Title: Looking Back

Rating: PG

Spoilers: 1-6

Disclaimer: Don't own them

Summary: Willow remembers the loves in her life.. From the Challenge in a Can site. (http://www.dymphna.net/challenge/challenge.html)

I have had three loves in my life.

For a very long time, I thought I would only ever love one person.

He was everything to me. My constant companion, always there to make me laugh, hold me when I cried. He was my best friend and my heart was his. He was oblivious, as they always are. Until one day he finally saw me the way I had dreamed for years. But it was too late.

I had given my heart away.

I fell deeply for the next one. I thought he was my soul mate.

But he slept with someone else. I know he regretted it after, but I was devastated. He left me. Went too learn to control himself. How the hell Buffy coped so well when Angel left her, I will never know. I was a wreck for weeks.

I never thought I would move on, but then I met her.

My beautiful, true soul mate. She was my light against the inevitable darkness surrounding the Hellmouth. I loved her no holds barred. But she was taken away from me.

I can still hear it swarming around my head. The gunshot, her final words.

I miss her every day. I feel so lonely and lost without her. I miss the way she would always wake me up with a kiss on the forehead, how she always knew how I took my coffee. The way she would hold my hand during sad television programs to comfort me, the way she customised her shirts and made them her own.

I will never see my Tara again. Xander is still here, ever my constant companion. I don't know if I will ever see Oz again, but I'm still waiting to visit Istanbul, so you never know.