Things will never be the same
Warnings/notes : Crawford x Aya, an embrace, a little angst, maybe a wee tiny bit of fluff?, songfic, pov shifts after each songfragment
Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. The song 'Things will never be the same' belongs to Roxette, minor changes have been made to the lyrics.
written at 15th march 2003, by Misura
after writing this, I'd like to dedicate this to a lady who hopefully knows who she is and why I say 'Thank you' to her.
songlyrics are in //italics//, thoughts are in italics
There are certain ties between this story and 'Eternally dancing', my other CxA-fic, which is still unfinished at the moment.
//Lay it down
Pull my heart to the ground//[Crawford]
Outside, autumn reigns the world, painting the trees all red and orange. The colors remind me of him, and how long it has been since we last met.
Time moves slowly without him, yet when we are together it seems to fly. I am told that it is not unusual that when you want something to last forever it passes all the sooner.
It seems unfair somehow, but then again, when has life ever been fair, to either of us?
//Time's getting cold
Now the leaves all turn
Hard and blue//[Aya]
"Aya-kun? Are you all right? You seem so absent-minded this afternoon." Omi quips, looking a bit worried. He mothers over all of us, and I think that maybe I could tell him what -or rather who- is the reason of my current mood.
But maybe not. He might decide I need help, that I'm delusional in thinking one of our enemies is in love with me, as I am with him.
Our relationship should not have to be like this, secret and hidden from those we call our friends. There's no other way though ; neither Kritiker nor Estet would let us continue to see eachother if they ever found out.
//And I know
When I gaze to the sun//[Crawford]
After a short shower of rain, the sun draws a rainbow in the sky. Normally I wouldn't notice it, my attention focused on work. He changed me, or maybe I never was the person everyone considered me to be, I can't say.
He always sees beauty, in everything there is. Even in me.
I feel a possibility starting to take shape and I start to smile. Maybe I will see him again today.
//I got no place to hide
I got no place to run//[Aya]
"I'm fine, Omi." I reply calmly, not noticing the surprised look on Yohji's face at this unusual lengthy reply. Once I would simply have nodded my head or even just ignored the question.
Thinking of him makes me more open to the world, more vulnerable also.
"Maybe I'll go for a walk in the park to get some fresh air." I add.
"That sounds like an excellent idea, Aya-kun, you look a bit pale. A nice stroll in the park will do you good. Take all the time you want and just enjoy the autumn-colors." Omi beams.
Away from you//[Crawford]
There are a lot of people in the park, many of them in company, walking hand in hand and softly talking. I no longer consider such things foolish or weak. I wish we could do it.
He stands on a crossroads, hesitating which path to choose. I think he knows I'm around here somewhere ; I would never stay away from him.
Once he asked me if I knew everything before it happened and I explained that the future is too unstable to see all of it. That I merely see possibilities and opportunities to strenghten or weaken them.
And I promised that whenever I saw an opportunity for us to meet, I would strengthen it.
//Hold me now
Cause I don't know when
When or where
We will meet again//[Aya]
I am standing on a crossroads and I have no idea which branch will take me to the person I want to see. One day he said his gift was far less strong than everyone considered it to be. That precognition wasn't such a blessing at all.
But it always allows him to find ways for us to see eachother again. Alone, I know I could never have done that (then again, if I wanted to be on my own the whole problem wouldn't exist).
A hand touches my shoulder and I no longer have to choose.
//That was then
Ah but this is now
I'll never get over you//[Crawford]
The first time, we said this would be a one-time thing, that we were doing this just to get this undesired feeling out of our systems and that we would go back to being enemies again as soon as we parted ways.
The second time, we agreed it would be the last time we saw eachother in private. Because he didn't love me and I didn't love him and it was all just a physical thing.
The third time we stopped pretending.
What there is between us will never fade or die away as long as we are both alive. Maybe even beyond that ; if he died, I could never go on without him.
Things would never be the same
Can you hear me call your name?//[Aya]
At first I thought we would grow tired of eachother soon enough. He would walk out of the door one day and I would see him again only as the leader of Schwarz, our opponents.
But we didn't. The bond between us grew stronger and stronger and neither of us wanted to break it. We had been solitary creatures both for so long that neither of us was willing to go back to the coldness of that life.
We kept wearing our cold masks to the outside world, but after a while, even they started to note the changes. I am melting and I don't want to freeze again.
//If we changed it back again
Things would never be the same//[Crawford]
The road we are walking on is one of no return. Neither of us can go back to who he was before, neither of us wants to. Maybe, one day in the far, clouded future we will walk in this same park, like a normal couple of lovers, enjoying the season and the sensation of being alive.
I will do whatever it takes to make that possible. I don't care what or who I have to sacrifice for it. If it allows him and me to live without pretenses, the sacrifice will be a small one.
If Estet knew only half of the things I told him, I wouldn't survive another day. And neither would he, who is completely defenseless against their powers.
~to be concluded in the second part~