It's 6pm at the local 'Circle K' gas station. The neon sign just beginning to glow as the late day sun lowers on the parking lot. The sign's logo is a white circle with a red crab silhouette.
The building itself is shaped and painted like an old wood crab catcher. With double doors facing the lot. There are gas pumps out front but they are not self-serve. The owner doesn't like it when people handle their own gas. He especially doesn't like it when they turn the handle upside down to get an extra few drops before driving off. To ensure this wouldn't happen they recently hired a 'gas boy'. His name was 'Dan Backslide.'
Dan - "Just a moment sirrrr!"
Dan came bursting out the double doors as a small red haired boy began lifting the pump from it's holster, to pump gas into an old sedan he was clearly too young to be driving.
Dan - "Sir, why do you insist on pumping your own gas. I've told you many a time we are NOT! A SELF SERVE GAS STATION!"
The snotty boy looked up in his direction, peering into his long nose.
Snotty Boy - "I do what i want when i want because I wanna do it"
The boy slammed his foot down onto Dan Backslide's toes! Dan Screamed in pain
Dan - "OOOH OOOH OWWWW!"
Snotty Boy - "Haww Haww!"
Snotty pushed Dan over onto the unfinished concrete lot. Clearly it had never been paved over after the property was bought, but rather cheaply built on top of. Dan skinned his nose on the pavement and rolled over in pain
Dan - "OWW AHH OOOHH"
Snotty stepped on Dans nose, and then onto his back, as he walked into the circle K, causing Dan's nose to flatten and his spine to crack into place under the boy's hurty gurth.
Snotty boy waddled into the front door of the Circle K. the door rang, and from the back room a voice shouted
?: Ehh, welcome to the Circle Krab! i'll be right with'cha.
Snotty walked up to the drink fridge and opened the door. Then licked his forefinger and thumb. Like a Vinyl record junkie, he thumbed through the bottles with ease. Fruity to spiced. Ginger ale to actually Ale. Eventually finding a new limited edition 'Mountain Dew Maui Burst.'
Snotty: (inner monologue) I hate that cheapskate Crab and his stupid drinks. He obviously just buys these at the dollar store and upcharges his valuable customers.
Snotty proceeds to open the bottle and spin it around, then lifts it to his lips and tornado chugs the drink. Before capping it again and putting it back in the fridge. Empty. He burps loud and proud.
Snotty: "haaw, haaw."
?: "Huh ya need something?"
Snotty: "No sir."
Then thumbing through the drinks again. He picks ten bottles of assorted domestic beers from the bunch and sets them on the floor. Then sits cross legged in front of them. Leaving the fridge door open. He opens them all, using his unclipped thumbnail as a bottle opener. One by one he spins the bottle, brings it to his mouth and pours it in. Once he has about four bottles of beer combined in his open mouth. He swallows them all in one gulp. *GULP* He kind of hiccups then frowns and runs to the bathroom. Knocking the other open bottles onto the floor. Spilling beer everywhere and shattering two. The bathroom door sign says it is "out of order." He opens the door anyways. And quickly sticks his head in the sink to vomit. AEEcCh!
Snotty looks up from the mess in the sink to the mirror in front of him. He smiles and shoots finger guns at his reflection. But he is too short to see below his eyes, so this is an empty gesture. He turned on the sink then waddled out, feeling refreshed, up to the front counter. Peering over, he sees no one is at the counter yet. So he climbs up using the candy bar racks below as footing. Crushing several snickers bars and a reeses cup in his weighty wake.
Standing on the counter he looks around. He sees the gas boy lying face down outside and no one else in the store. Probably doesn't help that their gas prices are at 10$ a gallon. Considering there's a gas station across the street at 2$. Snotty coughs then grabs a handful of fireworks and lighters from the counter display bin. He lights one and sticks it into the register key hole. He stuffs the rest in his jeans, hops down and faces the door. He kicks with all his might and cracks the glass. Then opens the door, steps outside, and slams it behind him. Shattering the glass frame. The firework then caused the register to pop open. And with that sound, out came the man in the back room.
The man was a red krab, with blue jeans, a black belt and a light blue shirt. He had just got done counting his money and had a big smile on his face,
Mr. Krabs: " a beautiful day to count me moneyy."
He took one look upon the combination dirty sink water, beer vomit and glass puddle that had encompassed the store and screamed.
Mr. Krabs: "MR. BACKSLIDE, WHAT! IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!"
Dan backslide instantly popped up in place at attention, out of fear for his job. You see, Mr. krabs had only agreed to pay the new gas boy in what he'd be losing in gas droplet money. And the only person he'd be able to pay so little, would be a prison inmate. Dan's life was in Mr. Krabs hands, should he fail at this job. It's ten more years in the big house. Despite standing at attention. Dan's nose drooped down, and his uniform was covered in gravel and dirt stains. He was frowning, snotty boy had stolen his shoes so his socks were getting soaked in the ugly puddle.
Dan (polite voice, clasping his hands together): Sirr, I was busy pumping gas when all of *looks around* thiss happened. I have no idea who or what could have made such a mess. (dan knew very well there were no cameras or digital records to prove him a liar in this cheap business)
Krabs: Hmm, in that case, go find the hoodlum who caused all this trouble! I want him swabbing the deck by sundown!
Dan: Right away sir!
*Meanwhile on the other side of town*
Mr. incredible was up to his usual Sunday routine, driving around town and listening to the police scanner, if he could beat the police to the scene of the crime he could usually solve it before they even show up. Sometimes he would take 911 calls on his car's interception device, when it was a slow day. One such call was coming in now.
Incredible: "Hello this is Bob, I mean uh, Mr. Incredible, I mean uh, the police! "
Dan: "HelloO! This is Dan Backslide, i have an emergency. A child has made a mess at the gas station at which I pump gas. Please find and arrest him. Then spank and kill him, post haste!"
Incredidad: Alright sir calm down. He's just a kid, what did he look like?
Dan: "He was short, he had red. CURLYY hair, he had an disgusting acne ridden face, he was drooling from his nose. He had a nasaly voice, he smelled terrible, he had white, pasty, white skin. He was probably 3 feet tall. His pants were sagging well below his hairy, ass! crack! He had a purple shirt with the number 2 on it. He had tennis shoes which perhaps were once white, but now are stained and scuffed beyond compare. He had braces, pencil thin eyebrows, tiny stubby one jointed fingers. He walked like he had never bent his knees once in his life. He speaks with no manners, he- "
Incredibob: "alright that's enough. Sounds like Snotty Boy. If I see him today i'll give him a stern talking to, buh bye." *Mr. Incredible hung up*, and jotted down some notes in his composition notebook, labeled "crime notes" in sharpie.
This pissed Dan backslide off, and he was going to take the law into his own hands. It would seem the boy had waddled off without his car, the one he had been trying to pump gas into earlier. Dan slid over to the car and looked left and right. Before shouting
Dan: "A runabout. I'LL STEAL IT. NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!"
Just then a large man walked over and socked Dan right in the gut
Dan: "Ooof!" *he fell to the floor, fetal positioned on his side, clutching his stomach*
The large man towered over Backslide and spoke
Fred Flintstone: You stay away from my damn car. I've been looking for this all day.
He then jumped in and kicked his legs really fast, burning out on the cracked pavement and leaving foot shaped tire marks everywhere, but not before leaning out the window to hock a caveman sized dip-spit into Dan's exposed ear. Dan merely groaned.
Mr. Incredible had been speeding a safe 25mph over the speed limit in a residential area when suddenly he heard swears coming from the neighborhood park.
Bob: "not on my watch"
He pulled over and walked over to the general area. Using his super (average) hearing, he narrowed the noise down to a tree nearby. He walked up to it and pressed his head to the side
?: "God fuckin' damnit, this tree sure is a tight squeeze, gadget better get here soon."
Bob: "Hark! Is there someone stuck here in the tree? "
?: "Ignore me citizen, i am stuck but it is not your concern."
Bob: "Nonsense, i'll have you out in a snap, HYUCK"
Bob punched the tree, knocking the air out of chief quimby, rendering him unconscious.
Bob quickly realizing this may not have been the best way to solve the problem, looked down the trunk and saw a man with his eyes closed. Bob looked around quickly.
Bob: "Oh no Oh Shoot."
Just then a man with a large grey trenchcoat tapped Mr. Incredible on the shoulder.
Bob turned around and reading his embroidered coat, he knew this to be "Inspector Gadget."
Inspector Gadget: "Hello sir, would you please step aside, I have urgent business, with this, er, tree."
Bob (inner monologue): think Bob think, how did the mayor sound.
Bob stepped aside and then hid behind the tree. His large frame poking out of both sides.
Gadget: "Cheyeef, are you in there? I heard you had a mission for me, something, illegal going on nearby I need to inspect on the double."
Bobs eyes lit up, he couldn't let a dangerous mission be assigned to this goofball. He had to put a stop to this.
Bob (pretending to be chief quimby): "Uhh er yes, yes i do! I just got word that a small time thief has been terrorizing local gas stations. He was last seen at the Circle K. Please go investigate, and then.. *bob checked his notes*.. spank and kill him"
Gadget: "You got it chief, i'll head over there now!"
Just then, two yellow striped helicopter blades sprung out of his hat on either side, he grabbed the brim with his finger tips and flew up and away towards the Circle K.
Bob: " What the heck is with this guy, i've gotta tail him, and make sure he doesn't rough up Snotty Boy too bad. Why did i say spank or kill, that backslide guy put it in my head. Stupid, stupid. "
Bob jumped into his car through the window, scraping his back on the partially raised glass. It left a slight red mark, but with the way Bob reacted you think he'd been shot.
Bob: "Ahhhh, owww, dangg, ooh that stings, ahhh, ouch"
Then he looked at his phone for a few minutes. Then hit the gas and began driving in the middle of two lanes towards the Circle K.
Dan had been laying face down in the Circle K parking lot for the last twenty minutes. He had found solace in sleep. That was until a nasally voice started speaking to him and poking him in the closed eye with a gloved hand
Gadget: "Hey, hello there, hey, hi there, hello, hi do you work here sir. "
Without getting up, Dan looked down at his shirt, that said "proud employee of Circle K", along with a funny krab holding a sign that said "have patience with me i'm a convict"
Dan: "y-yes sir that is correct."
Gadget made a finger swipe gesture.
Gadget: "Grrreat! I Heard there was some trouble here with a little thief. That may need to be spanked and killed"
Dan fumbled to his knees, patting off his shirt and looking up with a dastardly smile
Dan: "That's right, he was just here, Snotty boy! Confound that Snotty Boy! Oh how I hate him! he couldn't have gone far, he walks very! VERY! slowly."
Just then some fireworks went off above the Circle K, they appeared to be coming from behind the building. The inspector and Dan both whipped their heads towards the display
Gadget: "Hey hey, happy fourth of july"
Dan: "That must be him inspector, we just had all of our fireworks STOLEN moments ago!"
Sure enough as the duo rounded the corner behind the building, squat near the back entrance, was snotty boy! rigging up his next bottle rocket in one of several more stolen beer bottles. He reeked so badly of booze you could smell him just by looking at him. Dan covered his giant nose, and the inspector wagged his finger.
Dan (with nose plugged): "AGH! Put those fireworks down you hooligan"
Wordlessly, mouth agape, snotty boy pointed the bottle towards Dan. Just as the fuse reached it's end, it blasted off and hit Backslide right in the eye, exploding, and knocking him to the floor. He covered his eyes with his palms and screamed, kicking his legs in the air.
Dan: " AAAAAA! FUCK!" AAHGHG"
Gadget: "Youngsters these days, come here little boy, there's a hooligan a loose. & I don't want you to be hurt in the crossfire. "
With his robot grip, Gadget picked up snotty boy, completely ignoring any resistance as the boy tried to kick his way loose. Gadget walked over to the front of the double doors, and pushed his way inside. He expected to see an employee, but once again Krabs was busy in the backroom, this time watching fireworks on a small tv. Gadget didn't however, expect to walk into a foot of water, as Mr. Krabs had not paid to install floor drains, or bothered to turn the sink water off. Disgusted by the glass vomit beer water mess he dropped snotty boy
Gadget: "Agh what is, this mess?"
Snotty boy fell into the sewage and got soaked. He was too hammered to acknowledge this fact however and he got up, then stumbled back out the double doors, sloshing some water with him.
Snotty Boy (drunk): "haww Hawww"
Mr incredible was standing in hi way however, and lifted snotty boy by one stubby arm. Then stepped back inside.
Bob: "Ah snotty boy, is this your mess? Unbelievable, are you going to clean this up?"
Mr. Krabs had just walked out of the backroom and watched as Snotty Boy was lifted and scolded. A smile came to his face, knowing this would soon be over, and he would not have to spend a dime of sweat or money cleaning up this mess.
Gadget: "Ah, a 'snotty boy' eh, that's exactly who i'm looking for. GO GO Gadget extendo arm"
Gadget extended his arm like Mrs. Incredible might, and slapped Snotty Boy's ass so hard that it hurt his hand. Causing Bob to drop him back into the water. This time however Snotty Boy did not get up. He floated face down towards the middle of the room, before kind of spiraling slowly unconscious towards the middle.
Krabs frowned. He also wondered what happened to Backslide. Krab's pants were now soaked, and these two do-gooders were standing around like they didn't just execute a child on his property.
Krabs: "Hey you two, either clean up this mess or GET OUT OF MY STORE!"
Bob and Gadget looked at each other then shrugged. They stepped over the lifeless body of Snotty boy and shuffled out towards the parking lot as the sun set. It would appear Mr. Incredible's car had been stolen. Dan was nowhere to be seen.