"No, I don't want you hurt Faye or Ed more than you already have." I replied
"How is she..Faye?" Spike asked trying to appear nonchalant.
"She finally got better, You know that you really hurt her don't you?" I told him truthfully
"She, was hurt because of me?" Spike thought for a moment
"Yes you dumbass you left her crying in the damn hallway!" I looked at him skeptically
"I didn't really know she cared that much, I mean my god she is a whore." he spitted
"She isn't a whore, and if you knew anything you'd realize that. You really need to get over your selfishness." I shouted at him
"Wow your defending her Jet?" He seemed surprised
"Like I said a lot has changed, thanks to you and you selfish decisions." I gritted my teeth
"Ha, you know she's the selfish one wasn't she the one who was always gambling our money? God she doesn't even deserve the time of day, the skank." He snorted
" I've had it!" I punched him hard in the face causing him to fall off the barstool and land on the floor.
"You are the only person I know who would leave his life behind just incase there was something better out there and not think twice. You didn't give a damn about Ed, me, or Faye, all you had on your mind was getting revenge and dying. Then you didn't die and you don't have the balls to tell me until now, you then think that you are some special exception to the rule and is worthy of being back on Bebop. Faye, Ed and I all took it hard after you left, because you meant something to us whether we liked it or not. You are the selfish bastard Spike! Not Faye, you and another thing that was the first time I said your name you left and I want it to be the only time."
I stormed out of the Pool hall and got in the hammerhead, I was shaking, either out of pure anger or out of uncertainty.
I came back on Bebop I suppose as white as a sheet because when I landed Faye was there.
"Hey there Jet guess what I won 20,000 woolongs at the crap tables dice are now my new friends !" Faye shoved the wad of cash at my face and grinned
"That's great Faye" I said deep in thought
"Jet are you ok you look as if you saw a ghost." She studied me with curious glance
I didn't answer
"Jet... please tell me you didn't see a ghost." I knew exactly what she meant by that
"No Faye I didn't, I just got in a fight with someone that's all."
"Oh, ok..." She walked out and began to count her money apparently proud of her winnings
I was wondering I was too hard on him. He was being to insensitive it drove me crazy. He could have been drunk, maybe that's why he was like that, but still it was not excuse for all the things he did. I couldn't get why though He would hide from us until now. Why did he stage his death? I didn't know. The last thing I want to see is Faye or ed get hurt again. I don't know however if it would be better for her to know that Spike is alive or not. I'll let fate decide that one.