Of course, Lynn isn't the only Loud whose conscience gives her trouble. Let's consider the fact that Rita has a job writing parenting advice while at the same time allowing her teeming brood to walk all over her and commit random acts of antisocial nincompoopery in smug self-righteousness. Thus (as cabgrant suggeted), Lynn Jr isn't going to be the only Loud who's kept up by a voice within.

Lynn wasn't the only one being kept up by the day's events. Rita also found the night's events hard to digest. She had not a bit of trouble believing that Lynn did something that stupid but swallowing the urge to scream never got any easier. She didn't want to go down the rabbit hole of bellowing at a child every time he or she did something stupid or embarrassing because if she started, she'd blow out her larynx and end up looking like the guy with the hole in his neck in the stop smoking ads.

As she tried to figure out exactly how to massage the facts to make Lynn look sane, she'd pointed out a problem that she knew she couldn't explain to Lynn without getting into a great big screaming match: "The Penguin…...they call her the Penguin now. She's excited by it but she doesn't realize what it means. She thinks she's this cool person but she's nothing more than a bleacher creature making the blooper real…..and another blot on our family's reputation."

That was the thing, though. Here she is, writing a how-to column and it's little more than "avoid the nitwit stunts I pull because I feel overwhelmed by oblivious obsessives who see rules as unhelpful suggestions designed to destroy their individuality." Tonight's discreditable incident was oh-so-familiar; "Lynn doesn't even see that her idiotic rituals irritate people even more than Luan's dad jokes or Lincoln's talking to walls so she quadruples down on the idiocy to make sure people know that what most people call 'hazing rituals' are fun ways to help a beloved team win." Trying to edit that out to make herself look like she knew what the Hell she was doing had one side-effect she could foresee: having to write another piece of fiction in which a reckless dingdong understood that her right to swing her arm (or her bat, for that matter) ended well short of someone else's nose. The kids are lousy at understanding that because of a very irritating reason: the need to know that he or she is The Specialest And Most Beloved Loud.

That made her laugh. A lot of times, it was wicked hard to actually like them sometimes. They fight like idiots and no matter how many times she and Lynn tried to force the issue by offering them The Worst Thing In The World as an alternative, they just fought harder and got more insistent with the "ME! ME! ME!" garbage. It was almost as if choosing a bland option no one would object to would get the desired results. That was great to say in a column. It was not so easy to do in real life because someone would groan about being shut out and the great huzzoo would be on again.