I woke up.
Now, that was not an uncommon occurrence for living beings. People woke up, went about their day, and went back to sleep.
Only, I could've sworn I had just died.
Sweet Moses, did I somehow survive the crash? At least I assume it was a crash; one moment I was driving to my grandfather's house with my music blasting off the radio, then-
Wait a goddamn minute.
I'd read about situations like this, on the internet. Places like , Spacebattles, or on Sufficient Velocity, where, due to some 'divine intervention,' the mind and soul of someone would be placed into the body of another person in a different world or time.
I didn't bother lying to myself. While I was, somewhere in the back of my mind, screaming incoherently in fear, the rest of me was excited.
A whole new world! New people to meet, new things to do, new places to explore! I might be in the Era of Exploration, heading to the New World! I-
Huh, were my hands always white?
That was new.
Now that my excitement started to ebb away, the more rational part of my brain regained cognitive functions and told me to get up and assess the situation, which I did, slipping from the bed I was laying in.
Looking around, I noted that I was in a cabin of sorts, and not a modern of sci-fi one, which meant either I was tripping through time to an era when wooden ships were still commonplace, or I had been brought to an ancient or medieval-era world, something I could work with. I wouldn't fool myself either; an Industrial Revolution is simply not going to happen. The little I knew on things like the seed-drill would not be enough to put things into motion, and gunpowder was out of the question for the time being.
Shaking my head, I moved to a chest filled with clothes, and put on a black tunic over my well-muscled torso, something I definitely hadn't had before in my original life, but was glad for the addition. It would make… whatever I was sent here to do easier if I were in the prime condition to do so.
But, to do that, I need to know who I am. I felt the memories of my new bodies just below the surface of my consciousness, and after a little hesitation, I dove right in. It's not like they would be needing them now, right? I was them, we was I, one in the same-
Then my name came to me, and the memories of my new body unlocked.
Jesus Christ and God above.
I'm Euron Greyjoy.
JESUS CHRIST AND GOD ABOVE I'M THE FUCKIN' ANTI-CHRIST
My first instinct was to vomit, so I did, scrambling over to the nearby chamberpot and spewing out last night's dinner, and I stayed there for a while, retching.
My second instinct was to plunge a dagger in my throat and end Euron (me) before he (I) summoned Cthulhu/the Drowned God and brought the world to his (my) knees.
Luckily for myself, my self-preservation instincts kicked in, stopping me from running myself through with a nearby sword, and I collapsed to my knees. You can't kill yourself, my consciousness reminded me. And it somewhat irked me that I couldn't, as it went against my Old World religious beliefs, and despite being in the body of someone who… respected(?)... the Drowned God, I had no wish to end up in whatever twisted afterlife said Drowned God could offer. Purgatory would do fine, thank you very much.
And then I had an epiphany, and I grabbed the sword from its place on the wall, and unsheathed it. Angling the flat of my blade towards my face, I glanced at my reflection.
No blue, bruised lips. No red eye. No long hair.
I hadn't thought I'd ever thank D and D for anything, yet I did so now.
I was show Euron. Show Euron, not the Anti-Christ of Planetos who planned to ascend to full-time god through dark magic and blood sacrifice. Just the ego-maniacal, very charismatic Ironborn pirate king who could probably sail to Pyke now and be crowned King within a fortnight.
I could work with this.
No, I would work with this.
Unlike the books, I knew the show. I knew all the major players, almost all their plans, their true motivations, what they cherish, what they rue, and perhaps, most importantly, even more so than Jon's true parentage...
I knew of Tyrion's love for whores.
Never thought I would thank God for medieval prostitutes, yet here I am.
I would have much preferred to have been Self-Inserted into a Northerner, or at least a First Man, but the Ironborn had always been a close second for me, anyways. I would probably do more good with the Iron Fleet at my back, with the information I knew, regardless. I might not be a Stark, but I could still help wank the shit out of them. And maybe get the Ironborn out of their stupid reaving funk.
Because, honestly? Fuck the Lannisters. Fuck the Targaryens, too, Hasburg-esque bastards.
But not Daenerys, not yet.
I had plans for her.
Shifting through his memories, I was surprised to find that Euro- that I had several assassin contacts on this side of the narrow Sea , which I recalled from my memories was currently the Stepstones, thankfully, which meant I wouldn't be sailing as long as I would have as if I was sailing from, say, King's Landing. So, hopefully, I would be able to make it in time to stop my idiot brother from reaving the North.
Taking a few more moments to compose myself, I soon donned my armor, not Valyrian Steel, unfortunately, but of high quality, and strode from my cabin. My crew, all of which never spoke a word due to me ripping out their tongues for saving my life (I was going to have to figure out a way to see them compensated and returned to their homes once this was all said and done, these were people, damnit!) instantly formed up, awaiting my command.
For the first time, I, Euron Greyjoy, Crow's Eye, Scourge of the Stepstones and Reaver of Coasts, spoke.
"Send word to Daarodos Eranyl that his services are needed. Have him meet up with our ships on Bloodstone." I strode past my crew, who followed behind me subserviently as I made my way to the deck of Eu- my ship, the Silence.
The sea breeze is nice, I noted. I suppose even Old Euron loved something besides power.
"Once Daarodos is onboard, we set a course for Pyke.
It's time I go pay my brother a visit."
And despite myself, despite the horrendously dangerous situation I had been thrown into without my consent or input, despite my knowledge of the icy-cold death that marched from the Lands of Always Winter, I grinned again.
I'm gonna fuck the Lannisters more than Cersei did.
Maybe I'll shove a finger up their bums. too.