Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Thanos.

Luna noticed something different about her favorite trio when they walked into the Great Hall that morning. She got up from her seat, grabbing her plate and balancing it carefully while she went to join them at the Gryffindor table.

They were always good for a laugh, but she couldn't leave behind her egg and waffle sandwich.

Harry was grinning lazily and the twins were cuddled even closer to his sides than usual. Especially Padma- Parvati was often more openly affectionate than her sister. They were walking rather slowly that morning too.

Almost gingerly.

"Good morning!"

"Morning, Luna," Padma said before sighing. Harry cast a cushioning charm on the bench before she sat down.

"Good boy, Harry," Parvati added with a kiss on his cheek.

"I try, babe, you know," he shrugged.

"I take it the three of you had a good celebration last night?" Luna asked.

"The best ever, dude!" Harry smiled.

"I'm happy for you," Luna replied. She turned to Padma. "Would it be alright if I asked you for more details later? In private, perhaps?"

Parvati cocked her head to the side. "Are you asking for permission to gossip with us?"

"I know some people get all fussy about their privacy being invaded," Luna shrugged. "I didn't want to be rude."

"It's alright with me," Harry said.

"Of course it is," Padma snorted.

"Ooh, don't leave me out!" Lavender added as she came in and sat down next to Parvati. "Is this gossip going to be about how you didn't sleep in your bed last night?"

"We'll have to wait until lunch," Parvati answered. "We got a late start this morning."

"Oh, that's right!" Harry stood up. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Where are you-"

He ran off down the aisle and Padma shook her head. "I have no idea what he's going to get up to next."

"Something silly," Luna laughed. "That's why I like Harry so much. Things are so much more interesting around him. Do you think there's any chance I could interview his new dragon?"

"I'm sure he would be alright with that," Padma snorted. "I don't know if the dragon handlers might have taken her away yet though."

"It might have to wait until next summer then."

"Hey babe, I'm back!" Harry ran back down the hall and plopped back into his seat.

"Why is your hair wet?" Parvati asked.

"I had to take a shower," he shrugged.

"You didn't have time to-"

"I forgot to open my present from the Thicc Daddy last night," he grinned. "You two may have stolen all my attention."

"Damn right we did," Parvati smirked.

"Yeah, but this is so cool." He pulled a golden chain out from under his shirt.

"Is that-"

"Where on earth did you get a time turner?" Hermione asked with a glare from the other side of the table.

"Thicc Daddy gave it to me," Harry chuckled. "Dude said I would get a reward for putting on a good show, and he totally came through. I owe him so much."

"That is totally irresponsible!" Hermione gasped. "Harry, you of all people will be an enormous danger to disrupt the timestream while playing with a time turner."

"Oh, like it wasn't stupid that they gave you one last year," Parvati scoffed. "Just to take a couple extra classes."

"Yeah, I need this thing," Harry added. "I would have missed my morning work out otherwise."

"So, you went back in time just to exercise?" Hermione scowled at him. "That's nonsense!"

"Look, Granger, dude, just because you aren't into getting physical doesn't mean there's no point to it," Harry argued, completely missing the huge blush on her face. "Plus, even more importantly, now I can spend so much more time with my honeys."

"Sweet talker," Parvati giggled as she leaned in and kissed him.

Hermione turned to Padma and begged her to see reason. "Please, you have to realize how badly this could go."

Padma sighed and shrugged. "I've come to a decision about Harry. Keeping all the insanity surrounding him from driving me up the walls is probably impossible, so I'm going to pick my battles from now on."

Hermione's face fell. "We're doomed."

Luna patted her on the shoulder. "It could be worse, you know."


"Harry's at least a hero," Luna smiled. "Imagine if some villain had the power to control time instead? Besides, you should be looking on the bright side."

"What bright side?" Hermione sighed.

"Maybe Harry having more time will mean you'll get a turn with him in a broom closet."

Hermione went bright red. "I don't- that's not-"

Padma snorted. "No other girls will be on the schedule, Luna."

"Well, let me know if you change your mind," she smiled in reply. "I wouldn't mind a turn. Or, if you find a very big broom closet for a group session- that could be fun too."

Harry was packing up his things when Transfiguration was about to end when McG gave an announcement about the Yule Ball one afternoon. She asked him to stay behind for a moment as well.

"Hey, McG, what's up?"

"As one of the champions for the tournament, you will have to open the festivities with a dance," she said. "That means you will need a date."

"That's no biggie," he shrugged. "I'll have my honeys with me. Duh."

"You are supposed to only have one date, Harry."

"Well, too bad. I'm not breaking up with either of them just because of some dumb rule or something."

McG sighed. "I believe having both young ladies escorting you won't cause too many problems."

Or if it did, she could let Dumbledore handle it, the silly old poof. Harry wasn't the only one who was angry about not having quidditch that year. Especially when she had her very own quidditch prodigy who was currently standing right in front of her.

"However, only one of them will be able to do the opening dance. Which is a waltz," she added.

"Huh. Well, I guess I'll let them figure something out," he shrugged.

"I hope those girls are still alright with sharing a boyfriend," McG said. "Do I need to speak with them about anything?"

"I treat my honeys right." Harry smiled and added, "And I haven't forgotten the Contraceptive Charm either, so everything's cool."

"I... did not need to know that," McG grimaced. "That will be all for today, Harry."

"Cool. Dobby?"

The pop of the arriving house-elf startled her briefly.

"What can Dobby do for the Great Harry Potter sir?"

"I need two more roses for my honeys."

"Is it still Operation Romance, master Harry?"


A moment later, Harry was headed for the door. Minerva disillusioned herself and crept out behind him to watch.

"Hey ladies," he grinned as they had waited for him before making a big show of revealing the roses he held. "Would my sweet honeys do me the great honor of escorting me to the Yule Ball?"

"As if we'd let you go with anyone else," Parvati giggled as she took one flower.

Padma smiled as she pulled Harry in for a kiss. "Sis is right. You're ours, Harry Potter."

As the girls took Harry's arms and walked off, Minerva smiled to herself. It may have been an unorthodox romantic entanglement, but it was also rather cute how Harry of all people could turn on a sort of gentlemanly charm at the drop of a hat.

She hoped that somewhere James and Lily were looking on fondly.

While she wouldn't admit it to her husband, Lily would have agreed with her former professor about how sweet her son could act.

James, on the other hand, was constantly bragging to everyone else in the afterlife about how his son was dating twins. And I do mean everyone.

Lily just had to hope that Sirius would live a very long life because if he teamed up with her husband, they would drive her out of her mind.

Unfortunately for the Patils, Harry's romantic gesture was the good side of the upcoming Yule Ball.

The bad side was all the other girls who wanted Harry to be their date.

Their dinner that evening was interrupted when he took a drink and then got this silly look on his face. "Hey, Parvati, do you know who Megan Jones is?"

"She's a Hufflepuff, why?"

"I think she's the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Oh really?" Parvati scowled at him.

"Yeah, but I have no idea who she is." He scratched his head. "I don't remember anyone from Huffle-whatever. Hey, could you introduce me to her?"

Padma sighed. "Why don't I take you somewhere private? Then, Parvati can go find the girl and bring her to meet you?"

"Cool! Thanks, babe!"

"You're welcome. Why don't you go wait out in the hall for a moment?"


Harry was quick to run off.

"Love potion," Parvati growled.

"Yep," Padma agreed. "I'm going to take him to Madam Pomfrey."

"And I'll start making a list of these skanks that try to poison our boyfriend," Parvati said. "Because I doubt this will be the only one."

"You're not going to do anything to Jones yet?"

"Not until Harry can watch," Parvati replied with a blush. "He likes it when I get all territorial over him."

"He is a goofball like that," Padma chuckled.

"But he's our goofball," Parvati added.

"That's right."

Harry did not enjoy taking a purging potion. But, his girls were affectionate with him afterwards, so he tried not to grumble too much. He still had Dobby sneak him a late night snack though, since he'd lost his dinner when he'd barfed up the love potion.

If he knew who Megan Jones was, he might have been mad at her.

Meanwhile, in another part of the country, Rita Skeeter was hard at work breaking her next big scoop.

It had taken a while to track down her prey, but thankfully, she had spent most of her childhood in the muggle world and still knew her way around it. Finding a gym called 'Thicc Daddy's' wasn't too hard, although the misspelling did throw her off at first.

In her secret form, she flew inside the building and followed the large purple man into an office. What type of name was Thanos anyway? That was just one of many questions she was going to have to ask.

He was sitting at his desk and he looked up with a smirk as she zipped over past him and onto a shelf.

Then she sat and watched for a moment as he got up and walked over to close the door. A moment later, he was opening a safe and putting on a large, gem encrusted golden glove.

"Welcome, miss Skeeter," his voice rumbled with a laugh.

Rita found herself falling off the shelf as she was forced back into her human form.

"While I've had women sneak into my place before, I must admit they've never done it while magically transformed," he grinned at her and she trembled at the obvious power he held, brazenly looking her up and down. Rita forced herself to straighten up and get to the point of her journey here.

"A good reporter has to be willing to go where the story goes," she said. "As Harry Potter's mentor, you are a story, and I want to get to the bottom of things."

Thanos chuckled and stalked towards her. Rita immediately felt like cowering before him. He was well over seven feet tall, and his muscles were... (delicious, tempting)... no, they were intimidating.

"I think that tonight I will be the one," one of his hands reached around her and palmed her bum, "to get to the bottom of things."

"I..." she held in a moan. "I just wanted an interview."

"Pleasure before business," Thanos replied, spinning both of them around and bending her over the desk. "You have to be disciplined for trying to spy upon me."


She couldn't help but react as he brought his hand down upon her butt, the sting being only slightly diminished by the clothes that gave her some tiny amount of padding.

"If you take your punishment like a big girl," she could feel his breath upon the back of her neck and she just knew that he was smirking at her. "Then, maybe afterwards, we'll see about that interview."

Another swat made Rita go weak in the knees.

It looked like it was going to be a long night.

Fleur had been watching for an opportunity, and she finally found it one day as she watched Parvati slip into a restroom. The Veela stepped inside after her, taking care to see if there were any other girls around.

Happily, there were not.

While her prey was in one of the stalls, Fleur stepped back outside to make sure no one else was in the vicinity. Harry had gone off with the other twin, so she had enough time to do things right.

Coming back inside, she cast locking and silencing charms on the door behind her.

The pretty Indian girl was washing her hands at one of the sinks and she seemed to have a hint of a blush when she saw Fleur enter.

This might have been easier than she thought it would be. "Bonjour."

"Bonjour," Parvati replied as she dried her hands.

"I trust you are doing well," Fleur said.

"Yes, thank you."

Fleur smiled at her. "I 'eard zat you 'ad a particularly good time after ze first task. You and your sister, zat is."

"I... don't know what you mean."

"Come now, you must know 'ow rumors travel," Fleur stepped closer slightly. "Especially when zey are true. So, 'ow was 'Arry in bed?"

Parvati tried to glare for a moment before shrugging and smiling back at her. "Wonderful. Other than when he does something insanely dangerous, my boyfriend is pretty great."

""Arry does seem quite attentive," Fleur suggested.

"He is very attentive," Parvati agreed. "And sweet."

"I wonder 'ow his physique might translate into ze bedroom," Fleur replied. "For example, 'is stamina-"

"Is amazing," Parvati sighed. "Almost too much really, even with the two of us."

Fleur held in her smirk. It was time to push a little further, so she stepped into the personal space of the shorter girl. "You are used to sharing with your sister."

"That's different," Parvati mumbled, looking away.

"You should know, as a Veela, zat I 'ave magic zat normal witches do not," Fleur whispered into the younger witch's ear. "Magic which can make our time in ze bedroom much more pleasant."

She slowly slid one hand up the other's girl's arm. "Magic which can refresh a tired lover."

Fleur's hand trailed lightly over her shoulder and across her collarbone. "Magic which can 'eighten certain sensations."

Her fingertips ghosted up Parvati's throat and then brushed her hair back behind her ear. "All you 'ave to do is say yes."

She then leaned in even closer, turning her head only at the last moment as she kissed Parvati just to the side of her lips. "I will be waiting."

Fleur turned back around, undid her charms and left her prey quaking over the sink.

Step one was complete.

"Hey babe," Harry helped Parvati to her seat, noticing how flushed she looked. "Are you alright?"

"Nothing's wrong!" she squeaked.


"Sis?" Padma looked past Harry at her.

Parvati blushed, took a drink of water and then leaned against Harry. "It's nothing, never mind. I was just thinking about something... something silly."

She buried her real thoughts deep down before Padma could question her anymore. The problem was, she knew Harry would agree with the incredibly turned on little voice inside her head.

But her sister would not.



Harry had stopped by McG's office the next day and was running slightly late to lunch. He came in munching on a chocolate bar with a dopey grin on his face.

"Where did you get that?" Padma asked, immediately turning suspicious.

"A Ravenclaw girl," he shrugged. "I don't remember her name."

"Someone in our year?"

"Yeah, at least, I think so."

Padma snorted. "Do you pay attention to anyone's names but ours?"

"Sure. I know you two, Lavender, Hermione, Dean, Seamus, Neville, Malfoy, John-"

"Who's John?" Padma frowned.

"You know, Fred and George's little brother."

"That's Ron," Parvati giggled.

"Close enough," Harry shrugged. "Oh, yeah, and I know all the dudes on my quidditch team. And McG, of course."

"That's barely more than a dozen people," Padma sighed. "I know you're not as dumb as you act sometimes, you weirdo."

"I focus on important stuff," he replied. Harry grinned while he counted off on his fingers, "My honeys, lifting, cool magic, quidditch, fighting monsters and stuff. Isn't that enough?"

"I suppose we'll just have to act to keep you from making too many social faux pas," Parvati grinned. "You'll have to be willing to repay us for that though, Harry."

"Sure babe." Harry took another bite and then his expression shifted into grinning like a loon territory. "Hey, Padma, can you introduce me to Mandy?"

Padma let out a sigh and muttered, "Another one."

"Why don't I take you somewhere so you can speak in private with her," Parvati suggested.


She pulled him to her feet. "I'm pretty sure she's visiting Madam Pomfrey right about now."

"Can we go there too?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, let's go."

Padma watched them walk off and glared across the room at her dorm mate. This was getting out of hand.

Down the table, a certain Veela was smirking at the situation. This may make things even easier. When Padma got up from the table a few minutes later, Fleur followed her next quarry.

Once they were out in the hall, she pounced. "I could 'elp you."

Padma turned and scowled at her. "Like you aren't wanting to snog Harry too?"

"Unlike zese little girls you're dealing with, I am not trying to steal 'Arry away from you," Fleur replied with a smile. "Do you know 'ow unpleasant purging potions are?"

"I watched him take the last one, so I can guess."

"Someone once dosed my father with a love potion," Fleur said. "Maman was very angry about it, as you can probably imagine. Unfortunately, it was while we were off visiting my granmere, so one of papa's friends 'ad to take 'im to a 'ealer. Papa said it was ze most foul thing."

"Of course," she grinned dangerously, "Maman then tracked ze other witch down. Since ze salope's attempt was so below the belt, my mother returned the favor. Did you know zat Veela fires burns..."

"Hotter?" Padma asked.

"With much more fury and passion," Fleur replied with a smirk. "Maman made sure zat witch never again tried to cross a Veela."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Non," Fleur giggled. "I am offering to 'elp you. Or really, 'Arry. Do you not know zat no potion can compare with my allure?"


"Of course," Fleur smiled. "I could merely focus on dear 'Arry and cure his condition in seconds."

"That... could come in handy," Padma allowed.

"You will just 'ave to remember me ze next time it 'appens."

Padma sighed. "You have a point."

"Besides," Fleur stepped closer to her prey, although not as close as she had with the other sister. "You should consider ze other benefits."

"What other benefits?" Padma asked, and Fleur smiled as she saw her gulp.

"Ze kind we could enjoy together," she replied with a husky whisper. "In private."


"Just imagine it," Fleur continued. "You, your sister, 'Arry, and me... all together in a night of passion you will never forget."

"You just want... one night?" Padma asked hesitantly.

"We would 'ave to see 'ow ze night goes," Fleur smirked, pleased by how flushed Padma had grown, clearly thinking things over.

"If we all enjoy ourselves, perhaps repeat performances would be called for."

Padma sighed as she walked into the infirmary and sat down next to Parvati who was holding a cool cloth on Harry's forehead while he dozed.

"Did you kill her?"

"Fleur?" Padma frowned.

"No, Mandy," Parvati answered. "What does Fleur have to do with anything?"

"She cornered me after the two of you were gone."

"Oh," Parvati giggled. "I guess it was your turn."


"Did she try to talk you into..." Parvati blushed. "You know, doing things... together?"

"Yeah," Padma huffed. "She also offered us some help."

"What type of help?"

"She said that Veela allure can break the effects of a love potion," Padma replied.

"You mean, the next time this happens, we could just ask her to zap Harry with her 'Veela juju' and he would be all better?"

"Apparently so."

It was Parvati's turn to sigh. "What do you think?"

"Do you-" Padma stopped and looked around to make sure no one could overhear them. "Do you want to?"

"It sounds fun," Parvati shrugged.

"Aren't you worried though?" Padma asked. "What if she does try to steal Harry away from us?"

"I think she was being honest when she said she didn't want that." Parvati chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before continuing. "Besides, she'll only be here for the rest of the year. And really think about Harry for a minute. We're not just his 'honeys,' we're also his best friends. Who else does he spend much time around?"

"Hermione, maybe," Padma said.

"Harry loves us," Parvati grinned. "You don't really think he would have pulled that 'Operation Romance' thing with any girl, do you?"

"It didn't seem like the type of thing he would do," Padma chuckled. "He can be really sweet when he wants to."

"Exactly," Parvati nodded. "And if she's lying, if she tries to steal Harry... then we kill her."

Padma snorted. "If Harry were awake, he'd say something about how 'hot' that sounded."

"He is a doofus, but he's our doofus," Parvati giggled.

Padma laughed too and wrapped an arm around her sister. "Would you really kill her?"

"For Harry? You know what he can do with that magical tongue of his," Parvati said with a wicked grin.

"Yeah, that does make everything a lot better," Padma giggled. "Finding out what he had under his robes this summer was a nice bonus too."

"The other girls would be so much more jealous if they really knew," Parvati added.

Harry awoke a little while later.

Padma glared at him as he sat up. "Why on Earth would you accept a candy bar from a stranger?"

Harry just grinned back at her. "Do you remember the last time we went to Hogsmeade?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I bought chocolate bars for all three of us," he said. "You two ate yours immediately, then stole mine and split it."

Parvati giggled. "Never get between a witch and chocolate."

Harry shrugged. "I just thought what's her name was being nice. Plus, I probably won't get to eat any more chocolate until next summer going by the way both of you act around the stuff."

Padma sighed. "Okay, so this was explainable. And maybe... slightly, partially our fault. But next time, don't take anything from another witch."

"Or wizard," Parvati added with a giggle. "What if Malfoy tries to slip you something?"

"Urgh," he groaned. "I just threw up a little while ago. Don't try to make me do it again please."

Padma rolled her eyes at him. "Are you feeling better now?"

"I guess."

"Good," Parvati said. "Because we have something to talk to you about."

"We also have a question or two," Padma added.

"Like what?"

"You love us, right Harry?" Parvati asked.

"Yeah?" he raised a confused eyebrow, trying to figure out where the conversation was going.

Padma continued the interrogation. "And you wouldn't run off on us with some other girl, right?"

"Of course not," he scoffed. "You're my honeys. And we have a lot of fun together."

"Not even for a Veela?" Parvati's turn came next.

"She was blasting me full force with her juju after the first task. I fought it off then, so I think I can do it again if I need to."

"You don't like getting dosed with love potions, do you?"

"Of course not," he answered Padma.

He felt like they were ganging up on him for some reason. If only they had tied him to the bed first and were wearing a lot less clothing, it could have been fun.

"Both of us have decided-"

"After she approached us," Padma interrupted her sister. "Individually."

"That we may just see what happens if we end up alone with Fleur sometime," Parvati finished.

"Alone?" Harry frowned. "Like, I won't get to be there? That's not fair."

Parvati giggled. "No, Harry, alone as in the four of us. But no one else."

"Maybe in that room you showed us up on the seventh floor," Padma suggested.


This felt like a trap to Harry.

"Really," Padma nodded. "She offered to help if you get dosed with another love potion too."

"Her 'Veela juju' can apparently break the spell of any love potion," Parvati said.

"That would be handy," Harry said. "So, like, she could just zap me with it and I wouldn't have to throw up?"


"That's cool."

"So..." Parvati grinned at him. "You should prepare yourself."

"For what?"

"Fleur did say that she was going to seduce all three of us," she said, making Padma laugh.

"Umm, so?"

"So, it's your turn next," Parvati added with a giggle.

"And we've decided that we won't get mad at you if your resolve slips," Padma said. "She can make quite the compelling argument."

It took awhile for Rita's next story to come out. She may have delayed things in order to have a follow up interview... or two. Just to make sure she had all her facts straight, of course.

But eventually, a tale of Harry's enigmatic mentor was released.

The magical world once again made a few erroneous assumptions about him- such as the idea that he knew about magic due to being a squib. Or that his skin's coloration was because of a potions accident when he had been younger. That little tidbit made the Thicc Daddy bellow out laughter when he read the article.

Other than that, Rita had actually succeeded in getting some of the story right for once. How he had met Harry when the boy was only seven and had helped him develop his physical fitness to such high levels, as well as giving him advice for his return to the magical world.

(A week later, an article in Teen Witch Weekly would be full of praise for him helping Harry to go from 'cute and dreamy' to 'hottest teen wizard of the year.')

Thanos often found himself chuckling to himself over the next few months. He hadn't had good press before.

If only they knew the truth. But that would wait for now.

Harry was walking alone for once as his honeys had gone off to the Gryffindor dorms to check over their dresses in preparation for the upcoming Yule Ball. Preliminary discussions of things like hair and makeup were also on the schedule, so he was left to his own devices.

Because of that, he had gone off to the cool room on the seventh floor and taken his sword. The hope that he might be able to learn more about sword fighting brought forth a Room of Requirement with an animated suit of armor that had engaged him in a series of duels.

Harry was grinning to himself about how cool it was that Hogwarts had its very own holodeck.

Of course, he was also happy to think about using it again as a private bedroom for some fun with his honeys. He was hoping the night of the Yule Ball could end with a bang- that idea made Harry smile to himself.

While being distracted by his thoughts, Harry was suddenly yanked into a broom closet.

"What the?"

"Bonjour, 'Arry," Fleur purred as she grinned at him, while shutting, locking, and silencing the door with her wand.

"Oh, um, hi."

"You seem to 'ave been getting a work out," she said.

"Oh, yeah, I was practicing my sword fighting," he shrugged. "It's a bummer they won't let me use it in the tournament, but I figure I'll get to fight another monster or something one of these days."

"It would be interesting to see your form."

"Do you know much about swords?"

"My father fences," she replied.

"That's cool."

"But we are not 'ere to discuss zat."

"No?" he asked.

"Although, perhaps I may end up inspecting your sword later," she let out this tinkling little giggle. Harry was pretty sure it was somehow both incredibly cute and sexy at the same time.

Also, he was pretty sure he had one hell of a boner.

"Non, we are 'ere for me to... 'sample ze goods,' if you will," Fleur grinned.


"You are a parselmouth, oui?"

"Uh, yeah," he answered.

"Good, zen you can show me if ze rumors are true about 'ow skilled your tongue is," she purred and proceeded to hike up her skirt, then lightly pushed him down onto his knees. Harry was so dumbstruck by the female perfection on display that it took her little effort. "Get to work, 'Arry."

"Yes, mistress," he said before she hooked one leg over his shoulder and pulled him in.

While the silencing charm held, there were two tricksters in the hall laughing while they looked at a certain map and who it revealed was in the locked closet. Not to mention, the occasional sign of something bumping hard into the door.

"We've got to talk to the little bugger about this," Fred said with a grin.

"Why? Are you going to ask him for advice?" George replied with a chuckle.

"I was the one who asked Angie already. Who are you going with?"

"Diane Carter."

"A Slytherin chick?" Fred raised an eyebrow.

"A hot Slytherin chick," George corrected him.

"Fair enough."

"You know Ron will lose his mind if we tell him," George pointed out.

"So we should wait until we've got an audience," Fred nodded.

"His attempt at 'flirting' with Delacour was rather pathetic," George sighed. "He probably should have aimed a little lower."

"Yeah, but we got all the sense in the family," Fred smiled. "Just look at how crazy Bill and Charlie are. Traps in old tombs and fire breathing lizards that want to roast you, what were they thinking?"

Goerge shook his head sadly. "And don't forget Percy the Prat."

"If he had his nose any further up his boss' arse, he'd-"

"Please, don't," George interjected. "Even I have some standards for potty humor."

"Alright. So, how are we going to embarrass Ron in such a way that he might actually learn a lesson from his foolishness?"

"Well..." George got a wicked grin. "If he hasn't found a date, perhaps we should help him out?"

"We could set him up with..." Fred's scary smile started to match his twin's. "Oh, we have so many horrible options, don't we?"

"Indeed we do."

"Merde," Fleur exhaled as Harry got back to his feet and rubbed the feeling back into his knees. "Ze girls did not properly warn me about zat."

"You're welcome," he replied with a smirk.

"Oh, we are going to 'ave so much fun together," Fleur sighed. "Just give me a moment to catch my breath."


Assuming the haze from her Veela juju ever wore off, Harry might have worried about how his honeys would react. But then, they did seem to suggest something like this would happen. And Harry's brain was only engaged on a very primitive level at the moment.

His hormones were much more in charge.

That was why he started to undo his belt. "So, uh, it's your turn, right?"

Fleur looked down and grinned as she slipped one hand into his pants. "Is all zis for me?"

"Oh, yeah babe!"

Fleur giggled at his exuberance and cast a cushioning charm on the floor. "I suppose I should reciprocate."

"I love my life."

Harry sat down with a huge dopey smile on a couch back in the Gryffindor common room after putting up his sword and having a shower that afternoon.

"What happened this time?" Granger asked him as she looked up from her book. She had been reading in a nearby chair, not that he had noticed much of anything in his happy daze.

"Hey dude," he grinned. "I've just had a good day, you know."

"Well, I had to come down here because the dorms were too loud," she replied with a frown. "The twins and Lavender are all up there obsessing over their outfits and everything for the Yule Ball. I'm not surprised by Parvati and Lavender, but I would have thought that Padma was above that sort of thing."

"Oh come on, Hermione," Harry snorted. "This is a special date. Are you telling me that you aren't going?"

"I... I am, actually."

"So, aren't you looking forward to it?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then don't go spoiling other people's fun, jeez," he shook his head. "Does that mean you have a boyfriend?"

"Well, I... no, I just have a date," she stuttered.

"Ah, that's too bad. I was talking with my honeys about how they should set you up with some dude."

"You were?" she stared in shock at him.

"Sure," he shrugged. "I figure that if you were some dude's honey, it might make you happy... and maybe get you to lighten up a bit, too."

"What if I don't want to be someone's honey?" she scowled. "Maybe I want some guy who will be my... my hunk."

"Okay," Harry looked at her in confusion. "If some guy was your hunk, that would mean you were his honey. I'm the twins' hunk. They kind of go hand in hand. Unless the guy isn't a hunk, but you know, maybe some chicks are into nerdy types or something. I kinda figured that would be what you would go for."

"Are you calling me a nerd?" she growled at him.

"Hermione, dude," he pointed to the book she was clutching. "You read more than like anybody else in the world. That's just a fact. If you were going out with a dude, would you want it to be some... um, what was it? Oh yeah, some 'thug with more muscles than brain cells.' You know, that was actually kinda mean."

"You were talking in the library!" she glared at him. "I had three assignments that I was working on."

"Yeah, you definitely need to lighten up, dude," Harry snorted.

"You could have joined us, Hermione," Padma said as she came over and sat down on Harry's lap. "My sister and Lavender are whizzes at looking their best. I swear, I had no idea how many different hair styling charms there are."

"Are you done for the evening?" Harry asked.

"I am," she grinned. "I think Parvati will be down here soon. At least, that's assuming her tummy reminds her that dinner is almost here."


"You seem different," Padma said as she turned his head one way and then the other before sighing. "Fleur got to you didn't she?"

"Um, yeah," he shrugged. "I think it was a full blast whammy this time."

"And did she try to convince you that we should all spend some time together?" If Padma was taking a little extra amusement from how brightly Hermione was blushing, she wasn't going to mention it out loud. Harry, on the other hand, was much more relaxed and almost loopy.

"Babe," he replied. "I'm just a dude."

"Uh huh," she giggled. "So, in other words, she doesn't need to convince you of anything because the blood flow was all going below the belt. Am I right?"

"You're the one sitting on my lap," Harry grinned. "You tell me where my blood might be flowing."

"Oh, get a room," Hermione growled as she stood up and stomped off.

"She really needs to get laid or something," Harry said.

Padma laughed. "Is that going to be your answer for everything now?"


In fact, there were three more attempts to drug Harry with a love potion over the next couple of weeks. Thankfully, Fleur did as she had said she would and zapped him with her Veela juju.

Harry thanked her every time for saving him from having to take another purging potion.

And the twins laughed at him every time for how he drooled over the French blonde. But he made up for it with frequent trips to broom closets.

Christmas had finally rolled around and Harry was just waking up from a very enjoyable nap. His honeys had disappeared up to the girls' dorms to get ready early that afternoon, so he had decided to go lift for awhile, then take a shower, and then get a little sleep- all aided by his handy dandy time turner that Thanos had hooked him up with. He was hoping to be staying up quite late that night, assuming all went well.

After getting dressed and cleaned up, he still had a little bit of time to kill, so he went down to the common room to hang out- where it turned out to be a total sausage fest. But then, he supposed that all the girls were doing similar girlie things as his honeys, so he shrugged it off and went to talk to the dudes from his dorm.

"Hey dudes."

"Hi Harry," Neville said.

"So, you guys all got dates?"

"Some of us are going stag," Seamus laughed, pointing to Dean.

"Yeah, well it's not my fault that Harry had the two best looking girls in our year already," Dean rolled his eyes.

"They are pretty great," Harry nodded. "What about the rest of you dudes?"

"I'm going with Lavender," Seamus grinned. "Just hope she's up for some fun after the dance, you know what I mean?"

"Good luck with that, I guess."

"Yeah, thanks. Nev's going with Ginny Weasley, and some people aren't too happy about that, eh Ron?"

"He just better not think of dragging her off to a broom closet, or I'll get the twins to-"

"Hey, good job Neville!" Harry interrupted with a smile.

"You're not mad?" Neville asked.

"Why would I be?" Harry raised a confused eyebrow. "I'm glad she won't be bugging me and my honeys tonight since she's going with you."


"Dear Merlin," Ron gasped, looking over Harry's shoulder.

"Hello boys," Granger said. Harry had to do a double take as she looked like she'd had a full makeover- and he wondered if that was part of what had kept his honeys so busy all day long.

"Looking good there, Hermione," he grinned, causing a blush in response. "Which one of these dudes are you going with?"

"My date is not a Gryffindor, actually."

"That's cool, as long as it's not the little albino wimpy douche."

"He's not an albino, Harry," she sighed. "But no, it's definitely not Malfoy either. I feel bad for whatever girl ends up going with him."

"Yeah, being such an obvious beard can't be too good for the ego," Harry snorted. "I just hope he doesn't try to hit on me again."

"Who's hitting on you?" asked Ginny Weasley as she came down the stairs and strode over to them.

Dean whistled at the dress she was wearing, which was probably more appropriate for a night at the club than a classic ball gown. "Damn, Neville, you lucky dog."

Longbottom was blushing and stammered out a hello to Ginny, who barely noticed.

"Is someone else hitting on you, Harry?" Ginny repeated.

"I'm hoping that Malfoy will leave me alone," he replied.

"I think we'd all be glad if he was too sick to go," Seamus said. "Little annoying shite never knows when to shut his gob."

"Oh, Harry..."

He turned and saw his honeys walking down the stairs, arm in arm and smiling at him. They had golden bangles on their wrists, dangly earrings, and silver clasps holding their hair back. Other than the color of their dresses- Parvati in pink and Padma in turquoise- they otherwise matched, even down to the silver shoes.

"There's the two most gorgeous girls in the school!" he grinned while walking over to them. "I'm a lucky dude."

"Yes, you are," Parvati teased as she took his right arm, Padma on the opposite side.

"Well, we better not keep everyone waiting," he said. "It would be cruel of me to keep such exquisite eye candy all to myself."

Padma giggled. "You're lucky that I know that you mean well, even when you are being a goofball."

"Love you too, babe."

"Let us away then!" Parvati cheerfully proclaimed. "Our audience awaits us!"

Lavender had followed them down and was laughing as her bestie tugged the other two through the door. "She's looking forward to all the attention tonight."

"Well, you've got all of my attention tonight," Seamus winked as he took her arm and headed for the hall.

"Oh, aren't you just a smooth talker?" Lavender giggled.

Meanwhile Ginny had taken a step back and angrily whispered to Hermione, "I hate those bitches."

Hermione didn't respond, but in her head she was thinking, 'sometimes, I do too.'

Fleur led the procession of champions and their dates into the Great Hall. She had some guy that Harry vaguely remembered as one of the Ravenclaw quidditch dudes as her date. Hermione ended up going with the Crumb dude, who was finally not looking grumpy for once. Maybe they could help each other mellow out some?

The Digger guy was going with Cho Chang, who flashed Harry a big smile before his honeys sent her matching death glares, making her turn away.

Not wanting them to get too distracted by other girls, Harry asked them a question he had forgotten to mention earlier. "So, did you two ever decide who was going to do the opening dance?"

"We're going to do rock paper scissors for it," Parvati said.

"Speaking of which, we should probably do that while we have time," Padma replied.

"We can eat first, though," Parvati said.

"Let's get it out of the way."

"Alright," Parvati nodded. "Harry, count us down."

"Okay. Three, two, one..."

Parvati's scissors beat Padma's paper, and she let out a triumphant cheer.

The next hour sped by as Harry alternated dances with each of the twins. They were eventually interrupted between songs just as Padma's turn had ended.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" Fleur asked with a grin.

"I suppose not," Padma shrugged.

"Good," Fleur said as she pulled the younger girl into her arms and out on the dance floor.

"But?" Fleur's date was left scratching his head... and still drooling, Harry noted with a chuckle.

Parvati giggled next to him. "Well, I guess it's nice that she didn't interrupt my dance."

"Yeah." Harry offered his arm. "Shall we?"

Meanwhile, Padma was trying not to blush as Fleur led her through the dance. "So, how was Roger?"

"Roger?" Fleur asked.

"Your date? Roger Davies?"

"Ah, 'e is sadly a failure," Fleur replied. "But zat is alright. I expected little of ze boys around 'ere. Few can withstand my beauty without turning into bumbling oafs. Zat is something 'Arry has going over ze rest."

"Among many other things," Padma laughed.

"Indeed," Fleur grinned. "So, are you planning on ending ze night in a special way?"

"Maybe," Padma flushed.

"Good. Zen I 'ope you are prepared for me to..." Fleurs' grin turned feral and hungry, "make ze night even more amazing. If you can 'andle it, of course."

"Is that a challenge?"

"It's an invitation," Fleur teased.

Padma sighed. "I think Harry and Parvati both were hoping you might say that anyway."

Harry noticed Parvati glancing over at her sister and Fleur while they danced. He spun her around once more and smiled at her. "They look like they're having fun."

"I wonder what they were talking about," Parvati mumbled before looking up and grinning at Harry. "Are you jealous of Padma right now too?"

"They're just dancing," he shrugged. "And I've got a pretty honey in my arms, so I'm all good."

She giggled. "Did you see who Ron came with?"


"Millicent Bulstrode."

"That name rings a bell," Harry said.

"She's a Slytherin." Parvati pointed them out. Bulstrode was forcing Ron to dance with her, but judging by how she was holding Weasley, his face pressed into her impressive cleavage, he was probably enjoying himself. As long as she didn't squeeze him too hard, anyway.

"Oh yeah, I met her when she beat up Hermione in that dueling club fiasco."

"I forgot that," Parvati laughed.

"I didn't," he replied. "It was impressive to see someone here that actually knew what they were doing in a fight."

"Only you, Harry," she giggled. "I wonder if she would think that was a compliment."

"Of course it was," he snorted. "She seemed like a smart dude, so I'm pretty sure she knew what I meant."

"Excuse moi," Fleur interjected.

"Is it my turn?" Harry asked.

"Non," she replied, pulling Parvati into her arms. "But 'Arry, ze wait will be worth it."

Padma replaced her sister in Harry's embrace and they started to dance again.

"Hey babe," he grinned. "Did you have fun with Fleur?"

"Kind of, I guess," she shrugged. "She's not my type, though."

"Because she's not me," Harry teased before leaning in for a kiss.

When he pulled back Padma was smiling at him. "You do have your good points," she admitted.

"Thanks, babe."

A moment later, Padma started to laugh and she nodded over to where Fleur and Parvati were dancing. Harry spotted them and his eyes went wide as Fleur kissed Parvati. And he was pretty sure that she slipped her some tongue too. He moaned, "That's so fucking hot."

Padma giggled. "You're such a guy, Harry."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Why are we stepping outside again?" Harry asked.

"To meet Fleur in a few minutes," Parvati answered. "She wanted to get rid of her date first."

"Hopefully in an amusing way," Padma added with a laugh. "I don't like Davies."

"Is he a jerk?"

"He's a typical arrogant pureblood," Padma explained. "And remember, I'm saying that as a pureblood. Plus, he thinks he's so cool because he's the quidditch captain."

"Some quidditch dudes are much cooler than others," Harry nodded sagely.

Parvati snorted. "I can only think of one that I can stand. Now, what was his name..."

"Like you aren't crazy about me," Harry rolled his eyes.

"Maybe, but on the other hand," Parvati turned to grin at him. "Fleur is a very good kisser."

"That was so hot," he muttered.

"Our silly boyfriend may have been poking me after seeing your little display, sis," Padma giggled.


They had just rounded a corner when they saw everyone's least favorite professor harassing a couple who had been snogging.

"Stebbins, Fawcett! That will be ten points each!" Snape sneered.

"Man, don't be such a fucking cockblocker," Harry said.

"Potter! I'll have you in detention for-"

Harry hadn't waited for him to finish his little rant- he had leapt forward, grabbed the scumbag by his greasy hair and smashed him face first into a nearby column.

"Night night, Snivellus."

"You're going to get into trouble one of these days," Padma sighed.

"I was just protecting the students from a monster," Harry replied. "I'll use one of those Luna creatures. You know, something like, 'I'm sorry Professor McG, I honestly thought it was a Snivelling Sex Hater that was trying to sterilize a couple of innocent teenagers.' How could I not intervene in a case like that?"

"Sterilize, really?"

"It makes the danger sound more important," Parvati agreed with a grin. "Permanently maiming students like that, well, Harry would just have to bravely stride forward to save the day."

"Yeah, besides, just because the greasy sleazebag probably never kissed a willing woman in his life doesn't mean he should get to take his frustrations out on everybody else," Harry added.

Padma thought about it for a moment, tapping her chin. "You know, that is a decent point. I doubt anyone would want to touch Snape. Speaking of which, you should wash your hands."

"Fleur, there you are!" Parvati called out.

The Veela turned around and smiled before putting her wand away. Davies was passed out on a bench.

"What were you doing?" Padma asked. When they got a little closer, she burst into laughter.

"Zis imbecile wanted to 'ave a special ending for ze night," she grinned.

Harry snorted once he saw the penises she had charmed onto his face. "I'm pretty sure that wasn't what he had in mind."

"Such a shame zat 'e wasn't man enough to keep my attention zen, isn't it?"

"Not a shame for me," Harry grinned.

"For us," Parvati agreed.

"You're all incorrigible," Padma sighed.

"So, where are we going, 'Arry?" Fleur asked as they climbed the stairs.

"We're almost there," he replied.

"Ooh! Can I set up the room this time?" Parvati asked.

"Sure babe," he shrugged.

Parvati walked back and forth until the door to the Room of Requirement appeared.

Or as Harry thought of it, the Awesome Room of Sexy Times!

He was grinning when he stepped inside and saw the very large bed.

"Marvelous," Fleur said as she joined him. "Now zen, I believe we should start ze right way." She led them over to the bed. "All of you should 'ave a seat. Ze show is about to begin."

Harry would later wonder how the metal pole appeared out of nowhere and what was playing the music- but for the rest of that night, his brain would not be getting enough blood flow to allow him to be capable of much in the way of coherent thought.

Fleur was smirking the next morning when she overheard one of the Hogwarts professors asking over the three missing students. Once she saw the older witch approach her Headmistress, she decided to intervene.

The fact that it would make heads turn was only a secondary benefit- but most of these Brits were so stuffy and repressed, they could use something to shake them up.

"Pardon, madame... ?" she began as she walked over to the staff table.

"I am Professor McGonagall, miss Delacour. Do you have any information about mister Potter or the Patils?"

"Oui," she replied with a small grin. "Zey are... 'ow do you say... recuperating?"

"Recuperating?" McGonagall frowned. "Are they hurt?"

"Not 'urt," Fleur smirked. "But perhaps zey are suffering from some exhaustion. Mostly ze girls."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but..." McGonagall sighed. "Are you certain they don't need any medical attention?"

"I should say zey mostly need to get some rest after ze night we 'ad," Fleur laughed.

"Oh dear," McGonagall replied.

"I believe dear 'Arry will look after Padma and Parvati," she added. "Zat is one of 'is better qualities. Of course, 'is stamina is another, and of course, 'is ability to speak with snakes."

"Most of the people here would not agree with your last point," McGonagall said.

"Zey are fools," Fleur snorted. "I shouldn't 'ave expected much more, I suppose. Every girl in ze school should 'ave immediately thrown themselves at 'Arry. Well, all is for the better for me."

"I don't think I need to know anymore."

"I am a Veela," Fleur added with a grin. "I would accept nothing but ze best from my lovers."

Rita Skeeter happened to be in the Great Hall that day. In her tiny disguise of course.

And now she knew that she had yet another story to write. Judging by the way the French Champion looked like the cat who got the canary, it would be quite the headline- and it should even continue to put Harry in a good light, and therefore, keep her access to him for future stories going.

Plus, she may need to return to the Thicc Daddy's for another interview- to find out where Harry might have learned it all.

Author's Note: This last month has been hell for me. Writing this chapter, piece by piece, has helped keep me sane. Hopefully, you will all enjoy it too. Till next time!