If you loved me back

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They said he was heartless, and incapable of love. He trusted no one, made no eye contact and was always seen alone.

What they didn't know was the truth. The truth about Nico Di Angelo.

That he loved too fast, he fell too hard, for people he knew he couldn't get.

"People" here referring to Percy Jackson.

When he first saw his perfect green eyes,he started drowning. Nico was still young and confused. Coming from another century, he couldn't accept his sexuality.

He couldn't explain his attraction to this stupid, ridiculously loyal older boy.

There was something about him, the way he put his own life in danger from his friends, but there was something else too.

The way Percy forgave. No matter how many times he was betrayed by those he called his "friends", he trusted them again, and helped them again. Nico didn't think it was possible to forgive so easily, despite his fatal flaw.

That was before Bianca died, and before he realised his own fatal flaw.

Holding grudges.

It was a known fact that the children of Hades held grudges, and that made him more disappointed in himself. Because he couldn't hold a grudge against Percy, no matter how hard he tried.

Nico forced his sister's death into his head just to try and hate Percy Jackson.

But it was hopeless. How could he possibly hold a grudge against a man who drowned himself in guilt and loyalty? Nico didn't have to be a mind reader to tell that Percy still blamed himself for Bianca's death after all these years.

Nico suddenly felt bad for distancing himself from Percy and making him believe that he was still angry with him. But he couldn't risk falling in love again.

He worked so hard to hate Percy Jackson, but all that hard work went in vain as soon as he saw his face. Nico had long accepted the fact that Bianca chose her fate, but being around Percy just made it worse.

It reminded him about his past, back when Percy Jackson was his everything, and the only thing he was to Percy was a guy who hated his guts.

Nico hated himself for loving him, and hating him.

If only Bianca was alive, she would've helped him. Helped him forget Percy, helped him move on. He could actually talk to her without her thinking he was a freak and a loner.

Nico felt lonely, despite knowing that there were a lot of people who'd stand by him, even if he hated them. The most important of them was Percy Jackson himself, but he couldn't get his feelings for him, off his chest to him.

All this time, even after he knew he wouldn't be accepted for who he was, he still had a fleck of hope that Percy Jackson loved him back. The only reason he still maintained contact with camp was because he hoped that Percy would notice him.

Even just thinking about it, he knew it was impossible, for multiple reasons.

One, because Percy thought Nico hated him, and being with Nico would drown him in guilt, just as it would drown Nico.

Second, was Annabeth. Percy was in love with Annabeth, and Nico could tell that even before Percy himself realised it. You could tell by the way he looked at her, like she was his entire world.

Even though Nico knew it was gonna happen, he still couldn't bear to see them get together. It was obvious that their love was real, and he was proved right on multiple occasions. He wasn't just jealous of Annabeth, but he was also disappointed in himself for so many things, he couldn't even remember them all. He was so desperate for just that one look of love, from the person he loved.

And so he ran away from camp, from everyone. From him.

He was afraid of people finding out he was gay. Afraid of being abandoned again. Afraid of love.

Time heals, and Nico knew it was true when he found love again, this time in a son of Apollo who loved him back.

He never really got over Percy, not completely at least. But he learned to accept it. And he didn't regret loving him, for it taught him a lot of things.

But sometimes Nico wondered how things would have been if Percy loved him back

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