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Years Ago From Now: Chapter 26

July 17, 1981

Hermione and Lucius were in the middle of saying goodnight to their son for the evening before leaving for a planned dinner date in Diagon Alley. A new restaurant, Helios, had opened, and Lucius was a big fan of Greek cuisine. They kissed their son goodnight and had just made their way into the hallway outside of his nursery when Lucius's arm burned. He threw his head back with annoyance, and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I swear, it is as if he knows when I have plans I am excited about. Why can't he call when I'm in a particularly boring meeting or speaking to someone that annoys me?" Lucius complained, looking at Hermione remorsefully.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It's okay. Really. Go. He hasn't been keeping you long lately. Maybe we can even go when you get back. If not, tomorrow will work fine. I'll get some writing done."

The plan to record history to the best of her ability was going well. She was in the middle of writing about the 1994 Quidditch World Cup, and it had struck her that with some events they could stand to gain a bit of money if Lucius was willing to wager. She had convinced him to start putting money into hidden muggle accounts as well, investing in companies she knew would do well. Microsoft and Apple would be coming into prominence within the decade, after all. For now, their steady investments in Exxon Mobil and General Motors would certainly not hurt.

She figured that this would be a great way to fund his defense if and when his magical accounts were frozen, or if they needed to truly go off of the grid for a while. At worst, they would be a bit richer.

Lucius nodded and kissed her cheek before taking off downstairs toward his office, where he kept his robe and mask. Hermione went into their bedroom and sat at her desk in there, pulling out her latest journal.

After a few hours, it appeared that dinner would be a bust. She informed Boden, as Mink was caring for Draco, and he took care of providing her with dinner as well as having Lucius's favorite made for when he got home. She had turned to reading for pleasure in Lucius's office, waiting for him to get home. She was starting to worry.

After another 20 minutes and only 6 pages read during that time, the fire turned green and Lucius walked out. He stood very still for a few seconds before, looking at her, before calling Boden to him. The elf appeared and Lucius very firmly asked for an anti-nausea potion. A minute later, after downing the potion he received, he let out a big sigh. He walked to the couch and sat down on it, looking at Hermione. He looked horrible. Pale and startled. It was the closest he had to resembling the last time she saw the original Lucius Malfoy of her old time.

She put a hand on his wrist, quietly. "What do you need?" she asked. Her mind was whirling, trying to discern what might have occurred to put him in this bad of shape.

"Bed," he said, quietly.

She nodded and held his arm as they walked up to their bedroom. Once inside, she walked him to his side of the bed and delicately undressed him to his boxers before pulling back the covers and helping him climb in. She quickly changed into a simple gown before climbing in next to him and curling up to his side, running a hand over his chest. He didn't speak or move at all, and she started to fall asleep as his breathing steadied out. She almost was asleep when the spoke.

"I suppose you didn't know the McKinnons then?" he said, stonily.

She stiffened against him. Marlene McKinnon's entire family had been killed by the Death Eaters in July of 1981. She had known it would happen, but she hadn't suspected Lucius would be a part of it. He hadn't been used for much "dirty work" so far.

"I never had the pleasure," she whispered.

Lucius sat up then, moving her out of her place against him. He leaned against the headboard, and she sat up, sitting cross legged to look at him.

"An entire family, a pureblood family for that matter, killed because one of them was an Order member and pissed off Peter Pettigrew by turning him down," he muttered, looking ahead of himself.

"Peter was there?" she asked.

He nodded, "Yes. That's why I was. I had reported to the Dark Lord, as commanded, about Peter's argument with Marlene McKinnon. The Dark Lord decided it would be a good opportunity to push Peter over the edge into being willing to betray his friends and kill an active member of the Order. He invited me to see how… effective I had been in turning Peter. He polyjuiced Peter so that no one had the chance of giving away his identity. It's still only us and Sterling Parkinson that know."

"So you had to watch him kill all of them?"

"Peter didn't kill all of them. Though he…. Well, he did more than kill Marlene. It was a… it was a mercy killing by the end as much as a murder. I think the Polyjuice boldened him. Nott finished her, and even he looked a bit disturbed. Pettigrew might be weak and stupid but… he can be cruel. And vindictive."

"The rest?" she asked, putting a hand on his leg.

"When… when the Dark Lord saw that no back up was coming, that we had successfully taken them by surprise, he ordered us to remove our masks."

He inhaled deeply, steeling himself. "I was ordered to kill her father. He sits next to me on the Wizengamot. We generally opposed each other, but we were civil… We had had them all lined up aside from Marlene, on their knees. It was her brother's birthday so the whole family was there. I made it quick, and… well, he didn't suffer, but he saw me. For the first time, my victim saw me, and you know what he did?"

Hermione shook her head, feeling tears well up in her eyes on behalf of her husband.

"He spit at my feet and said, 'Even if I knew you were Dark, I never thought you would be a murderer, Lucius.'" His voice cracked a bit at the end, and Hermione climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"We know the truth. You and I know the truth, and one day the rest of them will, too."

Lucius shook his head, "But it is the truth, isn't it? I am a murderer. Whether I want to be or not has absolutely nothing to do with it. Cissa… if I continue like this… I'll deserve every year in Azkaban they want to give me."

The tears fell then. She knew that if she wasn't there, he might have turned to someone else in her stead. He was so broken. He might have been able to be a spy, at least trusted by a few. Instead, he would be known as the complete opposite of what he was for decades to come. Perhaps he would have just run away from it all and moved somewhere no one would find him. Taken Draco and left.

It was because of her that he would be the Lucius Malfoy she had known growing up. And all she could promise was that, at the end, she'd try to fix it all. Until then, his life would be riddled with unwanted violence and rejection and subjugation to the person he hated most.

The thought made her want to break down. It made her want to dig her way into the Earth and never come up again. But she didn't deserve that now. Her role was to support him and stand by him.

She wiped her tears away and gently kissed his lips. "I know your heart, Lucius Malfoy," she whispered. Then, she climbed off of him and coaxed him to lie down. After what felt like hours, he fell asleep. It was only then that she stood from the bed and walked to the bathroom, anxiously sitting down on the seat in the hot shower and letting the water drown out the sound of her crying as she mourned the last bit of respect her husband had had for himself.

The crime was reported in an evening edition of the Daily Prophet. Lucius had been in bed all day, and Hermione had thought it best to give him time. She had spent the day entertaining Draco and trying to keep her mind off her obviously struggling husband.

It was to her relief that the paper was delivered to her as she sat with Draco alone at dinner.

McKinnon Family Murdered

Most of Wizarding Britain will wake tomorrow morning with their lives much like they were today. Some will wake up forever changed by the news that greets them- news that an entire pureblood family has breathed its last.

Algernon Longbottom discovered the crime when he called on his old school friend, Rupert McKinnon, for a standing monthly breakfast. The scene he walked onto was one he described for the reporter as "senselessly grisly - even the elves were mutilated."

While the Department of Magical Law Enforcement have not allowed the press onto the scene, we were briefed on the nature of the crime.

"They were not just murdered; they were destroyed entirely. Their remains have been… difficult to identify," an anonymous source shared with me. According to Longbottom, the family had planned to be together to celebrate the birthday of their son and heir, Cameron McKinnon, the day before. As a result, the entire family was ambushed on a back corner of their property, near a lake.

The aurors confirmed for The Daily Prophet that it seemed as if non-apparative wards were set up that allowed the assailants to keep the McKinnons contained while they were executed. It is then believed that they looted and burned the centuries old manor house before leaving without a trace.

Barty Crouch spoke with us, sharing that he had tried to convince Rupert McKinnon, a seat holder of the Wizengamot, to support his push for the use of deadly force by the Auror Corps, specifically the use of the Killing Curse.

Rupert McKinnon was vehemently against what he publicly stated would be "turning our aurors into the monsters they are fighting against." It is assumed that Death Eaters are responsible for the attack considering the Dark Mark left behind in the sky above the lakeside where the McKinnons were killed. So, what purpose would the Death Eaters have in killing a family that championed a position that generally kept them safe?

Mr. Crouch states that one member of the McKinnon family, a daughter named Marlene, was known for her willingness to fight against You-Know-Who's forces. Marlene, dead at age 20, had a romantic relationship with Fabian Prewett, a young auror killed by multiple Death Eaters last year along with his twin brother, Gideon.

We at the Daily Prophet offer our sincere condolences to the friends of the McKinnon family. Burial details will follow. See the list below for the names and ages of those lost. May they rest in peace.

Hermione looked at the 21 names listed, starting with Rupert McKinnon as the head of family and listing off his elderly mother, his wife, two uncles, an aunt, two sons, three daughters, 4 in-laws, and 6 grandchildren. The oldest, his mother, was 91 years old. The youngest was a grandson, Logan, at only 16 months old.

Her hands shook as she put the paper down, and she struggled for a few seconds to breathe. Her mind's eye drew up the image of a cemetery with 21 fresh graves, the dirt covering each a soft, dark brown. She felt sick to her stomach and forced herself to turn her attention to her beautiful son, watching as he voraciously squashed green peas in his hand with not a single care in the world to bring him down.

The next morning, she woke up to Lucius buttoning up his shirt next to his armoire. She sat up in bed, looking at him silently and wondering how he was doing.

She heard him sigh, "I haven't lost the will to live. Don't worry, Cissa," he said, not turning to her as he selected a dark blue cravat.

She pushed back the covers and slid her feet out before standing walking over to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind and looking at the reflection they made together in the mirror he was using to check himself over.

"Of course I will worry, Lucius. I love you," she said quietly. He met the reflection of her eyes, seriously. While at this point, their feelings for each other were not in dispute, they did not verbalize them with any regularity. The words were too simple somehow and their feelings seemed too complex.

"I'll be okay. It was a… rough night. There's a Wizengamot session in two days. I'm not looking forward to taking my seat and having an empty one next to me. I'm angry, knowing that there is really no reprieve. I'm stuck."

She squeezed him before reaching up and starting to tie the cravat wrapped around his neck. "There will be reprieve, Lucius. Eventually, we will be free to be who we want to be. I know it. And even before that… years of peace are coming. A few more months. A few hard times. Then, peace. And Lucius…." She pulled on his shoulders, turning him to face her. "There is always reprieve at home with me. Let me and Draco be your peace, just as you have become mine."

July 28th

Lucius had taken Draco on a walk around the grounds and to see the ducks in the pond. He had seemed to be doing better upon realizing, for now at least, that most people didn't know the kinds of things he was forced to participate in.

Hermione was reading one of the books Lucius wrote in the library when Lily's owl flew in through the window and landed on the end table next to her. "Thank you," she said, taking the letter from the bird. Knowing the drill, the bird flew off to the small owlery where he knew treats would be waiting for him.

She opened the envelope and smiled to see Lily's handwriting. Her smile vanished quickly, though.

Dear Narcissa,

I wish we were able to exchange frivolous letters where the most important things written were stupid arguments we had with our husbands or struggled with what to get our one year old child for his first birthday. Harry's is coming up as you know, and I'm clueless. What is Draco liking right now?

Unfortunately, we didn't meet under the best of circumstances. It's a fucking shame, truly. I believe we would have made amazing life long friends. That's a bit morose, isn't it? But it is true all the same.

I'm sure you know about the McKinnon Massacre. What an unoriginal name! I wish that reporters didn't feel the need to use alliteration just because it is easy. I digress, again. It's a defense mechanism. I personally don't believe in writing drafts of personal letters, though. Those closest to us should know our uncensored thoughts, just as if we are having a conversation with them. Considering the information we both have, I think you are probably my closest friend right now. Aside from James, that is.

The Order had a meeting three days ago. He says that he believes now, more than ever, that there is a spy amongst us. I wish I could say that I believed the idea to be ludicrous, but…. I think it is pretty well established between us that it must be so.

The atmosphere at the meeting was tense to say the least. James and I have been hiding out and not attending any meetings unless necessary, so it was our first time seeing the full Order in a while. I have never seen so much distrust going on in a room. Even amongst James' closest friends! Remus has been away for a long time, negotiating with people on Dumbledore's behalf. Still, he looks so incredibly stressed and seemed poised for attack. Sirius said that behavior seemed suspicious when he was talking privately with James. He didn't think I could hear. James seemed skeptical, but he didn't outright shut it down.

The idea of Remus being the rat is just ridiculous, though. He'd never betray them. They've done so much for him. No, the spy has to be someone outside of our immediate circle. Perhaps Fenwick? He was close with the Prewett twins and Marlene McKinnon. And he has taken a shine to Frank Longbottom recently…

It's so stupid because I am positive you know who it is, and just can't do anything about it. As crazy as this all is driving me, I am sure you are worse off. To know what you know and have to sit on your hands…

Also, while I sometimes hate it, I am mostly thankful that you have kept things from me. No one needs to know the day of their death and no one needs to know who they will be able to blame for it. Especially when they cannot do anything for it.

In mostly unrelated news… I feel like the time is coming. Like I can sense it. I've crossed the Rubicon. The die has been cast. The fates are poised with their scissors. We are past the point of no return. Whatever other metaphorical bullshit way of saying it. The end is nigh!

I also use gallows humor as a defense mechanism, it turns out. I feel like I am coming to accept my fate, though. It helps tremendously knowing that Harry will be okay. Even in the long term, he will be okay. All of our affairs are in order. I've written quite a few letters for Harry, and I even got James to do some for milestones. Of course, I had to tell him that the purpose was to see our thoughts on what Harry might be like growing up would be nice to have regardless. He often goes along with things if I play the sentimental card. He's embarrassingly sentimental. I would have given up on the whole "baby book" thing 2 months in, but he has taken it upon himself to document every little thing.

Tell Lucius to hang in there. I imagine all of this is just as hard on him as it is on you. He has friends who know him.

Love,

Lily

Hermione put down the letter as her hands started to shake. All the sudden, it felt like her chest was being squeezed. Like she was being hugged so impossibly tight and couldn't escape. She tried to breathe, but she was being squeezed so tightly that it was impossible to draw a breath large enough for relief.

She stood up, stumbling to the couch and sinking to the floor, her hands coming to grip the cushions. Lucius. She needed Lucius. She clawed at her chest, sure that this was the end. Whatever this was, she was dying. Lucius would be alone. Draco would be alone. They would die without her, too. She just knew it.

Lily was dying. James. Sirius. Dumbledore. Fred. They would all die. She wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

She needed air. There wasn't any air in here, and she couldn't breathe. She needed to get out. She had to open a window. She threw her hand toward the nearest window and the glass shattered, raining down to the ground outside. The sound of the breaking glass was followed by a loud crack, and then there was darkness.

Author's Note: I'm still alive, but I could be better. Thanks for all of your well wishes. This is still material I wrote a bit ago. This is a very mentally challenging thing to write, and I am not feeling very sharp at the moment. Please review!

Third time's a charm? Also, apologies to whoever got the alert for a new chapter and couldn't access it. According to a reader that PMed me, this has been an issue with the for a few days now. I was wondering why I hadn't received a single review in the first 24 hrs. I hope it works and you can read now. And if you can, please sure to let me know with a nice review (or a not nice but helpful one.) Thanks!