I saw it that first day I met you to work in the herb garden, watching your back, and I accidentally met your gaze, bright green, the perfect match for the plants you were caring for. It shouldn't have stopped me in my tracks and made me fall for all that I never could have. Your eyes are a bright dash of light that pull me out of the dark, just as your courage pulled me along before I even knew I was following it.
I really can't picture myself with anyone. I grew up with no one, and I never put up roots with anyone or wanted to. It's just easier that way, and yet something about you makes me wish I could place roots here, as if there's something precious to be found in the herbs that you love so much, as if there were a place for me between each plant and you.
I owe too much to you and Master than to let myself give into this feeling that you planted within me. I don't want to be who I used to be, even though I know that that will be where I go, if all of this falls through. I was never supposed to get attached or let myself become someone accustomed to love. Love was something unheard of for me, and yet I found friends, and I found you.
Miss, I can't love you in the way that Master can. He loves you tenderly and can be distant enough to let your lives flicker and come together again. I can only do that in person, quick to protect you when everything slips away, and I am not tender. Nor will I ever tell you how you caught my eye, because I'm not a part of your life in the way that Master is meant to be.
I am just his personal messenger and your personal guard, not meant to become more personal than being close to each other all the time allows. Yet, it's as if one glance burned me. I can't look away, and this is stronger than I ever thought love could be. I won't give in though.
It's as if your touch is connected to my heart, like a vine sprouting from you and going through me. I know better than to listen to this feeling in me, that gets worse whenever I catch you. As if each touch waters the sprout that you planted in me, as if each glance only makes me long to be with you more. I know better, Miss, and I will ignore this part of my heart, even if it never quiets itself. Even when one day, you marry Master, because you two will surely get married.